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# Chapter 1 – Camera Sickness (1)
“Ugh, it’s cold.”
A biting wind blew fiercely, sweeping across my face as if it were going to cut right through me.
I wanted nothing more than to rest in the standby bus, but I couldn’t do that.
As an unknown actor like me, I had to make myself known on set as much as possible.
After warming my frozen hands, I slipped between the staff with a friendly expression.
“Hello, Assistant Director!”
“Oh, Hee-sung, you’re here? Wait over there.”
“Yes, understood!”
After greeting the assistant director, I immediately approached the other staff members.
“Hello. I’m Jin Hee-sung!”
I greeted them in a friendly manner and picked up some equipment that was sitting nearby.
“I’ll help you out.”
“It’s fine. That’s expensive equipment, so don’t handle it carelessly.”
“Ah, yes. I’m sorry.”
At the gesture telling me to move aside, I walked away.
Even so, I didn’t let it get me down. I continued going around the set and greeting the staff.
I spent nearly thirty minutes greeting people, but the only person who recognized me first or remembered my name was the
casting director.
Only one person.
It couldn’t really be helped.
The role I had been given in this movie was a minor role.
It was practically an extra role, at that.
Still, I figured that making an impression now might help me even a little in the future, which was why I kept moving
around whenever I had the chance.
At twenty-six years old, I was a minor actor who had yet to establish myself properly and didn’t even have an agency. I
was desperate enough to grasp at any straw I could find.
That didn’t mean everyone understood how desperate I was.
“Excuse me.”
“Yes?”
“You’re getting in the way, so go over there and rest.”
Even in response to the staff member’s curt attitude, all I could do was smile.
“I’m sorry.”
I headed toward the large bus parked in the lot a little away from the filming location.
“Hello.”
I gave the actors already inside the large bus a brief nod as I entered.
Of course, no one warmly returned my greeting.
Everyone had an awkward look on their faces by default, so I was simply grateful if someone at least acknowledged me
with a nod.
It couldn’t be helped.
Being a minor actor was originally a profession where you rarely had the luxury of relaxing.
Especially if you were going around alone without a manager, you couldn’t help but become even more sensitive.
Even among minor actors, those who belonged to agencies waited in private vehicles rather than buses like this. Whenever
I saw them like that, I would inevitably feel a vague sense of deprivation.
The call time was 4 p.m.
There were only thirty minutes left until the scheduled time we had been informed of beforehand.
But I would probably have to wait another hour or two at the very least.
While going around and greeting the staff, I had overheard that filming for the main cast, which was taking place in
Gyeongnidan-gil, had been delayed.
That was why most of the actors were either wearing earphones with their heads resting against the windows or had their
arms crossed and their eyes closed, trying to sleep.
After thinking for a moment, I pulled out my script from my bag.
I had memorized the script perfectly, but there was no harm in checking it again.
My philosophy was that I had to make up for what I lacked by putting in even more effort.
---
“We’re filming Scene 43. Actors, get ready!”
I woke up at the assistant director’s voice.
I sprang to my feet and cleared my groggy voice.
“Yes. I’ll be right out!”
I hurriedly checked the mirror, fixed my hair, and got off the bus.
Darkness had already fallen over the filming set.
It was 7 p.m.
It had gotten much later than I had expected.
Of course, neither the assistant director nor anyone else apologized for the delay in filming.
Not that I had expected them to.
“Jin Hee-sung, come over here.”
“Yes!”
I answered energetically and quickly ran over.
“Hee-sung, you know you have lines, right?”
“I’ve memorized them perfectly.”
Four lines.
It was only four lines, but I had practiced them throughout several sleepless nights.
While working part-time, I had gone over them dozens and hundreds of times, and I had prepared for the emotional
immersion like a madman.
This time, I was truly confident.
“It’s a short scene, but it’s important, so you can’t make an NG.”
“Yes, please don’t worry.”
“Alright. Get ready over there. We’ll start shooting right away.”
“Yes, Assistant Director.”
I couldn’t make a mistake this time.
I had already missed so many opportunities that I could hardly count them on my fingers.
Just for today, I absolutely had to seize this chance.
“Wait, where did Song Yuna go?”
At that moment, Director Choi Woo-ram, who had been sitting among the staff, spoke irritably as he pressed the assistant
director.
“She said she’d just change her clothes and come back, didn’t she?”
“Yes. She’s in the van right now, so I’ll go and—”
Before he could finish.
Rattle.
The door of the van in the distance opened, and I saw a slender woman step out of the vehicle.
Without realizing it, my gaze was drawn to her.
Song Yuna.
The female lead of this movie and an actress considered one of the biggest stars of the current era.
“I’m sorry, Director. I’m a little late because I was touching up my makeup.”
The director, who had been irritated just moments ago, instantly smiled warmly with his eyes.
“No, no. We just finished getting ready too. Shall we go right away?”
“Yes.”
With her appearance, the staff on set began moving busily.
Without anyone having to give me a signal, I naturally found my place.
My role was to approach Song Yuna after her car broke down on a rural road and offer her assistance.
“We’ll do the first take of Scene 43. Ready, action!”
Clack!
As the assistant director struck the slate, the red light on the camera came on.
The usually aloof Song Yuna instantly immersed herself in the script.
She stretched out her arms and waved desperately.
“Help me!”
I naturally stopped my car, got out of the driver’s seat, and spoke.
“What happened?”
“My car broke down. There’s smoke coming out, but I don’t know what’s wrong with it… Could you take a look?”
While I examined Song Yuna’s car, she was supposed to steal my car and drive away.
“Of course.”
As I answered and walked toward her car, dazzling lights began shining on me.
At the same time, I noticed the countless cameras turned on from every direction.
My chest instantly began to churn.
Damn it.
That damn camera sickness had flared up again.
Normally, I immersed myself in my roles easily and acted well, but whenever I saw a camera, my body would start acting
up like this.
A headache began pounding inside my head.
My heart started beating rapidly, thump after thump, while sweat began trickling from my palms.
“I think there’s something wrong with the engine.”
“J-Just open the hood and I’ll take a look.”
“Cut!”
As expected, the director stopped the filming immediately.
“You there!”
Sure enough, his roar pierced my ears.
“Why did you suddenly lower your voice?”
“I’m sorry.”
He furrowed his brow deeply and said,
“Do it properly.”
“Understood.”
“I’ll go again right away.”
A staff member quickly ran over with the slate.
“We’ll do the second take of Scene 43!”
Thump. Thump. Thump.
My heart began beating even faster.
After making an NG, even more tension rushed over me.
I had to pull myself together.
How hard had I worked to get this movie?
I slapped my cheeks several times, desperately trying to regain my composure.
But instead of calming down, my hands began trembling as well.
Before I even had time to settle myself, I heard the slate again.
Following the assistant director’s signal, I stepped out of the driver’s seat and delivered my line.
“W-What seems to be the matter…?”
Damn it.
I was so nervous that I stuttered.
As expected.
“Ah, cut! NG! What the hell are you doing?”
The director shouted in an irritated voice.
“I’m sorry! I’ll do it again right away!”
But once the camera sickness had flared up, there was no way I would suddenly improve without even having time to calm
down.
The result afterward was obvious.
The third take was an NG as well.
The fourth and fifth were no different.
Eventually, the actress Song Yuna spoke in a voice filled with irritation.
“Ah, seriously… What are you doing?”
“I’m sorry. I’ll really do well!”
During the sixth take, I somehow managed to deliver three lines.
However, the fourth and most important line.
The simple sentence, ‘What the hell are you doing? Aren’t you going to stop there?’
I changed it on my own without realizing it.
“What are you doing? Stop right there!”
I bit my lip without realizing it.
I had gotten it wrong again.
It was only one line.
As expected.
“Goddammit!”
The director suddenly jumped to his feet and shouted.
“What the hell are you doing, you bastard?!”
I instinctively shrank back at his furious yelling.
His gaze was, of course, directed at me.
I immediately bent my waist ninety degrees and apologized.
“I’m sorry!”
“Did you come here intending to ruin the filming?”
“No, I’m sorry.”
“Who the hell cast this guy?”
The director even threw down the script he had been holding as he raged.
“Get out right now.”
“…Excuse me?”
“I said get out!”
He pointed outside and shouted.
“How are we supposed to shoot a movie with someone who can’t even project his voice? Aren’t you getting the hell out of
here right now?”
Even the casting director who had believed in me and chosen me turned his head away, refusing to look at me.
The assistant directors I had greeted earlier were also pretending not to notice me, watching only the director’s mood.
I had no choice.
“…I’m sorry.”
I lowered my head and left the filming set.
---
Trudging along.
Late at night, I walked weakly up the hill roads of Sillim-dong.
Whoosh.
The biting wind stung as it brushed past the tip of my nose.
“Haaaa.”
With every breath I inhaled and exhaled, the cold air filled my lungs.
Holding a black plastic bag in my right hand, I passed the steep uphill road and arrived at my five-pyeong home in the
studio apartment neighborhood.
“Ugh, it’s cold.”
I turned the boiler all the way up, then cautiously lowered it again as I worried about the gas bill.
I sat on the floor and leaned against the bed before taking out the bottle of soju I had bought earlier.
For some reason, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to endure today without alcohol.
I opened the bottle and poured it into a glass.
When I took a sip, the bitter scent of alcohol spread through my mouth.
Twenty-six years old.
To be honest, it was a late age for an aspiring actor.
Even so, compared to actors who had made their debut later in life, it was still an age where I had every right to give
it a shot.
I could still see the light someday.
Twenty-six was still young enough.
Considering what had happened today, I wanted nothing more than to drown myself in alcohol.
“…I shouldn’t do this.”
I shook my head repeatedly, closed the soju bottle, and put it back into the refrigerator.
It wasn’t as though this was my first or second time acting. I couldn’t give up over something like this.
It wasn’t as if that was the only production out there.
I had another audition coming up, so I should prepare for that.
I picked up one of the scripts piled up like a mountain in the corner of my room.
Of course, these weren’t scripts that had been sent directly to me.
I had simply printed out the audition sections for productions holding official auditions through an actors’ community.
As I flipped through the scripts one by one, I suddenly came across a role that caught my interest.
A soldier in a historical drama set during the Joseon Dynasty.
It was a minor role with only four lines, but—
Guard:
“The enemies targeting the princess are increasing.”
Princess:
“Are you certain?”
Guard:
“Yes. We don’t know how much longer this place will remain safe either. You must move to another residence at once.”
Princess:
“No. You know why I must remain here. If I say I am going to stay here… If I choose to do so, what will happen?”
Guard:
“But…”
Princess:
“I will remain here. Anyone who wishes to leave may do so.”
Guard:
“I… No, we will protect Your Highness. Surely…! We will.”
He begins looking around the princess while holding his sword.
The guard standing beside the princess.
It was a brief appearance, but even a single scene was enough to make the role worthwhile, so it was certainly worth
trying out.
The audition was next Wednesday.
There was plenty of time.
After applying online, I read through the script over and over again until I eventually collapsed into sleep.
And on this day.
I had a very special dream.