85. A Drinking Party
85. A Drinking Party
***
Looking back, it had only been a few years, but it felt far more distant than that—perhaps because the changes she'd gone through in recent years had been so enormous.
When dealing with other people, she wore a kind of mask.
She understood other people's emotions, even empathized with them, yet paradoxically, none of it ever truly touched Sua.
She understood with her head but couldn't empathize with her heart—and no one felt that more acutely than Sua herself.
When the news or the internet reported on murders, or when dozens or hundreds died in natural disasters, she simply thought, "Oh, that happened." When someone grieved, she only "understood" in her head that they were sad for some reason.
She understood, but it stirred no particular emotion in her.
So at some point, when dealing with her classmates, she went beyond mere pretense and began wearing a mask that was almost a form of self-hypnosis.
When someone laughed, she naturally laughed along.
When someone got angry, she reacted with surprise.
When someone joked around, she joked back—Sua wore a mask that let her produce those reflexive behaviors.
She understood in her head why they laughed so easily and expressed their emotions so freely, but she couldn't understand in her heart why they acted that way.
But she acted that way because she felt that if she didn't, she'd be pushed out of their group. And because the person her family wanted her to be was a well-rounded, agreeable daughter—a good kid with no problems and good relationships—she made another mask for that too.
One by one, she crafted masks and changed her attitude to fit the moment. At school, she played the part of "the bright, affectionate girl." At home, she wore "the model student's mask" and played the child who studied well without any issues.
That was how Sua lived, adjusting her behavior to each situation.
And at some point, she grew accustomed to changing herself as naturally as breathing, depending on the place and the circumstances.
Even while living that way, Sua simply thought, "So this is how life is."
She had never properly felt what happiness was, or what enjoyment was.
Living behind masks wasn't a big problem, because on the surface there was no conflict.
If anything, she'd often felt troubled because too many people tried to approach her.
Then, while living like that, Sua happened to encounter Another World—and it felt almost like being reborn.
When she played Another World, she felt like her whole self. Inside Another World, she could act however she pleased, follow her heart, let her guard down, and worry about nothing.
Because all of it was reality to her, and yet not reality.
So she gradually distanced herself from the people she knew and lived alone.
After she'd realized what happiness and enjoyment were through Another World, Sua's life turned a full 180 degrees.
Even wearing masks became unbearably tiresome, so she began cutting off her connections one by one. She severed ties with her family too and tried to live entirely on her own.
Dealing with other people—no, by then, even dealing with her family exhausted her.
After encountering Another World, Sua no longer felt any reason to keep living a life of molding herself to others.
Three years passed like that.
To make a living while playing Another World, being a streamer suited her, and to earn bigger money, she needed to double as a NewTuber.
When she put her long-practiced skill of wearing masks around others to use in those spaces, success rolled in naturally, and Sua walked a path of success.
Then, as if by fate, she met someone who stirred her interest first—for the first time ever.
It surely hadn't been that strong an interest at first, but after talking and meeting, her attention kept returning to her.
Only then did Sua begin to understand, one by one, the behaviors and expressions of her old classmates.
So requests she would normally have dismissed as absurd and refused outright—requests she would have kept at arm's length and blocked—she now accepted without hesitation and helped with.
The reason was truly simple.
'Because I wanted to get close to her.'
When Sua realized that she was now doing the very things those classmates who'd clung to her pretending to be especially close had done years ago, she laughed out of nowhere while streaming.
"Pfft..."
"Plea, why are you suddenly laughing?"
"Ah, I saw a funny message in chat."
Back then, when kids her age clung to her with casual physical affection, she'd accepted it outwardly while inwardly thinking, "Why do they cling so much?"
Now that she was doing it herself, she felt like she understood the reason.
There really wasn't any special reason. I acted that way because I wanted that person's attention, because I simply wanted to get close, and because I wanted to see how they reacted to everything I did.
Whether it was because the person was indifferent to her and showed no particular interest, or because the shock from their first meeting at the café had been so great—thinking about it now, everything was so vague that she couldn't pinpoint exactly what the starting point had been.
She wanted to get close to her person-to-person, or simply felt drawn to be near her for no grand reason. Maybe it was Rin in Another World—maybe she'd been captivated by her near-perfect skill.
"..."
Sua swallowed those thoughts and spoke calmly while looking at the results screen.
"So the winner of the Streamer Ideal Type World Cup is Hana?"
They'd taken turns picking streamers they liked, but from the quarterfinals on, the selection method felt ambiguous, so they'd also included viewer voting.
And truly unexpectedly, the winner of the Streamer Ideal Type World Cup was "Hana."
[No way Hana wins this?]
[lmaoooooo that's actually ridiculous]
[Why are there so many face-obsessed viewers for real?]
[Rin really understood the male gaze though]
[lmaooo but the Rin options were so fucking funny like how do you pick based only on a streamer's body?]
[And she pointed out body parts like a total expert while talking about it lmao]
[That Hana gif is just a cheat code lmaooo]
[Face-obsessed or not, how do you not pick after seeing that gif lmaoooooo]
The chat and viewer reactions were really good too.
Maybe because they'd never done a World Cup-style segment with streamers before, the viewer count was already climbing into the high 20,000s.
"Plea... you didn't pick Hana on purpose, did you?"
Seeing Serin looking at me suspiciously just made me laugh.
"No?"
I'd half-intended to tease her with my picks. But even I hadn't predicted Hana would actually win.
"The viewer vote ratio was 60%. So how could I intentionally pick someone?"
On screen, the "famous" gif of Hana—the winner of the Ideal Type World Cup—was playing on infinite loop.
And it was the one of her being forced to dance after getting thoroughly wrecked by Serin.
I looked at her.
The closing remarks for the Ideal Type World Cup felt like something Serin should do.
As if catching my meaning, Serin let out a small sigh and slowly opened her mouth.
"...Congratulations to Hana on the win. And once again, I'll say it: things between Hana and me ended cleanly. I personally reached out to her separately because I felt I'd been too harsh back then. So we're not on bad terms or anything. You all understand, right?"
[The more I watch that gif the more Rin seems like a total menace lmaoooo]
[Isn't the image of Rin back then way too different from Rin now?]
[Hana's actually been saying she wants to collab with Rin]
[She got a taste of that NewTube honey and can't give it up lmaooo]
While checking the chat, Sua suddenly realized that she wasn't wearing a mask right now.
Looking at Serin for no particular reason, Sua felt strange.
***
Sua had been fiddling with my hand like it was her own, but after I spoke, maybe she became self-conscious—she just held it without doing anything else.
After the long Streamer Ideal Type World Cup ended, we chatted about small things, how we'd been doing, and before I knew it, the promised two hours had passed.
And so it was 9 p.m.
Feeling like it was about time to wrap up the stream, I looked at Sua.
—Should we wrap up?
As if reading my mind instantly, Sua mouthed the words silently, and I nodded.
"Plea-lings, I told you at the start that today's stream would be short, right?"
I watched Sua speak right away and lifted my cup to drink some water.
'At this rate I'm going to fill up on water instead of alcohol.'
My throat had gone dry from talking during the stream, so I drank water, but it felt like I was pointlessly filling my stomach with it.
Watching Sua gradually steer toward ending the stream, I felt like I was learning something.
The fact that even when viewers typed negative reactions in chat, there were surprisingly few who actually disliked the streamer.
Depending on the streamer's personality, viewers ultimately followed the content. Sua was clearly a streamer who knew how to manage her audience.
She generally gave off the impression of bantering back and forth with her viewers, but if you had to say, Sua was the one holding the reins. Her viewers were her regulars, so no matter how she ran things, they mostly went along with it.
"Everyone, I told you at the start of the stream that today would be a short one, right? And I want to go drink with Rin quickly."
Watching Sua give her ending remarks, I also prepared to give my closing comments.
[???]
[no no no no no]
[I didn't see it]
[I didn't hear that!!!]
[Ah I'm so sad]
[A 2-hour collab stream is seriously too much]
[Just 1 more hour!!]
[No-cam drinking talk part 1 let's go?]
[Stop ending the stream!!!]
[Ah this is too much]
[It's no-cam, just a little more!!]
As the end of the stream approached, the chat heated up to the point of boiling over.
—Ding!
『Kazura donated 50,000 won!』
《Stop ending the stream!》
『Nalda donated 10,000 won!』
《Truth talk while drinking, go》
『rain8694 donated 100,000 won!』
《Seriously, just 1 more hour!》
As donations burst in one after another, I momentarily missed my timing to speak.
"You all know perfectly well that donating doesn't work when we're ending the stream, so why do you keep doing this?"
Sua mouthed at me.
—You give your closing remarks now too, please.
—Can I really give closing remarks in this atmosphere?
—Yes, it's fine, so please hurry.
We exchanged words silently, then I quietly opened my mouth.
"Today's collab was really fun. Then I'll see you all tomorrow on my personal stream."
I finished with those unremarkable words, but Sua's actions were bolder than I'd expected.
Click.
The moment I finished speaking, the chat turned gray.
"Sua, you're really decisive."
"If you drag these things out, people cling even more pathetically. If you hesitate, your break time shrinks. You really can't hesitate when ending a stream."
Watching her shut down the PC entirely, I let out a small laugh.
I'd felt it every time I saw her, but she really had a sharp, no-nonsense personality.
And once the stream ended, I felt a strange sense of ease and openness.
Like the feeling of finishing something I had to do.
Streaming was fun, but when it was time to rest, not streaming felt so right that my mind relaxed completely.
Clunk.
Sua, having finished tidying up, opened the door and then suddenly turned back to me.
"Oh, what should we order to eat with the drinks?"
"Hmm... how about raw fish?"
For no real reason, raw fish suddenly came to mind.
"Raw fish sounds great. Then a mixed platter and a seafood platter? I'll order that."
"Okay."
She moved so freely that it was hard to believe this was the same Sua who'd been rolling around on the bed before the stream saying she wanted to skip it.
Tap.
Closing the streaming room door and stepping into the living room, I naturally headed toward the terrace on one side.
The night view of the city from the 17th floor of a high-end officetel was really... quite something.
A city glowing in all sorts of colors—I stared at it blankly and spoke.
"Oh, so are we drinking in the living room?"
"Yes, let's drink while looking at the night view. Serin."
Sua, reflected against the night view, seemed to be picking up her phone to order.
—Payment complete.
A mechanical voice suddenly sounded.
I was so dumbfounded that I turned my head toward Sua.
"Sua. I'm the one who suggested drinking, so why are you paying?"
"You bought expensive wine, didn't you? I should pay for the snacks. Obviously."
"No, but still."
"It's fine. Really. And I'll tell you now—I'm the type who finds food someone else paid for tasteless?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
I had a guess at what Sua meant, and a meaningless laugh escaped me.
"What do you mean, what's that supposed to mean? It means from now on, Serin paying in front of me is forbidden."
She walked over to me with a prim smile, and it was really nothing special, but every little thing Sua did looked adorable.