084 – The Onion Is Too Spicy #2
“Joey Vice Chairman. I get that you were a big shot before getting shipped off here.”
The head of the Development Division chalked up today's market crowd to sheer luck.
“People flocked here just to gawk at you. Don't think days like this will keep happening. Humans get bored easily, after all.”
In other words, the parade of demoted losers coming to see me wouldn't last forever. That was exactly what I was hoping for. No matter the reason, if this rundown market started buzzing with life and visitors, it would only spell trouble for me.
My goals were crystal clear:
First, flop spectacularly in this graveyard for the demoted—let it all crumble like a sandcastle.
Second, get fired and shipped back to the surface.
Sure, today was a fluke because of the “Joey got demoted” event. But in time, visitors would dwindle, and things would normalize.
“Joey, just in case you get your hopes up, let me set you straight. Reviving this outdated traditional market? Even the god of commerce couldn't pull it off.”
The chairman's gleaming skull dimmed as the spark in his eye sockets faded. He must have closed his eyes.
“Elysium New City is right down the road, blazing with lights. Towering department stores selling better goods with friendlier service—who'd come to this dump?”
“I agree.”
No one could save this place.
“That said, I should poke around the market tomorrow. Gotta know what's where, who's selling what.”
But what if there was a wildcard? Some hidden goldmine I didn't know about. Better to scout thoroughly and shut it down—for my own sanity.
The chairman nodded and lit a cigarette.
“Market survey? Do what you want. I won't meddle. I know better than anyone that nothing you do will revive this place. I'll just watch.”
And so, I clocked out. Exhausted from the day's chaos, I dragged myself home—only to find Melinoë, right on schedule, squatting in front of my place.
“……?”
She didn't even notice me coming. Totally absorbed in... something.
“Insignificant ants. Kneel before the goddess's glory.”
I peeked over. She was poking a thumb-sized ant with her finger, like a kid playing in the dirt.
“What're you doing?”
“Hieeek...!”
Her hair stood on end as she jolted. But she quickly composed herself.
“I wasn't startled just now. It's Hydra venom extract. Shortened to 'hieeek.' Good for fatigue recovery. Hard to get.”
So “hieeek” wasn't a yelp—it was short for hydra venom extract? Even I couldn't buy that one.
Still, I played dumb.
“What were you doing with the ant?”
“Just glancing at a lowly creature. Don't misunderstand—I wasn't fascinated by some rare honey ant. Your goddess is per.fect, so she wouldn't stoop to playing with ants.”
“...Got it.”
We had dinner together. No time to cook, so delivery: seasoned boneless chicken. Delicious. Melinoë covered the bill.
“Joey. Your demotion must be Dad's mistake. Lots of people are working to get you back to HQ. Like that 'department store closure' bill.”
—Department Store Closure Bill—?
I broke into a cold sweat at the terrifying name, but she elaborated.
“Just like it sounds—culling some of the mushrooming department stores. And a push to make them close six days a week.”
Forcing department stores to shut down six days a week? People would have no choice but to shop here at Pandora Market. I'd rack up achievements as vice chairman, get recognized, and maybe reinstated at HQ.
I have to stop that!
I stopped eating and bowed deeply.
“Melinoë. Could you scrap those Pandora Market-related bills and oppose them?”
“Why? We're just helping you. Fixing your wrongful demotion.”
“That's exactly why. If I need execs' help to revive one rundown market, where's my pride?”
“Hoh, pride, eh?”
“I'm your lover. And serious about becoming an exec. I have to handle this myself.”
“Well said, Joey. Spot on.”
Tears streamed down her face.
...She trusted me that much? It was touching—until she added:
“This onion's too spicy. Must be Hell Onion.”
The one I'd bought at the market. Nymphs hated its brutal spiciness, apparently. And it was real—Melinoë was suffering, tears pouring.
“Muwoong-choo—!”
She even sneezed weirdly. The effect was beyond expectations; I was the flustered one.
“Melinoë, you should head home early. That onion's torture for you.”
“I'm fine. Foolish nymphs might mind, but a per.fect goddess—muwoong-choo—! isn't fazed by spicy onions. More importantly, Joey, I saw in the paper you shone at the market today.”
Swipe, swipe—even through tears, she kept up the “air head-pat.”
So the onion couldn't chase her off. Her affection for me hasn't budged.
Ten gold down the drain. Useless.
How about this, then?
“Heard of honey ant candy, Melinoë?”
“That discontinued item from five years ago? One bite unfolds a golden rye field of deep, rich sweetness. Premium dessert.”
“...I see.”
“Of course, a per.fect goddess like me prefers bitter espresso—no sweet candy for me. I just know it existed.”
She'd never tried it. That rare, huh?
“That candy in the jar looks just like honey ant candy. You're dying to offer me one, right?”
“Wasn't planning to.”
“Don't lie to yourself.”
“Want one?”
“...I don't eat candy!”
What now? She huffed cutely, torn between pouty and adorable. A goddess seeming cute? Blasphemous. Dangerous.
Time to get harsh.
“If you don't want it, I'll give it to other nymphs.”
“Ahem. Nymph meetup tomorrow—I'll hand it out.”
She snatched the jar.
“Alright! Anyone here to see the demoted Joey, hand your number ticket to this Crowzer! Got a car? Paid parking's behind the building!”
Bustling crowds again today. If this kept up, the market might actually liven up.
So I hung the Hell Onion I'd brought from home at the Development Division office entrance.
“Argh! My eyes burn!”
“Tch, a barrier!”
“Run! Ruuun!”
It couldn't shoo Melinoë, but repelling gawkers? Perfect.
A brief breather. I slipped out and wandered the market, checking for revitalization wildcards.
And wouldn't you know—my fears weren't unfounded. I spotted one right away.
“Sit here! Photos come out perfect!”
“Hedone, get me in one too!”
“Gyaaruk!”
Hedone and the business renewal MZ crew were snapping pics at a table amid crumbling buildings, giggling like mad.
Bad omen, whatever it was.
“Ah! Bro Joey! How'd you know I was here?!”
Hedone spotted me. I wanted to bolt, but sometimes you face problems head-on.
“What's this?”
“This café's vintage vibe is photo gold! Check our shots—Helstagram hearts are exploding already—.”
A half-ruined café going viral on SNS? Why?
MZ tastes baffled even me, a 20-something.
No good. Bad vibes!
If Pandora Market became an MZ SNS hotspot, my plans were toast.
Wracking my brain, Hedone suddenly latched onto my left arm.
“Your demotion's a win for me! Couldn't see you much at HQ, but now I can visit anytime!”
“Hedone. Why am I your 'bro'?”
“Can't call you manager, so bro!”
“No, you're older than—”
“Bro! Hot and talented means bro, duh?”
Punch, punch, punch—to my chest. About to die, I wriggled free.
“Cough... Ahem. No issues trekking here for lunch every day?”
“Big one! That spider! You all hate it too, right?”
“Yeah! The spider!”
“Huge Lion Spider!”
Lion Spider? What's that?
As I puzzled, Hedone chirped like a hungry chick.
“At the west gate. Easiest path from Happy World HQ to Pandora Market. But the Lion Spider guards it—total nightmare!”
Lion Spider: spider the size of a lion. Ferocious, growling at passersby.
That's a monster, right?
Didn't know why it guarded the west gate, but to me? It was my golden opportunity—the front hair of the god of chance.
Play the Lion Spider right, and I can kill market traffic dead!
I posted on SNS immediately. (Styled above)
A few days passed. One morning, I headed to the west gate.
There it was: a lion-sized golden spider, crouched and whimpering sadly.
━Hiooong….
“Hear that cry? So sad!”
“Eat my chur—cheer up!”
Flutter. A newspaper at my feet. I picked it up. Headlines screamed:
Damn it all!