154 – Joey, Let's Reel in the Big One #2
A week had passed since we announced the fishing tournament. The posters we'd plastered all over headquarters had surely burned themselves into everyone's minds by now.
"Fishing tournament?"
"What are those Entertainment Dept weirdos up to this time?"
"I hear the Hades Chairman and his team are entering too."
"Oh—."
The rooftop of headquarters. Lunchtime. Was there a better spot to eavesdrop on the employees' true thoughts? I huddled in a corner, listening to the skeleton managers chatter away mid-smoke break.
"They say the Entertainment Dept's covering the cost of fishing rods."
"Nice."
"Best part is getting to slack off legally during work hours."
"Time to show off our sales team's skills."
Everyone seemed thrilled. With the Chairman entering personally, it was a guaranteed blockbuster event. And framing it as a department showdown had worked wonders. Employees were using "tournament practice" as an excuse to scout the riverside—and fish while they were at it. In other words, more and more were slacking off from their real duties.
The stock plunge was a foregone conclusion.
Sure, they were individual slip-ups. But if blame started trickling upward like salmon swimming upstream, I'd be the one getting nabbed by the scruff of the neck.
Anyway, things were unfolding exactly as I'd planned. I couldn't have been more satisfied.
"Joey Director! Perfect timing! Check out these fishing floats. Aren't they just the cutest?"
Back at the office, Hedone was parked in front of a computer-like terminal, jabbing at the screen with her finger. Curious, I peeked over—
Hot Fishing Floats Top 10
Super popular with trendy ladies!
I had no clue. Who cared if fishing floats were cute or whatever?
But that was perfect.
"I kinda like this one with the gem on it."
It didn't look like a fishing float at all—more like pirate treasure sunk in the ocean. Shake that around, and you'd probably hook a ghost like Davy Jones instead of a fish.
Hedone burst into her signature puhehehe laugh.
"Ah! I had my eye on that one too! Me and Joey Director just click, huh? Eit, tossing it in the cart on the department budget!"
A few gold coins vanished in an instant. No surprise, given the gem—pricey stuff.
"Hedone, this is department funds, right?"
"Of course! Perks of headquarters—you can blow through the budget like it's your own money!"
Open embezzlement.
But I didn't say a word. It was all part of my scheme.
Pop! Someone flung open the door to our humid underground office. Crowzer, binoculars strapped to his face and an inner tube around his waist.
"Forgot we're practicing at the riverside today? Everyone out, now!"
Right. Today was slacking-off day.
As we headed to the river, Crowzer tossed a line at me while I piloted the ghost carpet.
"My brother Joey, your eyelids look heavier than usual. Burning the midnight oil with something fun?"
"Ah, Joey Director's a perv!"
Should I just slam into the guardrail? Nah—might accidentally rip it out and strike oil, with Crowzer yelling, "Whoa! Brother Joey! You've discovered a gusher!"
Safety first.
"Haven't been sleeping well lately."
"Workaholism's a disease too. Take care!"
It wasn't work keeping me up. I hadn't touched a task after clocking out in ages. Already couldn't get fired—how tragic would it be to voluntarily work overtime on top of that?
No, my sleeplessness came from an uncomfortable bed. Nightmares every night. A blue-haired girl sobbing her heart out. Last night, she was even banging some weird drum.
I never dream like that.
It started when Melinoë showed up in my dream dressed like a bunny girl. Haven't slept soundly since.
But? If the fishing tournament went off without a hitch, I'd be back on earth soon, stretching out comfortably and catching Zs.
"Hey now, Miss Hedone! That bait'll scare the fish away!"
"But the others are gross and ugly!"
At the riverside, my teammates bickered without yielding an inch. My heart swelled with confidence already.
I returned to the cruise ship. My home now. Talk about luxury, right? Sure, let 'em talk—
"Director-level digs are on another level."
"Makes me wanna succeed."
"Even a mortal like me..."
People were too busy envying me.
What a Happy World!
My lavish room boasted a massive tank. Crucian carp, crucian carp, lobsters—you name it, crammed full. Hedone and Crowzer's "practice" catches. Palm-sized minnows, every one.
"Heh heh, no way we'll win with these. Gotta snag something like that."
In my eyes, a massive eel lurked among the minnows, coiled tight. Sleek blue scales—not so much an eel as a sea dragon. It rarely appeared along the underworld rivers, known as the Master of the River – Mirudos.
"What a magnificent creature. A little crucian carp evolving into that behemoth—never gets old."
"Eek! You scared me. Crowzer, when'd you get here?"
"Called you a bunch, no answer, so I let myself in. Even so, what a prize. Hooking that barehanded? My brother's the man!"
Crowzer gushed over Mirudos in the tank. Come to think of it, I hadn't exactly caught the thing.
How'd that happen again?
I'd jumped into the river on impulse. Thought I was done for—then this giant fish saved me, dragged me to shore. Now it was tank-bound because of it.
"That Mirudos'd make killer spicy eel stew."
"Spicy stew?"
"Kuhuhu, exactly! Once we win, everyone's plotting how to cook it up. Look at it—perfect for a health boost! Wards off ghostification, and execs'll see their shares rise!"
Eels symbolized vitality. A colossal Mirudos like that? Prime ingredient.
It'd even happened before.
"Ooh, shit...! That's one massive eel! Big enough to call it the 'Charisma Mega Eel.' Steam it, grill it, fry it... heh heh heh... Hot Springs'll love it."
Zagreus's wife, Nixdoty, ogled it daily. Plastered to the tank, drooling—
—Miiirrr...
No wonder the eel was terrified.
Thinking about it, I felt a twinge of pity.
To a beast that big, even this huge tank must feel like a cramped prison.
Dolphins and orcas suffer in aquariums. No matter how big the pool, it's suffocating compared to the open sea.
Same for me. Soul Society might be vast, glittering with treasures—but fake sun and canned wind? Nothing to the real earth's glow and breeze.
That's why I felt trapped. Mirudos and I were alike.
—Miiirrr...
"...But I can't let you go. You're the prize."
Instead, I bought a massive megalodon skeleton and dropped it in.
—Miiirrr...!
Mirudos darted inside like it'd been waiting, cozy as a new home.
"Is this what aquarium hobbyists feel?"
My only hobby was hell cacti. Over a thousand dotted the cruise. My sole healing ritual.
Aquarium decorating? Might make a decent hobby.
That night, no sobbing little girl for once. Instead, she frolicked between the shark bones, laughing gleefully.
—A home...!
—Not my homeland, but I have a home now...!
Seeing her smile eased my heart. And it hit me—why I'd been sleepless.
Her speech, everything—she took after Melinoi. A crybaby like that? Annoying in dreams.
Morning. A rainbow-hued conch shell sat by my bed. What the—? Iridescent, multicolored.
"That's a Star Conch."
That morning, sniffing around the tournament river, Melinoë glanced at the shell in my hand.
"Called the star of the underworld river. Even on dark nights, the water sparkles because those star conchs huddle on the bottom. Rare find—hard to snag one."
"It was by my bed."
"Really? Anyway, tournament day's here. Fishing, of all things. Even Dad, who hates it."
The Chairman hated fishing? Princess didn't know the half of it.
Of course, I kept mum.
"Joey, you made some deal with Dad, right?"
"Secret. That's the promise."
"Fine. But our team's going all out this time. Even if it messes up your plans."
"This Carnoy's gonna beat the fish senseless...!"
"This Storyol's turning this into a story...!"
"This Kiris has never fished...! But somehow, this Kiris feels like it'll nail it...!"
Tartarus nymphs? Shocker. I shot Melinoë a puzzled look; she narrowed her eyes.
"NEO mandates equal hiring chances for all nymphs. Picked her up crying in town—lost her sister."
Kicked from Tartarus for slacking? Fitting nymph.
"It's the Chairman!"
Employees prepping the river jumped up in shock. The Chairman, black shades on, thunked his heavy rod down. The ground cracked under it.
Just setting it down did that.
"That rod's frame! Titanium—titan steel!"
"Line looks like Typhon tendons hammered flat!"
"Going for whales?!"
Full gear, fully loaded.
Beside him, elegant Mrs. Hades with a lunchbox.
"I'll boil your catch with hell cacti for spicy stew."
Wife cooking your fish into stew? Enviable.
Anyway, Chairman was the favorite. Our team?
"Miss Hedone, swap that shiny float! Hey now, so stubborn. If we embarrass ourselves, it's on you!"
"Crowzer-senpai, fix your face! Fish'll flee in terror!"
Good, good.
A big truck pulled up, loaded. Eternal deputy Admetus from transport handed me papers.
"Joey Director, as requested. Huge and heavy. Sign here."
Scribble scribble.
I signed the manifest. Admetus yanked a long curtain—
Splash splash.
A massive tank. Ornaments inside, colorful fish swimming. And the majestic Mirudos holding court.
"Whoa—."
"Pretty."
"That's the grand prize."
Everyone gasped. Even I thought it looked cool.
But Mirudos, spooked or shy, whoosh—hid in the shark skull.
The tournament began.
"Nymph Skill, mega fish-hook...!"
"Nymph Skill, mega splash...!"
Splash splash.
Unexpectedly, the nymphs reeled in swarms of fish in seconds. The Chairman matched his monster rod with monster catches.
"Five-meter pirarucu."
Our team?
Jingle jingle.
"Miss Hedone! That float's bells are scaring 'em off!"
"Crowzer, you're—."
Our basket: empty.
I gazed at the Soul Society ceiling. Closed my eyes. Clenched a fist.
Nailed it.
It's over.
I pictured earth. Vividly. The playground of my childhood. Holding Dad's hand on the elementary school path, resisting the siren call of Pikachu tonkatsu at the still-open snack shop, deeper into the alley—
Red tin roofs everywhere. Deeper in—past crumbling walls and graffiti—peeling paint on the creaky gate. Open the front door—
Mom's doenjang jjigae, spicy with cheongyang peppers and brisket. My happy home. Within reach.
"That big Mirudos—gonna fetch a price, right?"
"Yeah. Feed and tank upkeep's insane."
"Heh heh, tasty."
"......"
—Miiirrr...