The Past with the Saintess
The Saintess.
A being who received the love of all, the reverence of all, and who spread that love across the entire continent.
A friendly general from the North once claimed they had their own Saintess as well, though whether he was joking remained uncertain. According to him, their Saintess—unlike ours—was bound to remain a virgin for life. If that were true, it would have been a terribly sad story.
The Empire’s Saintess was different.
A Saintess chosen by the Holy Cathedral could marry once her contract period ended. Because of that, she and I had been free to love each other, and we had promised to wed the moment her term was complete.
Once, she had been someone I loved more than anything.
Now, to me, she was the most loathsome creature alive.
Sera showed no reaction even after hearing my words. Well—unlike Princess Roana—she had always been calm and gentle. Thoroughly Saintess-like.
“Do you know something?”
Even after I spoke of breaking our engagement, she remained unshaken, keeping her silence for a long moment before finally opening her mouth.
“The day we first met, I was rescued because of you, wasn’t I?”
The Saintess had been precious even to the Empire, so attempts to abduct her had not been rare. Once, one of those attempts had actually succeeded, and her life had hung by a thread. The Emperor, enraged, had ordered me to rescue her no matter the cost, and I had marched out at the head of a great army to save her.
“That’s right. We did.”
It had been a day of heavy rain.
Caught off-guard by unfamiliar terrain, our forces had been ambushed and scattered. The same must have happened to the enemy, for by pure chance I found the Saintess as she fled from them. Even among the dense trees of the forest, she was a figure that seemed to catch the light at a single glance. I seized her in an instant, and in a nearby house already half collapsed, the two of us spoke for the first time.
“It looks like you need help more than I do, General.”
In that ruined house, with only the sound of falling rain around us, I told her I had come from the Empire to save her. She looked into my eyes and spoke those first words. Countless comrades were dying nearby; I myself was dancing on the edge of death, and my heart was steadily emptying out. She seemed to understand all of it at a single glance the moment we met.
Pook.
Warmth covered my rain-chilled body.
“Lean on me and rest.”
At those few words, I felt the hollow place inside me begin to heal—me, who had led vast armies yet had nowhere left to give my heart, who was slowly wasting away. Perhaps it started then. For the first time, a man who had lived only prepared to die found a place he wanted to return to.
Whether she felt the same, the time we spent together only grew longer, until talk of living together even passed between us.
“I don’t care how many times you’ve been married. As long as I have you, that’s enough.”
She understood the polygamous nature of the Empire and still smiled at me so brightly. Looking at her, the desire to stay at her side and protect her only grew stronger. I obeyed the Emperor’s commands and desperately raised the Empire’s prestige in every direction. Those who marveled at my power and flocked to my faction soon became part of the princess I sponsored.
I believed that if things continued this way, everything would end in happiness. Once Roana rose to become the strongest candidate for the next throne, I intended to marry at once.
But dreams are dreams precisely because they are pleasant.
I thought it would be enough if we simply reached that point.
“What… what do you mean by that?”
“I’m sorry. They say a rebellion has broken out in the North. It’s so large that their own forces are hopelessly short-handed.”
More than the Emperor’s awkward expression, I could not understand why this had to happen at that exact moment. The northern barbarians had gone to war. Those greedy creatures who normally moved in dozens of separate confederations had somehow united this time and were invading south.
“I’m sorry. When I return, let’s marry for certain.”
“It’s all right. I’ll pray to the gods as the Saintess.”
Her contract as Saintess had already ended, yet she chose to remain one for my sake. For that heart of hers, I fought like a madman.
“General! You’ll truly die this time if you keep this up!”
“No. On the contrary—I will definitely return alive.”
There was someone who had made me feel that I was still alive. Someone who had shown me, for the first time, a place I needed to return to. I could not die here.
After hard battles, when I returned to camp and received her letters, I found the strength to face another day. But then…
“General! Look out!”
“Kh—!”
An enemy strike had just pierced through my shoulder joint. If Metis had not rushed in and cut down the man in front of me, I might have fallen into real danger.
“What’s wrong with you? Lately it feels as if you’re looking somewhere else entirely instead of at the enemy!”
The usually expressionless man was rarely showing anger. That alone proved how little I was focusing on the war. Or rather—more than that, I kept wondering whether my letters were even reaching Sera. It had already been more than six months without a single reply.
Had something happened? Perhaps an epidemic had broken out in the capital and she was too busy treating the sick. Yes, that had to be it. People were dying right before her eyes—how could a Saintess sit idle writing letters instead of healing them?
Yes. Yes.
She had her reasons. I was simply being petty.
“General! If you keep standing there in a daze, you’ll die without even seeing that Saintess you love so much!”
A sudden choking sensation snapped me back to myself. Metis had seized me by the collar, furious.
“How many soldiers are watching your back right now, and you’re acting like this over one woman?!”
He himself was covered in blood from head to toe, yet his eyes burned as fiercely as ever. Yes. For a moment I had lost my mind. I was anxious, but I had to endure. The reason I stood here was to protect the nation, to protect her—to protect all of it.
Believing the old saying that no news is good news, I cut down the enemies before me and forced my way through the slaughter. Holding onto that belief, two long years passed, and the war finally ended.
I returned after fighting the northern barbarians like a man possessed. What I brought back was the deaths of countless comrades and the useless title of War Hero.
Only weeks after the various ceremonies in the capital had ended was I finally able to head for the monastery where Sera stayed. Something felt wrong. The smiling Sera who should have run out to greet me was nowhere to be seen.
“Seize that traitor!”
Waiting for me instead were soldiers ready to arrest me. After all the grand welcomes for the War Hero, they roughly forced me to my knees and clapped irons on my wrists.
Roana appeared before me—now, thanks to my influence, the strongest contender in the succession. I could not even grasp why she was having me arrested.
“Why on earth am I a traitor? I have never once done such a thing.”
“Don’t make me laugh! I’m the one who’s frustrated here! After all the kindness I poured on you—there’s already a witness who’s revealed everything about you!”
Roana pointed at me and accused me of treason. At her summons the witness stepped forward, and the shock nearly knocked me senseless.
“Why… are you here?”
My childhood friend. My comrade who had fought beside Metis and me in the North, each of us guarding the others’ lives. It was Kepsi.
“Witness Kepsi, come forward and testify exactly as you reported to me!”
“Yes. I handled communications in General Beren’s unit, and I discovered that he was coaxing the Saintess into supporting another candidate for the throne.”
It was so absurd I almost laughed.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
I tried to protest the worthless nonsense, but the tightly bound manacles bit into my wrists.
“Surely you don’t actually believe such a claim!”
Everything I had written had been nothing more than concern for the Saintess’s well-being—asking if she was all right, if she was unharmed, how much I wanted to see her soon.
“It is certain!”
At my violent resistance the chains clanked and pulled taut.
“The Saintess! Please bring the Saintess! If she received my letters, she can clear this up for certain!”
“I’m sorry, but the Saintess has already spoken.”
Following Princess Roana’s gaze, a familiar figure appeared from behind, head bowed. The face I was seeing for the first time in two years. A little gaunt, her hair longer than when I last saw her—but it was unmistakably the woman I loved. The Saintess Sera.
Relief washed over me. I even managed a smile, certain she would resolve my doubts.
“I am sorry. But I could not bring myself to lie to Her Highness. That man plotted treason.”
I doubted my own ears.
…It couldn’t be.
My legs gave out and I collapsed to my knees.
“I was afraid I would be dragged into the charge of treason myself, so I only received the letters and never answered them.”
No. I had never once spoken of such a thing. The letters I sent contained nothing but questions about whether she was well, whether she was ill, how badly I wanted to see her. The woman standing before me could not be the one who had received those letters.
It was impossible.
She was the one who had said she loved me. The one who had whispered to me on that rainy day. Something had to be wrong. This could not be happening.
“Aaaaaagh! Saintess! Tell the truth!”
“The criminal is running wild!”
“Tsk. As expected of a former War Hero—his strength still overflows. Sever the muscles in his arms and legs for now.”
And so, drowning in rage and betrayal, I met a wretched end—unable even to walk properly or lift anything with my hands.
Looking into the Saintess’s eyes now, every last moment of it flooded back from memory. The woman I had loved. This time I met her whole and unharmed rather than in that miserable state, yet something between us had already changed beyond repair.
The emptiness inside me. The betrayal that still refused to be filled.
“Back then… perhaps I should have simply left you to be kidnapped.”
The wound in my heart ran deeper than I had thought. Severing our ties and retiring would not be enough to quench this fury.