Chapter 102
The Count's Secret Maid - Chapter 102
Translation: godsn
When I realized I'd returned to the Bellunita Count Family's estate, the emotions I felt were varied. Surprise, fear, relief, and sorrow. I was startled by the sudden return, afraid someone might recognize and harm me, relieved that the person who had threatened me was gone, and sorrowful.
I was sorrowful upon meeting Vincent and learning of Lucas' s death, sorrowful that he didn't recognize me. In truth, I already knew. I knew I couldn't leave anything of myself behind in this place. And that truly saddened me.
'What does it matter? It's only natural.'
'Did you ever wonder whether Vincent would remember or forget Paula?'
The reason I never deeply considered that question was because I already knew the answer. I know my place too well to dream beautiful dreams. I don't expect that a mere maid could remain as someone important here. Yet, it seems some part of my heart still hoped. It seems I did...
It seems I hoped you would remember me, just as I remember you. That's why it hurt. It was bitter, embarrassing, resentful...
But Vincent did remember me.
I couldn't contain the emotions erupting from the depths of my heart. Was it overwhelming joy? Gratitude? I didn't know. Because I didn't know, I simply let it pour out. Suppressing my sobs, letting tears fall, I tried to let these emotions flow through me.
"Are you okay?"
"...Yeah."
I sniffled and wiped my damp cheeks. Just moments ago, I'd been crying as if my heart would break, but now I'd calmed somewhat. I rubbed my eyes with both hands.
This was the second time. Crying like this. Now that the tears had passed, I felt intensely embarrassed. Mostly because Johnny kept sneaking glances at me, gauging my mood.
"Why'd you start crying all of a sudden? You scared me. Who even came in?"
"I don't know. I just felt sad."
"What's so sad that you'd cry like that?"
"Guess I was sad about... being like this."
I gave a vague answer while quickly drying my tears. Not that it erased the fact that I'd cried. Johnny's constant scrutiny was making me uncomfortable.
"Don't go telling anyone I cried. Forget what happened today."
"Must be pretty embarrassing, huh?"
"Shut up."
When I glared at him fiercely, Johnny laughed. No matter how hard I scowled, my tear-streaked face couldn't possibly look threatening. Still, I didn't stop glaring, and Johnny eventually surrendered, saying he got it.
"Go ahead first. I'll come out once I've calmed down more."
"Alright."
Perhaps sensing my discomfort, Johnny tactfully got to his feet. Even as he left, he kept glancing back at me, so I waved him off impatiently.
The door clicked shut, and silence descended again. I leaned limply against the bookshelf. My eyes skimmed over the titles of the books before me, then closed.
Somewhere outside the window, birds chirped. The scent of paper and ink pricked at my nose. All of it helped soothe my mind. I liked this kind of quiet. It made even tangled thoughts disappear.
I steadied my breathing, trying to cool the heat in my chest. But my face still burned. It must have been bright red. I pressed the back of my hand to my cheek, then sniffled again.
I sat there for a long while, calming myself. Once I'd settled enough, I finally stood.
Winding my way back through the shelves, I opened the door. I'd worried someone might be outside, but thankfully, the hallway was empty. Letting out a sigh of relief, I stepped out and carefully closed the door behind me.
I was just turning the corner after hurrying down the hallway when—
Someone suddenly leaped out in front of me. My already frayed nerves jolted at the abrupt appearance.
"Ahh!"
Before I could even make out the figure in front of me, I was already sprawled on the floor. My heart plummeted with a thud. When I finally pried my tightly shut eyes open, my vision was blurred. I almost burst into tears again.
Clutching my pounding chest, I groped blindly at the floor. Then, when I turned my head, I found myself staring into emerald-green eyes gazing down at me.
"......"
"......"
I quickly scanned the other person from head to toe, then raised my gaze to study their face. They, too, swept their eyes over me—still sprawled on the floor—before tilting their head slightly. The slow distortion of their expression was etched vividly into my vision.
For a long moment, we simply exchanged silent stares. Then, he finally spoke—just one sentence.
"Just what are you...?"
It was Vincent's voice, though I couldn't tell whether it was a question or a statement.
My first thought was this: Calm down. Even if I couldn't hide the shock written across my face, even if my eyes kept darting aimlessly through the air, I had to steady my pounding heart first.
But my mind was just as weak as my racing pulse. I hadn't imagined he would appear so suddenly, so in the end, I couldn't conceal my flustered state.
Would he recognize me? He must, right? I was terrified. Fear gripped me.
"Where are you coming from?"
"Ah, well, you see..."
"You see?"
"I mean, uh... How is it that you're here, Master?"
Even as I spoke, I knew it was the wrong thing to say. Just moments ago, I had been wondering how he—who had been in Joelli's room—had ended up here, but his presence wasn't strange at all. He might have just left Joelli's room, and this was his mansion—of course the master would be inside his own estate. Ah, damn it. Even the forced smile I mustered felt awkward. Vincent stared at me stubbornly.
A mere servant had dared to wander freely through the grand mansion. There were places servants weren't allowed to enter, and access was restricted depending on where they worked. I had tried to avoid those areas, but the fact remained—I had roamed carelessly.
Oh no, am I going to get scolded? The complete lack of reaction on his face terrified me. It felt like a silent warning not to even think of making excuses.
In the end, I wiped the smile off my face and rose from the floor. Then, clasping my hands neatly in front of me, I bowed deeply.
Sometimes, surrender was necessary—and now was one of those times.
"I'm sorry, Master. I've never properly explored the mansion before."
"Sound."
Vincent cut me off.
"I heard a sound and came." Paula. The warmth of his call echoed in my ears. The remnants of emotion still lingering threatened to surge up again. I swallowed hard in secret.
"There was no one here just a moment ago. Where were you?"
"......"
"I asked where you were."
"I was in a room."
"Which room?"
"A room nearby... I was looking around the rooms in this area. I apologize for wandering carelessly."
I couldn't confess that I was the source of the sound he claimed to have heard, so I couldn't admit I had been in the study. When he entered, I had hidden. And now, after all that... I couldn't possibly tell him.
In the blink of an eye, dozens of thoughts swirled through my mind. Come to think of it, I had no idea if Johnny had made it back safely.
"Were you alone?"
Vincent asked abruptly. Unsure of his meaning, I stayed silent, so he continued.
"I passed by the study earlier and heard a sound. A very strange sound. Startled, I went inside, but there was no one there. Not a single trace of anyone. I thought it might be my imagination, so I left, but it's still vivid in my ears—it keeps bothering me. You said you were looking around the rooms nearby, right? Then you must have gone in there too."
"......"
"Did you see anyone there?"
His voice was gentle, almost soothing, yet it felt like he was hiding sharpness beneath. But the moment I grasped the true meaning behind his words, the emotions that had surged so intensely in my chest fizzled out weakly. I almost let out a hollow laugh.
"You don't suspect me of being that maid."
He doesn't doubt me. To the point of rendering all my terrified efforts to hide my face utterly meaningless, Vincent doesn't suspect my true identity. Though he suspects I might have been in that study earlier, he doesn't question who I am. Even while remembering me, he doesn't think it's'me. 'Rather, he assumes there must have been someone else with me.
I knew he wouldn't recognize me. It made sense. I'd deceived him, so it was only natural even he wouldn't know.
And now, I realized he would never recognize me again.
You fool. Isn't this what you wanted? Isn't this exactly how you wished things would turn out? This should clearly be a relief, so why do I feel this crushing disappointment, as if I've plummeted off a cliff? I gave a bitter smile. Lord Ethan, you were right—and yet so wrong.
"......"
"I didn't see anyone, nor did I hear any sounds. Perhaps you misheard, my lord?"
"No signs of presence? No other sounds either?"
"No. I heard nothing."
"Truly? Not even if you were with your sister, for instance."
Why bring up Alicia now? Though puzzled, I shook my head. His persistent questioning abruptly ceased, yet his suspicion remained unshaken.
Feigning composure was easy. I swallowed the bitterness and lifted my head. Without a trace of awkwardness in meeting his gaze, I maintained the careful expression of a servant regarding their noble master. The more critical the moment, the bolder one must act. The certainty that he would never recognize me somehow made it easier to look him straight in the eye.
"How could I dare lie to you, my lord?"
That's why I could answer more calmly, more firmly.
"When I entered, there was no one there, and when I left, I didn't see you either, my lord. After leaving, I went straight to another room, so it never even occurred to me that you might have gone in there."
"......"
"Is something troubling you, my lord?"
I asked, pretending ignorance. He remained silent, simply staring holes into my face. When I held his gaze without backing down, he eventually lowered his eyes and turned his head toward the window. There, where white sunlight shattered, tree branches swayed. It looked like another world entirely—so clear, so bright. His eyes caught the light as they took in the view.
Yet there was no emotion in them.
"Nothing."
"......"
"Right. It must have been an auditory illusion."
His murmured voice was faint. Then, the sudden laugh that followed looked peculiarly hollow. Why... why does he smile like that? Even with his sight restored, living the life of a count as he should—why does he smile like a man who's lost everything?
Under the radiant light, his once gaunt and haggard face had filled out handsomely, his skeletal frame now broad and impressive. He was clearly taller than me now—the kind of person who'd never need my help. And yet, even now, he seemed as though he remained alone in the dark, just as when he'd lost his vision.
"Sometimes I can't tell if this is a dream or reality. Even now, breathing and seeing the world before me, I still feel that dissonance."
"......"
"Memories fade so quickly. Even pain that felt like death becomes distant the moment it becomes the past. The harder you try to recall, the fainter it grows—what you were certain you'd recognize becomes indistinct, meaningless. And what remains with me isn't even that. Not memories, but sensations. Not sight, but hearing. Not hearing, but touch. And when touch failed me, I had to rely on thought. Wondering what to do."
He turned to look at me again. His golden hair shimmered under the white sunlight, and beneath it, his face—drenched in light—was distractingly beautiful.