Phantom Thief - 5
"You want me to rob the same place we already robbed... again?"
Lim Hayeon asked back, startled by my proposal.
"They took one slap across the cheek and they're still strutting around. Shouldn't we make sure they can't so much as squeak this time?"
Operation: The Thief Strikes Twice.
Now that we carried the sturdy shield of the Chief Constable's public certification, even if we struck, they would have no grounds to say a word.
Even if suspicion fell on Daseogak once more, it could only ever end as suspicion — a thief returning to a house with lax security was hardly a rare thing.
"Th-the abbot of the orphanage we first donated to got grabbed by the collar by Merchant Yeeoooom!"
"We made a point of spreading word only about people no one would dare lay hands on..."
Even I hadn't seen that coming.
We hadn't publicized every person the Shadowless Divine Thief had shared her spoils with. The rumors we spread had centered on those unlikely to come to harm even if their windfalls became known.
Who could have guessed they'd go after the abbot himself — by the collar, no less?
"The abbot is a man of such renown that the matter was smoothed over without any trouble, or so I hear. But we can't be satisfied with that."
They had touched someone the Shadowless Divine Thief held dear. Reason enough to strike again.
"Looks like I'll have to get moving, then."
Lim Hayeon nodded, her resolve seemingly settled.
"Hayeon Eonni's going to become the symbol that makes the wicked rich watch their backs."
"On the darkest of nights, the woman who moves through the shadows shall become a symbol of terror to the rich — and a symbol of hope to the poor."
With Daseogak cleared of suspicion, they had lost the rival they might have stood against.
All that remained for them now was violence they had no power to resist — blows to be endured, one-sided and unanswerable.
They'd grown comfortable swinging it at others. Now they'd learn to tremble when it came back at them. You bastards.
"I-I wasn't planning on becoming anything quite that grand. I'll go get changed."
Had I taken it too seriously?
Perhaps embarrassed by the expectant looks from the two of us, Lim Hayeon gave a little shiver, hurried off to change, and returned.
"All dressed? Then it's time for this."
I think it every single time, but that skintight outfit of hers is downright provocative. I couldn't say exactly where, mind you, but one poke of a finger and it would jiggle like pudding.
I handed a sheet of paper to Lim Hayeon as she bundled herself into her outer coat.
"Do I truly have to do this?"
Lim Hayeon read the paper, squinted one eye, and asked me, looking none too keen.
"I'm hoping it'll spark something for the next volume. If you'd rather not, you're free to skip it."
Truth be told, I wanted her to do it more than anything.
"Hayeon Eonni. Don't do iiiit?"
"It's fine. He says it's necessary, so let's give it a try."
Lim Hayeon turned to face Jegal Hyang and quietly offered up her forehead.
"Th-then I'll... Ahh!"
"Ow."
"Nnngh..."
"Are you quite alright?"
Miss Jegal. There was no need to ram that forehead in at full force. How does one lose one's balance in a single step?
Should I have told them to stop? While I was still deliberating, the two of them closed their eyes and pressed their foreheads together. So they were finally doing it.
Once Lim Hayeon seemed ready, she began to recite in a low voice.
"O Buddha. Grant that I may be a righteous thief again today."
"Ooooh."
Before I knew it, I was applauding, genuine admiration mixed in.
"Ugh. Why did you even ask me to do this?"
The moment the words left her mouth, Lim Hayeon pulled her forehead away from Jegal Hyang's and rounded on me, face flushed.
"For inspiration for my work."
"Somehow I doubt that..."
How on earth did she know?
Lim Hayeon's doubtful stare lodged itself in my chest. Very well — time to be as brazen as I could manage.
"Consider it: a thief who covets the possessions of others is, in truth, a devout Buddhist. Wouldn't that alone put an end to anyone questioning the Shadowless Divine Thief's motives?"
"Th-that may be so, but. Then why do I have to do it forehead-to-forehead with Miss Jegal?"
So her suspicion hadn't fully dissolved after all. Lim Hayeon pressed on, that doubtful look never leaving her eyes.
What was I supposed to say? I, too, was once a boy, you see. The truth is, I'd admired lady phantom thieves ever since I was a child.
I had, in fact, asked because I wanted to see it. But there was no telling her that.
"Well... because it would look pretty?"
In the end, a pitiful excuse popped right out.
"..."
"Haha."
In the strange silence that followed, I averted my gaze and could offer nothing but a sheepish laugh.
I held still, waiting for their reaction — and instead Lim Hayeon and Jegal Hyang came toward me. Was I about to catch an earful?
And why were they suddenly grabbing my sleeves?
When I turned my head, there they stood — Lim Hayeon and Jegal Hyang, both of them flushed.
"I-if that's all it was, I'll do it again for you next time too."
"Hnn. Me toooooo."
No — don't react like that. Now I'm getting embarrassed for nothing.
For a moment, the words simply failed me.
Lim Hayeon fanned at her own flushed face, then spoke to me.
"I'll be back before you know it. Oh! Should I just bring back loot again?"
Of course, if she came back with even rarer trophies, those people would surely be pulling long faces. And if the vault held valuables beyond what she'd already lifted, taking those too would deal a heavy blow.
But what we were after today was no ordinary theft.
"Just do exactly as I told you."
A thief strikes twice.
And the second strike always cuts far deeper than the first.
"Have you heard? Merchant Yeom shit and pissed himself right through his trousers."
Word of the Shadowless Divine Thief spread in an instant.
"What in the world are you on about now?"
"Merchant Yeom — the one who grabbed the abbot running the orphanage by the collar, calling him the Shadowless Divine Thief's accomplice."
"Ah, that bastard? What about him? Did he have a stroke out in the outhouse or something?"
"That Merchant Yeom — a few mornings back, he woke to find a bright blue dagger driven deep into his headboard!"
"Good heavens! Not a single guard, not even Yeom himself, noticed a thing?"
"Not a soul caught on while the thief left behind the dagger and a black paper crane!"
"Hoh. So it was a warning not to go tormenting people who'd done you no wrong. No wonder he soiled himself."
A thief with stealth so superb that no one ever noticed her could turn assassin in the blink of an eye.
For days on end, people buzzed about the Shadowless Divine Thief's latest exploit.
The Shadowless Divine Thief had drawn a line before the wicked rich. Cross it, and I will steal your lives whenever I please.
That warning reached the ears of the other rich men too — the ones who had yet to receive a visit from the Shadowless Divine Thief — along with fresh news of just why the wealthy were growing tense.
"No, wait. There was another reason he soiled himself."
"Another reason? What was it?"
"They say the Shadowless Divine Thief made off with Merchant Yeom's debt records."
"IOUs? That's hardly the sort of thing a thief steals, is it?"
Debt records — papers noting sums lent out. Unless accompanied by a deed formally transferring them to another party, they were not documents worth a thief's time.
"And isn't that exactly what sets the Shadowless Divine Thief apart from every other thief!"
Of course the Shadowless Divine Thief had her reasons. The man telling the tale shouted over a chorus of cheers.
"You mean she did all that to punish Merchant Yeom?! Hold on — just how big were the damages?!"
Once the debt records vanished, there was no way left to prove a single coin had ever been lent. A sum no stolen trinket could hold a candle to had evaporated in an instant.
"The damages alone would be enough for a proper gold shower."
"Hahaha! So that's why he took a golden shower of his own!"
"But here's the thing — he's not the only victim, not by a long shot! Every rich fool who couldn't come to his senses after being robbed like that got the exact same treatment!"
"So it's true — not a common thief, but a righteous bandit?!"
Was the Shadowless Divine Thief truly a chivalrous thief? It was the kind of news that made even the doubters drop their doubts at once.
"Yes. The phantom thief, the Shadowless Divine Thief, has truly appeared in the land of Wuhan!"
As the Shadowless Divine Thief's legend spread by the day, the second floor of Wuhan Daseogak stayed packed from morning to night.
"Thank goodness Daseogak was cleared of that unjust suspicion."
One scholar — early enough a member to be counted among Wuhan Daseogak's founding regulars — sighed in relief as he spoke to his friends.
"Daseogak, in league with a thief! That was nonsense from the very start!"
"Exactly. Why would Author Hopil — a man already proven through Dangga Pungun — stoop to such a crime?"
At the scholar's words, every Tea Book Club member seated nearby nodded along.
Calling the thief the Shadowless Divine Thief was fair enough, given how closely the deeds mirrored those of her namesake in Pungun Hyeopgaekjeon. But insisting on some hidden tie between the thief and Daseogak was a leap far too far.
What could Author Hopil possibly lack, that he would commit such a crime?
"I agree wholeheartedly. Just as the Chief Constable said, it seems the thief read Pungun Hyeopgaekjeon and was reformed by it."
One member affirmed it, citing once more the fact the Chief Constable had made public.
"Hoh. A novel that reforms even thieves! Who knows — perhaps Author Hopil's masterpiece won't be Dangga Pungun, but Pungun Hyeopgaekjeon."
With the uncomfortable suspicion dispelled, the member gazed fondly at the novel that kept setting the whole city abuzz and said,
"Friend, I can't let that pass. Pungun Hyeopgaekjeon is entertaining, I'll grant you — but it doesn't hold a candle to Dangga Pungun's popularity."
"Dangga Pungun only sells better because it has those erotic scenes. Strip them out, and in my reading Pungun Hyeopgaekjeon wins by an absolute landslide!"
"Ha! A lecherous chronicle with the lechery stripped out? That's an absurd premise from the very first word!"
"Acknowledge the new wave rolling down the Yangtze. More people come asking for Pungun Hyeopgaekjeon than Dangga Pungun these days."
"Isn't that only because the Shadowless Divine Thief appeared? In pure reading pleasure, it can't touch Dangga Pungun."
The two members' gazes collided as though striking sparks.
"Pungun Hyeopgaekjeon offers a pleasure far loftier than the pleasure of undressing women."
"What?! Are you calling the pleasures of Dangga Pungun low and vulgar?!"
"That's not what I said at all!"
"What on earth are you two doing! Are they not both novels by the same Author Hopil?!"
Both had kicked back their chairs and risen, a hair's breadth from blows. The scholar, a founding member of the Wuhan Tea Book Club, moved to restrain them.
"Now, friend, isn't that going a bit far!"
"Look who's talking!"
"Are we not the very ones who gathered back when even finding Author Hopil's novels in Wuhan was a struggle? A healthy debate like the First Wife War is one thing — but which novel is better? Aren't you ashamed to carry on like this in front of the new member?"
The scholar gestured toward the member who had joined mere days ago as he chided his friends.
"Ahem. My apologies. We did get rather ugly there."
"Not at all. It's quite alright."
The new member waved it off with an awkward smile.
"We're all just so terribly fond of Author Hopil's novels, that's all."
"Since you two were discussing Dangga Pungun and Pungun Hyeopgaekjeon — as the newest member, I have one question."
The newcomer spoke carefully, eyes on the senior members.
"Don't tell me you mean to ask which novel is better as well?"
The scholar's brow knitted.
"It's nothing of the sort. Just simple, honest curiosity."
"Ah, is that all. Well then — what is it? Out with it."
The Wuhan Tea Book Club had been locked in heated debate over Dangga Pungun since the year before. Members even quizzed one another from time to time, the losers footing the bill for drinks.
Save for the First Wife War — a debate that would never, ever conclude — they had managed to settle most of their arguments in one way or another.
As seniors of the club, they had just shown a rather shabby face. Time to make up for it. The many members seated around the room turned as one to look at the newcomer.
"Ask anything you like!"
When the newcomer hesitated, a senior member prompted him with a smile — blissfully unaware of what was about to leave those lips.
The Gate of Verbal Calamity.
Sometimes the most innocent question is the one that stirs up the greatest storm.
"If young hero Dang Jeong of Dangga Pungun and young hero Unhyeon of Pungun Hyeopgaekjeon ever came to blows — who would win?"
One question that could not be taken back sent waves crashing through the Tea Book Club.