Wrecking the Princess's Guild Tour (2)
“Th-the guild members call me Vivi... I-I'm twenty years old.”
Back when I'd spoken at the council, I'd embarrassed myself by volunteering my age when no one asked. Drawing on that bitter lesson, I tried the same stunt with the princess—throwing in my nickname and age for good measure. My face burned so hot it felt like it might explode from sheer mortification.
Vanessa's expression went a little blank, which seemed to mean it was working. She was probably thinking something like, What the hell am I supposed to do with this guy?
“Sh-shall we go, then?”
“Y-yes? Where to...?”
When I started leading her not toward the guild hall but in another direction, Vanessa asked in evident confusion. She must have figured a guild tour would stick to the guild building.
“You'll see when we get there.”
I'm no genius, but I'm not an idiot either. Up until yesterday, my plan had been to keep fumbling like that to tank my score. But I'd changed tactics. I'd tried every desperate trick in the book to get myself exiled, only to fail spectacularly—and yeah, even I learn from my mistakes. I'd always failed by forcing my incompetence into the spotlight. So why not flip it? Force my competence down their throats instead!
Someone curious enough about the guild to visit would probably get bored out of their mind if I spent the whole day bragging about myself! They wouldn't give a damn about guild business—they'd just want to bail. And any talk of trade deals? Poof, gone.
“This is our guild's workshop.”
“Workshop...? The guild has its own...?”
I guided Vanessa into a facility churning out mechanical parts almost like a factory. Not mechanized like the factories from my past life, of course—mostly handmade.
“Most guilds outsource to external workshops. It's ideal to have one in-house, but recruiting talent is tough, and there are all sorts of hurdles. But I! I laid the foundation that brought it all the way here!”
“You...?”
“That's right. Me.”
It was actually under Helen's purview since it supported guild members, but I conveniently skipped that part. Saying this stuff stone-cold sober was mortifying—maybe I should've had a drink first.
“Aigoo! Master has arrived!”
A woman came running up, bowing and scraping before me. Alina, the blacksmith who'd developed the Kangtongi with Bella. Guild Master Veronica had recruited her to ramp up Kangtongi production. Now, Alina and I weren't business partners anymore—we were boss and subordinate.
Maybe from her corporate experience, she was overly eager to please. Normally I'd tell her not to bother, but today I just folded my arms and gave a curt nod. Bet I looked like a total asshole.
“Alina. Where's Bella?”
“In the back, hammering away. Anything needing real muscle falls to her.”
“I see. This is Her Highness Vanessa Bielrain of the Elaithe Empire. She's here touring the guild today.”
“Aigoo, is that so! An honor to meet you.”
“Mind if we go in and see Bella?”
“Of course! Come on in!”
Vanessa followed me into the workshop depths with a dazed look.
KA-BAM! KA-BAM! KA-BAM! KA-BAM!
Bella was pounding a massive steel slab with a gigantic hammer. If that'd been me, there wouldn't even be a corpse left—just total annihilation. From a glance, it was impossible to tell if she was forging something or just smashing it to bits.
“Isn't that... a goblin?”
The guy who looked like Vanessa's guard asked in alarm, staring at Bella. True enough, Bella was of the goblin race—enormously built, with matching superhuman strength and a body tough as steel.
“A goblin working in a workshop? Unbelievable...!”
Goblins were known for their brute strength, but also for being brutish, violent, and short-tempered. Almost none took up crafting as a trade. Smashing things? That was their specialty.
“Everyone assumed the same, so no one spotted Bella's talent. But I! I discovered it and got her working here! And the creation she birthed from that is right there!”
I pointed to the majestic structure in the back—a hulking beast assembled from bundled steel scraps, like a giant monster. Our guild's signature mount: the Kangtongi.
“Ah! I saw that on the way here! I thought it was some flying monster!”
Vanessa seemed pretty excited about the Kangtongi.
“Without me, Bella never would've had a chance to shine!”
My conscience twinged. I'd never once thought Bella had talent—I'd just been using her. With that level of skill, she'd have bloomed eventually, with or without me.
“Wha—Vivi? When'd you get here?”
Bella paused her hammering, wiped sweat from her brow, and waved at me. Her face looked way more refreshed than when she was out adventuring. I waved back with an awkward grin.
* * *
Today was my first time riding a Kangtongi, and honestly, the ride sucked. No wheels—it galloped on legs, so what'd you expect? The real value was slashing long-distance travel time.
“Urk...!”
“Master Vivaldi, are you all right?”
“I-I'm f-fine... urk...!”
Secretary Marie patted my back as I doubled over with motion sickness the second we dismounted. No way could I puke in front of the princess, so I clutched my chest and fought it down.
Seeing Marie, Vanessa, and her guard all fine, maybe it was just my weak ass.
“Hah... hah... Sorry... for the ugly display...”
“N-no, it's...”
Vanessa stared at me like I was some sideshow freak. The secretaries swarmed with a mirror, tidying me up. Sweat had plastered my hair to my cheeks, and my pallor made my dark circles stand out even more.
“Your Highness, your nose is bleeding...”
“Oh.”
Looks like Vanessa had bumped it inside too. She dabbed at it with the handkerchief her guard offered.
If I'd injured royalty, that'd be game over for real...!
“Your Highness? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, fine. Feels kinda good, actually. So, where are we now?”
Thankfully, she brushed it off.
“This is guild-owned land. There's a Small Labyrinth underground. Everyone figured it was worthless, but I! I pinpointed its true value.”
“Small Labyrinth? Have all the monsters been cleared?”
Her guard ignored my brag, hand on his sword hilt like it was a sore spot. Makes sense—standard procedure after finding a Small Labyrinth is to purge the monsters first.
“No, not at all. We haven't killed a single one.”
“Wh-what? Bringing Her Highness to a dangerous place like—”
“Just come see.”
I led them into the underground cavern. Right away, they spotted the facility brewing potions amid billowing steam.
“Master Vivaldi! Welcome~!”
Gerda and the guild members working with her greeted me warmly.
“Everyone, this is Her Highness Vanessa Bielrain from the Elaithe Empire. She's touring, so show her your best work.”
“Got it~!”
Deeper in, we saw the monsters getting abused as usual. Whipped into hauling carts, suspended in midair for magic stone extraction, limbs hacked off if they resisted, and finally devoured by their own kind as a grand finale.
“My god...”
“Y-you're breeding monsters?!”
Vanessa clapped a hand over her mouth in disbelief. Even her battle-hardened guard couldn't hide his shock.
“Exactly. I planned that whole setup. No one grasped the true meaning behind not killing monsters... except me! I alone understood.”
Bullshit. I had no clue about Gerda's intentions, and even if I did, I couldn't endorse this monster torture.
“This way, we harvest magic stones and make our own potions self-sufficient...”
“Hold on—what's that person tied up over there?”
“Uh.”
The guard pointed, and sure enough, there was a man bound to a chair in a cell. Torturing monsters was one thing, but people? That wasn't a joke anymore. Another guild member stood inside with torture tools, flashing a wicked grin.
“Now, spill it. Where are the rest of your association scum hiding?”
“You think I'll talk that easy?”
“Even better if you don't. Means more fun for me...!”
The guild member grabbed tongs and clamped down—not on the man's nails, but on the limp monster's claw dangling in front. With expert ease, she yanked one clean off.
—SKREEEEEEK!!!!
“Stop!! You're killing that poor thing!!!!”
“Huh? What? Can't hear you over this noisy bastard.”
The man screamed until his throat bled, but she kept tormenting the monster. He writhed as if he were the one being tortured.
I'd heard remnants of the weakened Monster Protection Association were stirring trouble in Labyrinth City. Guess this was them getting handled.
“Association? You mean the Monster Protection Association?”
“Efficient. Our empire's Great Labyrinth has the same headache...”
Vanessa and her guard watched the interrogation with keen interest.
Showing them nothing but guild-unrelated oddities? Yeah, this tour was a solid flop.