153 – Joey, Let's Reel in the Big Fish #1
“Executive Director Joey has gone and invited even the living down to the underworld. The boundary between the world of the dead and the world of the living is starting to blur.”
Hecate clicked her tongue as she watched the TV program Ghosts Carry Reunions.
“It was honestly entertaining to watch, though. Moirae, did you foresee this mess?”
The goddess of the waning moon and boundaries posed the question to the three sisters of fate.
The Moirae shook their heads.
“Not at all.”
“We figured it'd top out at maybe 20% ratings.”
“Still, it was pretty touching.”
Tears streamed down the Moirae's faces. The moment a mother and son—whose fates had kept them apart even in death—reunited was heartbreaking and profound. The mother's anguish as she accepted her son's passing had torn at the heartstrings.
But.
Hecate shook her head.
“Not that. I mean the part where Joey brings the living into the underworld. Didn't he say there was a high chance he'd invite his own mother down here? That we could just kidnap her then?”
A high probability that Executive Director Joey would invite his mother underground—that had been the Moirae's divination.
They'd planned to hold her hostage and turn Joey into their puppet.
But—
The Moirae's scheme had gone completely off the rails.
Because the one Joey invited wasn't his mother, but the birth mom of a little amnesiac ghost kid.
“Fate and the future have changed.”
“Joey—that man's destiny is invisible even to us.”
“If things continue like this... we might face a situation beyond anyone's control.”
The three sisters of fate themselves couldn't read his path. He was a total wild card, utterly uncontrollable.
Thanatos clicked his tongue in response.
“Killing him and erasing his soul? Failed. Sending him back to the surface? Failed. Even locking him in prison? Failed. Who the hell can control that guy?”
“It's not like there's no way.”
Someone spoke up from a shadowy corner. A massive figure. A man cloaked in black robes, radiating a deeply gloomy aura.
“...Who?”
“I am the Lure Master, the newly joined Death Legion Commander of Tartarus.”
“...Ah, right. Do we even have a position like that...?”
“You want to control Joey, right? I have a great method. Force him into the most restrictive, responsibility-laden position in this world.”
All eyes turned to the Lure Master.
He explained as if he'd been waiting for this.
“Push Executive Director Joey as the new chairman candidate. Let Zagreus and Melinoë tear him apart. Especially Princess Melinoë—she's gunning for the chairman spot. She won't let him off easy.”
A perfect divide-and-conquer strategy.
The Tartarus commanders exchanged glances, then quietly placed their hands on the table.
“Then let's decide on this operation by show of hands.”
“It's Mirudos!”
“He caught a 10-meter spirit beast!”
“Unbelievable—reeling in the river's legendary lord barehanded!”
The cruise staff swarmed the deck, marveling at me as I climbed aboard. Crowzer looked on the verge of fainting.
“Mirudos is what crucian carps evolve into after years of cultivation and discipline! Brother Joey, to snag such a magnificent fish without a single tool, with your body alone!”
What the hell are you talking about.
I hacked up the water that had flooded my nose and ears.
I'd impulsively dived into the underworld river without thinking.
All because of that damn letter.
A bizarre one. The ink had dissolved in the river water by now, but it had clearly been written on that paper by the Tartarus rebels, declaring they'd make me CEO or some nonsense.
Those bastards were terrifying.
Make me CEO? That'd trap me in Soul Society forever!
True to their villainous nature, their thinking was pure hellish torment. They knew exactly how to maximize suffering.
Anyway.
In my rash plunge, this Mirudos—or whatever—had saved me.
—Mirrrurrr.
What kind of river has creatures like this everywhere? Its cry was kinda cute, though.
“Put it in the cruise aquarium.”
The next day, as I headed to work, reporters mobbed me.
“Is it true you caught Mirudos?!”
“Show us!”
Apparently, my catch was the river's celebrity. Even the chairman showed up.
“You punk, Joey. Daring to snag the big one I had my eye on first.”
The Hades Chairman gaped at the beast swimming in the tank. I'd forgotten—he was an avid fisherman.
A brilliant idea struck me.
“Chairman, you use fancy rods and still only pull up crucians?”
“You punk, your rudeness is as natural as breathing now.”
“Our Entertainment Dept is thinking of hosting a company-wide fishing tournament soon. Chairman, if you're confident, join in.”
“I don't know your scheme, but I won't play your games.”
I fished pretty often. Yachting across the Pacific with Professor Zeusoo and all.
I wasn't really into it, though.
But now? I was starting to get the thrill. Tossing bait and watching the big fish flutter its fins—pure excitement.
Still, the chairman was cautious and conservative. Time to shake the bait some more.
“I heard from Manager Bones that you haven't hit the fishing spots lately. No way you'd tire of a hobby you snuck off for, even blowing your allowance on quines behind Madam's back.”
“Snuck? You punk, that's dangerous talk—! Ahem.”
The chairman clamped my mouth shut with his pot-lid palm, then dragged me to a secluded corner away from the reporters.
“Out with it.”
“This fishing tournament I'm hosting might be your chance to fish legally. I'm just providing the pretext.”
“You drag me in to inflate the stage for whatever scheme you're cooking? You think I can't see through you?!”
He said that, but he didn't leave. He was almost hooked.
“Chairman, if you win, I'll hand over all 4% of my shares. How's that?”
“Shares are an executive's lifeblood. Wagering that much means you're after a huge payoff, right?”
“Well—”
“Wriggling a worm on a hook is to catch a big fish. You've swapped the worm for shares. Who're you trying to reel in?”
“No—”
“Fine. You're on. If I win, I confiscate your entire 4%. You'll be demoted back to regular employee.”
Not fired? Demotion to grunt sounded delightful, though. From executive to desk drone—a meteoric fall. Thrilling just imagining it.
“But as CEO of Soul Society, I must uphold fair and impartial order. So I have to specify your prize if you win.”
The chairman unfurled a scroll for me.
What the—
This document remains valid even after death parts the two.
My vision swam. Melinoë and I were secretly dating, and this would broadcast it across all of Soul Society by chairman decree.
“What you're after must be a happy future with my daughter Melinoë. So this is the perfect bait—the one you crave most. Joey, you're not catching me. I'm catching you.”
With a flourish of his shadow-like cape, the chairman turned away.
“I don't keep my catches in aquariums! Be good ingredients for my spicy hotpot!”
Yes! Nailed it! Electric thrill coursed through me like lightning—a gambler's high.
Fishing duel with the chairman—
I knew my way around a rod.
Which means I can control the variables.
I know what fish hate. How to sabotage a catch perfectly.
“Up till now, I'd blundered into unknowns, stepping on landmines by sheer bad luck. But in my home turf? I can master every variable.”
Muhahaha—
Irresistible laughter bubbled up, but I swallowed it. Plenty of time to laugh after success.
No clue why Tartarus wants me as CEO, but escaping this underworld ASAP is priority one.
“Executive Director Joey! My brother! How long ago did you get that TV show greenlit as a regular program, and now you're bringing new work already? This poster!”
Crowzer flapped the fishing tournament posters plastered along HQ corridors.
Hedone, arriving for lunch with ice cream in hand, groaned too.
“A man addicted to work! So cool, Executive Director Joey!”
Hedone latched onto my arm, yanking me like a crane. My bones creaked—crunch, crack.
I'm dying here.
Crowzer chuckled darkly.
“Kuhuhu, the grand prize is Mirudos? I wondered why you'd cage the river lord in an aquarium—turns out it was all part of the plan.”
I had no idea, but this mystical giant eel seemed prize-worthy enough. Ten meters long, majestic as a dragon.
Rare enough that broadcasters swarmed it, and even the chairman envied my catch.
Offering that as a prize?
A tidal wave of entry forms piled into the mailbox—totally expected.
“Kuhhuhu, nail this one, and our Entertainment Dept might escape the basement storage and head topside!”
“Crowzer, Hedone. Just so you know, our Entertainment Dept is entering too. Not just running it. Everyone good at fishing?”
The tournament was team-based. Whichever team landed the biggest fish won.
“Honestly, not confident in fishing.”
“Me neither...”
Crowzer and Hedone's grimaces lifted my spirits. Just as I thought. Crowzer wasn't the patient type, and an impatient MZ-gen slacker goddess like Hedone? No talent for it.
Defeat's a sure thing.
Anyway. For once, I hit the sack with a peaceful mind. No nightmares of Melinoë tonight.
Or so I thought.
Sob—sob—
I had a weird dream. A little girl appeared, crying.
“I don't know where this place is...”
“I miss the dragon palace... with Mom, Dad, and my brothers...”
She had intensely blue hair. Age like the nymphs? Super bizarre dream, I thought as I woke.
There, by my feet, Mirudos curled up asleep in its tank. Its scales gleamed sea-blue.