How to Talk to Men (5)
It goes without saying, but just because I’d brought Han Su-a into my home didn’t mean I could immediately start doing anything. The reason was simple: first, I had to help her relax. Why, even without going as far as people, isn’t that what everyone does when they bring home a tiny kitten from a pet shop? To tame something to my will, a comfortable atmosphere is priority zero, above all else.
Casual daily conversation, the simple act of holding hands, or… moving beyond that to a fresh, innocent kiss, a perverted kiss, stripping off Han Su-a’s baggy mocha-colored sweatshirt—which looked like she had no intention of dressing up at all—or peeling off those pitch-black leggings that every man passing by would glance at at least once, despite her looking like she had no intention of dressing up. The sticky foreplay meant only to get her wet, the sex where I’d pound her without a condom right next to a passed-out Yozora—those were all things for later. Right now, I had to keep wearing my mask as the kind infirmary teacher.
"Hmm-hmm…."
Regardless, Yozora hummed a tune as she headed toward the kitchen. I glared at her as she left to fetch orange juice, then turned to Han Su-a, who was standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room.
"Did you clean up all the empty bottles?"
"…Y-yes. No, wait, yeah…."
The house was still floating with a faint scent of alcohol. Having reverted to speaking informally as before, I sat down as far away from Han Su-a as possible. It would be better to maintain this distance for now. Taming someone isn’t about me approaching them; it’s about making them approach me. Just imagining ruining everything because I got impatient and tried to get too close to Han Su-a was enough to annoy me. There’s a reason people say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
One step was meeting Han Su-a "by chance" at the bookstore. Two steps was becoming friends, however awkwardly. Three steps was visiting her house and talking for a long time. And now, I had a chance to skip over the remaining thousand miles in an instant—if I blew this opportunity because of a mistake, I’d want to bite my tongue off. So, I sat on the edge of the sofa and fiddled with my phone, pretending not to be interested. Then, contrary to my expectation that she’d sit at the far end, Han Su-a sat in an ambiguous spot—not too close, not too far. A distance where Yozora would fit perfectly if she squeezed in between us. She was probably acting like that because I’d just called her my girlfriend… the subtle cuteness of it made a chuckle leak out before I could stop it.
"Must’ve been tough. She’s always living in a mess… looks like you cleaned up a bit, too."
As I tossed out a topic to lighten the mood, Han Su-a opened her mouth as if to answer. But faster than that, a shrill voice came from the kitchen: "That’s not true!"
Not true, my foot. I know exactly what your place looked like until you turned thirty. It’s not like it’s the first or second time I’ve had to carry you home after you drank yourself into a stupor… My gaze lingered toward the kitchen for a moment as the squawking continued.
"…Um."
Han Su-a’s voice, sitting beside me, drifted over softly.
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you one thing I’m curious about?"
"Go ahead. As long as it’s not anything too weird, it’s fine."
"…How did you and Yozora meet, Woojin?"
I was truly happy she’d initiated the conversation, but the question was a bit difficult to answer.
"Ah. How we met."
"Yeah."
"…There’s nothing particularly special about it."
"Still, I’m… just curious."
"…Is this also about friendship? Like, how to make one?"
"…Yeah."
"Right. Well, then…"
I’d worried she might ask about the size of my dick because of what Yozora said earlier, but… it started from there. I wanted to talk to her as much as possible, but of all things, she had to ask how I met Yozora. Since I couldn’t tell her the truth, I had no choice but to scribble together a rough piece of fiction in my head.
"Well… we first met in Sinchon."
"Sinchon…?"
"Yeah."
Our first meeting at the 'Company' hideout became the front of the Sinchon Hyundai Department Store. The relationship of a drinking slave who was dragged out and tortured was packaged into a pair who clinked beer cans together in front of a convenience store on a chilly night. I’d worried about potential plot holes, but judging by Han Su-a’s reaction, that didn’t seem to be the case. By the time I finished, her only reaction was to look as serious as if she were studying.
…The atmosphere felt a bit strange. Just as our relationship was transforming into that of a very ordinary couple, Yozora approached us, sipping the orange juice she’d poured into a cup. I’d thought she meant to treat us to a drink, but it seemed she only intended to drink it herself.
"…Su-a-chan……."
"Ah, yeah."
She let out a breath that still smelled of alcohol and said, "You said you wanted to make… friends…."
"…Y-yeah…."
To Han Su-a, who nodded quietly, Yozora’s slurred voice continued.
"I don’t know about other things, but making guy friends is super, super easy…."
"R-really?"
"Yeah. Since your boobs are big, if you just let the guys touch them as much as they want, a guy friend is just…"
Seduce men with your breasts. Yozora, having offered this advice, was grabbed by Seo Woojin and began to get flicked on the forehead repeatedly. Watching Yozora sit on Seo Woojin’s lap and rub her forehead against his palm, she looked like a giant doll. Though, a doll that smelled way too much like alcohol to be a normal one.
"You like boobs too, don’t you!!"
"Is that the same as this?"
"You’re the one who spat in my cleavage last time and shoved your dick in there and… Ouch…!"
Cleavage? Spitting? And shoving a dick… in there…. Ah… I get it. It’s that thing. The thing only women with big breasts can do…. Anyway, that thing. I’ve seen it a few times in manga. In the end, they always ejaculate on the girl’s face or in her mouth, or they fill up her cleavage until it overflows, leaving it sticky and stringy between her spread breasts…. Anyway, that’s it. A sex fantasy that men would definitely love.
…So they even do things like that when it’s just the two of them. Then, naturally, they must have sex, too…. Whispering "Master, Master" sweetly. Like in the manga, until the womb is stuffed full, *splat*… *splat*….
…Don’t they talk about things like, "Please get me pregnant with Master’s seeds"…?
"If you’re going to say weird things, go inside and sleep. You look sleepy."
"I’m not sleepy at all…. I’m all sobered up……."
"Sobered up, my ass. You were wobbling when you walked over with that orange juice earlier."
"That’s just because the juice was heavy…. I can’t lift anything heavier than a spoon…."
"…Hey. Don’t get in the way and go inside to sleep."
"No. I’m not going to sleep…!"
Seo Woojin whispered something quietly to Yozora after glancing at me. Yozora whined at him and rubbed her forehead against his. Watching the two of them blankly, I slowly chewed over what Yozora had just brought up.
"……."
That I could make friends if I let guys touch my breasts. …It was because it sounded a lot more plausible than I’d thought.
‘Anyway, Yozora is dating the infirmary teacher.’
In other words, they were much closer than just friends. Could the advice of Yozora, who could create such a relationship, really be useless? Let’s think. Men like women’s breasts. > So, I show a little bit of my cleavage. Since letting them touch it directly like Yozora said is too perverted. > I become popular with guys who like breasts. > I get lots and lots of guy friends. > Hanseol Group’s stock price goes up 500 times! I succeed in ranking the domestic market cap! The logic is also perfect. That’s probably the flow my parents want for me, too.
"……Haa…."
But, showing a little bit of 'cleavage'…. Is that a resolution I can just spit out so easily? Even when I walk around with everything hidden tightly under clothes, I feel like I’m going to die of embarrassment whenever people’s gazes pour over me; how am I supposed to show it to others? Does that make sense? Besides, in the first place, there isn’t a single piece of such vulgar clothing in my closet. It’s all filled with the drab sweatshirts and shirts I’m wearing right now. Of course, I’d intended to live my whole life wearing only clothes like this….
According to Yozora, should I buy one piece of sexy clothing as a last resort, just in case…. Isn’t there any other way…. A method as sexy as breasts, but not particularly embarrassing….
As I fiddled with my chest for no reason, listening to the sound of them arguing, I pondered.
"Hey, hey."
"……?"
Yozora, who had sat down next to me at some point, poked my waist with her fingertip. Seeing Seo Woojin let out a sigh, it seemed Yozora had won. I didn’t know what they were competing over, though.
"What do you think, Su-a-chan…?"
"…Huh? About what?"
"The thing I told you earlier. …Seducing men with your breasts."
"…Ah."
Seo Woojin’s crooked gaze, which looked a bit angry, and Yozora’s smiling gaze, her bangs all messy, were both directed at me. …Ah. Did they leave the judgment to me? Because they couldn’t reach a conclusion between themselves…. Right. Well…. Honestly speaking, I don’t think it’s that wrong. No, rather, I’m starting to think it’s correct now. But it’s too embarrassing to say that honestly in front of a man. So I said,
"…I, I don’t think it’s… a weird thing to say…."
"Right?"
I whispered it into Yozora’s ear, meaning for her to relay it. Since I could be branded a pervert if I wasn’t careful, I agreed but mixed in as much skepticism as possible. This should be safe….
"W, wait……!"
…That’s what I thought. But it was a completely unnecessary action. Yozora, who had been smiling as cunningly as her ability, had immediately spilled everything to her boyfriend. And she’d added unnecessary exaggerations, too.
"Um…, I…, …that, I did agree, but, uh…."
"Hehehe…. Making guy friends is easy if you’re just pretty and have big boobs……."
I know she’s drunk, but what the hell is she doing? What if he thinks I’m a vulgar pervert and decides not to be friends with me anymore…. Seriously….
Even now, though it’s a bit late, I should refute it and say I never said anything like that. Perhaps because I was so flustered, instead of a logical rebuttal, only stupid-sounding noises leaked out. At that moment.
"Since I won, I get to do whatever I want, right? You promised."
"……Ha."
Whether I’d missed it, an incomprehensible conversation was passing between the two.
"Now, Su-a-chan."
"…Huh?"
"Listen well? I have one more thing to teach you…."
"……."
"Guys, you see……. they really like breasts, but…."
Yozora lightly climbed onto the lap of Seo Woojin, who had been frowning slightly.
"…They also really like kissing?"
"…Do it in moderation and get down."
"No."
In front of me, who had gone blank for a moment, she pulled Seo Woojin’s hand onto her chest as if this were the most natural behavior in the world, very familiarly, and pressed her lips onto his, beginning to mix their tongues, *smack, smack*.
Letting them touch your breasts. And… kissing, too, was a way to make guy friends, she claimed, with a somewhat bewildering argument.