Chapter 12 - Disquieting Gaze
Disquieting Gaze
Translator : Elizabeth
Chapter 12. Disquieting Gaze
———
[Yujin-nim please unban me]
[SlaughtererOfSampleCornerYujin]
(Photo of red V-badges engraved with numbers 200, 500, 1000, 2000, 3000, 5000, 10000)
I am a g.o.o.d. p.e.r.s.o.n. you know.
[Comments]
- Why is this bastard really good, why the hell?
- The world is coming to an end seriously.
- A bastard who was just honest about his lust… Still a somewhat good bastard…
L Shouldn't this bastard hide his lust a bit?
[TarotYujin] I will… unban you…
L [SlaughtererOfSampleCornerYujin] Oh… In front of those words, can't you add "Kuh!" too?
L [TarotYujin] 🗡🗡🗡🗡🗡🗡🗡🗡🗡
L Surely she expressed 9 of Swords with this? lol.
L What does Sword 9 mean???
L I don't know the meaning either but for now the card picture has a person burying their face in both hands lololol.
L Appropriate lololololol.
(……)
———
———Internet Broadcast Gallery———
[What is up with the idiots believing Tarot real]
[Nonking]
Look at her guessing viewers' worries, saying it’s real, admitted my ass.
F*ck, do you think that makes sense common-sensically???
Does mana exist in this world or something???
Was HaXXy Potter real too???
(GIF of a frog holding a knife running in a red background)
HEY YOU F*CKING IDIOT BASTARDS!!!
How does an exactly appropriate card pop up every time she picks?
MA!!! GIC!!!
What about the viewer who uploaded verification that she guessed the story accurately?
AC!!! TOR!!!
What about guessing trivial stories of multiple people?
COL!!!D!!! READ!!!ING!!!
F*ck, it’s shameful to use the same gallery as retarded bastards like you, so I have to leave the gallery.
(GIF of a frog kicking dynamically)
F*ck off.
[Comments]
OO: Why is this bastard so angry?
L OO: Looking at the Gallog (user history), seems like a gambler?
L OO: Was mad because she didn't tell gambling results lol.
Gocham Chuchi: Yeah~ Please don't believe~ Even now competition rate to see Tarot is high~
———
———Streamer Gallery———
[If it’s this much what cup is it?]
[F*ckspert]
(Photo of the moment the outline of the chest was briefly revealed while lifting the keyboard)
Is this perhaps that F-cup thing?
[Comments]
OO: No no real F doesn't protrude like that, at least H prob.
L F*ckspert: Oh why do you know so well? Are you a Titspert?
L OO: No no, a doujinshi author I like is a woman and she verified F-cup, but it wasn't to that extent.
L Gochu: Credibility shoots up.
Marayeop: Again again again bastards getting horny looking at a Dullahan (No-cam streamer) crawling out. If she was that confident in her body she would have revealed with cam retard-as. 100% just obese.
L OO: Are you a nose (ko-ja / woman)? If she was obese she would be sturdy right under the chest too like you lol.
L Marayeop: F*cking bitch I’m suing you.
L OO: Yeah~ Sue a lot~ I live in Asgard~
BMD: Hmm… She kinda passes over sexual compliment chats casually… With that kind of body… This is totally undeniable.
L F*ckspert: What do you mean? Speak understandably.
L BMD: Your streamer is a total slut lol.
L OO: Oh lol I should screenshot this bastard and ask to see what kind of bastard he is with Tarot on broadcast later lol.
L OO: Prob nothing will come out? lol Since he’s a guy who does nothing lol.
(……)
———
———Fairy The Sea Gallery———
[TarotYujin <<< Analyzed this person’s crazy control]
[GreatKraken]
(YouVision Link)
As you see, the order of pressing arrow keys and character movement pattern match exactly.
Didn't do frame-by-frame analysis but if it’s this much, manipulation is definitely not it I guess?
[Comments]
Pegaller: Real dope shudder.
OO: Even, the fact that she did that holding the keyboard with one hand is real horror shudder Keyboard is kinda heavy too.
WhaleMamang: Want to see her playing other games too.
L Pegaller: Prob f*cking refreshing?
(……)
———
———Twatcher Gallery———
[But what is the alien language in the middle of Tarot broadcast?]
[Monggu]
Kyujjippi?
Chyumttoppe?
Doesn't seem like English though.
Is there perhaps no one who understood?
[Comments]
OO: Seems like German.
L Monggu: Oh is she a streamer who studied abroad?
L OO: No no probably foreign worker.
L Monggu: Eh? Why?
L OO: Pronunciation or tone didn't seem like standard German. A feeling like a dialect of some German region popped out naturally?
L GunsuNakji: Says tone lol Is it Chinese? lol.
L OO: Limburgish among German dialects is one of the representative tonal languages retard-a. If you don't know keep your mouth shut at least. Picking on trivial shit and bullshitting.
L RoomCornerInvincible: Who is this bastard knowing things like this? Again I’m the only room corner unemployed jobless?
(……)
———
The broadcast, which started with tens of thousands of viewers flowing in all at once along with I Am Invincible's verification, eventually concluded with a beautiful ending of saving a family.
‘Actually, the anxiety was quite big until I turned on the broadcast.’
Because I couldn't be sure if the preparation warned by the Judgment card was truly sufficient. Nevertheless, thanks to assuming and preparing for as many unexpected situations as possible, the result was much better than expected.
And at dawn, the moment I checked the post left by PKConscienceDeclaration, my heart started beating pleasantly.
‘If it’s this much, wouldn't it be enough to be called a happy ending?’
About a week since starting the broadcast.
There were several times I helped someone with Tarot, but it was the first time I felt the reality of definitely saving a person like today.
Thanks to that, the energy used for Tarot had also clearly grown. Now, it became enough to read fortunes sincerely for about three people a day.
If it’s today, I felt like I could sleep comfortably for the first time in a while.
Before lying on the bed, I hesitated for a moment looking up at the light switch.
And.
“Phew.”
Click, and. I made up my mind and turned off the light.
Then my vision went dark and.
At the same time.
Thump! Thump! Thump! Thud!
The beating of the heart that was close to flutter just a moment ago.
Thud—! Thu-ud—! Thu-ud—!
Stretched out eerily in the darkness.
Kkyaaaaaak—!
Kkeureureuk…!!! Kkalk-reu-euk…!!!
Also, the vision submerged in darkness shook as if encroached by something, and hallucinations and auditory hallucinations rushed in simultaneously. The sceneries seen inside the prison in the 16th century revive vividly.
“Aheuk…!”
Growl! At the same time, unbearable hunger rushed in.
Click.
I turned on the light again almost staggering, and rummaged through the refrigerator. I devoured foods that caught my eye without discriminating. Hurriedly, to the point of suffocating.
“Heok! Heu-eup! Eup!”
Actually, since returning to the modern era, whenever I was left alone in the dark, memories of that time revived and I used to shudder. So when the sun set, I turned on the light, and continued the lifestyle of not turning it off even when sleeping.
It’s a strange thing. When I was actually starving to death in prison, there wasn't such a reaction, so why now.
Thinking for a moment, the answer was simple.
‘Back then, there wasn't even strength left to suffer.’
Only when my jaw felt stiff did the hunger barely subside.
“Haa…. Haa…. Haa…. Whew—….”
This is probably not real hunger. It must be something close to a mental problem, a kind of aftereffect.
I took out Tarot cards for a moment. I thought if I utilize the Hermit card as a talisman to regulate body reactions or hormone levels, treatment might be possible.
‘Mm. No. That seems a little dangerous.’
The human body’s system is excessively delicate. Touching it carelessly might be irreversible.
I decided to attempt that after finding enough relevant information and studying.
“Haa—….”
Looking at the food debris scattered on the floor and around the refrigerator, a sigh came out automatically. Clothes, area around the mouth were all a mess.
I hurriedly showered, and lay on the bed again.
With the light still kept on.
Because of my ability, if possible, I don't go out of the house. To speak accurately, I try hard not to go out.
Yet there was exactly one unavoidable outing.
“Haa.”
That is exactly discharging household waste.
“Before I knew it, it piled up like this again.”
Once a week, that was currently my only outing.
And today is exactly that day.
Since I ordered delivery a lot, trash piled up faster than I thought. Wrappers, plastic containers, vinyl, etc. I always pay attention not to leave food, but still, a certain portion was bound to come out.
For reference, I received volume-rate garbage bags via delivery too. Since I couldn't find bags used in Nowon-gu easily online, in the end, I ordered in bulk from a neighborhood mart. Since I ordered a lot of this and that, they liked it when I bought them together.
‘It is truly fortunate that I earn money well at least.’
After spreading the bag, another war begins. The work of pressing and filling trash to the maximum, until it doesn't go in anymore. Pressing with knees, pushing in with elbows, and finally mobilizing scotch tape.
Now that I earn money well, I wonder if I have to do this much, but in this neighborhood, one must do so.
‘It’s a very damn neighborhood.’
Because if there looks to be even a little room in the bag, someone stealthily tucks in their own house trash and leaves. Because of the trash tucked in like that, there were days when the collection company left the bag as is.
Then from morning, shouting goes back and forth in the alley. Words go around asking who put this in, and eventually, faces turn red and fights occur.
The time to go out to throw away trash was set. Right before the sun rises, meaning before the darkness completely lifts. It was a time slot chosen with painstaking care to avoid meeting people as much as possible.
‘It is fortunate that trauma doesn't burst if it’s not completely dark at least.’
I wrapped my body round and round with a long padded jacket, and pressed the hood deep. Then my face is buried in shadow.
It was fortunate it was December. The season also seemed to hide me.
Trudge, trudge.
Holding the trash bag, I went down the stairs of the daldongne (moon village). My heart beating thump thump felt somewhat chilling.
‘It seems, finding going out difficult is also part of the trauma….’
Roads bent like stairs, alleys narrow enough to barely pass the waist. On the walls, old graffiti and pieces of fallen posters were attached. Somewhere a drunk man shouted words hard to understand, and from another house, sounds of a couple fighting leaked out with the door closed. Television sounds, water boiling sounds, coughing sounds overlap.
‘Let there be no one. Let there be no one.’
Fixing my gaze on the ground, I moved quickly. Until the moment I arrived in front of the trash collection point and put down the bag, it felt like I was holding my breath.
Putting down the bag and turning around.
‘There was no one today too!’
Nothing happened. That fact felt exceptionally big.
Thud—.
Coming back home, closing the front door, and taking off the padding, only then did the tension barely release. Inside was all covered in sweat. Even underwear was wet.
“Haa, ha.”
I breathed short breaths standing in the hallway, then suddenly laughed.
“Puhuhu….”
Outing completed safely today too. Just that was enough.
After throwing away trash at an early hour and returning, I got some shut-eye for a moment. Sleep not very deep, but enough for the body to put a comma at least.
When I opened my eyes again, my head was clear.
“…It’s a good morning.”
After stretching with all my might as is.
“Uheuheuk!”
I headed straight for the computer.
Click, click.
And opened the video file I roughly cut after finishing the broadcast and did the finishing work with a sane mind of the morning.
Removing unnecessary margins, fixing subtitles, organizing sound. Only after checking the result did I nod. Only now did it become a quality where I felt okay to show others.
Upload to YouVision. With that, work related to the last broadcast ended.
Next was exercise time.
The trigger was the increase in food intake, but now it solidified like a routine. Since I can't go out, it’s only bodyweight exercises done in the room corner. However, today, I decided to try a slightly peculiar attempt.
‘Let’s try using the talisman.’
I sat cross-legged on the floor and gathered both hands in front of my belly. Placing the Hermit card on those palms, I close my eyes slowly. Calming the breath, pulling consciousness inward.
Outside noises drift away one by one. Like that, my consciousness submerged into the inner side of the body.
And, move. Like a machine, one by one.
Directly contracting and relaxing muscles as consciousness reaches. Pushing to the limit of the range of motion, then releasing again.
Repeated such extreme contraction and extreme relaxation.
Not even a few minutes passed, heat rose from the body. Body temperature rises rapidly and skin turns red.
Trickle.
Sweat burst out from pores. The body demands more oxygen.
Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump!
Blood circulation accelerated and the interval of heartbeats shortened.
“Whew—. Whew—.”
Soon breathing becomes rapid.
“Hoo-. Hoo-. Hoo-.”
Moved the lungs directly. Raising the efficiency of expansion and contraction to the limit.
But just that was insufficient. It was clearly felt that I couldn't handle all the oxygen amount the muscles demanded.
Moved consciousness to muscles again.
Side of buttocks. Lower back. Front of shins. Deep place of shoulder. Back of thighs.
Parts rarely used in daily life. Limits came that fast too.
The sensation of lactic acid permeating was distinct. The moment fatigue soared rapidly, I immediately stopped the movement of that part.
One by one, they drop out.
What remained until the last were legs and waist. As expected of muscles that have supported the body, they endured until the end.
“Huff! Huff! Huff!”
Only when breath became rough and the edge of vision became faint did even that stop.
Full body training end.
Now it’s the organization stage.
This time let’s focus on blood flow.
Lactic acid, inflammatory reactions, minute damages. Pushing out useless things as if washing them away. Regulating the direction and speed of blood flow to let waste escape.
“Haa-. Haa-. Haa-.”
Breathing subsides gradually.
“Whew—. Whew—.”
Along with that, heat also cooled down.
Trying to open eyes as exercise ended, I felt a sensation as if consciousness surfaced rapidly.
Like that, I returned to reality again.
Floor damp with sweat, Hermit card on the palm.
‘Energy consumed was about enough to read sincere fortunes twice.’
Before going to the bathroom to wash my body, I suddenly looked in the mirror.
“….”
Hair soaked in sweat sticking to skin looks strangely sexy. Reddened skin met cold air and steamed up.
“It is truly beautiful indeed.”
Muttering so, I closed the bathroom door.
Growl.
Like that, finishing even the shower, hunger came as if it had been waiting. Now it was so familiar it wasn't even surprising.
Opened the refrigerator door with a happy heart.
I know my own appetite is already far from normal. That it spans somewhere on the borderline of mental illness. Still, the moment of eating is purely enjoyable. That fact alone couldn't be denied.
But inside the refrigerator was the scenery I always saw.
Side dishes roughly made and eaten at home, piled up frozen foods, foods whose taste is already predicted. While taking out one by one and putting in my mouth, my gaze was naturally looking for other possibilities.
Thinking carefully, the option was obvious.
Due to the characteristic of the neighborhood, restaurants that deliver were virtually non-existent, and the situation was such that I barely found places delivering daily necessities to use. In the end, if I wanted to eat something more delicious, there was no choice but to make and eat it myself.
Chewing side dishes in my mouth, I reached a conclusion.
“Just in time, I am earning money well too.”
While continuing to pick up food and eat with one hand, I handled the phone with the other hand. Ingredient search, cooking utensil comparison. Air fryer, oven, sous-vide machine. And even various meats and ingredients fitting them were piled up in the shopping cart one by one.
‘Is it a bit, excessive?’
Such a thought occurred for a moment, but soon changed my mind.
‘No, no. I am a streamer. I have to think about how to use these things.’
Wouldn't this also become material I can upload to YouVision. Whether broadcast or video, somehow a use will be created.
Thinking so, I felt good for no reason.
End of the daldongne, semi-basement of the house attached at the very top. Today too, the destination was that place.
‘There again….’
Strength went into the hand holding the bike handle. He virtually exclusively handled deliveries for this neighborhood. Roads, stairs, alleys, where it is slippery and where it is breathtaking were reproduced even in dreams.
That house. Orders increased significantly recently. And not just food, but big boxes one after another.
Naturally, there was no such thing as an elevator. Every time he climbed one step of the stairs, he ran out of breath. Boxes bumped inside the bag on his back, making a dull sound. Even though it was winter, sweat formed on his forehead. Inside the long padding was a steamer in no time.
‘Just how much money are they spending, really.’
Anyway, that house these days was strange. Not just a day or two, delivery was caught almost every day. The amount wasn't trivial either. Food, daily necessities, to unidentified machines. Every time he saw the contents of the waybill, his stomach churned for no reason.
Thump thump thump.
Knocked on the door, and put down the item in front of the door.
“Delivery!”
Shouting so, he moved his steps quickly toward the next schedule. Above all, he didn't want to face humans who were his masters (superiors).
Clack.
A moment later, following the sound of the door opening and rustling sound of bringing items inside, thud—.
Hearing the sound of the door closing with the back of his head, he leaned on the stair railing and caught his breath. Sweat ran down his neck. Legs trembled.
“Haa…. It’s fcking hard especially today sht. Gotta quit smoking or something.”
He took out his phone. And like a habit, opened a private gambling site.
Just until a moment ago, he had a groundless conviction that it would work this time, but the result was indeed the same. As soon as he saw the numbers decreasing in the balance, his nerves stood on end.
“This f*ck seriously….”
Strength went into the hand holding the phone. Then suddenly, a certain story that became a topic from a few days ago came to mind. That a Coin rich person guessed all SFC match results and earned hundred billion won of additional money.
‘Dog f*cking bastards.’
It was a story unrelated to him. Even though he clearly knew that, he compared for no reason.
Him leaning on the dirty and shabby railing soaked in sweat, and someone who hit a jackpot whose name he didn't even know. That contrast scratched his insides more.
He inadvertently raised his head and looked up toward the house he just finished delivering to.
The very top. End of the daldongne. Window where light leaks faintly.
A house that orders delivery exceptionally a lot these days.
A house that spends money exceptionally a lot these days.
His gaze naturally lingered long.
There wasn't a particular reason. Not yet.
His gaze became a little dark.