Save... Me...
Kim Seonil's and Seo Yeon-ju's faces went slack.
The sight before them was crueler than anything they could have imagined. The fox doll's snow-white belly had gone red where Sua's skin-tone cosmetics and lipstick had smeared across it, and to Kim Seonil's eyes the fox looked as though it were pouring its guts out in a flood. The doll seemed to be screaming for its life.
"...What in the world is she doing?"
Kim Seonil muttered.
And Sua's hair, on top of everything, was a fine, pure white. That fierce temperament of hers, the kind that called an arctic wolf to mind, only made the scene look crueler. While he stood frozen in the shock of it, a sound struck his ear.
"Ah-boo-boo-boo..."
A shocking voice. He couldn't make sense of it, but there was no mistaking that the situation was serious. And so, with a sharp tap-tap-tap of footsteps, Kim Seonil plunged straight into the doll department store. It took him only an instant to seize Sua by both shoulders. Arriving at that tremendous speed, he shouted.
"Lee Sua!"
"..."
Only then did Sua lift her head, hardly thinking at all. Lipstick had smeared across her face until she looked drenched in blood—precisely the picture one might form of a nine-tailed fox after it had finished devouring a human liver. Goosebumps rose along Kim Seonil's skin. Even so, he gathered his courage once more. It was very nearly the courage of Lee Kang-cheol charging into a warehouse already in flames.
"Lee Sua!"
"...?"
For a moment Sua looked as though she were about to be enormously startled.
"..."
And then her face locked blank. The light vanished from her eyes at the same instant. She had been so shocked that her brain simply gave up on functioning. What else was there to call it? A Sua Blue Screen.
"Hey. Lee Sua. Can't you hear me?"
Kim Seonil shook her again, and in the meantime the rebooted Sua carefully studied the person in front of her. She worked her lips several times, but in the end she couldn't get a word out. She was finished.
"..."
And so a silence held between them. Sua's expression was grave, as a matter of course, and that gravity spread just as naturally to Kim Seonil standing opposite her. Second by second, the situation tangled further, like a ball of yarn.
"..."
Sua closed her eyes for a while, as if in meditation. Only after a long time did she manage to ask.
"What did you see?"
"Everything."
By then Sua knew, by instinct, that there was no slipping out of this. Fine—what was she supposed to do, when the dolls were simply too good for image management? The moment had come when she would have to come clean.
But right then, in a flash, Kim Seonil drew the phone from inside his coat and held the black screen out before her, like a faded mirror.
"Snap out of it."
"What?"
"What you see here is you. Lee Sua. This is you."
It was around then that Seo Yeon-ju joined them.
"What's going on?"
Unlike Kim Seonil, she kept up an exceedingly relaxed air, and that air only made him angrier. He judged that she had no grasp at all of how serious this was.
"Seo Yeon-ju, you know better than that. What's with you?"
"With what?"
"Lee Sua can't climb out of this emotional pit."
"Hmm..."
Seo Yeon-ju soon shrugged.
"Well. I suppose you could see it that way."
"And what kind of reaction is that? Because it isn't your problem, you don't care? Don't make me laugh. After all that playing at being her closest friend."
He thrust the phone-mirror toward Sua again.
"Lee Sua. This is you. You are not Wi Ji-hye, and you are even less Kim Yu-han. Draw close to a role, but you must never hand over your whole heart. An actor must not lose their identity."
Sua herself couldn't do a thing. Admit anything carelessly, and it might blow up even worse. Which meant both Sua Acknowledges and Sua Nods were sealed shut. Her mind spun at full tilt. What on earth was she supposed to do?
And then Seo Yeon-ju broke the silence out of nowhere.
"Hey, Seonil. How about we wind the fussing down around there."
Kim Seonil's face crumpled at once.
"...Fussing?"
"Yep. Fussing."
"You. To someone from the same agency..."
"Don't misunderstand. I'm not saying we should turn our backs on a crisis in the Mystic family. Isn't it basic to hear a person out to the end?"
"Then what?"
"Sua's only practicing her acting."
"Acting? What acting?"
Seo Yeon-ju lifted a single index finger and explained.
"Sua landed the lead in Starting Tomorrow, Crescendo."
"Starting Tomorrow, Crescendo... Director Go Taemin?"
"Mm-hmm. The lead, no less. Savant syndrome."
"Ah. Savant syndrome..."
Kim Seonil let out a gasp and put on a look of perfect understanding, and Sua found that part even more serious. No—why was he understanding this on his own? Why was he accepting it so easily?
A moment later he pressed a hand to his forehead, relief written across his face.
"Joining a film by Director Go Taemin... I never imagined it."
"I know. They say this is the first time Director Go Taemin has ever come offering a role himself. Apparently a lot went on at the studio, though I don't really know. I only caught a little of it from the CEO."
"...Anyway, I get it. It was a deliberate regression into infancy. The set is going to be a madhouse. Even I was fooled for a second."
"Well, of course. When has Sua ever done anything halfway?"
By then Sua felt wronged.
"..."
The Sua of before... yes, even she had to admit her intelligence had been a little low. She would admit it cleanly. Sua Dumb? Sua Acknowledges. Back then she hadn't even realized she was unintelligent, but thanks to her recent turn experiencing Kim Yu-han, she had slowly come to see it. The her of those days had been stupid, and now she was gradually improving.
It was like a savage who had always wandered around naked suddenly learning the shame of going without clothes. Sua had only just awakened to the embarrassment of ignorance.
Yes. So she didn't want to look stupid anymore! She was different now! She was going to be different! She hated the words low intelligence! She was going to be High-Intelligence Sua!
Which left her feeling rather wronged. If she had to be caught at something, let it be liking dolls—being treated as low-intelligence, she hated that, hated it so much. So Sua opened her mouth.
"The truth is, I like dolls."
Seo Yeon-ju nodded at once. But she wasn't looking at Sua. Her eyes were still on Kim Seonil.
"Yeah. You heard her? The Kim Sohee role is especially obsessed with dolls, awfully childlike—a part with that kind of delicate emotional line."
"Well, I'll be. Surprised all over again. Practicing the next role the moment Special Task Force 808 wraps. That's an attempt I could never make. A savant syndrome role, of all things."
"..."
Around then Sua cut in once more.
"And Kim Sohee is a piano genius."
She threw tremendous weight onto the word genius. She had hoped they would focus on her high-intelligence side.
"Ah."
But what followed was not what she had hoped.
"Geniuses do run thick with eccentric streaks. Nice detail."
Kim Seonil had fixed only on the part about being a weirdo.
"..."
Sua's head spun at the realization that her true self had been seen that way.
"Anyway, Sua, that was wonderful to watch. Brilliant acting, no matter when I see it."
"...No. That can't be. My acting was lacking."
"Lacking? Anyone looking would say you were Kim Sohee herself."
"...I do not acknowledge that."
Sua Conversion Technique. Sua Does Not Acknowledge.
Whether she did or not, Seo Yeon-ju and Kim Seonil kept gasping in admiration, and before long they were examining the dolls inside the store on their own. Sua's eyes brimmed.
Too much.
Sua Whimpers...
The next day brought a wrap dinner celebrating the end of filming on Special Task Force 808.
Sua felt, all over again, how quickly time moved. The dinner marking the start of production seemed like only the day before yesterday, and yet she had come to her senses to find herself here—and the newness of it struck her. Of course, then and now alike, she couldn't get a single piece of meat onto her plate. Today, too, the air was full of talk about Sua.
It began with the ones tossing out clever jokes, buzzing with excitement.
"Come to think of it, Sua said it herself, didn't she. That she wouldn't let anyone but herself stand out. And yet we all survived, didn't we? Hahaha! Let's celebrate! Cheers!"
And it ran all the way to the people taking an interest in her affairs.
"I heard the short film Sua was in made the main competition? You know, the one Director Park Joon made."
"You mean the Busan International Short Film Festival? They're throwing serious weight behind it this year. Word is, directors are even flying in from overseas. I was thinking of going anyway—hope Sua picks up an award."
Listening to all of it, time slipped past in a rush. Sua savored the attention without letting a drop of drink or a bite of meat pass her lips.
Image management. Image management...
And yet the feeling was new all the same. Truly new.
It's so different from the dinner when production started.
Back then there had been only the thrill and the tremor of just setting out. Now it felt like stepping off at the last station to say a final goodbye. Once this gathering broke up, each of them would go their own way.
It's a little sad. These are people I've gotten used to, in my own way.
It was something even Sua hadn't known about herself—that she was, apparently, quite the affectionate type. Maybe it was because she had lived alone for so long. She wasn't used to goodbyes.
Is this when people drink soju? That's what they usually do, isn't it.
Just as Sua picked up her soju glass—
"Sua."
Kim Iseo came over and sat beside her. The CEO was so small they looked like sisters. Sua, of course, being the older one.
"I heard from Yeon-ju and Seonil. That these days, even outside, all you think about is the Kim Sohee role. I'm glad, and I'm astonished, too. Actors as passionate as you aren't easy to find."
"...I don't suit Kim Sohee."
Kim Iseo pretended not to have heard words whose meaning she couldn't grasp.
"Anyway, if you need a space to practice from now on, just say so. I'll get you as many dolls as you want, too. There's no need to do it outdoors. You more than deserve every bit of support Mystic can give."
"...Yes."
But Sua had no intention of ever asking Mystic for that kind of help, not for the rest of her life. She would never, ever show them the sight of her playing with dolls. Never. She would escape low intelligence, no matter what.
And then—
—Senior, you mustn't do that.
"...?"
All at once, from within, came the voice of Sua dressed as Kim Yu-han—the one known as Yu-han Sua. Sua blinked.
Why all of a sudden?
—You'll practice at home, so all you have to do is ask them to buy the dolls. From now on, it's as good as getting dolls for free.
Hey, but lying is kind of...
—No. This is necessary for what comes later, as well.
What comes later?
—Knowing your personality, Senior, there's no telling when you'll be caught playing with dolls again. When that happens, you can simply say the memories of practicing the Kim Sohee role still linger, can't you? Someday you might even play with dolls proudly, in front of everyone.
...!
Sua immediately caught Kim Iseo's hand.
"...Now that I think about it, it was uncomfortable with so many people around. And it might end up being a nuisance. Please get me lots of rabbit dolls and fox dolls."
Kim Iseo, who knew nothing, agreed at once.
"All right. Then we'll settle that part that way..."
After a drink of water, she went on, calm as ever.
"With Special Task Force 808 and Sword wrapping all at once, about a week of empty time has opened up in your schedule."
"Oh?"
"I was wondering what best to fill it with, but let's simply rest. You're going to be terribly busy from here on. Resting plenty now is the only sensible choice. Later, you won't even have time to blink."
Sua's head began to calculate. The opening of the Busan International Short Film Festival was exactly four days away, and she hadn't made a single appointment for that day. Of course she hadn't—she had been certain she would be insanely busy!
But a week off? She had suddenly come into an enormous freedom.
...Wait. Then...
A fierce thought flashed through her mind. The group chat's regular meetup.
I can go too, can't I?