Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Only after I confirmed everyone was asleep did I quietly slip out of the dorm.
I pulled up the zipper of the long padded jacket we were all given, and let out a drowsy sigh that billowed into the dawn air in a sharp white puff.
That meant it was freezing cold.
The dorm and the practice room were in separate buildings, which gave me plenty of time to think as I walked over.
Thoughts like this, for example.
'It probably wasn't with pure intentions.'
Right. I was talking about Ahn Jiwon.
The sense of belonging she directed only at me, all the gestures that seemed to go beyond kindness into showing off.
Above all, that line from earlier that felt like she was subtly fishing—that's what clinched it.
Ahn Jiwon was...
Right now, she had me mistaken for a pre-selected member.
'Did I do something to make myself look suspicious? Damn it, what did I do?'
I tried to recall.
Ahn Jiwon's attitude toward me had changed after my grade evaluation stage.
That meant that during the grade evaluation I must have accidentally done something that only a fixed winner would do.
That something...
"......Freestyle?"
During the grade evaluation, the only unusual element that existed solely for Ahn Jiwon and me was definitely that.
'Ha, if that was scripted, it would all make perfect sense.'
Remembering how the production crew had suddenly gotten busy when I said I would try freestyle, I felt a chaotic knot in my stomach.
'How am I supposed to know if even that was part of their connections?'
Whatever it was, this was definitely a red flag.
Already flashing before my eyes was the image of all the manipulation being exposed and the furious trainees writing out their perfectly reasonable backbiting accounts on the internet....
—I'm an eliminated trainee, and Seo Cha-gyeom and Ahn Jiwon were always whispering secrets to each other? The rest of us felt so excluded we almost got upset. Ah, not saying Seo Cha-gyeom is staged too, they just seemed really close.
—I heard Ahn Jiwon's freestyle was scripted? Then could Seo Cha-gyeom be.......
"Ack."
A chill prickled the back of my neck and I stopped dead in my tracks. I raked a hand through my hair and hunched over.
Right. In a survival show packed with rivalry and competition, I couldn't stay clean just because I was clean alone.
'At this rate I'll end up with neither porridge nor rice.'
Forget lukewarm; from now on I had to maintain a glacial relationship with anyone suspected of being a pre-selected member. I'd be lashed to the screentime bus and plummet right off a cliff.
The one silver lining was that we were only two days into the training camp.
I still had plenty of chances to turn things around, so I resolved to get along cozily with the other trainees from now on. So no weird rumors would sprout.
"Why are you here?"
"Ah, I felt like I needed a little more practice."
Right, with that hyung too.
"......Come in."
An expert at making a shared practice room feel as awkward as someone else's living room in an instant.
Master Oh Yun-hwan, who granted me entry with a disgruntled look, kept glancing at me before he resumed his practice.
I pretended to warm up and watched his dancing. Well, it was more like I couldn't not watch because the room was covered in mirrors.
"......."
Oh Yun-hwan must have been pretty shaken by the mentor's comment that he was 'exaggerated,' because all his movements had become tightly constricted.
It felt even more wishy-washy than before he'd been called out.
You know those teachers, right? The ones who hurl vicious remarks with real flair but only offer vague, airy-fairy improvements.
That mentor seemed to be exactly that type.
"Hey, Yun-hwan hyung."
When I called his name, Oh Yun-hwan flinched way too hard and turned his head.
The look in his eyes was so clear—telling me to get lost if I was going to butt in—that I briefly thought I'd suddenly learned mind-reading.
"Uh...."
Well, I was kind of butting in, actually.
The mentor had told me to take responsibility and teach him.
"I don't think the mentor said you were exaggerated to mean your movements were too big."
"......."
"Try putting power only on the accent beats and pull back a little on the other parts."
"......."
"If you get confused, shall I clap the beat next to you?"
No reply came back, but I walked over to the speaker and turned on the song.
Then I stood beside Oh Yun-hwan.
Clap, clap, clap, clap!
Clap, clap, clap, clap!
And clapped.
"......Hey."
"Yes?"
"What about the chorus part, not that part?"
"Ah, the chorus."
Clap! Clap-clap, clap, clap! Clap-clap, clap!
"It's two measures repeating like this."
With a sullen face, Oh Yun-hwan stared at me, then began moving his arms and legs again.
I clapped enthusiastically right beside him like I was cheering on a kid at a talent show.
"Hyung, on the 'one minute, one second' part, don't pull your arm too far back—keep it in a straight line with your ear."
"Uh...."
"And on that part, your left foot has to hit first and then push off with your right."
"Like this?"
"Yeah."
Maybe he noticed for himself how noticeably better his dancing had gotten, because he stopped grumbling and started following my instructions.
Correcting a flawed personality with clapping. I had only ever seen that kind of thing in puppy training programs.
Then again, this was an environment where you couldn't help but be sensitive. I could overlook one mistake.
Though I had zero intention of getting any closer.
I watched him a little longer, then stepped back.
"I'll head in for now."
"......."
There wasn't only one practice room, after all. I could just sneak into the practice room for the other grade kids and use that one.
With that in mind I gave a quick nod and turned around.
"You're not going to?"
"Huh?"
"Weren't you here to practice?"
His testy tone almost made me mistake it for a fight.
The way he was staring at the floor, clenching and unclenching his fist, waiting for my answer—it didn't look like he was itching to finish a fight we never started.
'He could just say it straightforward. Why's he acting like that.'
I hesitated for a while with my hand on the door handle, pretending to think it over, and finally answered.
"Then shall I do a little more?"
* * *
"Wow, Yun-hwan's dancing has improved a ton. Put in a lot of effort?"
At the dance mentor's words, Oh Yun-hwan, who glanced at me from all the way across the room, nodded and said,
"Trainee Seo Cha-gyeom helped me a lot!"
"Oh, really. See? That's exactly the importance of a leader."
When our eyes met, Oh Yun-hwan smiled proudly. With an air of having done me a favor.
Honestly, it was goodwill I didn't really need right now... but goodwill holds meaning in itself, so I'll just be vaguely grateful.
I bobbed my head, and he must have gotten embarrassed belatedly because he whipped his gaze away. He kept blowing hot and cold—maybe that was why his family name was Oh.
"......."
I suddenly felt the other three from his clique glance my way because of Oh Yun-hwan's change in attitude, but those glances were quickly withdrawn.
"So three people here are getting eliminated? Well, honestly speaking, it's not like I can't see who might drop. I'm sure you all know yourselves."
Because the mentor's gaze, as he said that, was aimed precisely at them.
"We'll work hard...."
A gloomy voice filled the practice room. That mentor seemed to be on this program purely for the thrill of crushing trainees' spirits.
"Jiwon and Cha-gyeom are steady. Keep your condition up and you should be able to maintain your rank, huh?"
"Thank you."
"Thank you!"
"Hyeon-i, honestly you looked like the weakest one here at first, but in terms of growth, you're number one, man."
"Thank you...!"
The reason things suddenly felt like the final homeroom speech on graduation day was because the final grade evaluation was right around the corner.
'The training camp is almost over, too.'
The next training camp would probably have us rooming by teams, so my roommate would change.
That meant I could finally escape this thorny game of tag I'd been playing with Ahn Jiwon. No matter the reason, it felt like ignoring and ostracizing someone the whole time, and I'd been seriously uncomfortable.
'Though she herself didn't seem to notice at all.'
Whatever. After this evaluation, ties by grade would significantly decrease anyway, so I just had to avoid being on the same team.
But before that, I had to finish the grade evaluation properly.
* * *
The final grade evaluation was held in classes separated by grade. They would film us here, and then the mentors would review the footage later to decide the final grades.
You might think it would be less pressure since there were no mentors on set.
"Gasp."
"What do I do...."
But mistakes were never just a matter of mindset.
A trainee who tripped over his own feet and skipped an entire phrase struggled to keep going, sweating cold sweat.
"It's okay, it's okay."
"You did well."
The trainee, receiving comfort from others, saw his eyes grow redder.
He plopped down beside me and sniffled, and before long buried his head into his knees.
......I pretended not to notice.
"Yes, finally awake!"
Ahn Jiwon wrapped up the final pose without a single mistake, sending a finger heart to the camera to cap the ending.
Seeing her easy, relaxed gesture of adding a 'please take care of me,' a question grew larger and larger inside me.
'No matter how I look at it, she doesn't seem to need any rigging.'
Was it like, she'd pass the test anyway, but she was still cheating just to make it absolutely certain?
That made even less sense.
"Hyung, go kill it out there!"
Ahn Jiwon bounded over to sit beside me and chirped brightly.
The problem was that my vow to keep as much distance as possible, made only a day earlier, was impossible to enforce in front of the camera.
Instead of answering, I nodded, got up from my seat, and moved to the center.
"Fighting!"
"Our leader! Do great!"
'Now that it's almost over, suddenly I'm the leader.'
Looking back, it had been more like being class president than a leader. My main jobs were passing on announcements and handing out PPL snacks.
As for a review.......
I never wanted to do it again. I absolutely had to recruit a member who would willingly take on the leader's share.
"Sorasum Entertainment, Seo Cha-gyeom. Beginning the grade evaluation."
It felt familiar.
The blue tape fixing my position, the sneakers planted on top of it.
The rigid camera lens that showed neither expression nor emotion.
The eyes of fellow trainees I couldn't tell were checking me or cheering me on.
—Group A, Seo Cha-gyeom. Beginning the weekend evaluation for the fourth week of December.
'Wow, how did this suddenly trigger nostalgia.'
Seriously, even I couldn't get a read on myself.
There was a time I had stormed out saying I couldn't do it anymore, and now here I was.
"Please start the song."
The fast beat unique to electronic house erased all the stray thoughts.
The easiest way to perform well on stage was, after all, to just do it without thinking. Just like right now.
I Know the clouds are white
Every day every day it's the same
Like an obvious spoiler
I feel like I already know the ending
I got through to the pre-chorus without a hitch.
Messing up on this part was more about effort than skill, anyway.
Yes, this moment AWAKE!
Look at the now that shines brighter than a dream
The climactic chorus unique to the signal song.
For that climactic rise, you had to belt the high notes full-voice from beginning to end. There wasn't even a breathing gap, which demanded considerable lung capacity.
But I absolutely couldn't furrow my brow. Because this was a joyful song.
"Wow, he's seriously good."
I pulled off the dance break smoothly as well.
Hearing the exclamations burst out among the trainees made it sink in again that where I stood was not Mary's practice room.
Because that was a sound you could never hear at Mary.
'Not bad.'
Now if I could just stick the landing.......
"Why'd someone like him even come on a show like this?"
—Just keeping him from going on those shows is a blessing in itself.
No need to wait, wake up
All of my moments
"He really sparkles. So that's what a person who's meant to be an idol looks like."
—He'll just cling to a memory of briefly getting attention, fail to know his place, and waste his whole life away. That's pitiful in its own way too, though.
catch up.......
"Huh?"
"Oh no, what do we do."
—So, you should be grateful. They're saying they'll debut you if you just tough it out, and you're sniveling because you got hit a little? Pathetic.
.......