40. Sibling Restraint at Home
We went home with our fingers interlocked. After opening the front door, we let go of each other's hands. We each took turns washing up in the bathroom, ate dinner like nothing had happened, then brewed a cup of coffee each and sat side by side on the sofa, watching TV.
⋯This is tough. I tried so hard to say all those cool things, but I can't just erase my desires. So, if you could just overlook my eyes that won't stop wandering, that'd be great. I figured I could hold back at least this much. A black rock tee exposing her forearms and thighs, pink dolphin pants. Her hair still a bit tousled from drying not long ago. Lips glistening from the coffee. And above all, the faint patches of kinesio tape peeking out on the nape of her neck kept reminding me of everything that happened. ⋯I'll just look. I'll take care of it myself later. For now, she's my little sister here.
Wanting to divert my mind elsewhere, I called Mom. The phone rang a few times before her voice came through.
"Hey, son. Why are you calling at this hour?"
"Just because."
"You're doing something out of the blue like this—it's creepy."
"Come on, a son can call his mom once in a while."
"Fine. Did you eat dinner?"
"Yeah."
"What'd you have?"
"Just ate some rice when we got home."
"What's Winter doing?"
"Watching TV with me."
"Really? Hand the phone over for a sec."
I held the phone up to Winter's ear as she stared intently at the kitten squirming on TV. She seemed to get the gist and took it, starting to speak.
"Yeah, Mom. What is it?"
"My girl, did your brother buy you clothes today?"
"⋯How'd you know?"
"Your brother sent me pictures."
She whipped her head around and glared at me. Hey, it's not weird to send Mom a pic of her daughter in new clothes—she'd want to see. I put on a shameless, confident face, and Winter, pissed, grabbed the phone and stormed off to her room. ⋯Is it okay to just take someone else's phone like that? Anyway, I'm not the type to leave weird stuff on it, so I flopped back on the sofa and turned my eyes to the TV. Cute cat. Maybe I should get one later. Wait, gotta get two so it doesn't get lonely. Lost in a daze following my train of thought, I finally calmed down a bit.
By the time I finished my coffee, Winter came out of her room and handed me back the phone. Shorter call than I thought. I asked what they talked about, but she said nothing much and just tugged at the hem of my pants. Nothing more to ask, so I took the phone back obediently. We watched a bit more TV, brushed our teeth, and headed to our rooms. ⋯Honestly, this vibe feels okay. For something embarrassing I said, it turned out less awkward than expected.
It was still early to sleep, so with the bedside lamp on, I was rolling around on the mattress when Winter opened the door like it was the most natural thing and lay down next to me. ⋯What?
"⋯Winter?"
"Oppa, you know."
"Yeah."
"⋯I'm so bored."
"⋯."
"Play with me. ⋯As your little sister, I'm asking."
"Uh⋯, uh⋯ sure."
⋯Something's off. Really off. This isn't what I confessed for. My head was a mess, but I couldn't kick her out now that she was lying there. As long as we don't do anything weird, it'll be fine, right? No sooner had I thought that than she spoke up.
"⋯Oppa."
"What now."
"Hug me."
"⋯Winter, remember what I said earlier?"
"⋯That's why I came."
"What?"
"Whatever happens today, you're still Oppa, so⋯ I just wanna be next to you."
"⋯."
"You were staring so much earlier, so I thought you wanted this⋯"
"⋯You knew and still came."
"You won't do anything weird."
"I won't."
"So hug me. ⋯As siblings."
⋯Is her trust in me too high, or does she just enjoy tormenting me? Not sure which. I won't go beyond what I said, and I don't want our relationship to be just that anyway, so I'll hold back, but⋯ this is too much. How can anyone stay still after hearing that? I faced my sister, slipped my arm under her armpit, and pulled her into a tight hug. Warm. My heart's gotten used to it now—this much doesn't make it race. Just a comfortable thump, enough to feel each other's vibrations. I pulled the blanket up to our necks, covering us both. Inside, I twisted my legs around hers, binding them. Skin touching skin felt a bit sensual, honestly, but this much is still okay. Still⋯ okay. Even our chests pressing together is safe. I'm used to it.
"⋯Winter, why aren't you wearing pajamas?"
"⋯It's not bedtime yet."
"You're doing this on purpose."
"Am not?"
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"⋯Sigh."
I buried my nose in her hair and inhaled—the shampoo scent from earlier. ⋯Sweet. Addictively so. In a way, it's reassuring. At least this smell isn't lewd compared to those. I can hold out while lost in this. ⋯Though it's kinda ambiguous if this counts as holding back. Still, if we pretend we're like fifteen, this is normal, right? Mentally, we're closer to that age than adults anyway—no other way we'd do this.
"⋯Oppa."
"What."
"Y-You're sniffing way too obviously."
"⋯Don't like it?"
"N-No, it's not that⋯ but you said no lewd stuff."
"Gotta do this if we're hugging anyway."
"Yeah."
"⋯Just overlook this much."
"⋯Okay."
I inhaled her scent until I was sick of it, then loosened my arms a bit. Legs still tangled, but I put some distance between our upper bodies. ⋯Haa. If I pulled back more and saw her whole body, it'd be riskier. Right now, only her face is in view, so it's fine, but focus a little and it'd just be her lips. That'd be tough too. ⋯Nope. I picked up my phone again, which I'd set down briefly.
"⋯Oppa?"
"What, Miss Kim Winter."
"I think looking at your phone while I'm lying next to you is kinda rude."
"You're my sister; it's fine."
"Only treating me like a sister when it suits you?"
"We said we'd do it at home. You agreed."
"⋯."
I fiddled with my phone, avoiding her suddenly pouty face. ⋯Can't help it. I want to keep the promise. At least not break what I said today. Not saying I'll break it someday, but anyway. Ignoring her and tapping away, she gave up and lay quietly, continuing.
"⋯Hey, Oppa."
"Yeah."
"About earlier."
"Yeah."
"⋯When you confessed."
"⋯Yeah."
"I was⋯ super happy."
"⋯Knew you would be, that's why I did it."
"What, acting like you know everything about my feelings."
"Not everything, but roughly. ⋯'Cause you're not just anyone."
"⋯How much do you know?"
"Enough to know you wouldn't reject me if I said it then."
"⋯Honestly, I didn't expect it."
"Expect what."
"That you'd⋯ say something like that."
"⋯I didn't expect it from myself either."
"I've wanted to hear it forever, but actually hearing it felt so⋯ weird."
"⋯Forever?"
"Uh, well⋯ yeah. You know."
"What is it."
"⋯Secret."
"⋯Anyway, so."
"Just⋯ I was happy. Really. More than when Suneung ended."
"⋯Good, then."
"Thanks. ⋯For always making my dreams come true."
"⋯."
⋯We're both acting weird today. How's she saying that without stumbling? Later, I'll never be able to look away from my phone. I'd lose it if I saw her face.
"⋯You're still gonna keep looking at your phone after all that?"
"That's why I'm looking."
"What're you even watching? Something lewd?"
"You crazy? In front of a girl."
"Then show me too."
She snatched my phone the moment my body was free. ⋯Look or not, doesn't matter. I'm thorough with security—no evidence left. Haven't looked at that stuff lately anyway. Knowing or not, she started rummaging through it eagerly.
"Hey, don't just grab someone's phone like that."
"You're not 'someone.' It's Oppa's."
"⋯Don't just grab Oppa's phone like that."
"You say that, but you look so confident, Oppa."
"Nothing to feel guilty about."
"Really?"
"Really."
"⋯Then what's this?"
She fiddled around and opened the gallery, showing it to me. There was a photo of a black-haired girl with a super familiar hairstyle, cheeks and ears flushed red, covering her eyes with her hand, black T-shirt pulled up over her chest, wearing a gray bra with a hole in the center that emphasized her cleavage, pink bottoms that could be panties or pants exposing her thighs—a pic clearly taken for that purpose—on my phone.
"⋯Oppa."
"⋯"
"Th-This⋯ looks super lewd."
"⋯."
"⋯You look at stuff like this too, Oppa?"
"Kim Winter."
"⋯What?"
"I'm not trying to do anything like that."
"Okay."
"⋯Take off your T-shirt."
"⋯."
"Gotta check something."