High School Freshman Summer
Summer had arrived. My first vacation as a high schooler. I didn't step foot outside the house even once. It's not like I ignored my friends' messages, but I hate the heat. I hate sweating, and I hate damaging my skin. I don't even like going out in thin clothes just to have people staring. I'd rather it be cold. In winter, I can bundle up and hide. Of course, my favorite is autumn weather by far.
Brother, who was on vacation too, came back home. For some reason, he holed himself up in his room. Before, he'd drag me out places against my will every now and then, but now that vacation started, even that stopped. Why's he still acting like this even after starting college? Even if he doesn't go out with me, he should at least go out by himself. Doesn't he have friends?
Curious, I peeked in, and it looked like he was studying for the Suneung. ...What? Is he planning to drop out of school?
I couldn't hold back my curiosity, so I brought him some coffee and casually asked.
"Bro, studying?"
"Nah."
"Then what're you doing? Clutching that Suneung prep book."
"Just bored. Peeked at it for a bit."
"..."
"...My brain's too rusty for a repeat year. No way."
Brother let out a deep sigh, his voice dripping with lingering regret as he closed the prep book. I'd thought he was over it after more than half a year, but it still haunted him that much. Maybe I couldn't relate yet since I'm just a high school freshman.
Well, he'd studied so hard back in school...
...Seeing his face all bitter for no reason didn't sit right with me.
"Kim Gyeo-ul."
"Huh, yeah."
"Wanna go out tomorrow?"
"...Me?"
...Huh? Suddenly? Brother, who'd looked so down moments ago, switched up with some mischief in his eyes and asked me. His tone was still blunt as ever, though.
"Yeah. Let's go out. Vacation's almost over."
"Isn't it hot outside?"
"Mom said to take you out. Stop holing up in your room—sweat a little, get some air. She lent me the car keys too. I got my license, so I gotta practice driving."
"..."
"And Anna Noona gave me amusement park tickets. Said to find someone to go with or whatever, but I can't just waste 'em."
"Th-that... those are for going with college friends, right?"
"...If I had any, you think I'd ask you? Can't go to a place like that with a guy anyway."
...Hah. So does that mean I'm a girl? Sure, I am one, but... I'm your sister.
Mom told me to, Anna Noona gave the tickets, wanna test-drive since I got my license, it'd be weird with a guy... He had excuses lined up. Just pick one already. So damn dishonest. Why beat around the bush just to ask me to go with him?
...Does he think I won't do a favor for the guy heading to the military in a few months? I'm not that heartless a little sister.
"...Just need my body there, right?"
"Yeah."
"Fine... okay."
I reluctantly agreed, and Brother broke into a beaming grin. ...Doesn't suit him at all, smiling like that. Maybe his mopey face from earlier fit better. Still... he's leaving soon. Might as well be nice until then. He's my brother, after all. And I'll keep seeing him after discharge too.
"Hey, Kim Gyeo-ul. What's up with you? Can't you hear your friends' voices~?"
"...What."
"What happened over vacation? You've been moping all day."
"...Nothing happened."
"We beg you to come out, you don't budge an inch, but you had fun with someone?"
"Didn't go anywhere."
"For real? Don't lie."
"...Amusement park once. With Bro. That's it."
"Eww, lame. I thought you got a boyfriend or something."
Vacation was over. The weather was still scorching, summer showing no signs of letting up. My friends hadn't changed much when we met again. The only one different was me.
"What's with you, Kim Gyeo-ul? No reaction. You'd usually snap back."
"...Tired. Leave me alone."
"What happened over vacation?"
"..."
"What, suddenly clamming up."
Spotting me zoning out like always, they slunk over, thinking it was their chance to mess with me. ...Ugh, annoying. Everything's annoying. I hate it. All of it. Hate myself. Hate Brother. Wanna kill him. Kill everything.
"What happened?"
"..."
"...Not talking? I'll tickle you then. Gotcha! Ticklish?"
She was yapping away, but none of it registered. Her poking my side didn't tickle at all. ...I'm going insane. For real.
"What... seriously, what happened?"
"Nothing. Nothing, so leave me alone."
"Bullshit. That's what you say when something's up."
"...I'm seriously debating if I should keep living, so back off?"
"Whoa, what? Did you read some weird book over vacation, Kim Gyeo-ul? Lonely without us? Want a pat?"
I tried shaking her off with dangerous talk, but these friends couldn't read the room and kept teasing, chattering nonstop. ...God, they're useless.
"...Doesn't concern you guys."
"What a hurtful thing to say. Your friends gotta mess with you when you're brooding like this, right? To ruin the mood. Yeah, Nara?"
"Yup yup. Spot on."
"..."
"Tell us what's up and we stop. Until then, this continues?"
"...Don't laugh if I tell you."
"Promise. Geez, so serious."
...Just lie to shake 'em off. Can't tell the truth anyway.
"...A few days ago, went to the amusement park. With Bro."
"Yeah."
"Played around, came home."
"...Yeah?"
"He said he's enlisting in February. Felt a bit lonely. That's it. Happy?"
"...What kinda bullshit is that, Gyeo-ul?"
Haa... Lying's too hard. Making up stuff from nothing is impossible. ...So I pieced it from real events, but even I know it sounds off. What is this? Makes it seem like... I like Brother way too much.
"What, what? That's it?"
"Whoa, Gyeo-ul's dying inside 'cause her real bro's enlisting?"
"..."
"For real? She's totally... Pffft... "
"Pfft... Nael, don't laugh. Gyeo-ul's hurting so ba—pffft... "
No fixing it no matter what, so I let them misunderstand. ...Better this way. Them laughing and carrying on might be preferable. A little sister sad 'cause she loves her brother so much and he's leaving? Totally plausible. Way more normal than seriously agonizing over this.
"Aww, poor Gyeo-ul. Moping 'cause big bro's off to the army?"
"..."
"Cut it out. She's gonna cry. Right?"
"..."
"...She's legit tearing up?"
"Nah, no way... Whoa, she is."
"...I'm not crying."
...Wasn't crying. Not over that. Whether Brother leaves or not has nothing to do with me. Nothing to do with us. Wasn't agonizing over that.
"Uh... um. ...Gyeo-ul? It's still August? Half a year left."
"...How's my fake crying? Good, right?"
So I'm not crying. Just pretending. 'Cause I hate Bro enlisting so much. Spoiled little sis act. Gets lonely thinking we'll be apart. Yeah, that's why I'm tearing up. Wanted them to buy it.
"...Gyeo-ul, you're terrible at acting."
"What."
"Your voice is shaking."
"...Pretending to choke up."
"Damn, Kim Gyeo-ul. You're nuts. Don't you like your bro too much?"
"When did I—"
"First time seeing a girl whine about her bro enlisting half a year early. You too, right Nara?"
"Totally. ...I mean, you said he's super nice. Kinda jealous."
"Ehh, but a real bro? Nah... or maybe? With a bro like yours—sweet, buys phones and gifts, treats to meals, takes to amusement parks, clean, hot, reliable, smart, good guy... maybe it's okay to have one?"
"With a bro like that, yeah, Gyeo-ul crying over him enlisting makes sense, right?"
"Totally. You're not weird, Gyeo-ul."
...No. Take it back. You're making me cry with your fake comfort teasing. It's not that. Never. I'd die before admitting these feelings.
"...No, stop. Bro's not like that. Not sweet at all."
"Eyy, then why's the Kim Gyeo-ul here choking up over a 'not sweet' bro enlisting? Must be super attached."
"...He's family, so he takes care. Treats me like a kid. I don't like him one bit."
"Gyeo-ul, the more you deny, the weirder. Just admit it. You're awful at lying."
"Yeah. Be honest with your feelings. So what if you're close to your bro. Stop being tsundere."
"..."
"Before your bro enlists, say 'Thanks, Oppa~' It'll melt him with that face."
"If I had a lil sis like Gyeo-ul, I'd kill to hear that~ So jealous of your bro~ And you too~"
No way in hell I'd say that to Brother. Begging roundabout to the amusement park. Once I go, calls me a tag-along and drags to waterpark. No swimsuit? Tosses me a prepared rash guard. Plays in water but keeps groping, touching, messing my hair, holds hand so I don't get lost.
...Finally to amusement park, sticks weird animal-ear headband on me. Praises how cute, teases, tries photos so I block and he pets my head. Hate that kind of brother. To hell with him.
First time my heart fluttered... for my own brother. No way. Won't admit it. Can't believe this is my first love. ...Never.