Floor 2 (2)

Fuck, you motherfucking flower bud.

Get close and it spits venom like crazy.

Back off, and the tentacles come after you.

And on top of all that, it's so damn tough it barely even gets cut.

What the hell did they make this thing to beat for??

You're not dying a peaceful death, you goddamn plant bastard.

Like a salvia, I'm going to suck you dry to the marrow and grind you into a drink.

SHWAAEEEK──

A lashing vine tore through the air and came rushing at me. It was a speed no ordinary person could have reacted to. But perhaps thanks to the senses that had grown keener since my Awakening, I ducked and rolled on pure reflex — and a bundle of vines as thick as a man's forearm smashed the spot where I'd been standing into pulp a heartbeat later.

KWAAAAAANG!!!!

"Ngh...!!"

A shockwave strong enough to ring my ears for a moment. There was no time to think. I hurled myself into the brush to dodge the follow-up attack, and the vines that fanned out behind it began chasing me like homing missiles.

Shwaek! Shwaeek!!

KWAANG!!

"Ugh!"

I leaped into the air to evade another lashing vine. The moment I did, I activated my Inventory skill, and an aluminum can materialized beneath my feet. I didn't have any particular reason to use aluminum cans again except that, out of sheer familiarity, they were the easiest thing for me to handle. Besides, I had a mountain of ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠unsorted recycling piled ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠up at home.

Which meant that by now, I could even do things like this.

"Al!! Do your thing!!"

PAANG─

Instead of a metal spike, a blunt pillar erupted from the ground and shoved me away like a launcher kicking me into the sky. Almost simultaneously, the fanned-out vines bent and converged toward a single point, grazing the very tips of my legs by a hair's breadth.

A difference of a single sheet of paper.

Having barely slipped past the Ferum Flower's attack by that razor-thin margin, I couldn't fight the momentum and crashed headfirst into the ground, letting out a shriek far too undignified for a climber.

"Agh, ghaak, khak."

This was what the martial arts novels called a naryeotagon — the emergency breakfall roll. After tumbling across the dirt a few times and putting distance between myself and the Ferum Flower, I scrambled back to my feet, too embarrassed to even feel embarrassed, and checked on the vine bundle that had been chasing me until just now.

Squirm, squirm.

Apparently that last exchange had put me out of their range, because the vines wriggled helplessly in ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠midair, unable to close the gap any further. Their movement was disturbingly fluid — as if each and every vine had a mind of its own.

"...Ugh. Gross."

Fuck, those aren't vines, those are basically tentacles!!

Who do you think you are, Doc Ock??

What are you gonna do next, yell "Hello, Peter~" and hurl a car at me??

Why the hell is a plant flailing physical attacks around?! You're a carnivorous plant, so act like one and quietly stick to poison attacks!!

"Dammit..."

At this rate, I couldn't get anywhere near it. I'd just get pummeled going agh-agh and end up getting tentacled into next week. And after that, swallowed whole by that mouth-shaped bud, paralyzed by its venom, and—

"Huh? Paralytic venom?"

Wait a second. Paralytic venom?

Could this... if I played it right...

A memory flickered up from the back of my mind, and I immediately pulled open the Awakener community to reread the information post SpeedVegan had left behind.

"...Ugh."

Correction: full rereading was not happening. I skimmed the wall of text at speed and pulled out the part I actually needed.

"Aha."

So the reason it had only been attacking me with vines so far was that I'd been keeping my distance. Just like a Soulslike boss, its skill set apparently changed depending on range.

"Skill window."

PAT!

"Would paralytic venom count as a drug, I wonder..."

I couldn't be sure, but probably. It had blocked the Black Sludge's mucus back on Floor 1, so paralytic venom would most likely fall under the same category.

My deliberation was short and my action fast. I immediately pulled a lump of aluminum cans out at my feet and used my Transmutation skill on them.

"Transmute."

PAANG─

Kicking off a metal pillar that shot up just like before, my body launched forward like a cannonball. I blazed through a forward blink, flying several dozen meters ahead, and before long the vine bundle that had chased me finally coiled around my legs and torso.

Whirrr, creak-creak!

"Agh...!"

The grip was stronger than I'd expected, and a groan slipped out of me despite myself. But it was only intense pressure — it wasn't clamping down hard enough to break bones or tear flesh. Or maybe my stats had risen and, without my noticing, my body's durability had gotten tougher too?

— KUEEEEEK!!!!

A red bud lined with teeth gaped wide open and swallowed my vine-bound body whole. Between the spread jaws, strands of white nectar hung down like drool and splattered across my face. Still disgusting, but compared to the Black Sludge, this was nothing.

Then the gaping mouth began to close, and the teeth studding the bud were about to rend my body apart — when—

"Transmute."

KWADEUK!!

A metal pillar surged upward. An aluminum rod drove through the roof of its mouth and the floor, planted rigid and unyielding like a column.

It looked like it was wearing a piercing — or like a skewer that had been jammed in badly.

— KUEK!! KUEEEEEK!!!!

The Ferum Flower shrieked at the agony of a pierced palate, but fat lot of good it did.

"Mm. Nope."

A biter needs a muzzle. That's just common sense.

In America they'd have shot you already, you know that?

— KUEEEEEK!!!!

"...Okay, enough joking around."

Standing in front of that thing's mouth and smelling its breath was a genuine ordeal in itself. So I let go of the aluminum rod I'd been hanging from and threw myself straight into the Ferum Flower's mouth.

SPLASH!

"Huh?"

Contrary to what I'd expected, the inside of its mouth was filled with some unidentified liquid. An extremely sticky, viscous white nectar, at that.

"Ugh... what the hell is this..."

SPLASH.

The one blessing in all this was that the white nectar wasn't all that deep. It came up to about my thighs by my standards, so at least I wouldn't end up coated head to toe in goo like with the Black Sludge.

— KUEEEEEK!!!!

"...Hold on. I'll finish this quickly."

Right away, to make things comfortable for the Ferum Flower — naturally — I drew the only weapon I'd brought along from my Inventory.

An aluminum dagger. After it had melted in the Black Sludge last time, I'd repaired it by fusing on fresh material.

"Alright then..."

I gripped the crude dagger in reverse and clasped it with both hands — a hold meant to compensate for my still-lacking strength. Then, hoisting the dagger all the way above my head, I put my full weight behind it and brought it down toward the wall of flesh.

"Yap─"

SQUELCH!

"...Huhh?"

My foot slid out from under me, and I dove headfirst — back of the skull first — into the white nectar.

SPLASH!!

"Gyabubub—cough! Hekhekhek!"

It went in my mouth!

I swallowed it, goddammit!

So THIS is what the Ferum Flower tastes like—

...No, wait!!

"Ugh... kehak..."

Fucking bitter. Bitter enough to numb my tongue. Dirt flavor and grass flavor and some astringent tang? all tangled up with an acrid bitterness until my tongue felt like it was going dead.

Ding!

But before I could even spit out the nectar still coating my tongue, the familiar sound rang out and a system message floated into view. And the contents of the message that followed made me doubt my own two eyes.

"Huh...?"

Why is the addiction rate going up? Wait, more importantly...

Acts on the central nervous system...? Sedative and paralytic effects...? Strong addictive properties...?

No, hold on.

This is...

"That's not a Ferum Flower, that's a drug flower..."

No wonder it looked suspiciously like a poppy. Seriously, Tower hyung, is this right? So after everything else, now the Tower itself is trying to turn me into a drug addict!

...Though admittedly, thanks to my immunity skill, it wouldn't do a thing to me. Unlike the other Awakeners on Floor 0.

"Huh? Hold on. That means..."

Can I... take this with me...?

If I pack it neatly into my Inventory and carry it out, nobody would ever know, right...?

...No. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I know better. However much this is inside the Tower, drugs aren't legal.

Dealers' personal info did pop up on the Awakener Gallery from time to time, after all. The Association was lenient about everything else, but when it came to drugs, they threw the book at you with enhanced penalties.

But — which meant, conversely...

"As long as I don't get caught... it's not a crime...?"

Not that I had any intention of selling drugs to other people. I planned to take them myself, purely for trait-farming purposes.

[ Addiction rate increases by 10%. ]

A blatantly overpowered substance that jacked up the addiction rate by a full 10% from a single sip. Immune or not, passing up a chance to farm traits this effortlessly with nothing but drugs would be a waste.

Sure, mere possession was illegal, and if the Association caught me my life was effectively over, but...

There was simply no way for the Association or any other hunter to find out I was carrying drugs.

"Gotta love the Inventory."

Tucked away inside my Inventory, even the Association couldn't possibly know what I was holding. Mad? Too bad for you!

Nobody can punish the me who owns an Inventory! That's the limit of Floor 0 law enforcement!

— KUEEEEEK!!!!

So there I was, giddily cracking jokes about my upcoming drug-fueled trait farming, while the Ferum Flower kept screaming its head off — the rod jammed down its throat apparently hurting quite a bit. The sudden noise pollution from my neighbor made my head throb and my skull ring.

So I irritably furrowed my brow, scooped up the dagger I'd dropped during my earlier slip, and—

"...Let's take care of this first and worry about the rest later."

Rest in peace, Mr. Ferum Flower. Thanks for your generous gifts.

And so, after dealing with the Ferum Flower.

Having finally escaped from the depths of its maw, I shook the aluminum can in my hand and checked its contents.

Swish!

"Mm. All in there nice and neat."

Unfortunately, I hadn't been able to store the Ferum Flower's nectar directly into my Inventory. Apparently only solid items could be stowed away. So as an interim measure, I was keeping the nectar bottled in the aluminum cans I'd brought along.

"If I'd known this would happen, I should've grabbed more cans."

I'd burned through so many in the fight that, in the end, I'd only managed to salvage about five cans' worth of nectar. Well, five cans is nothing to sneeze at. 355 milliliters a can, so roughly... hmm...

1,000 milliliters? No wait, a bit more than that?

Slime, squelch.

"Ugh... disgusting."

Once again, I was covered head to toe in nectar. Why does this keep happening to me, seriously?

That Black Sludge from before, and now this — why does every monster I fight pull this exact move? Did the Tower get built by nothing but perverts? Their skulls must be filled to the brim with lube instead of brains.

Or else this came from somewhere no human brain could ever produce — an idea straight out of some low-budget Japanese AV.

...Well, whatever. Gross is gross.

"Still, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

I opened up the Tower Gallery right away and, alongside a photo of the Ferum Flower I'd just finished off, wrote the same old flex post as always.

"Newbie Slayer"? All that hype for nothing. All-time weakest cup of water rocket.

"Mm-hm. Yes, yes."

People came charging in at the speed of someone getting eliminated in the Round of 32 the instant the bait hit the water. So there I was, savoring a gentle drip-feed of dopamine from the comments rolling in with every refresh, when—

suddenly a piercing shriek tore through the forest.

"KYAAAAAK!!!! Ppeokkeumi!!!!"

Caught off guard by the totally unexpected development, I stared toward the source of the scream, forgetting even to smash the upvote button.

Long pointed ears, white skin, a voluptuous chest.

And on top of that, a perverted outfit straight out of a brothel's daydreams.

Uh, yeah. The race of beauty — an elf.

The moment this mad tribe of vegan zealots appeared out of nowhere and laid eyes on the Ferum Flower's mangled corpse, she came straight at me with the accusations.

"What have you done to our Ppeokkeumi...!!"

The words of a cat mom having a seizure over cat food containing trace amounts of Tylenol. That much I could at least understand — but what this elf bitch spat out next was a whole other spectacle.

"Ah... Ppeokkeumi's precious nectar..."

"......"

When she said "Ppeokkeumi," I'd assumed it was some kind of pet. But apparently the nectar inside it mattered far more than the creature itself.

So I stared at the elf before me with the expression of a man beholding the incomprehensible.

'...What the hell?'

What is up with this junkie flower-hugging fanatic?