It's Time for the Heroes! 1
Holy Church. The door to the saintess's office at the end of the quiet corridor swung open.
"Welcome back, Saintess."
Priest Yohan bowed deeply. His gaze lingered on Isha's weary shoulders.
"I saw it from afar. The sky over Gangwon Province splitting open... You used your title, didn't you."
"Yes."
Isha answered flatly as she unfastened the dented edge of her armor.
"There were circumstances that warranted it. Please don't ask."
"I wouldn't pry into such trivial details. However..."
Yohan looked at her with worried eyes.
"Using your title must have left you racked with intense hunger. I'll hurry and prepare some porridge for you."
"No, Yohan. I'm fine."
Isha waved him off in refusal.
"I... ate something outside."
"You ate on your way back?"
Yohan's eyes widened in surprise. Eating street food, of all things.
How hungry must she have been...
Yohan gazed at Isha with pitying eyes. The thought of such a noble figure sating her hunger with roadside snacks or triangle kimbap from a convenience store tore at his heart.
"I should have been more attentive... My apologies. At least have some warm porridge to soothe your stomach."
Yohan entered carrying a tray. On it sat a steaming bowl of green grass porridge.
"It's my special detox porridge, made by grinding organic spinach and broccoli grown in the Holy Church's own vegetable garden."
"......"
Isha didn't pick up the spoon. The greasy aftertaste of pepperoni pizza still lingered on her tongue—how could she put that green hell in her mouth now?
"I'm... full. Really."
"Saintess, for your health, just one bite..."
Yohan urged her earnestly.
From the corridor outside came the voices of the knight order, singing.
"Ahh~ Our lord has gone~ Pizza lord has gone~"
"When will you return now~ Woe. Woe."
"Pepperoni~ Cheese~ When will you come again~ Woe. Woe."
The knights had gathered in the dining hall, munching on pizza bread that vaguely resembled the real thing while belting out their pizza anthem. Yohan sighed at their pathetic sight.
"Tsk tsk. Those immature fools. They need to let go of their obsession with food."
Yohan scooped up a spoonful of his own grass porridge and put it in his mouth.
"Mmm. Refreshing and good. The taste of nature itself."
His brow twitched ever so slightly. In truth, even he secretly yearned for something more stimulating.
I'm a low-rank priest at the Holy Church, and I'm seriously dying here. Father Yohan made this 'Yohan Diet (Yohan-style fasting diet)' for health reasons, but the menu is grass porridge 365 days a year. No salt? No seasonings? Nothing. Just boiled grass taste. Of course your eyes roll after one bite of pizza.
No wonder the saintess hasn't run away. It's a miracle.
As expected, a bombshell post that flipped the gallery upside down dropped.
Boss treated us big today. Y'all can't eat pizza? I'm stuffed and gonna have leftovers. Jealousy's a loss~ lololol ^_^
Seongbuk-dong hideout.
"Hey! Adel! What the hell, posting that?!"
I yelled, trying to snatch Adel's smartphone. She dodged nimbly, even drunk and wobbling.
"Heehee. Why not~? Just a little brag. I have a plan."
"What plan? Getting doxxed and kicked out?"
"Nope! This is marketing! A high-level strategy to maximize scarcity!"
Adel hiccuped, raising her champagne glass high.
"Hic. See? Comments are exploding already! When we reopen, these folks'll take out loans just to buy from us!"
"Haa..."
I rubbed my forehead. She wasn't wrong, but the timing sucked. The Holy Church's surveillance wasn't fully off yet.
"Lee Han, don't worry too much."
Black Rose sidled up, clinging to my arm. She was pretty wasted too. Gone was her usual elegance; her half-lidded eyes sent sticky gazes my way.
"They can't find this place anyway. And... so what if they do? We've got you."
Her finger trailed down my chest.
"My hero. My king."
"......Ugh."
I reflexively pulled back.
Desolatus's Pheromone Side Effect is active.
A instinctive aversion to rational physical contact surged up.
"Get off. You're too drunk."
"Tch. So mean. On a night like this, just accept it a little."
Black Rose pouted. She firmly believed I was rejecting her out of shyness.
"Lee Han~ Me too, me too!"
Adel charged at me with a champagne bottle in hand. She latched onto my back like a piggyback ride.
"Hey! You're heavy! Get down!"
"No way! I'm drunk, carry me! To the bed!"
Adel hugged my neck tight, rubbing her cheek against mine. Soft hair and skin touched me.
......Huh?
I froze. Something was off. Black Rose's touch had given me chills, but Adel's... nothing.
Why? Pheromone side effect worn off?
Target [Adel] is not recognized as opposite sex.
[Classified as colleague or beast.]
"......"
I let out a hollow laugh at the system window. Good thing or bad? Who knew.
Black Rose's eyes whipped around, oblivious.
No way? Why?!
She was shocked. He freaks out at my touch, but lets that brat cling?
"Lee Han! This is discrimination! My boobs are bigger! My legs are prettier!"
"What nonsense. Both of you, get off!"
I tried prying the two women off, but drunk girls have some serious strength. Adel plopped right onto my lap.
"Hehe. Lee Han smells good. Pepperoni scent."
"That's not a compliment."
Adel grabbed my shirt collar and shook it.
"More booze! We're going all night!"
The mood heated up. Dokki and Kim Sil-jang joined in, mixing bomb shots.
"Here, boss! Sis Adel! Take a shot!"
"You know what honey liquor is?"
"Honey liquor?"
"Looks like soju, but tastes like real honey."
I shook my head but took the glass. Soju filled to the brim, topped with a layer of beer. Hmm? Subtle honey flavor?
"For real?"
"Whoa, weird. This."
As gojeon-gamrae, milkis bombs, and more flowed, I got buzzed, and the pheromone sensitivity dulled a bit.
"Alright. Let's drink! Pour 'em!"
"Woooo!"
The drinking session heated up, and someone yelled.
"Game! Drinking game!"
Adel's half-closed eyes snapped open.
"Drinking game? I love those! I've always wanted to play!"
"Then... King Game?"
Black Rose suggested with a sly smile.
"If I'm king, Lee Han and I... hehehe."
"No! No sis favoritism!"
Adel vetoed hard.
"Uh, I... Apartment. Apartment."
Kim Sil-jang piped up timidly.
"That's palm hurts! Rejected!"
Adel bonked his forehead with a ding.
"No one's stepping up, so I'll pick randomly."
She grabbed a spoon like a mic and sang.
"Adel likes~ random~ games! Random~ games!"
Her voice flooded without pause.
"Ah! Ah!"
The starting chant for The Game of Death.
Adel climbed onto the table. Eyes half-glazed, but her competitive fire blazed.
"Exciting~ Fun~ The Game of Death!"
Beat dropped, everyone thrust fingers out at once.
Adel > Lee Han: Let's die together
Black Rose > Lee Han: Only you♥ My lord
Dokki > Kim Sil-jang: You junkie bastard
Kim Sil-jang > Dokki: You brute bastard
Lee Han > Adel: Bring it
Tangled fingers everywhere. Adel called numbers with a grim face.
"Ten!!!!"
Everyone stared blankly at her after the count. Realizing she had to start recounting, Adel yelled.
"Ah! One!"
I poked her with a finger.
"Two!"
As numbers flew, Adel's pupils shook wildly. Fingers pointed faster than her eyes could track.
"Ten."
My call, finger stopping right at her nose.
"......Huh?"
Adel looked dumbstruck.
"You win, partner."
"Kyaaaaak! Math fail! Invalid! Something else!"
Adel flailed, but Dokki swiftly presented penalty booze.
"Sis! Take the L! That's the code!"
"No good. Change event! Physical game now!"
Adel downed the penalty shot, huffing.
"Ting~ Ting ting ting! Tang~ Tang tang tang! Ting ting tang tang frying pan game!"
Everyone clapped knees and hands to the beat. Tempo ramped up fast.
"Lee Han, three!"
Adel struck first.
"Lee Han, Lee Han, Lee Han. Dokki, four!"
I countered casually, tossing to Dokki.
"Dokki, Dokki, bunny, Dokki! Kim Sil-jang, one!"
Dokki spat as he targeted Kim Sil-jang.
"Hey! You. Kim Sil-jang one! Rose sis, five!"
Black Rose panicked at the sudden attack.
"Wait? Rose, Rose, z, Rose... Waaah!"
Missing the beat, Black Rose fell into my arms.
"Oh dear, I messed up~ Penalty is... a kiss?"
She puckered up blatantly; Adel glared.
"No way in hell! Take your penalty!"
Adel whacked Black Rose's crown with a popped hammer (+10 reinforcement) from somewhere.
Boing-!
"Ow! That actually hurts!"
"Hehe. Games are ruthless. Next round! Ting~ Ting ting ting!"
The games that followed zeroed in on one target.
"Lee Han three!"
Like a conspiracy, relentless fire until someone else got hit.
"Lee Han five!"
Sacrifices made for the strategy, their shared wish fulfilled at last.
Black Rose eyed my booze glass soulfully.
"Gonna black rose it? If you want me to, I'll drink it for you."
Adel grinned wickedly at me catching the penalty.
"Will Black Rose become a true black rose?! Dududududu—"
Defying expectations, I drained the shot.
"Ehh. No fun."
Adel grumbled with slurred speech.
"Then... lemme suggest something fun."
I slammed the table.
"What is it, boss?"
All eyes on me.
"Friendship shot."