29. Preliminary Assembly Day
Suneung was now just one day away, but surprisingly, my body didn't feel all that tired. Meals? Well, I'd evolved to the point where I could make rolled omelets. Housework was something I'd been handling most of anyway, so it wasn't a big deal. Mentally, though—that was exhausting. My mind felt more tangled up than it ever did back when I was taking the exam. Back then, it was just about my own thoughts, my own studying. Not anymore.
I had to act fine on the outside, pretend like everything was normal. Seeing my sister put on this weirdly bright front was driving me insane with worry. To be honest, I almost wished she'd at least pretend to be nervous. She whined about being hungry all the time, but then she'd only eat half her food before scampering back to her room. It made me fret for no reason. I wanted her to lean on me more. But I wasn't sure if I could hold her up properly if she did, and that made my chest feel tight. I had to be her big brother. I'd said things I couldn't take back, and there were people who believed in me. That had been my constant worry these past six days.
"Oppa."
"Yeah? You're back already."
"Yeah. Got my exam admission ticket."
Gyeo-ul hopped back into the car, waving her admission ticket after coming back from the preliminary assembly. It felt like forever since we'd ridden together like this. Though when I thought about it, it hadn't even been a week. Maybe it just felt longer because this was the first time I'd dropped her off at a school that wasn't my alma mater. Tomorrow would probably be the last time I drove her to school. Well... we could still go for drives and hang out later. Either way, my days as the chauffeur for the rich young lady of the house were over. Why I was the hired help when we shared the same bloodline would forever remain a mystery. Come to think of it, I was the one buying most of the food with my money. Technically Mom's money, but whatever.
"How's it feel?"
"Just okay? I don't really feel it yet."
Maybe the heater was too warm; she unwound her muffler and tossed it in the back seat. With it on, she'd looked like a turtle hiding its neck. Without it, she seemed a bit more refreshed, less stifled.
"You'll feel it tomorrow morning when you wake up."
"Dunno. Not yet."
"Eh, better to be a little spaced out than overly tense, maybe."
"...How was it for you, Oppa?"
"Me? My hands were shaking like crazy."
"Can't really picture you like that."
"I tried acting all cool, stepping out of the car like it was no big deal. But man, it was freezing outside."
"...Ah."
It had been brutally cold back then. I'd suffered for trying to look stylish. "I only wore my outer coat 'cause it felt stuffy, but my hands and neck were aching from the chill. Layer up when you go. December's gonna be even colder."
"Okay."
"It's warm in the car from the heater, so take it with you and put it on right before you get out."
"Got it."
They said it wouldn't drop below freezing, but it was still cold. Windy as hell, too. Exactly a year ago around this time, I'd been suffering through it in the military. Now that I was out, those memories didn't feel like total bad ones. Weird. Would these moments turn into fond memories later, too? Would the worries I had now seem stupid someday? I hoped not.
"What should I pack for your lunchbox?"
"What'd you have?"
"Mom made me some porridge."
"...Porridge?"
Porridge was the best. The name sounded depressing, but it was hearty enough, didn't upset your stomach, warmed you up, and didn't make you sleepy. Easy to make? No clue, I'd never tried.
"Want porridge, too?"
"Uh, wouldn't making porridge mean getting up way too early?"
"Not making it myself. We can reserve some from the porridge place and grab takeout on the way."
"...Okay."
"For sides, whatever they give us plus some rolled omelet. Snacks—coffee and chocolate sound good?"
"That should work."
"Sweet coffee or Americano?"
"Chocolate's sweet enough. Americano so my mouth doesn't get all sticky."
"Gotcha. I'll grab a bottled water, too. Plenty in the fridge."
"Okay."
...For an unpaid gig, there sure was a lot to think about. They provided room and board, but still. Well, I'd received plenty so far. And there was more to give and take in the future. So I'd tough it out just until tomorrow. Like it or not, I was her big brother.
Now it was exactly one hour until true D-Day.
...I'd done okay, somehow. Honestly, when Mom left, everything went dark. I doubted if I could really pull off being a big brother. I worried if I could support her properly while feeling so lost myself. But at least I hadn't betrayed anyone's trust. That was a relief.
I got out of bed for one last glass of water before sleep. Shining my phone light, I took careful steps, and that's when I noticed light leaking from the crack under her door. ...Not asleep yet.
I knocked three times out of formality, then turned the handle.
"What're you doing with the light on?"
"..."
Gyeo-ul was sprawled on the bed, arm over her eyes.
...Then turn it off, at least. Suneung tomorrow and this is what you're doing?
"Can't sleep?"
"...You?"
"Just getting water. Why can't you?"
"Dunno. It's starting to sink in, I guess."
"If it's sinking in already, what about tomorrow?"
"...Yeah."
I shuffled into the room, pulled a chair over, and sat by the bed. Her talent for working me to the bone right up to the end was impressive. I'd make her pay me back later.
"Want me to tell you some boring story to knock you out?"
"Nah, it's fine. Just... stay here a bit."
"...Turn off the light?"
"Yeah."
I got up, flicked the switch, and the room plunged into total darkness. I stood blankly, letting my eyes adjust, then eased back into the chair.
"...Oppa."
"Sleep instead of chatting. I gotta drive tomorrow, too."
"Brush my hair."
"...What?"
"Comb's on the desk. Just until I fall asleep... that one."
...What a high-maintenance sister. I turned on my phone flashlight, rummaged the desk, and found a straight comb. I brushed her hair as our lady of the house desired. Hmm... maybe 'cause I'd never done it much, but it was surprisingly tangled. One wrong move and hair would come out.
"...You're really bad at this, Oppa."
"What do you expect? I've barely done it before."
"It hurts. Just use your hands."
"...Huh?"
"Just touch it with your fingers."
Today, I wanted to be the generous big brother, so I didn't argue and gently stroked her scalp with my fingers.
...This was easier. As I petted her hair as tenderly as I could, her breathing gradually quieted. I carefully pulled my hand away from her locks, and she spoke again.
"...I was just about to fall asleep."
"Sorry, Gyeo-ul. I need sleep, too. Gotta drive you tomorrow."
"Then, as your little sister... one favor?"
"...What."
"That..."
"Spit it out, no beating around the bush."
"...Lie down next to me."
"...Why."
"Just. Don't ask."
...I wanted to say yes to anything, no matter how tough. But this... this was trickier than I'd imagined.
"Uh, looks like you've forgotten, Ms. Kim Gyeo-ul."
"...That wasn't as siblings."
"I wanna be with you as siblings. And Suneung's in less than an hour."
"...That's why I'm asking. 'Cause I'm your little sister."
...Haa. This was maddening. What was I supposed to do? No veto power here. This was the tyranny of the boss.
I carefully climbed onto the bed and lay facing the desk. ...Siblings could do this. Special circumstances, and Mom had told her to boss me around anyway. I wasn't breaking promises or betraying trust. Hypnotizing myself like that, I felt warmth against my back.
"...Gyeo-ul."
"...Just tonight. Please."
"...This is the absolute last time."
"Okay."
Good, the hint hadn't broken yet. I was just lying there. Gyeo-ul, trembling with nerves, was hugging me like a pillow. ...I wanted to sleep. But sleep wouldn't come, weirdly. What now? Couldn't drive drowsy.
"...Oppa."
"Sleep."
"Need a pillow?"
"...Gimme one."
"Here."
I lifted my head slightly, and a soft pillow slid under by my ear. I settled back, eyes closed, and felt breath on my nape.
...Ticklish. But I endured. Too late to complain. We both had the blanket pulled up just below our necks. I clasped my hands over hers, obediently intertwined on my stomach.
Warm. Were my hands cold? Whatever. Holding them, our temperatures evened out soon enough. My back had been warm for a while. My legs... no idea. Hot from body heat or numb from pressure?
Didn't matter how I felt; she seemed asleep, and that was good. I tried counting sheep to join her. But around seventy, they all started bleating at once, and poof—sleep vanished.
...Haa. What was Gyeo-ul thinking? What was my sister thinking? What should I do? I didn't even know the right answer.
Only one thing was certain. Pressed back to chest, hands overlapped, lulling each other with our breaths as a lullaby—this felt good. Whether as siblings... or as that other something I wanted to give up on.