Carrying Hope (7)
Relationship.
In that fleeting instant, what Ian-na reflected on was her relationship with the Star Cluster.
To Ian-na, Han Byeol-hwa had been nothing more than an ordinary child who left little lasting impression. The only thing that stood out about her was that she was always alone.
Worried that she might be getting bullied, or wondering why she never mixed with the other magical girls, Ian-na had once asked her directly. The answer that came back was always the same.
“I don’t need them…”
Byeol-hwa seemed to find it difficult to approach the other magical girls. She looked clumsy at conveying her feelings.
And so.
Ian-na had wanted to teach her about the human heart. People were not creatures who could live alone. She had thought that someday Byeol-hwa, too, might make a friend, or even find someone she liked.
Not that she had given her any special treatment. She simply looked after her and spoke to her the same way she did with every other magical girl, so that Byeol-hwa might grow at least a little more accustomed to conversation.
The more they talked, the more she could feel Byeol-hwa opening her heart. She came to understand that the girl was kind, yet also realized she still had a rather childish side.
Stubborn, sensitive, quick-tempered.
That was the assessment Ian-na had given Han Byeol-hwa.
Her sense of justice, however, was stronger than anyone’s. She could not stand by when she saw injustice. She had clashed with the Bureau over insubordination more than once, and every time she had stood her ground and refused to yield.
She was a good kid.
In every way.
“…W-what are you doing?”
“Byeol-hwa is a good child. I know everything.”
The words Ian-na offered were simple.
That she knew everything.
Of course, she knew nothing at all. It was merely a high-level gambit to defuse the situation. Most of the more naive magical girls would open their hearts at that single line.
Ian-na’s hand reached for Byeol-hwa’s head. Startled, Byeol-hwa almost lost her grip on Ian-na’s body for a moment, but Ian-na paid it no mind and stroked her hair.
Byeol-hwa, clearly flustered, was left momentarily speechless.
And Ian-na became certain she had chosen the right option.
She could not understand why Byeol-hwa had been so furious with her and the Adjutant. She could not know what kind of eyes she had looked at Byeol-hwa with.
After all, her eyes had always been the same cloudy, vacant ones.
If those eyes were displeasing, then she simply had to redirect the girl’s attention elsewhere.
Ian-na’s mind was clearer than it had ever been. The overdose of sedatives was flooding her entire body with a sense of calm.
Of course, there were side effects. Side effects so horrific she could not begin to describe them. Ian-na had broken what little remained of her lifespan in order to reclaim her lucidity.
And those side effects would not surface just yet.
She still had time.
A little, at least.
The clutter of stray thoughts that had been crushing her mind gradually faded. Her emotions did the same. One by one, the myriad feelings Ian-na carried vanished—fear, sorrow, rage.
It was as if Ian-na’s color itself had drained away. In the Star Cluster’s eyes, Ian-na appeared without a single hue, pure white just as she looked.
Her mind began to work more actively than ever. The terrible memories of the past that had shackled her, and the traces of infantile regression that had served as a defense mechanism, had temporarily disappeared.
The Magical Girl of the Waning Moon.
She seemed to have returned to that self who always thought calmly and carefully, who always appeared composed.
Ian-na had always been rather clever. If she hadn’t been, she would have been devoured by an Unknown long ago, or else eliminated from this world by the backstabbing that went on behind the scenes.
“A-answer the question! Why… did you look at me… with those eyes…?”
Byeol-hwa, still entrusting her head to Ian-na’s cold touch, shouted with all her strength.
“…What eyes?”
“L-like… the others… looking at me… as if you were afraid of me…… that kind of look…”
In a very brief moment, Ian-na was able to grasp the full picture of the incident through the words the agitated Byeol-hwa was spitting out.
What she herself had felt was fear of a magical girl.
Right now, with sedatives overdosed into her system as if replacing her blood, she felt no emotion at all—but earlier, she had clearly felt terror at the sight of the Magical Girl of the Star Cluster.
To overcome it, she had spoken first.
And the slightly paranoid Star Cluster had brought about this catastrophe.
A strange ether energy was swirling around the Star Cluster. Even an ordinary person who could not see ether with their own eyes would instinctively recoil from that enormous quantity of energy.
Ian-na now fully understood the situation. What had been the spark, why the Star Cluster was so agitated—she had figured it out precisely in that short span of time.
Having confirmed it, Ian-na turned her head slightly to check on the Adjutant collapsed on the floor.
He was convulsing, but it did not look life-threatening. Given the Star Cluster’s nature, she would never simply kill someone out of the blue.
It was time to clear up the misunderstanding. It would take a little while, but considering her relationship with the Star Cluster, it was nothing.
Ian-na already knew exactly what she would say.
“It’s a misunderstanding, Byeol-hwa.”
“…Y-you clearly… looked at me with those eyes! You were terrified when you saw me…!”
“That’s true. But it wasn’t you I was terrified of.”
The Star Cluster stared hard at Ian-na with a face that refused to accept it.
And Ian-na said,
“I was terrified of magical girls.”
She spoke the truth.
Ian-na was smiling faintly. It was a small smile she had not worn even once in recent days.
It was the smile of Ian-na that the Star Cluster remembered.
Even though so much about Ian-na had changed, even though their positions had completely reversed, even though a victim had been created through a one-sided misunderstanding—Ian-na was smiling more brightly than she had in a long time.
“What do you mean…”
The Star Cluster trailed off without meaning to.
“This.”
Pressing a finger to her lips with a slight smile, Ian-na slipped off her uniform jacket and showed her stomach.
A small, white belly still covered in unhealed wounds and surgical scars.
“…”
Han Byeol-hwa was momentarily left without words.
Trauma.
Ian-na had not been afraid of her. The things Illusion and Libra had done to her had left trauma behind.
Trauma toward those two, and toward magical girls as a whole.
Without realizing it, Han Byeol-hwa pulled Ian-na into her arms. With one hand around her waist and the other gently tracing over her stomach, she caressed Ian-na’s cold body.
And then.
Clear, transparent tears began to flow down Byeol-hwa’s slender cheeks.
The tears that had been trickling little by little, slowly, soon poured like a waterfall. Realizing she had completely misunderstood, realizing that in her agitation she had used violence against an innocent person, the Star Cluster found herself so disgusting she could not bear it.
Ian-na quietly wiped away the tears that had soaked Byeol-hwa’s eyes. She stroked her hair and offered words of comfort, saying it was all right.
This situation was not a first either. On days when Byeol-hwa made a mistake, on days when irreversible guilt left her unable to hold herself together, Ian-na would always come and hold her tightly.
It was not special treatment. Ian-na kept track of every magical girl’s condition and went to comfort them whenever their minds and bodies grew unstable. It was only a small comfort, yet to the magical girls it became a great source of solace.
“It’s all right. Han Byeol-hwa is a good child. You’ve been through so much.”
Ian-na patted Byeol-hwa’s shoulder, and Byeol-hwa, her chest overflowing, hugged Ian-na even tighter.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…… h-hic…….”
She could no longer keep herself upright. Byeol-hwa sank to the floor just like that—onto the cold floor still thick with Ian-na’s traces.
Ian-na held Byeol-hwa close and stroked her hair. Even though the Adjutant, more precious to her than her own life, had been hurt, she knew the action had come from a misunderstanding.
She knew the Byeol-hwa she knew would never do something like this for fun.
She knew the situation Byeol-hwa was in. She knew how far her mind had been driven. She knew that she herself was the only one left to rely on.
So Ian-na simply held Byeol-hwa tight.
Because there was nothing else she could do for her.
Because there was nothing more she herself could do at all.
Because she understood she was now in a position where all that remained was to wait for death.
Without saying a word, she indulged Byeol-hwa’s clinging. She comforted her.
She wanted to become a great source of strength for Byeol-hwa.
“H-hic… huuh… h-hic……”
Byeol-hwa buried herself against Ian-na, tears and snot streaming freely, and Ian-na wiped the girl’s face with the collar of her own clothes. Without a word, she simply held her close.
She wanted to let her feel body heat, even if it was cold. She wanted her to realize she was not alone left in this world. She wanted her to know that there was someone who would always take her side, anytime, anywhere.
Parents.
She wanted to show Byeol-hwa the warmth of parents—something the girl had never once felt since the day she was born.
Ian-na herself.
Had never felt a parent’s warmth either.
And then.
Byeol-hwa finally became certain.
That this person would never of her own free will drive the magical girls to their deaths.
That someone this kind would never try to kill them.
That a conspiracy had been woven through everything.
She was clearly being controlled. She was clearly being threatened.
“L-Lady Waning Moon.”
Just as Byeol-hwa forced her mouth open, about to uncover the truth of it all—
“…Just what the hell have you done.”
Ho-jun appeared with a grave expression, accompanied by a group of artificial girls.