140 – Joey Noi, Ushering in a New Era! #2
The world's most perfect plan. It's no plan at all.
With no plan, there's no way to fail. Just go with the flow like water.
"Surviving that shareholders' meeting unscathed is already my victory."
Looking back now, I was shocked at myself for blabbing away so fearlessly in front of all the executives. Luckily, I pulled off that tightrope walk and bought myself two days.
Two days to absorb the shares. That's all the time I had.
As I said, I had zero plans for those two days. Well, one thing I absolutely had to do: pack my bags.
What bags? Obviously, the ones to wrap up this underground life and head back topside.
I've been down here in the underworld for almost three years now, so there was more stuff to pack than I'd thought. Especially those hell cacti in their pots—they'd be a pain to box up and move.
But it didn't feel like a chore at all. If anything, tears of emotion were welling up.
"—Finally heading home."
Up on the surface, young folks struggle with job hunting, and I was right there with them, suffering through it. Down here, quitting a job turns out to be the real ordeal.
"What a long time it's been."
Once I'm back topside, Mom's got to make me some thinly sliced beef with green chili soybean paste stew. My mouth's watering already.
"Forty-seven hours left!"
But these two days? They felt longer than expected. I kept glancing at the clock.
Shouldn't have said two days. Might as well have bragged one hour—then I could've packed and bounced right now.
Regrets all around. Still, after three years of scheming to get home, two days was a blink—like lightning striking. I could endure it easy.
Shiver, shiver.
Yet my body kept trembling. It was like leaving the house with the gas on—an anxiety gnawing at me.
No way my life goes this smoothly.
Just pointless jitters. A bad feeling that something unforeseen would happen within these two days. Probably just paranoia.
Why? This miracle share stuff is like uranium in human terms—same energy output. One gram of uranium packs 20 trillion calories. A single percent share's probably the same. Could I absorb that with a human body? Even if I died and woke up as a Soul Society soul, no dice.
So no worries. Just calmly pack.
Rustle, rustle.
I was wrapping dishes in newspaper and boxing them when—ding-dong.
Someone rang the bell. I opened the door, wondering who, and there stood Crowzer, Deputy Narcissus, and Mr. Moros, staring at me.
Never good when these guys show up.
I wanted to slam the door, but with an executive like Mr. Moros there, no can do. I'd already mouthed off to the execs—might be hated already. Snubbing one at my doorstep? I'd get nabbed for insolence before hitting the surface.
"Thanks for the visit, but sorry—I've got urgent stuff to handle. If it's not critical, mind heading out quick?"
I laid the groundwork for a fast exit. Smart folks would catch the "come back later" hint.
Crowzer shoved past me into the house. "No worries! It's urgent, so we'll stick around!"
Damn! Crowzer, Deputy Narcissus, and Mr. Moros strolled into the AC-chilled living room, gaping at the sparse furniture and packed dishes.
"Packing up, eh? Knew it!"
"Crowzer, what do you mean...?"
Crowzer predicted my move? Maybe he sniffed out my get-fired-to-go-home scheme. Here to grill me? If my sabotage got exposed...
Insolence and disrespect charges incoming. Tension rising, then Crowzer bugged his eyes like a horror clown.
"Think we wouldn't notice? Joey, my brother. You're moving—to a brighter place!"
Brighter place? The surface. Busted!?
"To the new Elysium apartments!"
"......"
"Most execs live in the new Elysium apartments, right? Whew, prepping the move already. Joey, brother—your exec promotion's a done deal!"
"Let's help pack!"
"Dinner's on me."
What was this weird vibe? Relieved they didn't catch my surface plan, but watching them assume I'd be an exec moving to Elysium luxury... ominous. Felt like it might actually happen.
# # #
"Whew, Mr. Moros. That kung pao was great."
Dinner was Chinese takeout. Mr. Moros footed the bill—these guys hang out often, and he always pays most. Crowzer and the deputy? Total moochers.
But thanks to them, packing flew by.
"Was supposed to finish by tomorrow, but we're done early."
"Kekekeke! Brother! I'll collect on this debt when you're exec!"
The guys had a casual beer and left. Evening now. Survive tomorrow, and my Soul Society days end.
Odd feeling hit me. Old stuff gets that lived-in patina. Spent my youth here—maybe a tiny attachment crept in. Just a smidge. Not enough to hold me back.
I pondered post-surface life. Whatever I do, it'll beat here. Confident.
Knock knock knock.
Someone at the door again.
"Chief Joey said open up...!"
...!
Like a ghost at the door. I held my breath, lights off, froze like a plaster statue.
Not Melinoë—Melinoi now? Bad vibes only!
Hiding—
"Nymph Skill: Rapid Door Knocking!"
Bam bam bam bam bam—
Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam—
Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam—
Melinoi pounded mercilessly. Neighbors peeked out: "What's that?" "Something wrong?"
Bad scene brewing—I opened up and let Melinoi in.
"Ahem, dozed off a bit. Packing wore me out. So, Melinoi—what brings you here?"
"Muhuhu...! This Melinoi heard Chief Joey might become exec and came to celebrate and praise...!"
"Got it. Thanks. Now head out."
"House looks so empty...! Everything boxed up neat...! But why's this letter on the table...?"
Melinoi eyed the share transfer docs. Couldn't box or toss 'em—left out. Problem.
Crunch crunch.
Melinoi. Ate. The paper. And swallowed!
"Melinoi! What if you eat that!"
Why'd you eat it!?
"Ahh...! It looked so tasty—this Melinoi couldn't resist swallowing...! Such a mistake...!"
The shares I needed to absorb—Melinoi scarfed them. Issue: her actions get credited to me when she vanishes. If she fully absorbs them? Folks think I did it!
That's the problem!
"Melinoi! Spit it out! Now!"
I grabbed and shook her every which way. She just laughed!
"Muhuhu, don't tickle my sides...!"
"Argh! Spit it!"
"Bleh."
Success? She spat a shiny round Charon's gold coin.
"...What's this? Not that! The paper!"
"Bleh."
Now bills. Paper, sure—but money? Like a vending machine glitch?
"Ugh... nothing left..."
No! Please! Exit to surface in sight—can't tumble off now!
Had to make her regurgitate. No ideas. But can't give up.
Tucked Melinoi under arm, headed out. Forty hours left. No spit-up? I lose!
Destination—
"Chief Joey? What brings you here!"
Hedone in apron opened her rundown multi-family door. Prepping dinner? Egg on her spatula.
"Barging into a girl's place—perv!"
"Cut the crap, handle this!"
Shove.
I recalled Melinoë weak to Hedone. She might force the shares out!
"This nymph ate something nasty! Do whatever—make her puke! Nail this, and I'll consider joining your Entertainment Dept!"
"Ooooh! You better keep that promise!"