A Beast in the Imperial Capital - 3
I unilaterally ended the conversation with the Demon Duke and rose from my seat. Of course it was not the proper thing to do. Officially it meant the Audit Department Chief had been rude to a Duke; privately it meant I had ignored a woman who loved me.
Even so, this was the best course. If I had remained any longer I would have been swallowed by emotion and lost all reason. Then every sort of word would have come pouring out. I would have spat out things I myself could never take back.
"From this day forward I will not dare show my face before Your Grace."
Had I not already made a dangerously close remark on the way out? Even in the very moment I stood to restrain myself and hold my tongue, my mouth had already run wild.
Declaring I would never show my face again—how awkward would it be when we inevitably met after that?
Calm down.
I moved quickly, drawing deep breaths to steady my mind. Of course it did little good.
It would have been a lie to claim I felt no betrayal. If I had felt no anger I would simply have had no emotions at all. That was how shocking the Demon Duke's actions had been.
Still, the fact that I had not declared a complete rupture on the spot and had instead fled was thanks only to the faint remnant of reason left in my head.
There was no malice.
Yes, the Demon Duke had made a mistake with me. It had not even been unintentional; it had been deliberate.
Yet there had clearly been no malice. She had not done it to harm me or to work some scheme. So no matter how furious I was, I needed to think calmly and reach a conclusion.
"Ah, my child. I… I…"
"Fuck."
The pitiful image of the Demon Duke calling after me rose unbidden, and I muttered a low curse.
Reason? No malice? Nonsense. Excuses I was feeding myself. The moment I saw her trembling, looking as though the world itself were collapsing around her, my heart had simply softened.
It was maddening. I resented the person before me and yet felt sorry for her. Sympathy rose even as I refused to understand.
So I fled—to buy time and sort out my thoughts. Because continuing any conversation with the Demon Duke while I myself was this confused could never produce a good result.
…She should at least have said something first.
A sigh escaped me. If—if the Demon Duke had spoken even a single word before giving me the potion, I would have been troubled but not angry. At least that would have respected my will. Giving me the choice meant there would have been no reason to be angry.
The problem was that she had handed over the potion without a word. Fortunately its effects were still far off, yet if she had never spoken up herself I would have transcended humanity without ever knowing why.
"You need not worry about that, my child. Your time will become like mine. In only forty years you too will be able to live for hundreds of years."
And there she had been, face flushed with pride as though seeking praise, saying those words.
It was complicated. She should never have hidden it from the beginning; or if she had hidden it, she should have kept her mouth shut forever.
Is it a difference of race?
Had the Demon Duke believed she had done something unforgivable to me, she would have hidden it thoroughly.
Extending a lifespan was, from her perspective, pure goodwill. She had done it because she thought I would like it.
…Of course, even goodwill did not mean I could simply let it pass. It was a problem that still needed more thought.
Before long I reached a place where I could organize my thoughts alone.
"Master?"
"It's been a while, butler."
My mansion in the Imperial Capital.
No matter how I turned it over, this was the only place. Returning to the Academy in my present state would only worry everyone else, and going to the Audit Department office would have me taking it out on the section chiefs.
So the mansion it was. If I locked myself in my room and rested my eyes even briefly, my head would cool. It was already evening; returning to the Academy tomorrow morning would be no problem.
"What a happy day this is. I had thought I would not be able to serve Master until the year's end."
The butler, startled by his master's sudden appearance, quickly composed his expression and welcomed me.
"I shall prepare a meal at once."
"Ah, no need. I already ate something light."
In truth I was empty, but I was in no mood to eat anything now.
"Understood."
A fleeting look of regret crossed the butler's face before he nodded and accepted it. Forcing food on someone who refused was not a butler's duty.
Leaving the bowing butler behind and about to head for my room, I added a word just in case.
"If any guests come looking for me, refuse them. I have to return soon anyway."
"Yes, I shall do so."
Hearing the butler's reply I moved on again. Rest my eyes a little, then decide what to do.
—Or so I thought at the time.
"Master, Master."
"Master, you should go to bed now."
Yuris, whom I met on the way to my room, proved an unexpected ambush. Sophia, who always went about with her, was nowhere in sight; I wondered where she had left her sister.
At any rate, Yuris—who had been dusting the windows with a feather duster—came scurrying over the moment she saw me and began to chatter. What sudden business had brought me, how today an egg had contained two yolks which must have been a sign Master was coming, how if I had only said beforehand she would have prepared a cake, and so on.
Ordinarily I would have answered and played along a little, but I was too tired; I merely nodded at appropriate moments.
Normally that would have been enough for Yuris to withdraw of her own accord. Young as she was, she was quick-witted and sharp.
"But you haven't even changed your clothes."
Today, however, she clung fast and showed no intention of leaving.
What is it?
I glanced sidelong at her.
Yuris looked up with bright, sparkling eyes. Outwardly she seemed no different from usual, yet her behavior was. Did she have something she wanted to say?
"What, do you have a favor to ask?"
I spoke while gently stroking her hair. For a maid, the master is the most difficult person of all. Even if I was not the sort to torment employees, the difference in station itself carried pressure.
Yet if she was hovering around me like this, she must have a request. So long as it was not something difficult, there was no reason I could not grant it.
"Master. Do you have something troubling you?"
"Huh?"
I had not expected a reverse question.
Yuris, speaking with those bright eyes, did not seem merely to be probing; she appeared to be asking in earnest. Not that she would have had any reason to probe me in the first place.
Still, the sudden question left me a little flustered.
"…Was it that obvious?"
"Very much so."
The firm answer drew a bitter smile. So even a child could tell I was in a terrible state.
If she had noticed, the butler must have long since. He had simply kept silent to give me time to sort myself out; Yuris, still a child, had simply said what she saw.
I continued stroking her hair while I organized my thoughts—whether to brush it off as nothing or tell her simply.
She already looks curious.
Her head swayed this way and that under my hand, yet Yuris kept staring fixedly at my mouth. Once a child becomes fixated on something, it lasts a long while. Evading her here would do little good.
"There's someone who made a mistake with me. I was wondering what to do about it."
In the end I decided to speak in moderation. As long as I did not go into detail it should be fine, and honestly I was frustrated enough that I wanted to tell someone.
Besides, confiding in an ordinary maid made it unlikely the contents would leak to any strange place.
"Was it a big mistake?"
"Pretty big."
"Did they do it on purpose?"
"Apparently so."
"That's too much."
"Right?"
I smiled faintly at Yuris's words.
Yes, it was too much. Knowing what I had been through and still doing that.
"But the fact that you're troubled, Master—doesn't that mean you want to forgive that person?"
At those words the hand stroking her hair paused for a moment. Only a very brief moment; I resumed stroking as though nothing had happened.
In truth I felt a little pricked. Saying I was not in my right mind and needed to calm down before deciding—that itself meant I did not want to casually throw away my relationship with the Demon Duke.
If I had been truly furious, if I had sincerely hated the Demon Duke, I would have overturned everything on the spot regardless of calming down or anything else.
"You think so?"
"You said it yourself, Master. Anyone can make a mistake. If there were circumstances, if they sincerely apologize, there's nothing that can't be forgiven."
"…I did?"
"Yes!"
Looking at Yuris shouting so brightly, it seemed genuine.
What? Had I sat a child who was not even an adult yet and said such things? No, I could not remember clearly.
Reading the confusion on my face, Yuris continued with an awkward little laugh.
"Th-that is, when Master first brought me and Sophia…"
"Ah."
Now I remembered.
"Gi-give it here right now…! Or I'll—I'll stab you with this!"
I could not recall the exact day, but while surveying the postwar recovery areas I had met Yuris.
She had been starving, and Sophia had been on the verge of starving to death, when I appeared in the alley with bread. Seeing that, Yuris had tried to plunder me while brandishing something like a primitive stone handaxe.
At first I had wondered what on earth this was. For a fleeting moment I thought it might be an assassination attempt, but a girl holding a rock that was embarrassing even to call a handaxe—no matter how one looked at it, she was far from an assassin.
After that, well, thinking I would at least save a pitiful child, I had let myself be plundered. Watching her feed Sophia first had made me cry inside. That such a good child would attempt robbery showed just how severe the war's damage had been.
"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I must have gone crazy! Sophia has done nothing wrong!"
And once her stomach was full and her senses returned, Yuris had made a tremendous fuss, crying and wailing.
"Since you're reflecting, it's fine. Anyone can make a mistake."
I had said that while soothing her then. She had apologized, so I would not mind it.
"You remembered that?"
"To me those were the words that changed my life."
Her giggling made me a little sheepish.
Even if it had been someone else, they would have done the same. Yuris and Sophia's condition back then had been truly heartrending.
"Thanks for the advice."
After thinking a moment I patted Yuris's head.
Yes, forgiveness was one possible path. I would keep it in mind.
Of course forgiving right away was impossible. Right now simply holding the anger down was all I could manage.
Though Master had said he would not eat, I informed the kitchen beforehand in case he wanted a light snack at night—so that something simple could be prepared at once.
Beyond that I rechecked the garden visible from Master's room and inspected the other facilities for any irregularity. That Master would return to the Academy tomorrow was not a consideration. Simply doing one's utmost for the master is an employee's sole duty.
While I was inspecting the mansion in this fashion, an unbelievable report came up from the guard at the front gate.
"Who has come?"
"The Demon Duke has arrived."
An unexpected guest. This mansion was more often without its master, so visitors were rare. Though Master was staying tonight, what guest would notice a single day's presence and come calling?
And that guest was the Demon Duke—the figure who had lately set the Imperial Capital ablaze, the woman who held Master in her heart.
"…Since Master has refused all guests, send her away with all due courtesy."
Instinctively I considered how best to receive her, yet Master had already ordered that guests be turned away. Therefore there was nothing for it but to refuse her.
"Um, Butler."
Even so the guard hesitated at my words.
"I'm sorry, but… I believe you need to see for yourself, Butler."
At those words anxiety rose of its own accord.
I could not believe the sight before my eyes.
Good heavens.
I understood at once why the guard had been so flustered. It was a wonder he had managed to come and report while still in his right mind.
The white figure grew clearer the nearer I drew to the front gate. And the clearer she became, the more unbelievable her appearance.
"B-Butler!"
Seeing me approach, the guard remaining at the gate spoke in haste. The woman followed his gaze and looked at me—the Demon Duke.
The moment our eyes met I nearly closed mine of my own accord.
What is this?
The Demon Duke's condition was wretched. Her eyes were rimmed red, tears flowed without cease, and her face was flushed crimson—whether from cold wind or something else.
Moreover the hair that reached the ground was soiled with every sort of dirt and dust, and her clothes were in a sorry state, as though she had fallen somewhere along the way.
…Barefoot.
And barefoot on top of everything. Had she lost her shoes when she fell?
Wretched. Had I not heard the report that the Demon Duke had come, I would never have recognized her as the Demon Duke.
"Bu-tler…?"
"Yes. I am Willes, the butler who manages this mansion."
At the Demon Duke's severely trembling voice I instinctively bowed my head and answered.
And as I bowed, I saw the object she was carefully embracing.
Though her entire body was filthy, one thing alone remained clean—as though this, at least, must never be soiled—the comb she clutched tightly to herself.
"Butler…"
"Yes, Your Grace."
"Is the child… is my child here…?"
At that pitiful sight I could not bring myself to declare that guests were refused.
Master… just what in the world did you do outside?