53. As Siblings
"Then I'll head out too. Have fun, Mom."
"You too, have a good time with your friends."
"Yep. When are you leaving, Mom?"
"In about two hours."
"Got it."
"I won't drink much either, so you don't overdo it."
"Nah, I won't drink."
"Don't lie. Anyway, drive safe~"
"Yep."
It was the middle of Christmas Eve day. I grabbed the clothes Gyeo-ul had given me as a gift last time and headed out the front door. After descending the stairs and stepping out of the parking lot, I made the call.
⋯No answer.
I hesitated for a moment, then walked toward the secluded back alley where I'd hidden before, peeking my head around the corner. As expected, there was Gyeo-ul, wearing the outfit I'd bought her, standing with her phone in hand.
"Why didn't you pick up?"
"⋯Isn't your radar a bit too good, oppa?"
"You're just too obvious about hiding."
"I wanted to play hide-and-seek with you."
"Should I go back out?"
"No. You'd find me no matter where I hid anyway."
"I might not. If you hid somewhere I couldn't even sense."
"⋯Hiding somewhere totally unrelated to you would be pointless."
"Why."
"Because I hide hoping you'll find me."
"⋯."
I nearly stepped forward to hug her right then, but before I could, Gyeo-ul emerged from the alley first.
⋯Well, we're lovers, right? We can hug out here too.
"W-wait, oppa. People walk by here."
"So?"
"What if someone we know sees⋯."
"We both have so few acquaintances it wouldn't matter."
"⋯You're such a perv."
"You didn't mind when all your schoolmates were passing by after Suneung."
"That wasn't what I meant."
"It was for me."
"⋯."
"I thought that was the last time, honestly. Glad it wasn't."
"Fine, I get it. ⋯No kissing. Not here."
"You're the one who always begs for it. I've rarely started."
"⋯You never start, so I have to."
"⋯I'll do it later."
Our skin was covered by the clothes we'd given each other, our noses and mouths masked, and our exposed eyes locked on each other, hidden from the world. It wasn't far from home, but no one would peg us for siblings. And that was good.
Just in case, we took the subway to somewhere farther away. We grabbed lunch to fill our empty stomachs, hit a café for coffee like usual, and skipped anything time-killing like the movies. We even stopped by the convenience store. But we'd already stocked up.
Hand in hand, fingers intertwined, we wandered the streets aimlessly. It wasn't long before a destination presented itself. Only a couple hours had passed, but every minute felt precious to me. Who knew when we'd next have time like this? Even if we had plenty ahead, the time already gone wouldn't return.
⋯If someone said I was just making excuses, I couldn't argue. But it was Christmas Eve—packaging it that way was fine, right?
"⋯Wanna go in?"
"Oppa. Wait."
"What."
"Remember last time⋯ when you got discharged."
"Yeah."
"Our promise?"
"⋯The one where I'd grant your wish?"
"You remember."
"I'm cashing it now."
"⋯Here?"
"I won, fair and square."
"Well, just tell me first."
Honestly, wish or not, I was confident I'd grant just about anything—as long as it wasn't "break up" or "go die." Marriage⋯ well, legally impossible, but I'd prepared a necklace. We could make it our private ceremony. I could manage that much.
"I thought of tons back then⋯ but they've all come true already."
"⋯You were plotting that from then?"
"No. Before that."
"So, what does Kim Gyeo-ul, all wishes granted, wish for now?"
"I want to go home."
"⋯What?"
"⋯Let's go home together, oppa."
It was nothing like what I'd expected. A different face, a different expression from usual. If I had to compare, it felt like the look she'd given me on Suneung day. If it seemed like teasing or pranking, I'd have flicked her forehead. But she looked too serious to brush off as a joke.
"I could grant it. But why all of a sudden."
"I'll explain at home."
"⋯For real?"
"Yeah."
"You're not doing this 'cause you're in a bad mood?"
"No. I've been thinking about it before we left. Way before. ⋯A long time before."
"Okay. Let's go talk."
"Oh, we'll go back together, but you go in first. Mom might still be there."
"⋯Alright."
I thought I knew her well enough to guess why the sudden change, what she wanted. But I couldn't pin it down for sure. Still holding one hand intertwined, fiddling with the wrapped item in my pocket with the other, we slowly retraced our steps, boarded the subway, and headed back. She didn't let go of my hand even on the train, which only deepened the mystery.
"⋯I'm home."
Three hours after leaving, I unlocked the door again—thankfully, no one was there. One pair of shoes was gone, the gas was off. She'd definitely left. I texted my sister it was safe, and soon footsteps rushed up; the door flew open.
"⋯Oppa, I'm gonna shower first. I sweated running up the stairs."
"⋯Okay."
My sister tossed off her outer clothes and scarf, headed to the bathroom. She left the door ajar, stripped off the rest—clothes and underwear—piled them outside, then softly closed it. Hearing the water hit her body, I fled to the master bedroom.
I stripped in the master bath, washed away the sweat from our short outing, scrubbed everywhere clean, even my mouth. After drying off and toweling my lower half, I stepped out—and caught her crossing to her room, covering only the front. Her back was to me, so I couldn't see, but that waistline I hadn't glimpsed in ages, wet hair clinging to her back, those hips and ass I wanted to grab right then—they burned into my eyes in that instant.
⋯Dangerous. Today, really, one slip and I'd break our promise.
I had to get dressed anyway, so I tossed my clothes in the hamper and returned to my room. Listening to the hairdryer from next door, I changed into loungewear. Even after drying my own hair and applying lotion, the whirring sound kept my heart racing, sweat beading again. Just as it stopped, her door opened in quick succession.
"Oppa."
"⋯Sit?"
"Yeah."
Unlike usual, she was in pajamas and sat beside me. Freshly showered, her shampoo scent pierced my nose. We weren't touching, but her body heat reached me.
Weird. We'd gone out planning this, and it wasn't our first time. Yet my heart pounded strangely. Like I'd done something wrong.
"What did you want to say?"
"⋯You said you wanted to be siblings at home."
"Yeah."
"I⋯ hate that."
"⋯You want to be lovers at home too?"
I guessed that was it, but contrary to my thought, Gyeo-ul shook her head. Then she took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and parted her lips.
"I already used my wish earlier⋯ so this isn't a wish. It's a request to you, oppa."
"Okay."
"I like you because you're you."
"⋯."
"At home, outside⋯ I want to be siblings."
"⋯Why."
Suddenly? Now? Was it the shock of the unexpected words? Or because they sounded like giving up? I was angry. Was your resolve that weak? Did you choose this path with such half-hearted feelings? I wanted to demand answers.
"Because you're you."
"What do you want, then."
"⋯Are you mad?"
"Do I look not mad?"
"Ah, ⋯I see. Not like that."
"Then what."
"Do you hate that I'm your little sister?"
"⋯No."
I'd thought it sometimes. But if we weren't siblings. If not blood-related. Wouldn't there have been an easier path? I'd agonized over it endlessly, but I didn't hate it. Just regretted.
"I like you because you're you."
"⋯."
"You're so reliable? A bit scary at first⋯ but actually super sweet."
"⋯What are you getting at?"
"Yet you barely have friends. No girlfriends either."
She gazed at the ceiling, folding fingers one by one as if recalling something. Her profile was so beautiful, I fretted over what unwanted words might spill. Thankfully—or not—they didn't come.
"You only look after me. ⋯Say those things only to me."
"⋯So?"
"If I weren't your sister⋯ you wouldn't."
"Who knows."
"No. ⋯Because I'm your blood sister, and you're my blood brother."
"⋯."
"We're both shy with strangers⋯ if not siblings, we'd never have gotten this close."
I wanted to refute it, but it was true. No matter how much I liked someone, wanted to date them—we'd never have spoken first. No budding feelings, no overlapping lips, no entwined bodies.
"⋯So. I like you because you're my brother."
We sat side by side on the bed when Gyeo-ul stood, straddled me. She brought her lips to my ear, spelling it out deliberately. Her feelings, her true heart, her weakness. All entrusted to me.
"Because you're my brother."
Shattering the wordplay we'd used to deceive ourselves.
"I ⋯ like you."
Listing undeniable words.
"⋯Because we're siblings."
The midwinter chill.
"Because you're my real brother."
Christmas heat.
"⋯I like you."
Melted entirely in Gyeo-ul's warmth.
"Like me too⋯ as your little sister."
I knew I couldn't refuse—because I knew, I fell for her words.
"⋯Defile it. The word 'siblings.'"
And so, embracing my sister, as siblings, we plunged together into the abyss's depths.