The Academy's Lunatic Seeks a Friend

They say humans are creatures of adaptation.

It had been a mere week since she entered Rosen Academy.

A single week was more than enough to completely thresh Line's soul.

Every morning, amidst the wave of exhaustion that hit the moment she opened her eyes, her first daily routine began.

5:30 AM. Operation: Defend the Pinecone Villa Front Door.

Rustle, slide.

"..."

In the dim, pre-dawn darkness, a suspicious slip of pink paper was stealthily sliding through the mail slot at the bottom of the front door.

Cursing the exceptionally sharp hearing unique to bards, Line slipped out of bed. She grabbed the doorknob, held her breath, timed it perfectly, and flung the door wide open.

"Late-night raids constitute trespassing, Chairwoman!"

"Kyaaaah?! I've been spotted!"

"Waaah! You heartless girl! How dare you ruthlessly trample on the secret romance techniques personally passed down by the Chairwoman! Are you looking down on the Great Sage?!"

"Hurry up and crawl back to your office to process the paperwork! I don't want to work overtime today either!!"

As Line brandished a broom, Elina wailed dramatically and vanished into the morning mist without a trace.

It had been like this all week.

At this point, she felt Elina wasn't a Great Sage, but rather a persistent purple sparrow.

Second daily routine: returning to her room for morning meditation and composition to calm her mind.

Line sat quietly and cradled her old lyre in her arms.

To wash away the lingering, bizarre grudge of the 'rock spirit' passed down by old man Gorky, Line solemnly began tuning the strings to a traditional classical scale.

Pluck, plink, pluck...

Yes, a bard's true duty lay in noble classical music—

Nod.

The very moment her head drooped from a sudden wave of drowsiness.

"Mama, just killed a man. Put a gun against his head..."

"Gasp?!"

Line woke up with a start, realizing she had unconsciously scraped the strings with violent force.

"No, go away! I'm a classical major! Old man Gorky, get out of my brain this instant!"

As she clutched her head, trying to shake off the lingering curse, the third routine—and the highlight of the morning—finally began.

Crash! Bang! Clatter!

"Where do you think you're going, mixing spice powder ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠into holy water first thing in the morning, you wicked, disgusting heretic curry bastard?! Clean it up this instant before I smash your skull with a Bible!"

"The fanatic, brainless nun with flowers in her head is spouting nonsense again! It's not curry powder, it's turmeric powder infused with blessings! It's a hundred times healthier than that rotten, plain water you're chugging!"

It was Rohan and Teresa's morning dogfight.

Over the past week, the distance between the two hadn't narrowed by even a single millimeter.

Not at all! These lunatics fought every single day!

Fight, fight, fight, fight!

Isn't the instinct to fight a beastly one?

With a face that looked as if her soul had departed her body, Line trudged over and stood between them.

Since they refused to even speak directly to each other, Line had to act as their messenger.

"...Rohan wants me to tell you that turmeric powder is good for your health, Teresa."

"Tell that Rajput elephant bastard to get the hell out of the kitchen immediately, Line, because I cannot trust a single word that comes out of his filthy mouth!"

"...Teresa is politely asking if you could yield the kitchen, Rohan."

"Polite, my foot! ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠She's shooting death glares with her eyes! Tell that fanatic nun that we should eat breakfast isolated in our own rooms!"

Once this tearful duty of being a human telephone was over, it was finally time for breakfast.

I am absolutely never pairing these two up for meal prep duty again. Seriously.

...Is my academy life completely ruined?

There was Arthur, her fellow victim and the only roommate who was sane and capable of polite conversation. Unfortunately, the aftermath of the 'unfortunate naked incident' from their first day still lingered between them.

The proof was right there: the moment Arthur, the burly, blonde young man hovering awkwardly in the corner of the living room, made eye contact with Line, he gasped in fright.

"U-Um. Line. Good morning. By any chance, for tonight's dinner ingredients..."

"Ah, yes. Good morning, Arthur. Let's just make do with yesterday's leftover potatoes."

"Hieee! I-I'm still too embarrassed, so I'll take my leave...!"

As if even Line's calm gaze was terrifying, Arthur clutched his chest and fled to the corner of his room, whimpering like a delicate maiden.

A timid, sensitive knight, and a dark mage and white mage trying to kill each other.

Line did not want to spend another second in this hellish Pinecone Villa.

"I'm off to work!!! Arthur! Just make sure those two problem children stay alive!!!"

The fifth floor of the academy's main building. Line, her shoulders heaving as she caught her breath, reached for the doorknob of the secretary's office, only to slowly pull her hand back.

Through the frosted glass door, a strangely intimate scene was visible.

A tiny half-elf child sat on the sofa, dangling her legs and tilting her chin upward, while a man in a neat suit stood behind her, adjusting a silk ribbon.

It was the daily morning ritual of Secretary-General Karl tying Chairwoman Elina's hair.

And they claim to be just a chairwoman and her secretary-general?

Hah, please.

Her other thought was that interrupting them right now would be incredibly awkward.

"Phew..."

Line lightly brushed the dust off her skirt and plopped down on an old marble bench in the corner of the hallway.

Estimating the time, she figured it would take at least ten minutes.

Given the Secretary-General's perfectionist nature, if the ribbon was even slightly crooked, he would undoubtedly undo it and start all over again.

Setting her bag down, Line pulled a small leather notebook and a quill from her pocket.

She was bored, and she wanted to organize the cluttered thoughts filling her head.

The moment she opened the notebook, the first thing that came to mind was the 'Academy Foundation Festival and Victory Day Grand Celebration' scheduled for a month from now.

It was a massive, grand festival that would throw the entire Empire into a frenzy.

Naturally, the academy students would be conscripted to prepare for the festival, setting up booths for their respective departments and clubs.

Although the first-years, including Line, were still clueless newbies who wouldn't have to plan anything major, looking at it from another angle, it meant...

All the dirty work and chores ordered by the seniors will fall on us...

Back in the countryside, whenever a festival was held, it was always the youngest members of the youth association who spent the entire day chopping firewood and scrubbing cauldrons.

Line had steeled herself for the worst, but surprisingly, she hadn't received a single request to do chores so far.

To be precise, it was more accurate to say people were avoiding her.

How were they avoiding her?

Whenever seniors or classmates passed by Line, they would flinch and hastily keep their distance.

Not a single student in the Bard department had the guts to order the academy's official lunatic to "do this."

Even a few days ago, when she was stationed at the civil petition desk as a freshman representative under the secretary's office, petitioners kept their distance just because Line was sitting quietly and tuning her lyre.

Thanks to that, Line set a grand record of 'zero daily petitions received for the first time in academy history.' Upon receiving the report, Karl had adjusted his glasses—a rare gesture—and praised her, saying, "You are far more competent than the Chairwoman."

Line rested her chin on the corner of her notebook and sighed deeply.

She was just a quiet, peaceful country girl who wanted to spend her youth playing beautiful classical music.

How on earth had she ended up being treated like some kind of magical beast?

Line quietly moved her quill, pressing down firmly as she wrote in a corner of her notebook.

She needed a pure, normal friend with whom she could have ordinary conversations.

Not problem children like Rohan and Teresa, and not Arthur, who ran away out of embarrassment.

"Pfft. Making a friend? That's a rather tear-inducing wish for the academy's top student."

"Kyaah?!"

Startled, Line spun around to find a small silhouette leaning over the back of the marble bench, peering intently at her notebook.

It was the owner of the academy's official store, the Golden Lizard, and an elusive black market merchant rumored to be one of the academy's seven mysteries.

Luto, the mysterious girl with a brilliantly glowing red magic stone embedded in one eye, stood with her hands shoved in her pockets, grinning widely.

"Hehehe, how to make friends? If that's what you want, I have some highly effective items for sale."

Luto began pulling out bizarre tools one by one from beneath the marble bench, though where she had been keeping them was a mystery.

"Let's see. I happen to have one bottle of pink love potion left that forces the target's affection to spike by 200%! Or, if we use this silver 'Hypnosis Amplifier' to massage their brain a little, you can become soulmates in just five seconds. Want to buy?"

"Why on earth are such illegal magic tools in the official academy store?! And I don't have any money today!"

"Hey, lying is bad. I know you have exactly 3 silver and 27 copper in your pocket right now."

"How do you even know that?!"

Line gasped, reflexively clutching her bag's pocket.

Even Line herself had forgotten the exact amount she had left after rushing out this morning!

"How could I be the academy's top merchant without this kind of uncanny ability? Besides, I happen to have a piece of premium information to sell you."

Luto pulled a small, folded piece of old paper from her breast pocket and waved it teasingly in front of Line's nose.

"It's probably ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠useless. I'm not buying."

Line refused flatly.

It was a lesson bought with blood after dealing with this merchant for a week.

"Are you sure you don't want it? This is incredibly high-grade information that concerns your life today—no, the very survival of your peaceful academy life. Don't ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠blame me if you end up crying tears of blood and beating the ground in regret later."

"...Ugh."

Unfortunately, Line was gullible by nature.

After all, it was this very gullibility that had led her to be practically kidnapped and dragged to the academy in the first place, falling for old man Nikolai Gorky's flimsy coaxing: "There is a world-class temple of art that is perfect for you."

Gulping, Line tentatively held up two fingers.

"...2 silver."

"3 silver and 27 copper. No discounts."

"I'm running low on living expenses! Without this money, starting tomorrow, I won't be able to serve anything but dirty potatoes for breakfast to the Pinecone Villa family!"

"Oh? Didn't you finish the first settlement for the Pinecone Villa grocery purchases yesterday evening? Excluding that, the emergency cash you have left should be exactly that amount."

"...How do you know that too? Are you a ghost or something?!"

In the end, Line made a tearful face as she thoroughly emptied her pockets, placing the coins onto the bench.

The moment the 3 silver and 27 copper touched the surface, Luto snatched them up with lightning speed and stuffed them into her pocket.

"Deal closed! I'm off the clock now!"

As soon as she finished speaking, Luto melted into the shadow behind the bench and vanished completely.

"Ah, I really hope I didn't get scammed."

Left completely penniless, Line sighed deeply and unfolded the crumpled piece of paper Luto had left behind.

"...?"

Line doubted her own eyes.

Old man Gorky, the culprit who had sent her here and who controlled the Empire's art world.

And His Excellency the Regent, the terrifyingly powerful figure who held all the authority in the Empire.

Those two giants were coming to the academy today? And for an unofficial inspection, no less?

"T-T-The Regent is coming today?!"

Just then, the glass door of the secretary's office burst open as if it were about to shatter, and a purple bolt of lightning shot out from the depths of the office.

"Wait!!! Who is coming?!!!"

It was Chairwoman Elina, who had rushed out in the middle of having her hair tied with a ribbon.

"Chairwoman! One side of your hair isn't finished yet! I told you to stay still!"

"Does my hair matter right now?! Why is that Regent fellow barging in today without warning?! Karl! Didn't you say the audit was over last time?! Why are those tax thieves coming back again?!"