Orc and 400 Madmen: Day 3 - My Punch Hits Dead Center, No Misses
I'd punched thorn-covered armadillo shells before without grazing a single time, so I could tell for sure that this blow had landed dead-on. And as proof, the female knight's expression was growing more and more delightful by the second.
"Grh... haa...!"
Cracks spiderwebbed out from my fist at the center of her plate armor. Hell, it was a strike that'd make even an ogre whine and bitch about the pain—what did she expect, staying intact? Especially since she was in full plate armor minus the helmet, which put me even more in the sweet spot right now.
Just punching full plate armor, and she's writhing in agony like that? And why am I so damn confident that I'm in the advantageous position? Before I make my case, let me lay out the evidence first.
Back in World War II on the German Western Front, an American tanker in an M4 Sherman was rolling along like usual when suddenly the tank commander ordered everyone—crew, drivers, the works—to pop open all the hatches. Why the hell open hatches when bullets could fly any second? Total insanity. But moments later, a German anti-tank mine exploded right under the tank, solving the mystery. That massive shockwave from below would've normally bounced around the sealed tank interior, pulverizing the crew's bodies with nowhere to escape. But because they'd opened the hatches, the blast had an outlet—and despite its ferocity, it only ruptured their eardrums.
Just like that, the steel armor meant to shield her from claws and fangs trapped the shockwave from my fist inside, with no way out. She ended up taking the full brunt herself. The iron barrier she'd donned for protection became her prison, delivering nothing but torment to the one inside.
Don't believe me? The tears in her eyes right now are all the proof you need!
...Sorry, honestly, I don't know the exact reason either. I was just bullshitting to sound smart. Truth is, I probably just hit her so damn hard she's hurting like hell. Or maybe because I've got the upper hand now?
I didn't notice before, but up close like this, this female knight is a real knockout. Silver hair sparkling like a snowy mountain, sapphire-blue eyes—a textbook silver-haired, blue-eyed beauty! Hell, the heroines I'd jerked off to on Hitomi looked like squid drying on clotheslines in Ulleungdo by comparison!
I secretly twisted my fist a bit inside her while whispering softly into her ear, like the first snowflake of winter settling gently.
"If you swear to be my personal fuck-toilet, I might go easy on the next one?"
"Fu...ck... you..."
Bam!
"Gahk!!"
I wound up and drove an uppercut straight into her lower abdomen, widening the cracks in her armor. At this rate, I'd shatter it completely—like that classic 'battle damage outfit tear' from an ero RPG!
"Better spill it quick. My fists are all about 21st-century gender equality—no discrimination here! Man, woman, whoever gets hit gets corn kernels flying. Unless you wanna kiss my noble cock and swear loyalty right now..."
"Haa... haa..."
"...you'll see just how humane I can be—like this!"
Gandhi himself would approve of my humanitarian orc ways!
Bam!
"Kahk... ka..."
I hammered the same spot again, and that was it—the armor shattered around my fist like thin ice after a rock toss. "Whoa, check out those abs."
I poked at the tattered plate armor, and it peeled away like chocolate foil. Perfect eleven-pack abs and a belly as white as her hair came into view, making me swallow hard.
"Damn, girl, you're tough as nails. Just drop the sword already—why keep gripping it and take these beatings?"
"Hrr... ha..."
Even in full groggy mode, she wouldn't let go of her sword. That grit even gave me chills. Her body's probably a wreck right now, but she knows the instant she drops it, she'll face something worse than defeat—pure willpower keeping those hands locked.
Her strength's gone; if I lift the arm skewered by her sword, it dangles like meat in a butcher shop. Yet her two hands stay glued to the hilt. Me hoisting and dropping this limp female knight like a ragdoll while she swings lifelessly—third parties would peg me as the bad guy in this bizarre scene.
"Truth is, I really am the bad guy."
Humanity's long since been impeached in my cock-dominated brain and conscience.
"I... won't... break..."
"Yeah, yeah, got it. Mind lifting your legs a sec? Got something to check."
-Boss is the real deal...
-Even if she's called a hero, she's just a bitch in the end!
-No one beats the top stud among studs!
Screee!
With my minions' praise turning from awe to behind my majestic pose, I tried stripping off this stubborn plate armor wrapping her body...
"Hey, how the hell do you even take this off?"
My left hand's still impaled on her sword, so fumbling one-handed wasn't cutting it. Pulling the blade out felt risky too.
"Hey, teach? Teacher? Wake up."
I tapped the cheeks of this barely conscious, dangling female knight to snap her mind back.
"Uh... ugh...?"
Cherry lips parted slightly, mumbling something incoherent. But come on—after all this, no way she's not into me yet, right? In orc village, this gets every girl hooked! (Though usually after knocking 'em out first.)
Anyway, she's alert enough now, so like a cop sobering up a drunk, I patted her gently and said,
"Alright, first off, I'm gonna pull this sword outta my hand that's stuck in it thanks to you. Means I'll have to touch your body without consent to get it off—cool with that?"
Ptoo!
"Ow, industry award for best spit-take?!"
They say doing what you love makes everything fun? I'm buzzing.
"Hey hey hey! Stay still! Stay! (I'll) get hurt? Hurt? Hurt?"
Big mistake rousing her half-assed—her stiffened body tensed up, making the sword in my palm swing back and forth like a wrecking ball.
"Hey! Fuckin' hell!"
I flailed my hand like it'd been burned—wait, something feels like it's loosening? The thought of finally seeing this sleek babe's naked body unleashed my ugly, primal lust, bubbling over uncontrollably. I usually keep a straight face for dignity, but now I'm grinning like a goblin—
Twinkle.
Eh? Something flashed just now—
"Hup!!"
Shwick!
"For fuck's sake, my left hand's busy jerking off here!"
The sword piercing my palm shot out as I shook it off—and this cheeky bitch, suddenly revived, slammed her body weight downward like a seesaw, slicing right through my grip.
"Goddamn it! You—"
Before I could finish, something flew at my left eye. Instinct kicked in—I squeezed my eyes shut and jerked my head back. A stinging slash grazed my left eye.
They say what the right hand does, keep the left in the dark—but my left's been nothing but trouble, while the right's having a field day stripping her. Divine punishment? Left arm, left hand, left eye—total shitshow.
It stings, but dodging backward saved my eyeball. Might scar my face, though. Face is all I've got going for me!
But I've been clawed by bear paws since childhood, so one more scar ain't shit. What bugs me is her sudden stunt—not a miracle, just bullshit. She'd only moaned helplessly for tens of minutes under my beatdown, barely resisting as she neared death. Why's she suddenly alive like a fish in water?
This situation's more baffling than lightning from a balding balrog. I'm flailing my mangled left hand like a rookie fresh to the barracks, totally dumbfounded.
But as pain shot through my hand, demanding attention, rage boiled up.
"I was a gentleman this whole time, and you try to slice me?!"
No more mercy!
"Hey! Sic her!"
Dirty pool? Whatever—I'm the villain!
Poor pretty female knight vs. blood-dripping orc—anyone'd say I'm the asshole, but ganging up with my minions is legal for me—
"Boss! Behind! Behind!"
"Behind? What's be—"
Hiii~neeeigh!!
"Mommy fuck!"
A horse neigh? I glanced up at my minions wondering what they were up to, and when I looked back—bam, she's mounted on a pristine white steed right in front of her, bolting past me down the mountain.
Like a dragon freed from a pond, she descended leisurely. I signaled the slingshot kids up top not to hit her, then yelled at her retreating horse-tail ass,
"This ain't over! Someday I'll strip you buck naked and parade you like a dog! So don't go whoring that body around—it's already property of Lord Red Bear!!"
Cliché as hell, the kinda crap a beat-to-shit villain spits—totally my dream bad-guy line.
"Aigoo, but I don't even know her name. Shoulda introduced ourselves."
Makes me feel like I'm the only one charging in hot-blooded. Flashback to school days, standing there like a total loser—then a minion came up.
"Boss, chase the bitch?"
"Nah. No need."
Can't catch her anyway, plus "something bugs me."
That split-second sparkle from her lower abdomen—what the hell was that?