If You Can't Even Bake, Get Lost - 2
Club application season. Exactly as the name suggested, it was the period when freshmen chose the clubs they would spend the next three years in and submitted their applications. Last year, that same season had been defined by Luise's heroic struggle to find an advisor for the Baking Club. I could never forget it either—I'd had to accept applications from two princes and the next Saint.
That was why I had steeled myself for this year's application period, replaying the shock of last year over and over. Foreign students who had enrolled just to form connections with royalty I handed off to Villar; the mages who flocked after seeing the Demon Duke I left to Later. But the world always had people with unmatched drive and pure madness. No matter how tightly those two kept control, someone would always slip through.
—Or so I thought.
Why is there no one?
There was no one. It was already the third day of club applications, and not a single student had submitted a form. Technically there was exactly one—Sera, whose membership had been locked in before the semester even started. In every practical sense, nobody had applied.
Strange. This couldn't be right. When five people gather, one of them is always trash. Not a single lunatic among the entire freshman class? Impossible. The world couldn't possibly be this beautiful and easy.
Yet the results were staring me in the face, hard to deny no matter how bizarre the phenomenon.
What is this?
I was confused. Had another Baking Club somehow sprung up without my knowledge?
"Ah, anyone who wanted to join our club, I guided over to the Discussion Club. It's a chance to learn baking while debating as well."
It really had.
While fretting alone, I asked Later about it during club hours, and Tanian—standing right beside him—answered instead. The words were so far outside anything I had imagined that I just stared blankly at him.
"I thought it would give you a headache, Brother, so I handled it myself. I completely forgot to tell you."
At my look, Tanian laughed as if embarrassed, but that laugh only left me more dazed.
The Discussion Club—full name: the Club for Discussion and Contemplation of Contemporary Times Through Comparison of the Old and New Testaments—was a thoroughly religious outfit. No matter how I looked at it, students hungry for royal connections or blinded by magic had zero reason to join.
Yet Tanian had funneled every student who wanted the Baking Club straight into that Discussion Club. His reasoning: "It's strange for students who can't even bake to join a baking club."
...A promotion and relegation system?
The thought struck me on pure instinct. Overnight, a second-division league called the Discussion Club had been created, elevating the Baking Club to the first division. And not just any first division—one you could never reach without grinding experience in the second, a sky-high tier that no one would climb into until long after my assignment here ended.
Whoa.
It was magnificent. I had been so focused on simply blocking new members, while Tanian hadn't blocked them at all—he had redirected them into a completely different space. Since stopping them one hundred percent was impossible, he had concentrated on the real goal: protecting the Baking Club.
So this was… the next Saint? To become the living symbol of the continent's mainstream religion, did you need brain plays of this caliber?
"I do not gamble on probability. I simply pay for that fleeting hope of winning a fortune in one go, for the thrill I feel while the game is in progress."
My chest swelled with awe. Was this really the same Tanian who went on about thrills at the casino? When it counted, he handled things this cleanly—so why was he like that the rest of the time?
No. Wait. Precisely because he did things properly when work needed doing, he played properly when he played. Thinking back, he had performed brilliantly during the Twilight Cult purge as well. Sure, watching him get completely entranced by Luise had been infuriating, but there had never been anything wrong with his intellect or character.
"Was I perhaps overstepping?"
While I was still speechless from the culture shock and the shattering of my preconceptions, Tanian asked carefully.
"No. No, you did great."
I answered in a hurry to that ridiculous question. Overstepping? Meddling of this quality was welcome any day of the week.
Honestly, I was moved. I had already been happy when Later volunteered himself as Number Three; now I learned Tanian had been quietly operating as Number Four somewhere I never even knew about.
You reap what you sow.
How hard had I run myself ragged looking after these brats last year? Realizing that all that suffering and hardship was finally paying off like this almost brought tears to my eyes.
My little bastards… they actually knew gratitude after all… From now on I'll call them puppies…
"That won't last long, though."
Ryutis's voice cut through the moment of emotion, but I couldn't argue. He wasn't wrong.
It is a stopgap, yeah.
Tanian's divine move had created a holding camp, but that camp only worked because people still clung to the hope of eventually promoting into the first division. The moment they saw no sign of getting what they wanted no matter how long they stayed in the Discussion Club, the madness would return and they would start moving again.
Even so, a stopgap was still a stopgap. At least we had bought time; in the meantime I could craft a perfect solution—
"There are Armein kids among them too, right? Then maybe I'll show my face every now and then."
Find…?
"You would do that? I feel bad for asking first, but I would be nothing but grateful."
"They came all the way to the Empire just to see me. Least I can do."
At Tanian's words, Ryutis burst into his usual boisterous laugh. Strangely, though, I almost thought I saw a halo glowing behind him.
"What excellent consideration. Yes—looking after retainers who did not spare themselves the long journey is a virtue of those in higher stations."
"Haha, you flatter me."
Even the Demon Duke, who had been watching Luise bake cookies, seemed impressed by Ryutis's unexpected gesture and spoke in her soft voice.
"Then I can hardly sit still myself."
It was only a short remark, but everyone understood exactly what it implied.
Just as Ryutis would drop by the Discussion Club for the students who wanted royal connections, the Demon Duke was declaring she would occasionally grace it with her presence for those who sought her teaching.
"It will be good for my little one, after all."
Looking at the Demon Duke smiling at me, I really did feel tears coming on.
Last year's me, are you watching? The me who got worked half to death at the Academy without a single ounce of rest is now sitting pretty with the Five Tiger Generals plus Wolong and Fengchu all in my pocket.
Yes. This was how a proper assignment should feel. This was real work.
"Thank you. The students will be delighted."
So I offered my thanks with complete sincerity. If the Demon Duke appeared at the Discussion Club even once a week—or once every other week—the mages would be satisfied. In fact, they would willingly submit to the promotion system and strive all the harder for first-division status just to get more chances.
Of course, none of them would ever actually make first division.
"I'm grateful to you too. For students living in a foreign land, the presence of royalty must give them a real sense of security."
"It's nothing. Someone has to look out for how hard life abroad can be, right, senior?"
When I thanked Ryutis—who had fired the opening shot—he gave an entirely normal reply. At this point, Season 77 Ryutis and Season 78 Ryutis almost felt like two completely different beings. Even in the soccer games I used to play before possession, stats changed when the season did.
And it was Season 78 Ryutis who had crushed the 5th Empire, too. Yeah, they really might be separate entities.
In the end, the only person who submitted a membership application during the entire club application period was Sera. Through the united efforts of every Baking Club member, we had successfully protected our precious club.
"Baking Club new members: one… confirmed."
And the vice principal was delighted by this victory report.
He had been fretting over whether more strange members might join the Baking Club, whether they might combine with the existing roster and throw the entire Academy into chaos. Lately his complexion had grown paler by the day; I could only imagine how much he had been suffering.
But the moment he saw the roster I submitted, his face brightened dramatically. Only one new member—and even that one was an ordinary, perfectly normal noble young lady I had brought in because she was an acquaintance of mine and Erich's. For a vice principal who had been bracing for the absolute worst, it must have felt like a miracle.
"A club whose entire membership is second-years. Once the current members graduate, it may well be dissolved."
Looking over the roster with mild eyes, the vice principal spoke in a somewhat unburdened voice.
True enough—if every member was a second-year, the club's future was something to worry about. Put bluntly, it had become a stagnant veteran clique with no new blood coming in. Technically the blood hadn't dried up on its own; we had cut it off ourselves.
Anyway, if the current trend continued, the Baking Club would walk the path of dissolution, just as the vice principal said. He was probably quietly hoping for that, too. The Baking Club had been responsible for most of his stress; how happy would he be if that nightmare trauma simply vanished of its own accord?
"Luise seemed a little disappointed. We're considering taking members next year."
Unfortunately, the odds of the Baking Club quietly dissolving were low. Its founder, Luise, wanted the club to continue.
"Is that so? What a relief. It would be a shame for a club filled with students' memories to disappear."
At my words, the vice principal's attitude flipped in an instant.
The truth was, once the current members graduated, the vice principal wouldn't care much whether the Baking Club survived or not. The trauma might still twitch, but a Baking Club without royalty or princes would be just one club among countless others.
Well, if more royalty or princes enrolled after the current members graduated, that would be another story—but the odds of that were low. And the odds of them joining the Baking Club were even lower.
"Yes. The members are already quite attached to the club. Even after graduation they'll look back on their school days, so of course the club should remain as it is."
"Haha, quite right."
Attachment to the club. Memories of school days. The blunt, almost shameless phrasing changed the light in the vice principal's eyes.
What would a high-ranking person who held fond memories of the Academy think if the very club they had belonged to as a student was still standing strong? They would want their juniors to grow up in a good environment and open their wallets for some generous donations.
A situation where the royalty you hated while they were enrolled start sending donation money after graduation. From the Academy's perspective, wasn't that something to celebrate?
Money itself is never guilty.
Only people are the problem.
Thanks to big brother Karl's consideration, several days had already passed since I joined the Baking Club.
It would be a lie to say the unfamiliar space didn't frighten me, but with Erich right beside me and the other members so kind, adapting hadn't been difficult. The president, Luise, was truly gentle as well.
There was just one thing I still couldn't understand—
This is the Baking Club?
No matter how I looked at it, it didn't feel like a baking club.
I blankly watched His Highness Ryutis and His Highness Later playing chess. Whether Luise was kneading dough or not, they paid it no mind and simply kept playing. Yet no one raised any objection. Everyone reacted as if this scene were completely natural, which only left me more confused.
"There. Convert this one into a bishop too."
"…Four bishops?"
"Yeah. Pretty novel, right?"
At those words I thought I heard His Highness Later mutter something that sounded like a curse, but I must have misheard.
"Later's going to lose again this time."
At the indifferent voice I carefully turned my head.
Ah.
And when I saw even Erich wearing a completely unfazed expression at the scene, I finally understood. Here, this was normal.
…Then I would just have to adapt too.