The Room You Can't Leave Without Sex

The underground waterways were enormous. Given the sheer size of the city's population, it stood to reason that the sewage system would have to be vast as well—but I never imagined it would be on this scale.

"You want me to find goblins in a place like this?"

It was an absurd demand. Any ordinary person would have spat a string of curses and ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠turned right around.

But who was I? Vallitics, the Demon King of the 72nd Seat! When it came to tracking down things stronger than myself so I could run the other way, I was a certified expert. Tracking arts were practically second nature.

Besides, goblins were easy enough to find. They were monsters—just a little release of demonic energy and…

"This way."

I could locate the path in no time.

I led the party this way and that as if I myself were a living compass. The waterways were vast and labyrinthine, yet I walked them as though a map had been burned into my mind.

"Ratmen!"

"Whoa… those things are filthy huge. Look at the goddamn tails."

Monsters appeared now and then, but nothing that posed any real threat. At worst, oversized rats came charging at us—and Elisa handled them without breaking stride. Arrows that pierced the darkness dropped every last one in a single shot.

We walked and walked through the sewers until, at last, we drew near the goblin detachment.

"They're just ahead."

About five of them, by the feel of it. Urk Heizen must have sent them. Better to scout infiltration routes like this than risk teleporting straight into the city.

"All right, then…"

"Wait!"

Just as ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Sloan's merciless violence was about to descend upon the pitiful goblins, Camilla suddenly seized her arm.

"There's a mage nearby!"

"Huh? What are you talking about? I've never heard of a goblin with a mage."

"It's incredibly strong… way stronger than me!"

"What?!"

A mage stronger than Camilla? There was no way Urk Heizen would waste a precious mage on—

"Ugh—my head!"

An ominous voice suddenly rang through my skull. At the same time, thick demonic energy flooded in. This familiar sensation…

A direct subordinate of Lichtes the Third, Demon King of the 34th Seat.

"You bastard! Show yourself right now or I'll kill you!"

Ziiiiing—!

My vision warped. A violent storm of demonic energy surged around us, trying to fling us somewhere else entirely.

This one was stronger than I'd expected. Just from the intensity of that energy, it was clear he outclassed not only me but Camilla as well.

Thankfully he recognized me. Once you reached the rank of a Demon King's lieutenant, the hierarchy was absolute—his reaction was only natural.

Before I could even hear the rest of his excuses, my body was swept away somewhere at terrifying speed.

…All I'd wanted was to catch a few goblins.

"Damn it."

That skull-faced bastard had one truly nasty ability—and his tastes were revolting on top of it. What the hell was this? The entire labyrinth was just…

What? The connection still hadn't cut? How was he even doing that?

I looked around. That made sense. This was the lich's magical domain.

I didn't know the details, but every mage supposedly possessed a personal world that expanded the more power they accumulated. Impressive, in its own way.

The bastard was especially deferential. No matter how weak I was, I was still a Demon King. Our stations were fundamentally different.

"That's enough. Get me out of here."

You bone-headed piece of shit. When I get out of here, I'm boiling you down into soup stock.

"Haaah. Fine. At least guide me to the exit."

So the Skeleton King was freelancing jobs he hadn't even been asked to do. Was he after this city as well?

With a population this large, if he planned to turn the corpses into undead…

What a pain in the ass this guy is turning out to be.

Just knowing he had his eye on this place could wreck my entire plan. No matter how strong Sloan was, a high-ranking Demon King of the 36th Seat or better was still beyond her.

And this lich… feels stronger than me, doesn't he?

I could sense power that would crush most lower-tier Demon Kings with raw magical force alone. The gap in status kept him groveling, but if we actually fought, I wouldn't last a minute.

At the very least, he met the minimum requirements to kill a hero. Whether he'd been sent specifically to keep the hero in check, I couldn't say—but they'd committed more forces than I expected.

"You don't need to use honorifics for them. I'll be dealing with them myself soon enough."

The only one who could get us out of this was Camilla. If I could transmit the pattern of the demonic energy forming this space to her through thought, she could warp the labyrinth's structure itself.

Even if it's the hero, it doesn't matter. Fate protects her. She isn't someone who dies in a place like this. Having her around would be convenient.

Next best would be the healer. Worst case… Elisa.

"Ah. Found her."

Of course it had to be the worst option. My luck was truly spectacular today.

Hey! Where do you think you're going?!

Ah. Really. Why do these things always happen to me?

"What's with that face? You look like you just saw something you wish you hadn't."

"Elisa. It's so good to see you again!"

"Too late."

She'd already read my expression in that short exchange? Of course—there was no hiding anything from this elf.

"I have no idea what just happened, but we need to get out of here… Do you have any ideas?"

"Well, the maze is so uniform that tracking footprints is difficult. Still, I should be able to avoid the traps."

Knowing that twisted lich, he'd packed this place full of nasty surprises. Spellcasters always had a spiteful streak.

"That so? Fine. Lead the way."

Elisa muttered the order in a tone that left no room for argument. Why did everything she said sound so threatening?

I advanced carefully, scanning every corner. The labyrinth was riddled with traps—most of them the kind that would drop you straight into death the moment you let your guard down.

"There's a spear trap up ahead. Step on the floor and spears will shoot up from below."

"…"

"Ah—that one's a flying mace. I'll handle it myself."

We managed to avoid the traps without much trouble. For me, every single one demanded full concentration.

"…Wait. I sense something."

"Sloan or Camilla, probably."

"No. This is a four-legged animal."

Sloan might prowl around like a large dog, but she didn't crawl on all fours. This was the movement of a Hell Beast.

Low intelligence. Talking won't work.

I drew a dagger and carefully crossed the next trap.

From around the corner came the scrape of claws against stone. No need to charge out. Hide behind the ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠wall and—

"Grrrk!"

—strike now. Thwuck! The dagger sank clean into the Hell Beast's throat. One clean hit. Instant death.

"Grrrrr! Graaaah!"

"What, there was another one?"

A second beast had been lagging behind. This was bad. The corridor was too narrow to dodge easily, and traps still littered the floor.

Even if I get clawed a little, I have to fight.

I pulled a second dagger from my pouch. No throwing—if I missed or only wounded it, I'd be in worse trouble.

Just as I settled into a stance—Pssshung! An arrow streaked past and buried itself in the Hell Beast's neck with such force that the head tore free and slammed into the wall.

"You need to watch your back. Charging out like that is reckless."

"Uh…"

"Where's my thank-you?"

"Thank you."

Pointless, but fine. Let her think she saved the day. Nothing restores pride quite like a little payback.

"Hurry up and take the lead. This maze doesn't look like much. We'll be out soon enough."

"Yes, understood."

I needed to find the hero as soon as possible. Being stuck with this woman was… mentally exhausting.

The labyrinth was far larger than I'd expected. Truly.

Had he recreated something on the scale of the waterways themselves? Hmm… the layout wasn't especially complex. Plenty of annoying traps, but nothing I couldn't handle.

"It feels like we've been going in circles for a while."

"Absolutely not."

As if I would wander in circles. I was a thief—I had every position memorized in my head.

There had been a few dangerous traps designed to scramble the senses, but I'd avoided every last one. No issue.

"Hmm. For a maze dungeon, there's no real loot. A few monsters here and there, but nothing special."

"True. Ah! There's a room over there."

A resting spot, maybe? After walking for what felt like forever, a strange little chamber ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠appeared—barely three pyeong, door unlocked.

Absolutely not. What kind of dungeon invites intruders to rest? That's a trap if I've ever seen one. That lich bastard…

Anyway, this was a dead end. Better to turn around and—

"Finally, some actual reward. I'm going in first."

Elisa clearly didn't share my caution. She brushed past me and strode straight into the room.

"No! Wait! You have no idea what kind of trap might be in there!"

"Uh…"

"You idiot! Listen to me for once!"

Completely reckless, this woman! Elves were supposed to have excellent danger sense. The claim that she'd been the party's scout before I joined was starting to look like a lie.

"Just a second—this is actually really bad."

"Ugh, fine! I'll come in and help you right away. Just stay still."

"No… you really shouldn't come in."

Who did she think I was? I could dodge traps in my sleep. And if someone had gone to the trouble of building an entire room…

Since Elisa didn't die instantly, it's probably designed to kill slowly. Walls closing in, maybe.

In that case she was already bound somehow. Magical restraint? Mechanical? Didn't matter. It wouldn't work on me.

"Wait! This kind of curse is Lylie's specialty! You—you can't handle it! Don't come in!"

"And how exactly are we supposed to fetch Miss Lylie in a maze this size? Just sit tight and stay quiet."

We'd starve long before that. Ignoring her desperate protests, I stepped inside.

"There. I'm here now, so you can rela— huh?"

"…I told you not to come in, you idiot."

Clunk!

The moment I crossed the threshold, the door slammed shut with a terrifying finality. I tried to open it again. It wouldn't budge.

My prediction had been completely wrong. The walls weren't closing in. This was something far more malicious.

Why the hell would anyone make a trap this disgusting? I hurled a furious thought at the labyrinth's master—and received an answer that left me speechless.

You fucking bastard! Building useless shit like this! Thanks to him, our time to escape the labyrinth had just shrunk dramatically.

"Haaah… Why would anyone even… Looks like he prepared thoroughly. There's even weird toys on the bed. Truly vile taste. Do monsters have a culture for this kind of thing too?"

"Apparently so. I'm sorry, but my abilities won't get us out of here. We'll just have to wait for a rescue."

With things as they were, waiting for help was the only option. I perched on the edge of the bed. It was made of unnecessarily fine material.

"Right. We don't have time for this. There's no other way, is there?"

"What?"

"Strip. Let's finish this quick and get out."

Wait a minute. This isn't right.