110 – Appease the Virgin Goddess's Picky Palate! #1
Back at the party hall, the crowd welcomed me like some triumphant general.
"Everyone, the other star of last night's party, Executive Director Jo Iseo, has returned!"
"What an incredible festival it was. Especially that final show where the clown Crowzer rode a unicycle and dove through a flaming hoop to battle the hell cockroaches—!"
Crowzer, you bastard. What the hell did you get up to while I was gone? A final show? What final show?!
Anyway, the point is that life doesn't always go according to plan. And the events about to unfold were completely outside my expectations.
Snap—.
Melinoë, resplendent in her beautiful dress, slowly approached the partygoers still nursing their hangovers from the night before.
"I have something to say to all of you who stayed. I'm convening an executive board meeting soon. And I intend to seize the successor's seat from right under Zagreus's nose."
It was a bold declaration. A few executives and heavenly councilors, mid-sip of their hair-of-the-dog drinks, exchanged subtle glances at the words.
The most vehement reaction came from none other than Prince Zagreus, the one who'd been challenged.
"You sure about that? Even if you're my little sister, I won't go easy on you. You should probably hole up for at least another ten years, don't you think?"
"Ten years? I can't let you keep strutting around like you own the place any longer."
Bzzzzt!
The fierce glares shooting from Prince Zagreus's eyes clashed with those from Melinoë's in the center of the room, sparking outward like high-voltage arcs.
Watching the spectacle, Councilor Dionysus shivered with delight.
"This is why the underworld is so much fun. Our heavenly council is just boring and stuffy by comparison. Makes me wanna switch sides... but Dad would never allow it."
Tsk—Dionysus clicked his tongue.
At that moment, a woman shot her hand up.
"I'm staying down here in the underworld. I'm curious to see what happens next."
It was the goddess Artemis, adorned with a crescent moon headband.
But her brother, Councilor Apollo, opposed the idea.
"You mean you're ditching your seat on the heavenly council? Not a great plan. Our father... the Chairman wouldn't approve. Uncle would hate it too."
"It's been years since the Chairman last showed up. He's doing whatever he wants—why can't we?"
"I doubt a free spirit like you could last a day down here."
"I'll be fine. I've got something I absolutely have to do. Hunt down some vermin!"
Her gaze pierced me like an arrow finding its mark. Just feeling it prickle my skin was agonizing.
Councilor Artemis's reason for staying in the underworld was crystal clear. She seemed convinced I was seducing Melinoë with ulterior motives and using her. And she intended to protect her cousin from the likes of me.
Who's seducing who? Who's using who?! What an injustice.
But I didn't bother clearing up the misunderstanding. Because this situation was practically the opportunity I'd been hoping for.
Councilor Artemis wanted to pry me away from Melinoë.
And I wanted to get away from Melinoë and return to the surface.
Perfect alignment. We were basically allies...!
Of course, I couldn't let that show. So as I stood there awkwardly, trying to look serious, the festival god Dionysus—famous for his cheeky, sociable nature—clapped his hands clap-clap to draw everyone's attention.
"Alright, enough shop talk. Let's enjoy the rest of the party. Jo, was it? You did a hell of a job planning the festival. If you weren't Uncle's employee, I'd snag you as my secretary in a heartbeat."
Dionysus's secretary? Now that sounded tempting.
"I've been thinking of setting up my own little business here in Soul Society. You could handle it perfectly as the point man—. How about it? I'll give you 50% shares. Wanna try?"
No way in hell! Working under Dionysus would still mean slaving away for Soul Society.
"A generous offer, but I'll have to pass. Sorry."
"Fair enough. But the festival gates are always open—drop by anytime. So... how about a little reward for Jo, who brought us such great fun and laughs?"
"Good idea. I owe this man a favor from my buddy Admetus's time anyway. Maybe I should repay it. Got anything good...?"
Rewards from the heavenly gods? Any human would kill for that.
But I'd already racked up unwanted achievements, promotions, and headaches. Accepting rewards from heavenly gods on top of that? Who knew what new variables it'd introduce.
"It's only natural for a bird to flap its wings and fly. No praise due there. You wouldn't marvel at a fish swimming the vast ocean, right?"
"What's that supposed to mean? Birds and fish?"
"I'm just a bird flying and a fish swimming—like any employee of the Chairman doing his job. If there's merit, it belongs to the Chairman who entrusted me with it."
"Hoo, what a humble guy. Uncle's lucky. Having a wise, diligent secretary like you must be a godsend. If only our father had someone like you—half our problems would vanish."
...Not necessarily. But I could never say that aloud.
This was the Chairman's office in Soul Society. Hades Chairman hadn't even shown up to his daughter's birthday party.
He had some truly major guests to entertain.
A man in a shabby gray suit and another in a navy uniform sat on the sofas before Hades Chairman.
They showed no fear or cowering before the terrifying CEO. That was because they too were rulers of their own worlds.
"Looks like the party wrapped up successfully. Must be nice having such an excellent secretary—sitting back and claiming all the credit. What luck."
The navy-uniformed man checked his terminal. He'd just received word that the party had ended without incident.
Soon, the gray-suited man tossed back the contents of his glass and chimed in.
"Our big bro drew the short straw in that lottery and has been suffering ever since. Can't he catch a break now and then, thanks to someone else's good graces?"
"Haha! True enough. You, me—we're living easy because Big Bro took the toughest, most annoying gig. Still, that guy's impressive. You originally had him, right?"
One of the three supreme gods in navy asked.
In response, the gray-suited man's eyes flashed gold like lightning, reminiscing on the distant past.
"Yeah. I planned to keep him around forever. Raised him like my own from his undergrad days when he couldn't tell shit from bean paste... and he ends up doing our big bro the biggest favor?"
"Some favor!"
Bam!
Unable to hold back, Hades Chairman slammed the table.
The chairman's fury. Any executive would've bowed their head to the floor, trembling until it passed.
But the navy-uniformed man and gray-suited man were also supreme gods of their realms. Rather than grovel, they laughed.
"Puhahaha! You didn't even get this mad when you drew the worst lot!"
"Jehehaha! You're really pissed now! Think we're scared? We're all sons of Cronus here!"
"Ugh! Cut the weird laughing! That Jo Iseo punk is making my hair fall out. He's got his eye on our daughter Melinoë...!"
"Well, young man and woman spend time together, sparks fly sometimes. How could we stop love's fever? You know that better than anyone."
Poseidon, with his sea-like magnanimity, shrugged.
Zeus, chairman of the heavenly council, picked up the thread.
"Exactly. You can't keep a daughter forever. Virgin goddess? That meant something back in the day, but these times? Nothing but headaches. Miss the window, and she'll never marry. Never...."
Virgin goddess. Zeus, who knew how picky they could be, shuddered.
When they were little girls, their declarations of "I'm staying with Daddy forever! Forever!" were cute.
But supporting an unmarried daughter into eternity? Pure parental punishment.
Then Hades Chairman's eyes blazed like oil-soaked firewood.
"Speaking of virgin goddesses—niece Artemis sent a letter saying she wants to stay here in Soul Society, at least temporarily?"
"I don't care—keep her a few days if you want. But fair warning: if Artemis stays down here, she'll clash with that Jo punk for sure. Trouble brewing."
The picky virgin goddess Artemis. Her clashing with Jo Iseo—.
A mortal defying a goddess? The absurdity made Poseidon chuckle.
"A human standing up to a goddess. Even in this god-fading mortal world, there's still guys with that kind of grit, huh? What is he, four meters tall with three eyes or something?"
"A real menace. Ballsy enough to defy even me."
"The kind of grad student who never backed down from an argument."
For once, the brothers—who rarely agreed—saw eye to eye.
In Poseidon's mind, who'd never met the man, an image formed of a monstrous brute with ten horns sprouting from his head.
If a guy's like that targeting my daughter, yeah, I'd worry too. But it piques my interest. I like monsters.
The heavenly councilors had all returned to the surface. All except one.
From what I'd heard, Artemis had decided to stay at Melinoë's temple.
She's testing me.
A mere mortal daring to court a goddess. As protector of virgins, Artemis was eager to fulfill her role.
Bring it on. I was almost thrilled, chills running down my spine at the trials she'd unleash.
"Kuhaha! My brother Jo Iseo! Feast your eyes on this! This Crowzer's performance is blowing up SNS. That wicked wench Eurydol—she must know my greatness by now!"
The afterparty at Happy Snack House. Crowzer, in high spirits, chugged fish cake broth nonstop.
In his hand was the lyre from last night's madness—its strings snapped.
"As expected of a nymph-hair instrument! The intense playing snapped every string, but I can just grab more from Echo's at this snack house!"
"...!"
Echo jumped in shock. Then she pummeled Crowzer with her fists, and the other nymphs watching joined in, fists flying.
"Using a nymph's for free...? This Paranoy cannot allow it...! Gonna beat that nymph-hating commie mindset right out...!"
"This Carnoy doesn't get it, but beating people is fun...!"
Thud-thud-thud-thud!
"Aaaah~!"
What a mess.
After a solid beating, Crowzer finally came to and asked me,
"By the way, Jo. I've been meaning to ask—what's with the deer?"
"No idea. It's just been following me around."
Meeehh—!
The cry was weird. Not a deer—a horned roe deer maybe.
Anyway, this strange deer had been tailing me all day, a total nuisance.
Was this what they called being "chosen"? But with my own nose to the grindstone, I had no bandwidth for pets.
Then Echo clapped her hands snap.
"...!"
"You understand deer? Wow, nymphs can do that too, huh. Echo, mind asking why it's following me?"
Whoosh-whoosh-whoosh.
Echo gestured with her hands. Crowzer burst out laughing, puhaha.
"So the deer says it used to be human, cursed into a deer by Goddess Artemis. Wants revenge on the goddess who did it to her? Hilarious!"
Revenge on Goddess Artemis? Someone's crazy enough to try that?! Count me in!
It was like a lightning rod on my head drawing a bolt—electric thrill surging through me.
"That revenge. I'll help you."