Chapter 51
The Count's Secret Maid - Chapter 51
Translation: godsn
"I'm not abandoning you. I just want to keep you somewhere safe for a while."
"That is abandonment."
"I'm not abandoning you."
I stubbornly resisted. I couldn't believe him. What if he forgets about me after sending me away? What if he feels relieved to be rid of a nuisance?
I wasn't convinced. I couldn't trust his words. He had wanted to get rid of me from the beginning. He might be using this incident as an opportunity to finally send me away. To those in power, the value of a servant is that insignificant.
If he commands me, I cannot refuse. I know that, but knowing doesn't change how much I hate it. I didn't want to be alone. Shaking my head, I tried to pull my hand free. I didn't want to hear anymore.
He tightly grasped my hand as I tried to escape. Then he pulled me into his embrace. The distance between us closed in an instant, and my body was drawn into his arms. Wrapping his arms around my back, he held me tightly.
I buried my face against his chest. The sound of his pounding heartbeat reached my ears. We were both trembling with anxiety—me, and him.
"Trust me. I won't abandon you."
He whispered softly into my ear.
"I don't want anyone else to get hurt. But that might be difficult. So at the very least, I want to keep you out of harm's way. If you stay by my side, I can't protect you. That's why... I'm trying to send you somewhere safe."
"......"
"I will bring you back to my side. Without fail."
"......"
"I promise."
His hoarse voice trembled as he made the vow, soothing me.
Vincent was right. If the person who stabbed Lucas saw me, I truly am in danger. Staying alive takes precedence over everything else. He's trying to protect me. Knowing that, understanding his sincerity, I couldn't bring myself to refuse anymore.
"Do you remember when I told you to stay by my side?"
"......Yes."
"You protect me too."
At his words, my face twisted, but I forced the corners of my mouth upward. A weak laugh escaped me. Raising both hands, I clutched his back and hugged him tightly.
"You really must not forget me."
"Mm."
"If you do forget me, I'll haunt you as a ghost for the rest of your life."
"Fine."
His laughter echoed in my ear. Worried he might take it as a joke, I emphasized again.
"I mean it."
"I know."
As he said this, Vincent turned his head. The wind blowing through the window scattered his hair. I rested my face against his chest again, afraid my tears might dampen his clothes, so I didn't even dare blink.
We stayed like that for a long time. Yet, somewhere in my heart, I had a premonition. That this might truly be goodbye.
The preparations progressed quickly. Vincent instructed Isabella to arrange for me to go to Nobelle's Villa as soon as possible.
In the meantime, I had nothing to do. My days consisted of either attending to him as usual or holed up in my room. Since that day, Ethan hadn't visited, and with Lucas gone too, the mansion felt eerily empty.
Perhaps that's why my mind kept drifting. As I stood clutching the mop handle, blankly staring out the window, Vincent suddenly spoke.
"Shall we go for a walk?"
It was an abrupt suggestion. Sensing my bewildered gaze, he added that the weather was nice. The fact that he could make such a remark showed he had been gradually regaining a healthier lifestyle lately.
"You don't want to?"
"No. Let's go."
I finished mopping the floor and put away the cleaning tools. After helping him prepare for the outing, I brought his cane. Recently, he had been practicing walking alone with the cane. He used it to feel ahead and sense obstacles before encountering them. So I handed him the cane as usual, but he set it aside and suddenly extended his hand toward me.
"Why your hand?"
"You should support me."
"Me?"
"Yes, you."
He flexed his fingers open and closed. It looked like he was urging me to take it quickly, so I gladly clasped his hand.
Holding hands as he led the way reminded me of our walks in the past. Given recent circumstances, we hadn't even been able to read books, let alone take strolls. Naturally, we hadn't enjoyed tea time either.
"It's always the forest."
"There's nowhere else to go around here."
"That's true."
He stared blankly ahead. Though he couldn't see, he seemed to enjoy sensing the outdoor atmosphere, textures, and sounds during our walks.
Following the path that stretched deep into the woods, I asked:
"What's at the end of this path?"
"A wall, probably."
"Just a wall?"
"Just a wall."
"Just a wall..."
Even walking all this way, all we'll see is just a wall. The words slipped out like a murmur, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. For him, who couldn't see ahead, mustering courage and struggling through this path only to reach a dead-end wall—it felt like a reflection of my own future.
Unintentionally gloomy, I hung my head low. For a while, no words passed between us. Then suddenly, he tugged my hand.
"Should we go back to that place from before?"
"Where?"
"The place you said was so beautiful you wanted to jump into it."
A place so beautiful I wanted to jump into it...
"The flower field full of white blooms?"
Vincent nodded.
"Do you remember where it is?"
"Vaguely."
"Then let's go."
Though he spoke cheerfully, I hesitated slightly. The image of Lucas, who had led us to that flower field, surfaced in my mind. I could still vividly recall his face, brimming with excitement to show us that place. And the moment that face had twisted in horror.
A suffocating fear welled up again. When I didn't respond, he gripped my hand tightly.
"Calm down."
"But—"
"That guy probably took you there hoping it would make you happy. Even after leaving, he wanted you to have a place in this mansion where you could soothe your heart whenever you needed. Honor that intention."
"How do you know that?"
"Because that's the kind of person he was."
Vincent forced a smile. But it was a warm one. His face, now fuller, was pleasant to look at.
"Let's go. I want to see it now."
"Yes, okay."
In the end, his words convinced me. I tightened my grip on his hand and turned around. My steps were heavy and slow. Even though it was just a flower field deep in the woods, I felt strangely afraid. My pace grew slower, but he followed behind without complaint.
We ventured deep into the pathless forest, pushing aside branches and stepping over uneven ground. With no clear trail, we had to rely on memory.
When we finally reached the heart of the woods, the white flower field came into view. As if time had stopped, it remained lush and beautiful.
"We're here."
"I know. The scent of grass has gotten stronger."
"Don't people usually say it smells nice?"
He merely shrugged at my words, exuding an arrogance that seemed to say, "Who cares what others think when this is how I feel?" His familiar attitude oddly put me at ease. I gave a short laugh and led him into the flower field.
Petals fluttered delicately in the wind. It was as beautiful as falling snow. Tilting my head back, petals that had risen with the wind cascaded down like snowflakes.
"Something fell."
"Petals. They're falling like snow."
Vincent brushed off the petals that had landed on his shoulders and head. His impassive face showed no trace of emotion. What an emotionally barren person.
"You're supposed to say it's pretty at times like this."
"Is it pretty?"
"Yes. It's incredibly beautiful."
"If you say so, then that's enough."
I stared at him in bewilderment. His expression remained impassive. He didn't glance around or savor the sensations around him, just as he hadn't when we walked through the forest path. And so... it finally dawned on me. That he hadn't actually wanted to come here.
"You're not seriously trying to say you came here for my sake, are you?"
"You've been looking so down since that day, it was almost unsettling."
"Why?"
I wasn't asking why he thought that. I was asking why he was suddenly being so kind. Why are you bothering to care about this? This isn't like you.
Vincent slowly released my hand. Then he faced me. Though he couldn't see me, his gaze fixed precisely on me. I could see myself reflected in his emerald eyes. As if he truly saw me standing there, just a step away, his pupils didn't waver.
The bangs that had been annoyingly covering my forehead fluttered apart in the wind, revealing my bewildered eyes. White petals drifted down between us, fluttering lightly through the air.
"Are you scared?"
He asked. Under normal circumstances, I would've reflexively asked what he meant.
But I knew exactly what he was asking.
"Yes, I'm scared."
"Me too."
My eyes widened. I'd expected him to mock me for being a coward, but his answer caught me off guard.
As if he knew exactly how flustered I was, he let out a short laugh.
"You always go silent when you're embarrassed."
"......"
Just as he said, I grew even more tongue-tied, unable to speak.
While I was still stammering, he stopped laughing and held out his hand. A white petal landed in his palm. He curled his fingers around it, tracing its shape, then opened his hand and let the wind carry it away. The petal that had flown from him brushed against my skin, tickling my hand.
"Soon, I may have to publicly announce my condition. That means I'll have to get used to the idea of someone swinging a sword at me or firing a gun. Honestly, that might even be preferable. Words can kill a person far more cruelly sometimes."
"......"
"I always knew I couldn't live like this forever. I'm a Count. I can't keep hiding in my room. There are too many people I'm responsible for. But... accepting that hasn't been easy. It is frightening. Even now, just the thought of standing before people makes my hands and feet tremble. Pathetic, isn't it?"
"...... No, it's not."
"Even if it is, there's nothing I can do about it. That's just who I am."
His tone was flat, but the weight behind his words was anything but light. It pressed down on my chest, almost suffocating. I couldn't even begin to fathom the burden of responsibility he carried. In truth, he was someone so far above me that I'd have to crane my neck just to look up at him. As if to prove it, his frame, now slightly fuller than before, seemed sturdier.
Unlike me, who had been unable to function properly after what happened to Lucas, Vincent remained composed. If anything, he acted as if he'd been waiting for this moment. I knew he had been preparing lately—dining alone, bathing, dressing himself, standing on his own two feet and taking steps.
He was practicing how to live independently.
Of course, even then, if I—or any other maid or attendant—wasn't there, someone else would serve him. But there would be times when he'd have to face others directly, to read their intentions. He was preparing for that day.
I wasn't the only one who was afraid. He must be scared too. But even in his fear, he wasn't in a position where he could simply retreat. That's why he was pushing himself so hard now, why he was preparing so desperately.
"If it's too much... it's okay to let go of just one thing."
"What are you talking about?"
"You don't have to push yourself for my sake."
"Who said I was pushing myself for you?"
He tilted his head as if he'd misheard me, his face scrunching slightly. Seriously, we were doing so well—why ruin the mood now?