088 – The Fluffy Ghosts That Only Like Me #2
In fact, I was the type who moved extremely methodically. Take online RPGs, for example. I'd memorize from the start which classes were good and why, how to level them up, and what boss patterns to watch out for in dungeons. The goal was to minimize mistakes as much as possible.
But I had zero desire to gather any background knowledge on this Pandora Market. That way, unexpected variables would keep popping up, inching me closer to my dream of "getting fired and escaping back to the surface."
'Knowing that the North Gate has tons of problems is enough.'
The North Gate I arrived at lived up to the rumors of Pandora Market's collapse—buildings crumbled and shattered everywhere. It reminded me of those quiet apartment complexes back on Earth, depopulated by low birth rates and an aging society. The streets hadn't seen maintenance in ages.
But—there were tons of ghost souls.
—Hooo... hooo...!
—Hoooouuu...
—Hoo-hoo...
—Hoooou...
—Hoooouuuu...?
—Hoooou...!
No, seriously, there were way too many ghost souls. I'd never seen this many ghosts in one place before. Amid those round, fluffy ones, all sorts of people came and went. The weird part? Everyone was clutching weapons like hammers, axes, or knives. Even kids.
"Excuse me. Mind if I ask why everyone's gathered here? I heard there aren't any shops doing business at the North Gate anymore."
I asked a boy who looked about ten. He whipped out a cigarette, stuck it in his mouth, and spat—ptui.
"Ya damn fool—can't ya see? We're all hunters explorin' this 'abandoned market,' lootin' stuff, and sellin' it. One big score ain't a pipe dream here at the North Gate!"
What a raspy little punk—gruffer than that old construction foreman I met once. But hey, totally plausible. Even if he looked like a kid, he could've been rolling around Soul Society for decades or centuries. Souls don't age physically, but the mind keeps maturing.
"Exploration, huh..."
It hit me—I'd just been reminiscing about character-building in games. So the North Gate market was packed with "hunters" who delved into abandoned shops, scavenged goods, and sold them.
"Back when Pandora Market was boomin', this North Gate dealt in rarities you couldn't find anywhere else. Like a 'Nymph Phalanx Magic Wand' or somethin'."
A nymph phalanx magic wand? What the hell? As I tilted my head, the boyish hunter elaborated.
"Ya know, right? Magic wands made from nymph finger bones amplify mana. That's why witches started huntin' nymphs like crazy, pushin' Earth's nymphs to the brink of extinction."
Who knew such horrors were going down? Anyway, the North Gate had been a street of priceless treasures. But when the market tanked for some reason, merchants closed up without grabbing everything. Hunters raided those ruins, snagged the loot, and flipped it for profit. Hunter 101.
'Sounds easy enough.'
Just poke around junk in failed shops, right? I'd done similar stuff with Professor Zeusoo—hunting rare books in used bookstores or spotting Goryeo celadon in antique shops. Nostalgic vibes.
But the hunters' faces were dead serious. Scraaaape, scraaaape—sharpening blades like pros.
"Hey! Listen up, all of ya! We ain't gettin' near the clock shop today! Hell cockroaches are swarmin' the area, and wild ghosts are goin' berserk!"
"What? I had dibs on some goods there—"
Aha! So the abandoned North Gate was crawling with hell cockroach swarms and "wild ghosts," keeping even hunters at bay.
For reference, wild ghosts were ones that hadn't been resocialized. When souls ghostified and lost their memories, HQ's Safety Management team dragged them to facilities for "resocialization." Admetus's cute ghost wife, Alcestis, nearly got hauled off when she ghostified.
"Are wild ghosts that vicious?" I asked.
The boy sharpening his thick axe showed me his left forearm—from hip to collarbone, a massive scar like claw marks.
"From scrappin' with wild ghosts. It's etched into the soul, so it won't fade. North Gate's full of ones that turned into evil spirits. We risk our necks every day."
"I see."
Veteran hunters feared these evil spirits. Why were they haunting the North Gate? My intellectual curiosity poked its head up like a meerkat, but I shoved it down hard.
'Dig too deep, and I might accidentally rack up achievements.'
So, how could I tank my reputation here? What would push me a few steps toward firing?
"Hey, you!"
While I pondered, someone smacked my back—hard enough to bring tears to my eyes. I turned to see a woman with long silver hair. She gripped a wooden staff with a question-mark curve at the end. Most striking? Long, pointed ears peeking through her hair.
An elf.
"Elfridi, second wife of Prince Zagreus?"
"That's me. You had the balls to screw me over last time."
Elfridi and I had clashed big-time over the housewives' association mess. I'd schemed to get on her bad side for demotion and firing, but she was the one who got booted and stripped of power.
"But I'm magnanimous, so I'll forgive that. More importantly, looks like the rumors are true—you're the new market manager?"
"Yep. Demoted, basically."
"Demoted? You seem awfully chipper for that."
"Haha, no way."
Squiiint—Elfridi narrowed her slender eyes.
"Perfect timing. I hear you're a beast in a fight? I need to raid some abandoned shops soon for must-have goods. Take point for my party."
"Me?"
"Sure, run with your tail between your legs if you want. Even most heroes fear facing North Gate's evil spirits. Just know I'll spread word you're a coward."
Spread that I'm a coward? 'Nice. But not enough.'
To pop my protective bubble, "coward" rumors wouldn't cut it. For tales of my incompetence to spread wide, I needed a spectacular fuck-up. Like this:
Being a massive nuisance in a dungeon raid. Common knowledge: the more you drag down a party hunt, the worse your rep tanks.
"Sounds good. Let's go. I'll show you why they call me Happy World's 'devil.' Muhuhu!"
"Ho, confident, eh? Big talk backfires hard if you flop. Anyway, we just need a bard now. Music stuns evil spirits briefly."
A bard? For singing, I had the perfect guy.
"Leave that to me too."
###
"Joey oppaaaa!"
At the Happy World office, Hedone lunged at me. I shoved off her bear-trap arms and scanned the room.
"Where's Crowzer?"
"Dunno! Probably slacking somewhere!"
"Ahem, slacking? I was strollin' the grounds, countin' how many hell clovers grow wild here."
That's slacking. Anyway, I grabbed Crowzer's shoulder.
"Crowzer, come with me to Pandora Market's North Gate."
"North Gate? That tragic market that crumbled overnight? Full of mad ghosts and horrific monsters, they say."
"So, you out?"
"Let's go! With you, Joey, I could trek to Happy World's edge worry-free. Goin' anywhere together—that's friendship. Right?"
"Right. That's what friends do."
"Krkaha! That's men's bonds for ya! Love with women? Just paper in a storm. Men's friendship? The real deal!"
Crowzer was still hung up on splitting with Eurydol. Anyway, I dragged him to the North Gate. But Elfridi, waiting for me, scowled at his clownish face.
"This clown's your best? Bards are crucial. They stun evil spirits and prevent party ghostification."
Crowzer was unreliable. F-grade. Perfect.
Saying that might get Elfridi to nix him and fetch a pro bard.
"Crowzer."
Thump-thump—I patted my chest.
"Is the finest bard I know. No one else comes close. He's all we need. I vouch for him."
"...Joey! To think you'd trust me so!"
Crowzer trembled, moved. Elfridi's red eyes brimmed with doubt, but she sighed at my guarantee.
"Joey, you screwed me, but your skills seem legit. Fine, I'll trust you. But remember: North Gate's deadly even for vets. Guard your own ass."
"Krhuhu, this Crowzer's safety is Joey's job! We're blood brothers, after all!"
Our trio party slowly entered the North Gate ruins.
Whiiiiiist—the wind felt extra desolate. Then—
—Kyaaaak...!
—Kyaaaak...!
Ghosts burst out. Unlike the round fluffy ones, these were jagged. Long claws, savage faces.
"Evil spirits! Buy time while I prep exorcism magic!"
"Time to show my singing prowess everyone! Even trees, wind, and clouds lent ears to my skill! Ahem, one, two—gyaaaah!"
—Kyaaaak—!
An evil spirit pounced on Crowzer, gnashing his forehead and shoulder with jagged teeth. Guess they hated clown faces.
"Damn! They're on me too!"
Elfridi was surrounded now. Party collapse imminent. If I bolted here? Cowardly incompetent Joey's legend begins—
But a snag.
—Hooo...!
—Hoo-hoo...!
The evil spirits suddenly softened, rubbing against me like country puppies.
Crowzer and Elfridi gawked.
"Gasp! This Crowzer gets it! Even wild ghosts turn puppy before the ruthless devil Joey!"
"What? Taming those feral evil spirits this easy? No need for my magic then."
That's when I thought of Melinoë. As her contractual lover—and ghost goddess—maybe that's why they spared me!
"Joey, impressive. No attacks means way more raid routes. Untouched treasures galore."
'Damn it!'
Awful variable. But the raid was just starting. I clung to hope of showing my clumsy incompetence to all.