The Shipping-Obsessed Chairwoman Watches from Afar
Meanwhile, far away, someone was watching over everything that happened at Pinecone Villa…
“Kyahaha! Did you see that? Did you hear that scream, Ruto?! Uwahaha! Total success! A massive success!!!”
Elina von Rosen lay draped over the railing on the rooftop of the academy’s main building, peering through a telescope at Pinecone Villa while wiggling her hips excitedly.
“She walks out on her own and then turns whiter than a girl and screams her head off! That knight department boy has an incredible body but the inside is pure timid scholar?! I can already hear the pink dopamine levels exploding, I can hear it!”
Elina clapped her hands together and kept gushing. Even by her own standards, the dormitory merger policy she had pushed through this time was nothing short of a divine move from a genius of the century. Using the irrefutable excuse of “land shortage and budget cuts,” she had issued a chairwoman’s direct order. The devious plan to shove two hot-blooded young men and two young women into a single dormitory!
“…Take it easy, you meddlesome hag. If you actually get reported to the imperial judiciary for public indecency, I’ll pretend I don’t know you, yora.”
Watching Elina’s outrageous hip-shaking, the girl who had casually spread out a mat on the rooftop floor and lain down clicked her tongue in annoyance. She was Ruto, owner of the academy’s official store “Golden Lizard” and one of the seven great mysteries of Rosen Academy—a shadowy merchant who appeared and disappeared like a ghost. Every detail about her, including her true gender and age, was shrouded in secrecy. She claimed to be male, yet her appearance was that of a young girl.
“Aww, why are you being so cold, Ruto! Thanks to that fatigue-recovery potion you gave me, that country bumpkin was able to reach the dormitory on time! Aren’t we the best partners?”
“I simply sold the item at a fair price, yora? Have you already forgotten my principle?”
The Law of Equivalent Exchange of All Assets—Ruto’s one and only ironclad rule of trade. She could obtain anything the other party wanted, whether it was an imperial treasure or a forbidden dark magic tome, but the price she demanded was always the buyer’s entire net worth. It was Ruto’s own philosophy of equivalent exchange: even a single cart of diamonds would be cheap if the alternative was dying of thirst in the middle of the desert.
And that was precisely why Elina von Rosen and Ruto could become “friends.” Elina had inherited every last asset and fortune of the elves scattered across the continent after her kin were wiped out by the Demon King’s extermination order. Even if Elina offered her entire wealth, Ruto could not simply hand over what she wanted. After dealing with such a troublesome customer, Ruto had somehow ended up opening a store at the academy.
“Hehe, anyway, our cute freshman representative Rine’s first night is turning out super dynamic! I need to think about how to tie those four together even more stickily from now on…”
“Thinking is fine, Chairwoman.”
Ruto sat up from her mat and jerked her chin toward the spot behind Elina.
“But it looks like the secretary general down there has blue fire in his eyes and is one step away from smashing down the chairwoman’s office door. How are you going to handle that, yora?”
“Eh?”
Below the rooftop railing, through the terrace window of the distant chairwoman’s office, the silhouette of Karl could be seen adjusting his glasses at a crooked angle while holding a document pad and scanning the area. His mouth was moving as if saying something…
Chairwoman. Exactly fourteen minutes have passed since the promised time for returning to the administrative office.
“Hieek?! Karl?! Why is he already standing there?! Weren’t you supposed to be storing confidential inspector documents?!”
“Looks like the inspectors left work early. If you don’t get down there soon, your approval documents tomorrow morning will probably increase to a hundred pages.”
“Uwaaaah! No! I hate paperwork! I hate writing!”
When Elina clutched her head and rolled around on the rooftop throwing a tantrum, Ruto let out a deep sigh, rummaged through the large leather backpack she carried on her back, and tossed over an old scroll.
“Tear that and you’ll teleport straight inside the chairwoman’s office, yora.”
“Ooh! Ruto! As expected, the only one who can save me is my friend!”
With tears still clinging to her eyes, Elina mercilessly ripped the scroll in half. Her small body instantly vanished from the rooftop without a trace. Only pine needles blown by the wind tumbled across the spot where she had been. Left alone on the mat, Ruto popped a cigarette-flavored candy into her mouth and clicked her tongue.
It was one of the random candies made in the Holy Kingdom. If you’re going to quit smoking, quit; if you’re going to smoke, smoke. What on earth was a candy that tasted like cigarettes supposed to be?
“That damn friend of mine. She always picks the most troublesome things to do and suffers for it, that meddlesome hero hag…”
At that same moment, in the first-floor living room of Pinecone Villa.
The boy sitting crookedly in the armchair, swinging his flashy earrings, spoke first.
“We can’t stay like this forever. Let’s at least introduce ourselves. I’ll start.”
The boy straightened his back with a jingle of the ornate decorations on his chest.
“My name is Rohan Barma. I come from Rajput, the highland where the southern sun never sets.”
Rajput. A mysterious foreign land in the southern continent filled with endless deserts, majestic sandstone fortresses, and hundreds of pungent spices. A place where the irregular flow of mana had caused spirit arts to develop in bizarre ways, and the homeland of fierce knights who could catch tigers with their bare hands.
The one who received Rohan’s proud introduction was the pure-looking beautiful girl sitting modestly with her knees together beside him.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Rohan. My name is Teresa Vane. I was fortunate enough to receive a recommendation from the western Tarento Papal State and came here.”
The Tarento Papal State. The continent’s oldest region, lined with the most splendid architecture. She said it was fortunate, but receiving a recommendation from the Papal State likely meant she was a candidate for the next Saint, didn’t it?
“Even in Tarento, the stories of Rajput’s valiant warriors and the legends of the mysterious spirits that embroider the Milky Way across the night sky are quite famous. It is a great honor to actually meet someone from there.”
“Hmm. It’s not that big a deal, but if that’s what the books in the Papal State say, then I suppose it’s fortunate.”
Rohan fiddled with his earring and slightly averted his gaze.
“I too have always felt awe toward the long history of the Tarento Papal State and its marble art. If the chance arises, I would like to visit someday.”
“You are welcome anytime. I’ll treat you to delicious pasta and gelato.”
The two of them instantly grew warm and friendly. Perhaps thanks to that pleasant atmosphere, the giant blond boy who had finally stopped sniffling and wiped his tears cautiously straightened his chest.
“…Ahem! Ahem! Excuse me. Allow me to introduce myself as well. My name is Arthur Pendleton. I am from the Holy Kingdom in the northwest.”
The Holy Kingdom. The most prosperous and industrially advanced place on the continent, one that revered rationalism and strict chivalry. It had been one of the main forces that led the Human-Demon War to victory.
Naturally, the eyes of all three turned at once to Rine, who was last in line.
Gulp—
Rine swallowed dryly and gripped the sofa cushion tightly.
“I’m Rine. I’m from the empire… I came from such a remote rural village that I don’t really know what’s great or impressive about the empire. I don’t know much. I would be grateful if you could teach me a lot in the future. That is all.”
Rohan, Teresa, and Arthur were staring at Rine with subtly fed-up expressions. The silent conversation their eyes exchanged went something like this:
‘As expected of the mad top student from the arts department who flipped the stage during her speech in the grand auditorium.’
‘So that’s what it takes to get into the arts department?’
‘She comes to the empire’s greatest academy and openly mocks it by saying she doesn’t know what’s so great about the empire. Her spirit is beyond imagination.’
“Hey, see? She really is a crazy bitch. Even her eyes are on another level…”
“She is a frightening child who does not fear God… It would be best not to provoke her.”
“Um, excuse me? The quotation marks have turned into double quotation marks for a while now, you know?”
If things continued this way, she would be branded as the crazy bitch even among her own dormitory members from the very first night. Rine swallowed dryly again and hurriedly changed the subject to lighten the mood.
“Ahem. Rather than that, how about we talk about our respective majors? Since we’ll be living together from now on, I think it’s good to at least know what each of us is studying.”
“Oh, that’s a good idea.”
Teresa smiled and nodded. Since Rine had already been exposed to the entire student body as the top Bard student of the arts department who had shattered everyone’s eardrums at the entrance ceremony, she was passed over.
“Could Mr. Arthur go first?”
“Me?”
Arthur shrank his massive shoulders as much as possible and spoke shyly.
“I am a first-year in the knight department. Ever since I was very young, I read legendary knight epics from the Holy Kingdom and dreamed of becoming a noble knight who protects the weak and upholds justice…”
A man with bulging biceps and a physique like a mountain, shyly blushing with his hands clasped together, was quite a sight.
‘How creepy, acting all shy with a body that huge…’
Rine, who had been raised with the manners never to utter such rude thoughts aloud, smiled brightly and nodded vigorously.
“Wow, a noble knight! That’s wonderful! Then next…”
Rine’s gaze naturally shifted to Rohan, who was still sitting crookedly in the armchair.
“As I introduced earlier, I’m from Rajput. Because the flow of mana is irregular there, the people of Rajput naturally awaken to the dark arts in order to survive. I’m a first-year in the black magic department.”
At that moment Rine instinctively felt a chill and glanced sideways. The smile had been completely wiped from the face of Teresa—the saint candidate who had been smiling like an angel just moments ago—leaving not a single trace of warmth.
Teresa clutched the silver cross pendant she wore tightly, rose smoothly from her chair, and strode straight toward Rohan. Then she spoke.
“Hey, you curry bastard.”
“Uh, yeah, curry. Huh?”
“Is your mana hole so clogged that your brain is packed full of saffron spice? How dare a filthy black magic spell that crawled out of a demon spawn’s body come out of your mouth? You third-rate heretic who deserves to be turned into dried fish—did you shove curry powder into your ear holes, you spawn of an evil demon?!”
“What did you just…?!”
“What are you staring at, you mongrel black sorcerer with a magic stone stuck in your eye socket! Shut your trap before I rip off all those dirty shamanic trinkets you’re clinking around and shove them down the toilet, got it?!”
Rohan, who had been stunned into silence for a moment, soon darkened with rage at the insult to his homeland and pride. He sprang up from his seat like a spring.
“Ah, fuck! You were pretending to be all holy but you’re actually a fanatic bitch with your brain pickled in holy water! You marble mannequin with nothing but crosses in your head—how dare you reduce Rajput’s noble traditions to curry?! Tonight I’ll send you straight to that god you believe in by force, you hypocritical, two-faced bitch!”
“The heretic’s only alive from the neck up! Tonight is a holy war!!!”
“I’ll kill you, you tax-thieving fanatic bitch!!!”
Brilliant white holy power flared like flames from Teresa’s cross, while a grotesque tangle of dark crimson mana began to coil around Rohan’s fingertips.
“Hiiiek?! Is the academy always like this?! Why is everyone fighting and beating each other up from the very first day?!”
In the middle of that chaos, Arthur rose from his seat, grabbed Rohan’s collar with one hand, and at the same time wrapped his other arm around Teresa’s entire nape, yanking her backward.
Squeeze—
“Ahaha, Miss Rine. Please don’t be alarmed. In the northwest Holy Kingdom, it is quite common for the white magic and black magic departments to throw down with their family names on the line the moment they see each other’s faces. It’s an everyday occurrence.”
“Ugh… my, my bones are being crushed…!”
“This guy really is stupidly strong!”
“Now, everyone has calmed down, yes? We must get along from now on, after all.”
To separate the still-growling Rohan and Teresa who looked ready to devour each other, the remaining pair’s tearful efforts continued. Rine wrapped her arms around Teresa’s waist from behind and dragged her up to the second-floor girls’ room, while downstairs the giant Arthur hoisted the still-grumbling Rohan with one arm and marched straight into the boys’ room.
Bang. Bang!
With the sound of doors slamming, the long, long first night at the academy deepened.
Lying in bed, Rine let out a deep sigh and pulled the blanket over her head. After rolling across the stage, running through the forest, and drinking that suspicious potion, her body felt like lead. She was so sleepy that closing her eyes seemed likely to bring immediate blackout, but unfortunately Rine could not fall asleep.
The damned Pinecone Villa had one fatal flaw: the soundproofing between the rooms—specifically, between the girls’ room and the boys’ room next door—was “nonexistent.”
—Hey, Arthur.
—Y-yes? What is it, Rohan?
—That new top student from earlier. Rine, was it?
—Ah, the person who went thud thud smack on the stage?
—Yeah. That girl. Pretending to do crazy things makes you a fake lunatic, but a real lunatic doesn’t even realize they’re crazy.
‘…I can hear everything, you bastards.’
Rine wiped the tears pooling at the corners of her eyes and forcibly closed them.
The next morning.
A country bumpkin’s biological clock was truly fearsome. Despite all the chaos, Rine’s eyes snapped open the moment the sun rose.
‘Oh, right. Today is my first day at the secretary’s office. The chairwoman and Sir Karl said they would teach me about the academy’s internal layout and document organization today.’
For a country girl, she had risen quite high. A student council member under the Great Sage’s secretariat. Thinking of the generous dignity-maintenance allowance and living expenses provided on top of her scholarship, the corners of her mouth naturally lifted.
“Maybe I’ll go get some morning air.”
Thinking a light walk would be nice, Rine grabbed the front door handle and turned it gently.
Click.
“Huh?”
The door would not open. Rine tilted her head and shook the handle harder.
Click-click, clack!
“It won’t open? Is it locked?”
The inside lock was definitely undone. Just as a bewildered Rine was about to knock on the door, a single unnecessarily fancy pink sheet of paper fluttered down through the mail slot above the front door.
“What is this?”
Youths of Pinecone Villa!
You four must put your heads together by this morning and establish the three ‘Villa Rules’ that you will uphold together from now on!
※ Caution: The rules must be agreed upon by all four of you. The villa door will not open until the rules have been written and submitted! Also, if you write something half-hearted we will reject it and keep you locked in all day, so please write rules with genuine sincerity!
“What the—? What kind of nonsense is this? Who’s playing this childish prank?!”
Furious, Rine shouted and looked out the window. In the front yard of Pinecone Villa, behind the thick bushes, she could see a suspicious figure in a pitch-black hood and mask crouching down. The person seemed to think they had disguised themselves thoroughly with the mask, but…
From beneath the figure’s black hood, purple hair and the distinct pointed ears characteristic of a half-elf were sticking out quite proudly.
“…”
The giant statue of the Great Sage she had seen at the academy entrance yesterday, the chairwoman munching popcorn on the stage, and now this masked weirdo hiding in the bushes with their butt raised suspiciously.
“Aaaaaagh! Chairwoman!!! I can see you hiding there, you know!!!”
Startled by the shout, the masked figure in the bushes—Elina von Rosen—immediately fled.