Relativity Fist and the 28cm Dick Rate Request
'28cm dick rate pls'……? …………… Watching Yeom Hana's cheeks flush bright red, Dr. Stein's face lit up like he'd just had an epiphany. Moments later, his eyes and expression shifted from playful mischief to something more regretful.
"Heh heh. This is quite the awkward spot we've landed in."
Dr. Stein cleared his throat. "I'm truly sorry, Miss Hana, but we of the Tower of Reason have a principle against forming excessive ties with the outside world."
It took Yeom Hana a moment to catch the gentlemanly rejection. And three seconds later...
"No, that's not it at all!" Yeom Hana flailed her hands in panic. "I don't have any feelings like that for you, Doctor! Ah, not that I don't respect you or anything, but anyway!"
Oh, a misunderstanding. Should've been clearer from the start. I savored the entertaining spectacle, rolling the massive lollipop I'd gulped down whole around in my mouth. Mmm, sweet and tangy.
"Don't you and the Tower of Reason already know about it? Will Bates's plan."
"Ah, that was the topic."
Tension drained from Dr. Stein's shoulders like a deflating balloon. His grandfatherly explosive hair settled back into its relaxed curls. This old man's crow's feet reappear at lightning speed.
"You can't just relax! This is serious. Will Bates is trying to turn all of humanity into emotionless ants."
"On that matter, even among my colleagues, there's heated debate. Just like with this little Outer God miss here."
Dr. Stein clasped his hands behind his back and continued his explanation. According to him, quite a few in the Tower of Reason sympathized with Will Bates's ideology. Take C. Darwin, for instance—he was all for it. From the perspective of natural selection, emotions were mere byproducts, and anything beneficial to the species' survival should be embraced. Only a tiny minority opposed C. Darwin's logic, while the rest stayed neutral, watching from the sidelines.
"If Will Bates's plan succeeds and humanity walks that path, it would simply be humanity's choice—that's how my colleagues see it."
"That's..."
Perhaps due to Dr. Stein's matter-of-fact tone, Yeom Hana's fire dimmed in an instant. Oops. Her blazing passion shriveled up like a punctured balloon. She looked utterly disappointed that even the world's smartest people would stand by and watch Will Bates.
Dr. Stein halted and turned to her. "Don't take it too hard. My view differs from theirs."
At those words, Yeom Hana's slumped shoulders jerked upright. The next moment, she planted herself in front of Dr. Stein with a resolved expression.
"Then... then, can you help us?"
"Hm?" Dr. Stein's eyebrow arched.
"Hear me out. I won't even ask you to fight alongside us. Just teach me something—at least your Relativity Fist or...!"
Oho. First time seeing Yeom Hana beg someone like this. She must be desperate.
Dr. Stein chuckled heartily. "Heh. Asking for martial arts instruction when it's not even a scientific theory. First time I've heard such a request in my life."
His awkward smile faded, and he stroked his beard. "Sorry, but the Relativity Fist requires full comprehension of the theory. How could someone who doesn't perfectly grasp E=mc² infuse spacetime curvature into their fist?"
"You could still spar with me, right? You learn fighting by fighting."
A brief silence fell.
"...Alright. A spar I can do. Learning through the body is the fastest way, after all."
Approval from humanity's pinnacle intellect.
My attachment human is gonna get insanely stronger!
"But Miss Hana, you're bolder than I expected. Or did this little Outer God miss give you a push?"
Obviously thanks to me. She's got a tough look but gets shy easily. Without my Outer God girl vibes, Yeom Hana would've hemmed and hawed alone and blown the whole opportunity. I nodded vigorously. Seeing that, Yeom Hana let out a nervous laugh.
"Yeah, she helped."
Yeom Hana's huge hand hovered over my head.
"...Thanks."
Pat, pat.Mmm, warm. Super passionate head pats today. The pleasant sensation spread from my scalp through my whole body. Today's pats had that electric blanket coziness. The little thoughts in my inner world lounged lazily, soaking up the warmth.
Infinite candy and head pats. What a lucky day. Must be payback for being good lately. Hehe.
……………
Dr. Stein wasn't kidding about learning through the body being faster. He and Yeom Hana headed to the Awakener-exclusive training ground inside the Agency, where they proceeded to do something utterly bizarre.
Ziiing. The training ground's air felt like it was ripping apart. Shimmering heat haze bloomed between Dr. Stein's palms, enveloping the entire field in a blink.
> Spacetime curvature is warping!
> Training ground's internal time accelerated to extreme levels!
> 100 subjective days inside = ~1 hour outside!
Whoa, sounds familiar. Is this the legendary boot camp where one day feels like a month?
> That's just a metaphor—this is real physics...!
I ignored the bespectacled thought chiming in. The ensuing spar between the two defied belief as human sparring.
Dr. Stein's fist sliced through empty air. Slow—the punch itself was slower than a seasoned boxer's. But the space around it folded. The straight trajectory vanished mid-path, reappearing to slam Yeom Hana's side.
Thud.
"Guh—!"
Her Neutronium Suit sparked, absorbing the impact. Still, Yeom Hana flew back over 5 meters.
She charged again, faster by far, but couldn't land a hit. Dr. Stein always felt ten times quicker—relatively speaking. Yeom Hana got hit, hit, hit again. Hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, occasionally landing one, then hit. Rolling on the floor, smashing into walls, she stubbornly rose, threw punches, got hit, learned something.
Hmm. Entertaining for the first ten minutes or so. But even the fiercest fight gets boring after days of watching. Luckily, one hour outside the warped training ground equaled 100 days inside. Even Yeom Hana and Dr. Stein couldn't train nonstop for 100 days. Eventually, I plopped on a bench outside, fiddling with Yeom Hana's smartphone.
Why did I have it? She handed it over before the spar—said the battery might explode if left in the spacetime-twisted field too long.
Hm, she entrusted it to me. Owner's permission granted—time to play.
Her lock screen showed Yeom Hana's face: awkward grin in her Neutronium Suit. Among the apps, I spotted Feastagram—humans' photo-sharing SNS.
'999+' meant a ton of notifications. I tapped it.
Mostly looks-based praise. Makes sense—Yeom Hana's gorgeous. Surpassing even my attachment human standards, few on TV match her massive tits and ass with that tiny waist. All thanks to me accidentally swallowing and perfectly restoring her. Hehe.
One message stood out amid the thirst: attached photo, title—
Dick rate pls? What's that mean? Slang?
> Tail rating maybe?
> Skewer rating? Chicken skewer!
> Chick-chick! Means baby chick! Bet it's a yellow chick pic!
> Chicks are cute!
> Fry 'em up!
> Nooo! Can't eat pics!
Not tail—humans don't have those. So skewer or chick? Super curious now. As I reached to tap the screen...
Wait wait wait!
The bespectacled thought flung its arms wide in my inner world, blocking the way—not its usual know-it-all vibe, more like a scream.
> No need to see that one!!
The lab coat thought scrambled over, chiming in frantically.
> Y-yeah. Wanna play something else? Shiritori?
What the heck? Why are they freaking out?
> No reason! Really! Just... peeking at strangers' messages online is bad manners, right?!
Fair point. So just this one. As I extended my index finger, the bespectacled and lab coat thoughts clung to my arm.
> Please don't look!
> Bad for the little thoughts' education!
Education? They're hiding something. Now I wanna see it more. I'm the master detective Outer God. Time to uncover the truth. The two saintly thoughts couldn't block my ironclad curiosity. I casually tapped the screen.
The mystery data '[Dick Rate Pls]' decompressed and rendered.
Loading bar: 20%. 50%. 80%.
The lab coat thought hid behind a chalkboard. The bespectacled one desperately covered the little thoughts' eyes.
> Don't look! Everyone close your eyes!
> Why?
> Curious.
> Chick?
> Tail?
100%. The long load finally ended.
The eagerly awaited image filled the screen.
