010 – Black-Haired Nymph #1
Our department is suffering from a manpower shortage. To resolve this, we are recruiting new talent as follows.
Penalty Execution Division Team 4 General Affairs Position
Office assistant preferred.
No experience, unemployed, those with disqualifications.
Especially if a 'nymph', all applications pass screening.
Irrelevant whether pre- or post-mortem experience.
Penalty Execution Division Team 4 Section Chief Jo Iseo
Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. I grinned ear to ear at the printed notice for the first time in ages.
A posting that favors the jobless, the unemployed, and those packed with disqualifications. The epitome of a trash-tier recruitment ad.
Would anyone hired this way actually be competent? No way in hell. They'd screw up big time, of course, and people would start questioning Section Chief Jo Iseo's management skills.
Then HQ's audit team would sniff something fishy about my sloppy hiring and come poking around.
And boom—I'm fired. Off to a glorious transfer to Olympus!
"Nice. Nice."
"Joooey!"
"Joooey!"
That means I'd never have to see those super hell cockroaches flapping their wings in my office again. A flawless plan all around.
What really tickled me was the preference line: "Especially if a 'nymph', all applications pass screening."
Why prioritize nymphs? Because of Happy World's Vice President, Princess Melinoë.
For some reason, Princess Melinoë seemed to hate nymphs.
If I hired ones she despised, wouldn't that tank her favor toward me?
From recent events, it's clear she likes me. Probably thinks I'm a star employee. And that's the problem.
Getting attention from the Goddess of Nightmares was pure nightmare fuel. You never knew when or how she'd kill you—or turn you into a constellation afterward.
She'd pop up clattering out of nowhere, which was hell on my heart in every sense.
The silver lining? Ever since she gave me that Blessing last time, she hadn't shown up. Word was she hadn't come to the office in days.
What was this internet-like thing in the magic mirror? Helmes Net, the in-house service exclusive to section chiefs and above in Soul Society.
A cutting-edge network collab between Hermes, the heavenly messenger, and Soul Society's CSO.
Anyway, as the new section chief, once my work was done, I'd kill time scrolling Helmes like this. Oh, and sometimes I'd post too.
Posting bad comments about myself online. It was weirdly fun.
I wanted to tarnish my rep even a little.
But the replies made my forehead vein throb.
Damn, 10-day ban. So frustrating!
But no worries. I had a new hobby to kill time: growing plants.
"Time to water you guys."
I stood, heading to the potted plant in the corner, and gave it a sprinkle.
Trickle-trickle-
—Squeee! Squeee!
This was a Cerberus cactus—or hell cactus. It sprouted in three heads like the hound of hell. Adorably quirky, though the weird noises took getting used to.
"Potted from Helmes Net. You guys are great—no variables."
Plants are quiet, still, unchanging. No escaping my control for unpredictable results.
Plus, flowers smell nice, and fruits make booze I love. Double win.
Cronus that old timer—his Blessing's coming in handy.
My green thumb came from grad school orchid care under Professor Zeus, plus my new Cultivation Blessing.
If the cactus fruited, I'd share with Cronus.
Though cacti aren't for fruit—you'd want grapes or pomegranates.
"Maybe try other seedlings?"
I eyed spots around the office for more pots, smacking my lips.
Anywhere good for sprouts, seedlings, seeds on Helmes?
Ooh?! Didn't know Helmes had this.
Sucks getting banned 10 days for trolling—no intro post for promotion.
Seemed you needed rank-up to see posts. Ten days to go. At least now I had hope to survive.
My daily life was so haaaappy—without hobbies, it'd be unbearable!
# # #
"—Ahh, no intent to use something like this here, but actually, I can use Manhae. Watch closely, and don't blab about it!"
Kwaaaaa—!
"Hup! Manhae! Dragon Scale Ghost Armor Back Ridge! Hraaaah! See? My chain sticks turn into this huge blade—"
"Next! You picked the wrong worldview!"
I rejected the bald applicant. Marquius beside me frowned, surprised.
"Section Chief Jo, why reject him? That Manhae skill looked super useful for the company. We've got security issues popping up everywhere lately."
As my colleague said, the guy's demo was impressive. That's the problem.
My newbie ad wasn't for talent like that.
No experience welcome! Disqualifications celebrated!
I straight-up advertised for trash hires, yet why were these aces applying?
Clueless Marquius just nodded admiringly.
"Well, with your eye for spotting Cronus's picky land, your judgment's gotta be spot-on. You're probably the best at reading people among the staff! That's why talent flocks to you."
"Marquius, what'd you just say?"
"That Manhae looked awesome?"
"No! The part about talent flocking!"
"Oh, that? After Sisyphus and Cronus, your name's famous across all Happy World. Especially Cronus surrendering and farming daily now."
Hold up—things were veering off-script again.
I pulled my robe low and headed to the packed waiting room for interviewees, eavesdropping.
"No experience needed, disqualifications welcome. For real? Even for someone like me?"
"It's about seeing only ability and potential. My heart's racing."
"A man wise enough to subdue Sisyphus. With eyes sharp enough to overwhelm Cronus. Being chosen by him..."
"Is like having your true worth affirmed."
Heavy hitters psyching each other up, sparks flying from their glares.
So, reclusive masters saw my ad as validation bait and swarmed? Not good. Very not good.
"You with the Manhae—how about security? Post-reform, we're short-staffed everywhere with the policing gaps."
"And you—join our wardrobe team? We've been hunting for someone tall, slender-limbed like you. Ohohoho—"
Even other departments were poaching my applicants like a stork snapping up leaping fish.
Thief-faced Marquius gawked in awe.
"No way—you posted this big public ad to help other understaffed departments? Provocative wording to lure out hidden talent!"
"No."
"And now as chief, you're already minding other depts. You're one ruthless bastard! Ruthless! You promotion-crazed demon! Proud to have you as my peer!"
Nooo! Whatever was happening, the longer this hiring dragged, the worse for me.
had to end this madness ASAP. One way: pick the trashiest-looking one from the crowd.
But how to spot trash amid this mob? Go with minimal damage.
"You there."
"...Me?"
Flinch! A black-haired woman jumped, startled. Crouched among giants, she looked pitifully small—more girl than woman.
"...You called for me...?"
Long black hair, red eyes. Elementary school age? Triangular pointed ears peeking through—clear meaning.
A nymph.
Nymphs: this world's fairy folk. Nature lovers dwelling in flowers, trees, fields, rivers, mountains, seas.
But the nymphs I knew were sensual, seductive, mature. Why'd this one look like a kid?
Appearance didn't matter. She was a nymph. My hated nymph.
"You're the new general affairs staff."
I hired my hated nymph.
Why? Hard to ID trash instantly, but I knew who'd piss off VP Melinoë.
Hell Princess Melinoë inexplicably loathed nymphs.
Hiring one would surely drop her favor. Plus, this naive-looking nymph screamed "useless."
"Y-You pick this body...? No lies in those words...! Truly an eye for talent...! When this body rules this hell, you'll be my right hand...!"
Rule hell? Right hand? And that speech pattern—headache-inducing. Perfect for trash.
My eye was spot-on.
"Truly making this body a Happy World employee...? Lie and face no mercy...!"
That grating tone grew on you wrong. If she quit now, it'd be worse. Had to lock her in.
"No lie—I swear on the Styx you're our new staff. Public hiring ends here—everyone else, dismissed! Dismissed!"
Couldn't let more hermits pile in.
The nymph shivered like she had a cold.
"I-Indeedy...! This Melinoi knew it'd happen...! For this Melinoi is a most remarkable nymph...!"
Wait—what? Melinoi?
"Pleased to serve...! This Melinoi will one day top Soul Society...! With no one's aid...! By this body's own power alone...!"
"......"
A queasy feeling hit, but probably nothing. Common names. Had to be...