063 – Prepare the Worst Gift! #2
“Joey, Section Chief, nothing beats a gift for earning points.”
Hector Manager gave me that tip as I was heading out. He meant preparing a gift before visiting the prince's party would be smart.
Excellent advice. If gifts help rack up points, the opposite should tank them just as hard.
The worst possible gift would deduct more points than anything. I've got about two hours until I meet my partner, so I'll use that time to prepare one.
I thought of the partner I'd promised to attend the party with today. In truth, her mere presence would be the most 'happy' gift imaginable for the princely couple. I couldn't wait to see their faces when they spotted her.
That said, a nagging tension prickled the back of my neck, wondering if pushing this plan was really okay. It felt like someone teasing me with a lock of hair.
I reached up to touch my throat and found the Nightmare Bracelet looped around it like a necklace.
“You're not alive, are you?” I asked, sliding it back onto my wrist.
The bracelet stayed silent, of course. But I knew it had taken out those hell cockroaches on its own, and that unease wouldn't shake off. If it kept acting independently and solving problems, my performance review would skyrocket.
I seriously need to stop getting promoted now.
I'm already a headquarters section chief. Above me are just deputy managers and managers. Then executives.
Just three steps from executive.
What horrors would unfold if I made executive? I didn't even want to imagine.
Whatever it was, it'd be utterly. Disgusting. Pure. Nightmare fuel!
That's another reason I didn't invite Lady Melinoë as my partner, despite the risks.
Picture her suddenly transforming into some bizarre nymph. At the last charity event, her Melinoi side helped me score big points...
No guarantee it won't happen again. In fact, it's bound to! Even an idiot learns after enough hits!
Thus, I had to avoid partnering with Lady Melinoë. Sure, it meant risking, “Joey, how dare you worship a goddess like me while eyeing another woman? Do you really want to spend some utterly. Disgusting. Pure. Nightmare time?”
She'd even called last night, subtly pushing me to invite her. And I'd turned her down.
—Lady Melinoë, how could I possibly escort a goddess like you into Prince Zagreus's party? That's enemy territory! Please stay safe!
—Right. Makes sense.
Call ended.
She must be furious.
Lost in that thought, I arrived at the department store. The famous Medusa Department Store even in Soul Society.
“Flashy from the outskirts.”
As the name suggested, it was a brand founded by a famously seductive woman. Popular with rich ladies.
I knew Lady Alecto wore Medusa brand clothes. Perfect for gifting the prince and his wife.
So, I passed. I needed something utterly worthless.
# # ＃
—Welcome to Dora Market!—
—The underworld's largest market, #1 customer satisfaction for 666 years!—
—Selected as the shopping district you'll want to return to!—
Flutter, flutter. Faded, ancient placards whipped in the hot wind under the shadow of the glittering department store.
Next to them, skeletons that screamed shady from a mile away eyed me like leopards stalking prey.
“Lost lamb?”
“Looks like a rich mark.”
“Been ages since a customer.”
Hell cockroach-chasing hands paused as skeleton clerks stepped into the street. Soon, a staff-wielding elderly skeleton approached me.
“Young man, seems you've taken a wrong turn. You're probably headed to the department store. Follow that road straight, and you'll reach the newly built one after Business Renewal.”
“No, what I'm after isn't there. Might not exist anywhere in the world.”
“Ha, doesn't exist? Careful with words like that, lad. Know where you are?”
The old skeleton clacked his teeth indignantly. I declared boldly to him:
“Pandora Market, right? Completely turned into a 'ghost town' after that department store popped up a few years ago.”
“You little punk, hitting where it hurts!”
“Beat the smug brat senseless!”
“Taste some shinbone!”
The skeletons charged in fury. Good, the provocation worked—but sticking around meant ending up like an adventurer trapped in an undead dungeon.
So I flashed my headquarters employee badge.
“Back off! I'm Section Chief Joey of Audit Team 1!”
“Sec... section chief?”
“From Audit!”
“Vicious bastards! Here for a tax audit?!”
For some reason, they got even angrier. But as I'd said before, section chief authority rivaled the 'self-employed gods'.
The skeleton merchants fumed but held back. I asked them:
“Looking for an item. Something so horrific that just receiving it makes you shudder and curse the gifter. Like Pandora's box.”
“...What?”
“Why need that?”
“Section Chief Joey, they said you were devilish, but your tastes are rotten!”
Skeletons blinked. Then someone floated up from their midst—a round, fluffy ghost. Huge; could call it a Gigantamax ghost.
“True, no department store sells something that horrific. But we're different.”
“Who are you?”
“What's this market called? Pandora Market. I'm the manager, Pandora. One of the world's oldest ghosts.”
Pandora. The first woman, name meaning all(pan) gifts(dora). Famous for the wedding gift 'Pandora's box'.
What surprised me was her speaking fluent human language, not ghostly whooshes.
“Nothing you can't buy here. So that shady, horrific gift you mentioned? Of course available. Got money?”
“Plenty.”
Clink. I showed the hefty gold coin pouch.
Pandora's fluffy, massive form gleamed with greed.
“Good. This way.”
I followed her into a dingy alley. A rusty, worn container warehouse. She snapped the lock with a crack and opened the door.
Whoosh—ancient dust assaulted my nose. I coughed and squinted.
Pandora poked through the displayed items with her fluffy ghost hands, explaining.
“Take this Black Bundle, heh heh. The infamous one that turned Conning City into a ghost town overrun with phantoms and tombstones. Perfect for a worst gift.”
“Conning City!!! Bundle opener!!!! You bastard!!!! Who is it!!!!”
“Even mild me is furious...!!!”
I wanted horrific, but gifting that might get me not just fired—murdered.
“Something else?”
“Too tame? Got guts. Fine, got another gem.”
Poof. She rummaged through dust-covered items like fresh snow. Choking on the cloud, I fanned the air.
Then something familiar caught my eye.
“...This.”
Black as night, dark as pitch—strands of hair sealed in a glass case like a talisman.
“Not for sale. No mere employee could handle it. Called Remnants of Nightmare.”
“Remnants of Nightmare?”
“Similar to that thing on your wrist. But totally different properties—don't poke and wake it.”
If similar to my bracelet, this must be Lady Melinoë's hair. Why here?
Then Pandora shoved a box at me.
“This'll satisfy even your picky tastes. Warning: if what's inside escapes, recapturing's tough.”
O O O
Three holes, like for a young prince's lambs.
“Heavier than expected. What's inside?”
I peered into a hole carelessly. The crouched eyes inside sent chills down my spine.
Whatever it was, a monster.
Perfect. This'll be just horrifically right.
I paid in gold and left the market. Soon, my partner arrived by carriage.
—Kerur…!
—Berur…!
—Kyang kyang…!
“Section Chief Joey, hop on.”
“Thanks for the ride.”
“No biggie. Thanks to you, I get to see my son and daughters-in-law's event. He's never invited me to a party. The daughters-in-law find me intimidating, I guess.”
“I see.”
“I didn't even make them do real daughter-in-law drudgery. Why fear me? I just did the average goddess-mother-in-law stuff. Daily check-in calls that hard?”
“Dunno. Check-ins seem easy.”
“And! They won't share the door code. I offered cleaning and side dishes, but they hate it…!”
“Yeah. I'd love that. Ask for the code again today. Use my name if needed.”
“Will do. Hohoho!”
...Heh heh heh. The intimidating mother-in-law the crown princesses dread! Plus a freaky gift! No bigger chaos possible.
━Kyang kyang…!
Boarding the Cerberus carriage, the box's creature barked thunderously. The kimchi goddess smiled elegantly at it.
“Plump spider.”
# # #
The clumsy goddess Nixdoty was deeply gloomy even before the fun party.
Prince Zagreus's secretary—and hers too—Paranoy asked:
“Luna Lady, why sigh on such a festive day...? You're the star today...! You could be happier...!”
“Would've been nice with Kyang-kyang here. Wonder if she's eating well?”
Sluuump. The pink twin-tailed goddess drooped her hair dejectedly.
“Kyang-kyang's picky about beds.... Wonder what she's doing now....”
Tears welled as she gazed at a spider photo on her device. From long ago, when it vanished after she briefly opened a window—her pet spider.