The Mine, Red Ginseng Candy, and Heavenly Demon Hitler (3)
*Smack!*
I was so startled I just hauled off and slapped her across the face.
"Ow-oww!"
The Golden Sun Girl shot upright, one cheek blazing red.
"Who the hell are y—"
"Shh."
I jammed two gloved fingers into her mouth and clamped it shut. Thank the gloves—her filthy spit never touched bare skin.
"Recognize me?"
I pinned her with my blazing, smoldering glare. She trembled all over, then gave a tiny nod.
"Why did you impersonate me? You know that covers defamation, identity theft, forced cosplay, and illegal priest-bomb-detonation, right?"
She shook her head frantically—chicken-stew style. After a moment of dithering she still refused, so I flicked her a bare-knuckle forehead flick.
*Thwack!*
"Mmph~!"
"I'm going to hear your pathetic excuses now. Lie, or give me an answer I don't like… you know what happens. Summarize it in three lines."
She nodded so hard her head nearly came off. I pulled my fingers free.
"Pfft— M-my name is Bianca. I'm sorry I borrowed yours. But I truly believe what we did was justice."
The Golden Sun Girl—Bianca—launched into her story.
It went roughly like this: she and her little sister had been living in the slums when black-robed strangers snatched the girl and dragged her off to the mine. While begging for help she joined the White Dolphin resistance and learned the kidnappers were researchers from the Red Whale Magic Tower. Those bastards had been snatching orphans and slum kids from all over the kingdom and shipping them to a secret lab inside the mine for human experiments. With the help of one conscience-stricken researcher who leaked the intel, the resistance staged a terror attack—only the bomb's power far exceeded expectations and chaos spiraled out of control.
"If it's you, you can get into that secret lab and save my sister and the other children. I don't care what happens to me. Please… just the kids…"
Tears streaming, Bianca dropped to her knees and pressed her forehead to the ground in a full formal bow.
So she'd snuck into the mine to scout. A woman risking her life for the only family she had left. Innocent kids kidnapped by mad-scientist underlings of the yakuza. How could my heart not move?
"Fine. Lead the way."
"Th-thank you!"
Under Bianca's guidance we headed to the rendezvous with the researcher who'd passed the intel.
"Y-you're late. C-can we still do this?"
"This man is the real Runaway Ninja. Trust him."
The researcher wiped sweat and nodded, then started guiding us toward the children's location.
Everything was going smoothly—until it wasn't.
"Where do you think you're going?"
Six enemies blocked the underground mine tunnel.
"Th-the Twelve Disciples… they're already here?! All six of them!"
The researcher clawed at his hair and shrieked. Guy could've made a killing as an opera singer.
"Calm down. I'll handle it."
I had no idea who these punks were, but I was the super-ninja who'd one-fingered Yu Geom-gyeong. Losing wasn't an option.
"So you're that Runaway Ninja. Come to rescue the children? Pointless. They're all going to die anyway."
"Tonight's drinking snacks are going to be excellent."
"I want to hear their sweet screams."
One of them even carried a sword that looked exactly like my ninja blade. They might've been somebody somewhere, but right now they just looked ridiculous.
"—Ninja Encirclement Formation."
I surrounded all six at once and swung.
"Wh-what?!"
"We knew you had techniques like that—"
*Slash-slash-slash!*
The woman with a shield bigger than her body. The identical twin men. The girl whirling something like a folding fan. The old granny lugging a hellish demon blade. One cut each, all dead.
A ninja moving through a narrow, pitch-black mine. Nobody stops that.
"I-impossible…"
The man holding the clone ninja blade stared at the five corpses, then started shaking.
"That sword—is it a ninja blade?"
I'd left him alive just to ask.
"…The Order Keepers have been guardians of law and order since ancient times."
Why the sudden Order Keepers history lesson?
"Our guardianship has been passed down through generations of warriors. You killed my friends. That makes you an enemy of the kingdom."
"What."
"As a warrior and member of the Sword Saint Society, as one of Byeon Geom-gyeong's Twelve Disciples, I ask: how long do you think you can keep your head from the Society?"
"I asked if that sword is a ninja blade, you idiot."
The bastard wouldn't answer and just kept spouting nonsense. Time to kill him.
*Clang-clang-clang-clang-clang!*
*Whoosh~*
"Aaaah…!"
Five cuts later I took his head. The flying clone ninja blade showed only terror and dread on its owner's face. Perfect final emotion for third-rate samurai who spent their lives licking mad-scientist ass.
"Keep guiding."
I picked up the clone ninja blade with my free hand. Dual-wield ninja. One more blade and I'd be full-on Zoro-bin mode.
"A-amazing…!"
"Y-yes, sir!"
Bianca's awe and the researcher's reply followed me as we moved on. I'd killed them clean, so I didn't bother checking the bodies. No-look-pass ninja.
"You bastard! Where the hell have you been?! Lord Joseph is— *gasp!*"
We reached the secret lab. The man yelling at our researcher got a jet kick straight to the solar plexus, and I stormed inside.
"Gaaack!"
Anyone who entered my sight—man or woman—died as I advanced. Every last one of them was a monster who deserved it.
"I-impossible! The disciples of Byeon Geom-gyeong…!"
At the heart of the lab stood one old man and a cluster of children locked in mini-cages.
"Th-that's Joseph Mangrove. The one who planned everything."
"Got it. You two free the kids."
I left the rescue to Bianca and the researcher and walked toward the old devil called Joseph. Staff in hand—mage, then. His lips were moving slowly; he was cooking up some scheme.
*Whoosh!*
"Urgh…"
A shuriken through the wrist made him drop the staff.
"W-wait! Aren't you curious what all this is for? You—no, *you*—can't even imagine how vast this is!"
I didn't hear a word. Mad scientist who used kids for human experiments. Sentence: death. I slowly twirled both ninja blades and closed in.
"Y-you ignorant fool! You have no idea how many lives my research could save…!"
Trembling Joseph seemed to reach a decision and pulled something from his pocket. Round, red—obviously the red ginseng candy the old bastard had been saving for himself.
"This son of a bitch thinks he can suck on red ginseng candy mid-fight in front of me."
I flung one ninja blade and severed the arm holding the candy. Trash like him didn't even get to freshen his breath before dying.
"Waaaaagh~!"
Joseph screamed and collapsed. Pants wet—probably pissed himself. I crushed the red ginseng candy right in front of his eyes.
*Crunch.*
Lifted my foot to check: perfectly pulverized.
"D-do you even know what that was… you madman…!"
Blood gushing, Joseph stared hollowly at the red ginseng candy shattered like a soul-orb.
"Don't care."
*Crunch!*
I stomped his face and finished him. Save lives? Mad scientists only birth destruction, rage, and pain. They save no one.
I wrote off the dead Joseph and checked on the kids.
"Unnie~!"
"Waaah~"
Bianca clutched a little girl and sobbed while the researcher watched the freed children with a warm smile.
But he was still an employee of the Red Whale Magic Tower—the organization that ran these horrors. My principles wouldn't let him live. Anyone who compromises with evil even once dies. That's the rule.
Still… maybe. If he was a new hire who never knew, I might spare him. I started toward him to decide his fate—and spotted a suspicious blue-glowing object. Covered in talismans and sealed inside reinforced glass like it was the most important thing in the world.
"What's this?"
"A relic containing a Watchman's soul. Extremely dangerous."
Watchman. Tribo had mentioned something like that. Spirit-torture yokai? Then no ordinary person could handle it. I'd take it somewhere empty and smash it myself.
"I-it's dangerous! It could bring catastrophe!"
"Only I can stop catastrophe."
I gave a half-assed explanation and shattered the glass. Peeled off the talismans stuck on like gift wrap…
"Y-you mustn't! It's too dangerous!"
The researcher rushed me.
*Ziiing—!*
"Ah."
Darkness swallowed my vision in an instant. Shit. Now just touching the damn thing triggers spirit-torture?
—I sense the auras of Belka-Tuna and Has-Shanda in your soul. Your mental barrier… impressive. Who are you?
A voice echoed through the pitch-black void where even my own body was invisible. Smooth, middle-aged auntie tone.
—To challenge us so fearlessly. That crime can only be paid with death.
The bastard was ignoring me.
"You're a Watchman."
Dark space. Echoing voice. Pattern was so obvious I clocked it immediately.
—My name is Por-Pena. One of the five great Holy Spirits. I have walked with this planet since the Dawn Age.
"Cut the crap and get ready to die."
Where was this thing hiding in here?
—I don't know how you shattered and absorbed the minds of Belka-Tuna and Has-Shanda, but I am not as easy as they were. I will show you the ultimate nightmare.
"Quit yapping and come at me, coward."
—Facing your darkest dream is a rare opportunity. One might even call it a blessing. I shall bestow that blessing upon you. An eternal, unending blessing…
Those were the last words.
"What the hell is this…"
When I came to, I stood alone on an endless plain. I checked to make sure all my parts were still attached.
"Nin?"
I was in full ninja suit, ninja blade in hand. The new clone blade was gone, but one missing sword was no big deal. Perfect Runaway Ninja mode. How was this a nightmare?
*Bwooooo—*
A sudden horn blast shattered the silence.
*Thud— thud—*
Heavy footsteps rolled across the plain with the horn.
"One race! One empire! One Heavenly Demon!"
"Oh, fuck."
That familiar slogan made me turn. The sight that greeted me was worse than any nightmare.
"Guten Tag."
Nazi soldiers in full uniform stood at the vanguard, jet packs strapped to their backs.
"Kyaaaaa~!"
Mecha-sauruses—ancient beasts restored with yokai tech—bristled with cannons and heavy weapons, Nazi officers riding their backs.
"Killkillkill~!"
Undead samurai resurrected by dark arts rampaged in the mid ranks, clutching replica cursed blades Muramasa.
"Hah!"
Fallen kung-fu masters struck poses, blasting twisted qi from their fists.
This army of tens of thousands could only be…
The Yokai-Nazi Alliance I'd only ever seen in ninja history book illustrations!
Not the future alliance. Not the present one. Exactly as they were in World War II. Perfectly resurrected forces of pure evil.
The most horrific nightmare I could imagine was unfolding right before my eyes.
"Nin~~!"
I dove into the nearest reeds and hid.
Do I have to kill all of them? Alone?
Excitement I hadn't felt in ages made my whole body tremble.
Can I? Of course. I'm the Runaway Ninja.
I steadied myself with ninja breathing, then studied the alliance's formation again. Before the battle started, I needed to confirm whether *that bastard* was here.
I watched the slowly approaching army in Floating Shadow state.
Five minutes passed. When the army was right in front of my nose, I finally saw *his* face.
"…!"
The one in a stylishly modified hanbok, hands clasped behind his back. The one whose signature barcode mustache fluttered in the wind. The one who called himself the incarnation of the Sixth Heavenly Demon King.
—Unite under the Demon Heart.
Heavenly Demon Adolf Hitler.