Chapter 36: Rest
After washing up and getting dressed, I filled my growling stomach with the remaining slices of bread for now. When I checked Gyeo-ul's temperature—still in her pajamas, looking a bit drowsy—it came out to 37.3 degrees. ...A wave of guilt crashed over me. What the hell did I do to my sister while she's got a cold?
I'd planned to at least tuck her into my bed while I cleaned up, but she insisted she was fine and followed me around to help erase the traces together. We opened the windows to air out the smell, and I wrapped the half-used condom in a bunch of tissues before tossing it in the trash bag. The unopened ones, just in case, went back into my drawer. I was about to throw her clothes and pillowcase in the wash when Gyeo-ul threw a fit, demanding we wash the blanket too.
"You sure you don't wanna just toss that?"
"I'm gonna wash it and keep it."
"...Why?"
No, but... it's got semen stains on it, and even a tiny bit of blood. It's not like it's gonna wash out clean. No amount of baby wipes is gonna fix that.
"...You asked me to leave evidence."
"..."
"So I can show it to you whenever you say weird stuff, Oppa."
...So she thinks she's got leverage on me now. But leverage only has value if you can expose it to someone. This isn't leverage—it's a bomb.
"Gyeo-ul."
"Yeah?"
"It's your call if you wanna keep it, but... hide it well."
"...I know that much."
If it got found, it'd be more than a little trouble.
We debated what to have for brunch and ended up ordering tonkatsu lunchboxes. Remembering we needed medicine first, I threw on a mask and headed out. No matter how hard I looked, I couldn't find any cold meds at home. Breathing in the outside air helped loosen the sticky fog in my head, and my rationality started creeping back into place. ...Thinking about it again, I'm a total psycho. What now? There's no way we can go back to being just siblings. No path to a happy ending in sight.
Honestly, even when she tempted me in just her underwear, I'd planned to turn her down. Up until she said she wanted to give me her first and last time. I couldn't give up on Gyeo-ul herself, so I figured I'd just give up on the man-woman affection between us. Stay as siblings who cherish each other most in the world. Even if it seemed weird, that's all I wanted... ...I wanna cut it off. My dick. Then none of this would've happened. If I'd been born a girl, we'd probably be living happily as close sisters, right?
Sighing heavily as I walked to the pharmacy, my phone rang. I thought it was Mom, but it was my cousin noona.
"...Hello?"
"Hey, Ga-eul. It's noona."
"Oh, noona. What's up?"
"Gyeo-ul wasn't picking up, so... is she home?"
"She always has her phone on silent and doesn't check it much."
"Oh... everything okay?"
"...She's fine. She did great on her Suneung, after all."
"Yeah?"
"Well, not totally fine. She's got a bit of a cold."
"She caught a cold?"
"Not a high fever or anything, just achy all over."
"You sure it's not that?"
"Nah, no way. She hasn't gone out except for the exam."
"Got meds?"
"Heading to the pharmacy now."
"...I was gonna take you two out for dinner tonight."
"Yeah... can't be helped."
"Right, well... never mind. I'll try calling Gyeo-ul again."
"Okay."
Noona hung up first. ...Talking to her feels so awkward now. We were never that strained before. Ever since that happened, it's been... tough. She seems to want to believe in me, but... ...In the end, everything I said back then turned out to be lies. What started as lies mixed with a bit of truth now has not even a shred of truth left.
Pushing down the unsettled feeling, I entered the pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist.
"Can I get some cold medicine?"
"Sure, what are the symptoms?"
"I'm fine, but my sister has a slight fever and body aches."
"How high's the fever?"
"Just a bit over 37. Not severe."
"Any other symptoms?"
"Nope."
"I'll give you some Tylenol then—one in the morning, one at night. If it gets worse, swing by the health center for a checkup. Better safe these days."
"Got it, thanks."
As I turned to leave with the meds, a doubt hit me. ...Aren't you not supposed to mix meds willy-nilly? Should I ask? But I already said it was for my sister... Am I overthinking? After agonizing, I turned back to the counter.
"Uh... she's on birth control pills. Safe to take together?"
"Yeah, it's fine."
"...Oh, okay. Thanks."
I worried she'd think it was weird, but luckily, it was just me freaking out. I mean... birth control isn't only for that, and even if it was, she wouldn't jump to conclusions. We're the weird ones.
On the way back, I grabbed two coffees from the cafe. I'd gotten into them lately—hazelnut lattes were sweet and good. Opening the front door, I saw the food had arrived while I was out. Gyeo-ul, in pajamas with an outer layer on top, was eagerly unwrapping the lunchboxes.
"Oh, Oppa. You're back?"
"Yeah. Here's the meds—take 'em after eating. Got coffee too; we'll have it later."
"...Thanks."
"Anna Noona called."
"She called you too?"
"Said you weren't picking up."
"Saw a missed call, so I rang her back."
"Was gonna buy us dinner."
"Yeah, that's why she said to come."
"...What?"
"Didn't wanna go out with a fever, so she said we'd eat here."
...Why? Sure, she looked off today, so I wasn't planning more anyway. But still. We'd cleaned up, but who knows. More than that... no. Not today. Doesn't mean I don't wanna be around her. We don't have to do that stuff.
Lost in those thoughts, wearing my obvious displeasure on my face, Gyeo-ul spoke up again.
"Oppa."
"...Yeah."
"I know Anna Noona thinks we're suspicious."
"Yeah."
"...She texts me sometimes. Says once Suneung's over, I should go out, meet people. Or she'll take me somewhere."
"Really?"
"So if I keep dodging, she'll suspect more."
"...I get it."
"...Mad?"
"Not mad. Just... you never know."
"I'm not an idiot; I know what you're worried about."
"Doesn't look like it."
From her actions or words, honestly... I have no clue if she even realizes we're doing something wrong.
"...I'm just good at hiding it. I've... thought about it a lot. Tried hard not to get caught."
"..."
"It was a really deep decision."
Gyeo-ul cleared her throat, then confessed.
"My first, my last, everything in between... I decided to give it all to one person for life."
"...Didn't you say just until Monday?"
"...Means no one else after. We'll go back to being real siblings."
"..."
"So you don't meet anyone after either."
"I said I wouldn't."
"I don't trust you."
"Why."
"...You're like that. So... I worry you might."
"I don't do that normally. ...You make it so I can't hold back."
"Blaming me?"
"Yeah, your fault."
"...Anyway, never with anyone else."
"Won't."
...Sigh. Can't tell if her flushed face is from the cold or embarrassment. Either way, hold back today. Once we start, we won't stop till noona shows up.
We ate what was more like lunch than breakfast, drank our coffee, and sorted the dried laundry. The blanket stains didn't come out as expected. But... the blood was just a drop, so unless you look close, it's invisible. Even if you notice, it'd pass as a nosebleed. Same for the semen spots.
Gyeo-ul took her clothes—and the blanket—to her room. When I tossed her the washed stuff, she spoke up.
"...Oppa."
"Yeah."
"When noona comes over."
"...Yeah."
"...Wanna pretend we're fighting a bit?"
"Won't work."
"Why."
"Neither of us is good at lying. Better act normal."
"You were great at acting when you talked to her last time."
"That was half-truth."
"Really?"
"You kept clinging, so this is on you. Half-fact."
"...You said weird stuff first and made me like this."
"What'd I say."
"You don't remember?"
"No, I said something wholesome like I love you as a sister."
"Normal brothers don't confess 'let's be together forever' or 'it's only you' to their sisters."
"...Did I?"
"Yeah. For real."
Huh, weird. I don't remember... or do I? I meant it that way... half-yes. Did I phrase it oddly? ...My fault?
"...Gyeo-ul."
"Yeah."
"I'm curious—why'd you wanna do that with me?"
"...I'll tell you later."
"Later when."
"Secret."
...Later when. She says we'll go back to siblings. I still can't tell if she means it.
After our talk, Gyeo-ul carefully folded the blanket and stowed it in the drawer under the bed. Wonder what she'll use it for. If I try pulling away or dating someone... maybe she'll use it to tie me down? Not that I plan to get a girlfriend. But thinking that way... it didn't feel bad. I know it's messed up, but what can I do? I won't let go of the girl who depends on me, sees only me, knows only me.