Chapter 1: The Guard's Joyful Inspection Life
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 1: The Guard's Joyful Inspection Life
I never used to like what people call "eroge"—you know, jerk-off material. If I wanted that, I’d just watch a porn video or read a manga. Why go through the hassle of a tedious walkthrough just to see a few CGs? I’d rather just drain the tank as quickly as possible and get back to playing a real game.
But my perspective changed once I started living on my own. There was the gameplay, perfect for killing time. The immersive stories. And finally, that sense of achievement when you finally unlock an erotic scene after a long grind.
After discovering their true charm, I spent months obsessed with eroge. At first, I’d scour the web for save files just to see the sex scenes, but lately, I’d reached the level where I’d clear the games myself and upload the save files for others.
Even today, I’d been busy since morning working on a new release. It was a new title from Isekai Company—a developer that had released dozens of games over the years—and it claimed to be an "Isekai Universe," cramming every single one of their eroge heroines into a single work.
Thanks to that, I had the pleasure of picking and choosing heroines to my heart's content. Of course, the heroines weren't the only draw. The story was surprisingly solid, and there were spin-off side stories that unlocked as you conquered each girl. Even the illustrations, clearly the result of grinding their artists into dust, were top-tier.
"Fuck. This is so hot."
The art was so good that I had to stop my progress several times. Usually, I can clear a normal game in a day, but this one took me several days of dedicated play to reach the ending.
I’d sacrificed dozens of tissues by the time the credits rolled. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to call me the "Slayer of Toilet Paper," a precious commodity for any student living alone.
I could say it with confidence: this new game was going to be an immortal masterpiece. Even on the Namu Live boards where I went to upload my save file, the place was flooded with posts howling about it being the "Masterpiece of the Century."
Among them, many were whining that the difficulty was too high. One might laugh and ask how hard an eroge could possibly be, but I actually agreed. It was only because I’d played the original games each heroine came from that I managed. If I hadn't, it wouldn't have been strange to spend days just trying to conquer a single girl.
After reading through several pages of posts, a sense of euphoria washed over me. So, no one else has finished the walkthrough yet? Even among the famous coomers, no one had even made it past the halfway point of the story, let alone reached the ending.
Well, well. Looks like I’ll have to bestow the grace of a "Full Walkthrough CG Collection Complete" save file upon these scrubs. Just as I was excitedly getting ready to write my post, a message popped up in the game.
"Hell yeah, you bet your ass I did!"
Seeing as they didn't even include a "No" option, they clearly knew they’d made something fun. I shouted and clicked "Yes."
It’s already a god-tier masterpiece, and now I can conquer heroines from other eroge in a single game? I reflexively checked the tissue supply on my desk.
The roll was already stripped down to its white flesh, revealing the thin cardboard core. Ha, this is getting serious. Just how much protein and how much of a poor student's wallet do they plan to drain before they're satisfied?
I’d have to order more toilet paper and some zinc supplements online soon. But the moment I opened a shopping app on my smartphone, the message on the screen flickered and changed.
"Holy shit! Go! I'm going for it even if it kills me!!"
The internet "unicorns" might ramble on about the "mind-body-soul" purity of a maiden or whatever, but who cares? There’s nothing more rewarding than taking the virginity of a girl who’s just a collection of pixels! Isekai Company was famous for their top-tier virginity-taking episodes, so I knew it would be hot without even looking.
At this point, I was almost scared. Those Isekai bastards... just how much protein do they plan to milk out of me? Are they trying to make me die from snu-snu like some legendary coomer?
I pressed "Accept" and waited with a pounding heart when suddenly, my head started spinning. Ah, don't tell me I'm actually going to become that legendary coomer. Fuck, that would be so embarrassing...
"Sma. Sma, wake up."
"Huh?"
When I came to, a strange woman was calling out to me. Wait, "Sma" is just my game nickname—a shorthand for "Sex Master." How did she know that?
Don't tell me I'm in a hospital and everyone found out my game nickname because I passed out? Fuck. That’s not just a public execution; it’s worse. If that’s the case, I’m actually going to kill myself.
The woman calling me was a beauty dressed in strange armor. But her appearance felt incredibly familiar. Where had I seen her before?
"Losing your focus like this on your very first day of duty... How can I trust you with the dungeon like this?"
"Pardon? A dungeon? Not a hospital?"
I looked around and saw an unfamiliar sky. Bald guys and tanned delinquents were wandering the streets, and why were there so many people carrying swords?
"Your condition is serious. It seems guarding the dungeon is too early for you. I’ll have to send you back to the training camp."
"No, wait a second."
As I kept looking at the woman, I realized who she was. She was definitely one of the heroines from the Isekai Universe. Was the game title Kingdom Guard?
"Guard Captain Serika-nim."
"Why are you calling me?"
Oh, shit. It really is Serika? A common trope from eroge flashed through my mind. The one where a modern person falls into another world and gets to fuck all the NPCs.
It was a scene the Isekai Company always included as an intro. And I’d just become the protagonist of that very eroge?
This is fucking great.
How many times had I jerked off while imagining an onahole was a heroine’s pussy? And now I could fuck the real thing?
'In the game we are planning, every heroine will be restored to a "virgin" state.'
And they’re virgins? Dear developers of Isekai Company, thank you for giving me this opportunity. From now on, I’ll say a prayer for your health and safety every night before I go to bed.
"Sma?"
Of course, starting as a guard was much more advantageous for fucking heroines than starting from scratch. What is a guard in an eroge? They’re civil servants with job security who never die, and they can take whatever girls fail their quests, fuck the girls locked in prison, fuck girls during random inspections... basically, they’re characters who fuck everyone.
The specific roles and settings for guards vary from game to game, so I’d need to figure out exactly which game I’d been sucked into... but since the developer said it was a combined universe, I could assume it was a mix of everything.
First, let’s deal with Serika, who wants to kick me out.
"Captain Serika! I will thoroughly inspect every hunter who enters this dungeon! You can trust me with this!!"
"Sigh. Fine. I’ll trust you for today. But if I hear anything bad tomorrow, your position will be given to someone else."
"I will live up to your trust!!"
True to her nature as an eroge heroine, Serika was weak to persuasion and left me to it. As I watched her retreating figure, blood naturally rushed to my lower half. How could I resist when I saw those plump butt cheeks swaying like that?
I’m definitely going to fuck you.
She’s the type who’s stiff and formal but becomes helpless once a cock is shoved inside her. That was Serika. Once she was out of sight, a Geum Taeyang who had been watching for an opening approached me.
"Hehe. Mr. Guard. Can I go in now?"
Looking at the Geum Taeyang, I remembered one of the guard's roles. It was to inspect belongings to prevent illegal activities in the dungeon—things like monster smuggling or black magic research, right?
"Of course. But first, an inspection. Follow me to the checkpoint."
Inside the checkpoint set up in front of the dungeon, there was a crystal that recorded the adventurers' information. You could think of it as a modern computer.
"Name and affiliation."
"I'm Geum Taeyang, a hunter from the Oracle Guild."
Geum Taeyang's hunter license appeared on the crystal. Level 5? I guess the dungeon I’m in charge of is a Low-Rank dungeon that appears early in the scenario.
What kind of monsters appeared in the Low-Rank dungeons of the Isekai Universe? Slimes optimized for milking, high-risk virginity-stealing goblins, and fuckable dryads, if I recall correctly.
"Confirmed. Now, I’ll inspect your items, so take them out."
"Yes, yes. Here are my equipment and consumables."
"Equipment confirmed. Recovery potions, mana potions confirmed. But... why do you have lube and condoms?"
"Ayy, you know how it is, Officer."
This little shit... how dare he try to be chummy with a Guard? A guard's authority in an eroge is absolute. In some games, even royalty can't treat them lightly.
I was about to explode in anger when Geum Taeyang pressed something into my hand. If it had been a copper coin, I would have cracked his skull for attempted bribery, but it was a smooth silver coin.
A silver coin. In terms of copper, that was 100 copper coins.
In the Isekai Universe, a silver coin was the kind of amount you’d only get when a heroine sold her virginity. As they prostituted themselves more and the value of their pussy dropped, by the late game, a single session would only cost 1 copper.
In short, this was basically a "one-time virginity pass." It was an amount too large to refuse.
I cleared my throat, pretending to give in as I took the silver coin.
"Ahem. Well, whether you stick it in a slime or a dryad is none of my business. But you heard our conversation earlier, didn't you?"
"Pardon? I didn't see or hear a thing."
"A very good attitude. As you know, today is my first day on the job. My predecessor was..."
"A very strict guard who did everything by the book."
Is this punk mocking me? When I showed a look of displeasure, Geum Taeyang immediately prostrated himself.
"Oh! Of course, Guard Sma is much more wonderful!!"
"If I leave, that guy will come back. So watch your behavior."
"Yes! I look forward to working with you!!"
Geum Taeyang made a gesture as if zipping his lips. Since he gave me a silver coin, I should let him go for now.
"Fine. Pass."
"Thank you!!"
Geum Taeyang entered the dungeon through the portal inside the checkpoint. This was the only entrance to the dungeon, making it impossible to enter without going through the checkpoint.
Of course, there are hidden routes. But since only a player would know about them, an NPC like Geum Taeyang wouldn't.
I stepped out of the checkpoint and spoke to the hunters waiting their turn.
"When the inspection is over, the color of the crystal outside will change, so come in one by one. If you want to enter as a party, come in together."
"Understood!"
"Next."
After inspecting a "sausage fest" party led by a baldy, I earned a few more copper coins. These poor bastards. If you guys give me any trouble, I’m banning you from entry.
Perhaps because it was a Low-Rank dungeon, after letting a few more hunters in, no one else showed up. I was bored to death. If I had a smartphone, I’d at least be playing a mobile game.
I stepped out of the checkpoint to learn a bit more about this world when a woman clutching a staff caught my eye. She had no other equipment besides a crude wooden staff—the quintessential novice adventurer.
However, her beauty was extraordinary. Long, flowing red hair and large eyes. Skin so white it was without a single blemish. She was so beautiful she could pass for a celebrity rather than a hunter.
And I knew her name. She was the protagonist of the eroge The Sufferings of Novice Hunter Iruna, made by Isekai Studio. A country girl who came to the capital to become a hunter and support her family.
The art for her was so well-done that I’d jerked off to her several times while playing, and even after finishing the game, I’d look her up whenever I felt like it.
"You there! If you want to enter the dungeon, come inside for an inspection."
"Eek?! Me, are you talking to me?"
"Yes. You're a hunter, aren't you?"
"Uuu. I am a hunter, but..."
The way she squeezed her eyes shut and trembled was incredibly erotic. I bet she’d tremble just like that if I shoved my cock in her, too.
I knew her personality well. Like a typical eroge protagonist, she was the type who couldn't say no if you pushed her.
"Don't waste time and get in here."
"O-okay."
Iruna followed me into the checkpoint. Good. First, let’s lock the door so no one interrupts. As the door locked with a clack, Iruna flinched and trembled.
"The, the door... why..."
"I’m the one asking the questions. Name and affiliation."
"U-um, I’m Iruna. I don't have an affiliation yet..."
"Iruna."
No information appeared on the crystal ball. Judging by her outfit, she must have just started her adventure after finishing the tutorial.
In The Sufferings of Novice Hunter Iruna, when did she lose her virginity? If the player intentionally trolled, she’d lose it to a slime on the first floor of the dungeon. If she met an older hunter in the dungeon and lost a fight, she’d lose it then. And even if she won everything, she’d lose it on the third day when she had to pay for her inn stay with her body.
But since I’ve been reincarnated here, that virginity... she won't be keeping it until the third day.
"You don't have a hunter license."
"Yes..."
"Then we’ll begin the registration process. Do you know how it’s done?"
"Yes! I heard I just need to enter my personal information."
"No."
Technically she was right, but what was she going to do if I said otherwise? Was a country girl who just arrived in the city with zero connections really going to argue?
"Strip. I have to inspect you to make sure you aren't hiding anything before you can register."