The Count's Secret Maid - Chapter 52

Translation: godsn

"Ah, I must have misunderstood. I thought I was also among those whom the master must take responsibility for."

"You're overestimating yourself."

"Yes, I was far too presumptuous."

When I pouted, he laughed again. This time, his laughter was irritating.

"I just mentioned it in case. If I were among those the master must take responsibility for, I wanted to say there's no need."

"Why not?"

"Because I can manage perfectly well on my own."

"That's another overestimation."

"It's the truth. Even before coming here, I got by just fine on my own. I may not be good at much else, but I'm truly competent at my work. So please, don't worry and set that burden aside."

"Aren't you being too arrogant? It's not that simple."

"If all else fails, I can just die."

"You think too lightly of death."

"Because it's a simple matter."

"Why?"

"There was never any ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠reason for me to live in the first place. Nor did I have the right. I simply existed because my lungs drew breath and mornings kept dawning. It wasn't some grand life."

There wasn't a single person who would mourn my death. Before coming here, a life shadowed by death was more familiar to me. Even in this warm, comforting place, I was ultimately sold for gold coins. My life still held no value whatsoever.

"You don't need qualifications to live. You just live."

Vincent scowled and retorted.

"There are people who shouldn't live."

"I don't imagine someone who came here because of family they don't even miss—someone who risks death—was raised with tender care. Your life must have been hard enough to stake it without hesitation."

"......"

"Even if such people exist, you're not one of them."

For some reason, he looked displeased. Irritation seeped into his voice. Yet, strangely, I couldn't tear my gaze away from his face.

"You have the right to live."

"...... I've never heard that before."

"I often think about it—it's not me who's barren, but you."

"I suppose so."

My voice trembled. Suppressing the tremor, I forced a smile. Even knowing he couldn't see me, I wanted to smile for him. To say I'm fine, that I'm still fine. That just as I've held on until now, I won't crumble in the future. But he shattered that resolve of mine.

"Live anyway."

At his blunt words, the smile I'd struggled to maintain twisted. Though he couldn't see me, his unusually steady gaze met my own.

"Live a happy life."

His tone was still brusque, but knowing the sincerity behind it made me want to cry. I bit my lip hard to hold back the tears before finally letting go.

"Is that allowed?"

"It's allowed."

"To be happy?"

"Yes. Very happy."

Between increasingly ragged breaths, I managed to speak calmly.

"I will."

Then I bowed my head. My vision kept blurring, and I felt helpless. I tried not to blink, afraid tears would spill, but the welling droplets fell relentlessly, one after another.

"I'll make sure of it."

So I couldn't hide my choked sobs.

What is comfort, really? Even if it's just a simple phrase, if it brings solace, isn't that enough? No one had ever told me I had the right to live. I thought I was being greedy—surviving by turning away from the sacrifices of my blood relatives. Though a seed of desire to live just one more day had sprouted in my heart, I never dared to hope for happiness.

But he told me otherwise. Because I knew those words were for me, because his sincerity reached me, I couldn't stop this flood of emotion.

"Thank you."

"......"

I was so grateful to Vincent for letting me feel this way.

I covered my face with both hands. As if everything I'd held back was pouring out, once the tears started, I couldn't stop them easily. Instead, I clenched my teeth and cried as quietly as possible. But I couldn't stifle the faint, shuddering sobs.

With his keen hearing, he noticed my tears and turned his head away. Even though he couldn't see, his consideration in pretending not to notice—not to hear—made me laugh. As I wiped my tears, I steadied my heart.

When the wind swept through, the flowers danced. Vincent's golden hair, standing amidst them, fluttered in the breeze. The sunlight shattered upon his radiant locks, stealing my gaze. Standing there so nobly, he seemed like someone who could emit his own light.

Could I ever be like that? Could I become someone who shines on my own? Could I walk alone through hell as he did?

"Will there ever come a moment when I think it's a relief to be alive?"

"There will."

"Really?"

When I forced a smile and asked, he hesitated for a moment before turning to look at me. His expression, strangely resolute, made me curious—until he suddenly spun around. Vincent strode away without warning. Stunned, I could only stare blankly after him. Despite his blindness, he had always been afraid to walk without relying on something, so this was an astonishing change. With every step he took, the flowers on either side swayed.

"Master, where are you going?!"

"Stay there."

He snapped the words and moved even farther away, widening the distance between us.

When he reached the edge of the flower field, he stopped. Still clueless, I kept staring dumbly, and as if answering my confusion, he turned and began walking back—slowly, deliberately.

He was walking toward me.

He was truly walking toward me.

Without feeling his way with a cane, without anyone's support, he was stepping forward on his own two feet.

My ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠eyes widened in shock. Even seeing it, I couldn't believe it. There had been moments in my life when seeing wasn't enough to believe, but this was the most overwhelming.

"My God."

My jaw dropped. I forgot to breathe. Vincent strode toward me without the slightest hesitation. The considerable distance between us closed in an instant, and I watched, unblinking, as he reached out his hand.

Then, he grasped mine firmly. I stared up at him, dazed, as he stood right before me. Vincent smiled faintly, as if he could see my expression.

"How's that?"

"You can see, can't you?!"

I blurted out in excitement. The corners of Vincent's lips curled higher.

"I practiced a lot. You knew that."

"I knew, but I thought you were just practicing walking with a cane. I never imagined you'd practice walking alone! Weren't you scared of falling?"

"I was. But I figured out how to overcome it."

"How?"

"I realized that even ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠if I fall, I can just get back up."

That was it? It wasn't even something you could call a method. But I knew it hadn't been easy for him to accept that simple truth.

"You told me once, remember? To think of it as an adventure through the darkness. That I had to be brave. It was absurd, but not bad advice. It's about changing your perspective, right? Even if I walk alone and fall, I just get up and keep walking like nothing happened. What matters is that I walked to the end. Right?"

"Right."

"I'll do as you said, so you do the same."

"......"

"You said you'd stay by my side. No matter how much I push you away, you'd keep staying. That you'd save others until they were saved—and if they couldn't be, you'd stay with them forever."

Suddenly, his smile faded, and his brow furrowed. He must have remembered when I'd said those words. This time, I burst out laughing.

"Thinking about it, you're just as cocky now as you were back then."

"Can't help it. That's just who I am."

I looked up at him with a bright smile. At my answer, his furrowed brows smoothed out and he suddenly chuckled. The man who used to tremble in fear, confined to his room—he was truly gone now. Now, he would grow healthier, both in body and mind. Seeing that change in him felt good.

"So? Even if just for a little while, wasn't it worth being alive?"

"Huh?"

"Got a good show out of it, didn't you?"

He asked abruptly. I was at a loss for ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠how to respond to his considerate framing—referring to himself as a "good show." But just as Vincent had said, for that brief moment, watching him walk alone, I truly felt it had been worth it. Worth it because he hadn't given up. In that moment, I was genuinely happy.

So this time, I couldn't argue back. Struggling to lift the corners of my mouth that kept threatening to droop, I forced a smile and shouted energetically.

"Yes!"

Though it had been a short time, Vincent and I had shared many conversations. Starting with trivial matters, we reminisced about the past and vented our grievances, focusing solely on each other's company. As time passed, the regret only grew stronger.

It was the first time I'd ever felt reluctant to say goodbye.

Embarrassed by this unfamiliar sensation, I absentmindedly poked the ground with my toes as I waited for Lenika, who usually came to collect the laundry.

But when Lenika arrived shortly after, I was startled. The rims of her eyes were red and swollen, her nose bright red.

"Did something happen?"

"No. Nothing happened."

Her face clearly said otherwise. When I pressed her further, she kept shaking her head. Seeing her on the verge of tears, I took her hand and led her to a secluded spot between the annex and the bushes. This didn't seem like a conversation meant for open spaces.

We crouched side by side there. A deep gloom settled over Lenika's face. If this was happening to her, usually so cheerful, something truly serious must have occurred. She had been someone who, knowingly or not, had given me much advice during my time at the mansion. So if there was any way I could help, I wanted to. And if I couldn't help, at least I could listen.

"Can't you tell me what's wrong? I might not be able to do much, but I can listen. Sometimes, just talking about it makes the heart feel lighter."

"......."

"It's okay. I'll keep whatever you tell me a secret."

I waited calmly, and after hesitating for a long while, Lenika slowly parted her lips.

"...... A few days ago, a housemaid and a male servant disappeared."

"Disappeared?"

"Yes."

She gave a heavy nod.

"They were lovers. They'd been secretly seeing each other without anyone knowing."

"And then?"

"But...... they were caught."

"How?"

"They must have snuck out of their rooms often to meet at night. Last time, they were caught sneaking out by Lady Isabella. And worse, the butler was with her at the time."

My eyes widened. Just because a man and woman met at night didn't necessarily mean anything strange, but if it happened frequently, it likely wasn't purely innocent. As if confirming my thoughts, Lenika nodded again with a gloomy expression.

"Right. It was a situation they couldn't afford to be caught in."

"......."

"They were punished. On top of that, one of them was forced to leave the mansion."

So had they eloped? Sensing my question, she shook her head in denial.

"No. They disappeared, but not by choice."

"What do you mean?"

Frowning at the incomprehensible words, I studied her. Her eyes were still puffy, her nose and even her cheeks flushed red. But the look she gave me was stiff.