Starting Over - 1

This was only the second floor, but if I fell headfirst, I might still knock myself out cold. Sleeping for about a month before waking up again would be perfect.

I was pretty sure I'd had the same thought before vacation started, and now that it was ending, it was coming back. Maybe I just wanted to pass out if that was what it took to escape this situation.

"Mar, you can let go now…"

"No."

"No, then."

No? That was a refusal far firmer than a simple "I don't want to" or "just a little longer." I carefully withdrew the arm I'd been about to pull free and wrapped it around Margeta's back again.

Watching her nestle deeper into my arms with clear satisfaction, a strange emotion different from before began to well up inside me. I was grateful that she'd forgiven the pathetic display I'd put on. I was glad she'd said she would wait.

But from the position of someone who had come to apologize, clutching the victim and crying had been far too shameful, hadn't it? Making such a scene in front of someone younger than me—what kind of disgrace was this? And if I lowered my eyes, I could see Margeta's shoulder, still marked with the embarrassing evidence.

I'm going insane.

That damp shoulder seemed to sneer, "Hey, you crying?" It was mortifying. I didn't have the courage to look at such a vivid black mark on my personal history, but even when I tried to pull away, Margeta wouldn't let go.

So what was I supposed to do? I certainly couldn't push Margeta away. I'd just have to bear a little embarrassment.

No—honestly, it was more than a little embarrassing.

"Karl."

"Yes, Mar."

"I just wanted to say it because I like it."

From against my chest came the sound of Margeta giggling.

"Would you call me Karl?"

And with that, the words I'd spoken just moments earlier came rushing back, making me squeeze my eyes shut. Why did I have to say something like that at that particular timing?

I resented my past self. My emotions had been so overwhelming that I'd casually done something I never would have imagined under normal circumstances. If I'd been in my right mind, I never would have managed it.

Still, if it made Margeta happy, maybe it was fine. Yeah. That was enough.

"Karl."

The way she nuzzled her face against my chest even filled me with a pang of pity. How much must I have ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠pushed her away for her to act like this?

"Yes, Mar. I'm right here."

I tightened the arms holding her. It looked like we were going to stay like this for a while.

I never imagined she wouldn't let go for a full hour.

Just a little more. Just a little more.

Being held in Karl's arms, I couldn't control the craving. I'd only meant to stay for a moment, but when I tried to pull away, my body simply refused to move.

Thankfully Karl didn't push me away either, which gave me courage. What had started as "just a little longer" had already stretched on for who knew how long.

"…Thank you, Karl."

"I'm the one who should be thanking you."

If it were Karl, he would probably let me stay longer, but I had to stop. I'd already been held for ages. If I clung any more, it would put him in an awkward spot. Yes—I needed to let him go now.

Forcing down the regret, I carefully drew back, and only then could I see Karl's face. I'd been so busy being held that I hadn't looked at it properly.

Unlike the stiff expression he'd worn when he first entered the room, he was smiling softly now—though a trace of embarrassment mixed into it.

When his gaze drifted to my left shoulder, I gave a small smile and brushed my hand over it.

"It's all dry. Don't worry."

"…I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

I didn't bother adding that it had ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠actually made me happy. Saying that much would only make him more self-conscious.

But it really had made me happy. The fact that he'd poured everything out to the point of tears meant he'd trusted me that much, opened his heart that much.

I'll keep it safe.

From today, this dress was a treasure.

"I held on too long, didn't I? I'm sorry. You must have so much work to do."

The moment Karl left, I would change into something else. And this one I would store with care.

Someday, on a day I could wear it again—a day just as wonderful as today, if not more—I would take it out once more.

"I'm the one who suddenly said something strange—"

"Don't apologize. That wasn't a mistake."

He was someone who had carried that alone until now, never speaking of it to anyone. How could finally telling another person be wrong?

It wasn't a mistake so much as something good. Someone who had shown what was inside could begin to move forward, however slowly.

What Karl had gone through was heartbreaking and sad. If I showed my own sadness, it would only become a burden to him.

So I smiled brightly as I spoke. I hoped it would ease him even a little.

"Come back whenever you want to say anything at all, Karl."

I'll be waiting for you, no matter how long it takes.

What happened today hadn't been my matter alone. It had been something carrying the hopes ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of many people.

"I told her."

That was why the Minister contacted me the moment the sun went down. Truly, a great many hopes had gathered around this.

Yes—the Minister had every right to know how things had gone. Honestly, if not for him, I would still have been bottling it all up inside.

For a moment I pictured myself serving under the section chiefs.

Fuck.

Even imagining it made me dizzy. Section Chief Five would be fine enough, but having Section Chiefs One, Two, and Three as my superiors? Truly nightmarish.

But I didn't fire off a stream of curses and tell him to stop talking nonsense the way I usually would. I could tell what kind of feeling had made him say it. Watching me flounder alone over something I couldn't solve must have left him both sorry and frustrated.

This time I owed the Minister a massive debt. I didn't want to admit it, but it was far too large.

"I'll do my best to make sure nothing like this happens again."

His tone said why are you stating the obvious, and a laugh slipped out of me unbidden.

"I'm sorry."

Of course I didn't laugh for long.

I quickly bowed my head, and the Minister clicked his tongue and moved on.

"I am nothing but ashamed."

Those words made my blood run cold. If anyone else—and especially the Iron Blood Duke—had known about this situation, it never would have ended quietly.

Thankfully it didn't seem the Duke of Victory had informed the Iron Blood Duke, but if he had, the man's eyes would have rolled back in his head with the urge to punish the scoundrel who had toyed with his precious youngest daughter.

He would have armed himself personally and ridden for the Imperial Capital with his knights. The Crown Prince, wondering what the commotion was, would have heard the story and immediately thrown open the doors to watch in spectator mode.

Something would have gotten broken.

He wouldn't have killed me, but one of my limbs would have snapped. Or maybe he would have killed me after all.

"I'm truly grateful he never found out."

"Yes…"

I couldn't deny it, so I simply nodded over and over. I really had been tormenting Margeta with my life on the line.

Gratitude and apology I couldn't count how many times I'd felt today swirled together in my chest.

"I'll wait. Until Young Master Karl feels at ease. I'll wait until then."

And yet the fact that the gratitude was still larger told me I really was a selfish bastard.

Of course, I couldn't make Margeta—who had already waited more than a year—wait any longer. I would sort out my heart as quickly as possible.

After that day, only one thing changed. The way Margeta addressed me was the only difference.

But the ripples that one change created were considerable. Even someone without much sense could guess that something was going on.

And the people of the estate were, as a rule, people with sense. Even those idiot club members were sharp enough when it didn't involve their own love lives, so of course they would notice.

"How about showing Her Ladyship the estate office?"

The butler was even trying to show Margeta the mansion's study. Letting her see the place that was essentially the heart of the estate meant treating her as its core.

"It's a little early for that."

"Understood."

The core of the estate—meaning master and mistress. In other words, he was already ready to treat Margeta as the lady of the house.

It was far too soon. We weren't even engaged yet, let alone married. I had only just managed to speak my true feelings; I needed at least a moment to catch my breath.

I barely managed to calm the butler who was trying to race ahead at light speed, but every servant I met was still greeting me with knowing looks.

On top of that, the youngest maids, Yuris and Sophia, had apparently attached themselves to Margeta. Were they seriously picking a side already? I felt like I was going to lose my mind.

"Brother."

In that situation, running into Luise was actually a relief. At least Luise wouldn't make my head any more complicated.

"I'm glad things seem to have worked out for you."

"Ah—yeah."

Looking at Luise smiling as she spoke, I nodded without thinking. Yeah. It had worked out.

"Thanks to you. Thank you."

The conversation I'd had with Luise before going to Margeta. Even though I hadn't mentioned Margeta by name at the time, Luise had a good eye for these things.

Someone he felt sorry toward, someone he wanted to pour his heart out to. And afterward, Margeta starting to call him by name. That was something even an average person would have figured out, never ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠mind someone sharp.

"In the end it was something you did yourself, Brother. You're the amazing one."

"It's embarrassing to hear myself called amazing."

"Aha, is that so?"

Seeing Luise's bright, laughing face made a small smile form on my own.

The Minister, the Duke of Victory, Luise. If even one of the three had been missing, I would still have kept my mouth shut—clinging to that bizarre concept of "the man who bears it alone so he doesn't burden anyone else."

What a child.

Only after finally speaking did I see it. The me who had kept silent had been such a damn kid.

In proportion to that long black history, my gratitude toward the Luise in front of me rose as well. Thanks to her, I had been able to turn an ongoing black mark into past tense.

"I'm really grateful."

I patted Luise's shoulder and spoke with everything I meant.

"Compared to everything you've done for me, Brother, it was nothing."

Whose child was she, to have such a kind heart?

If only the club members had taken after even half of their president.