It's Not Sex. (2)
Grey joggers I bought back when I practiced swordsmanship often because I was too lazy to change. A knit zip-up that’s comfortably in my top five favorite pieces of clothing because it’s easy to move in. A free-sized T-shirt meant for sleeping that I put on without even thinking about changing. If I had to score this outfit, it would be about a 15 out of 100.
I stepped into the elevator wearing clothes that had absolutely nothing to do with the word "dressing up."
Ding-
…But now that I think about it, wouldn't it have been better to dress up a little? Even if we’re close, there’s a certain etiquette you have to maintain. If I was going to be this unkempt, I should’ve at least worn a ball cap or something…
I sniffed myself, checking belatedly to see if my clothes smelled. I’d been masturbating with the hem of this T-shirt in my mouth earlier, so there was a faint scent of saliva and a light trace of sweat… but it’s fine! It’s not like the teacher is going to try to smell the hem of my shirt. Besides, it’s not a strong odor; as a mutant-type, I’m the only one who could notice it if I pressed my nose right against it. Anyway, the smell is OK. But what still bothers me is this sloppy outfit.
Ding-
In the elevator mirror, I looked like any girl who had just crawled out of her house to wander over to a convenience store. That bothered me enough that I considered going back to change, but I soon just leaned my head against the elevator wall and let out a sigh. It’s not like I don’t have pretty clothes. But if I went back to change now, the lady at home would obviously think it’s strange. Think about it. If she asked me why I was dressing up so much, what would I say? Should I ask her back if it’s not normal to dress up this much just to meet a friend? And what if she replied, "Miss, normal people don't do that"? Should I change back into these clothes then? I couldn't exactly tell her I was going to meet my sex partner, either.
…If I tried to compromise and say I was meeting my boyfriend, I’m terrified of my father, who’s coming to visit tomorrow.
Ding-
I was fine with this outfit earlier, so why am I so restless now? It’s not like the message I’m delivering—"I’m quitting being your sex partner as of today"—is going to change, is it? …Sex partner. Sex partner. As I swallowed my saliva, dazed by the strange resonance of those words, we reached the first floor. I only snapped out of it when a stranger walked in, and I covered my face with the back of my hand as I hurried out of the elevator.
Once I stepped out of the lobby, I immediately spotted a familiar back. Naturally, it was the teacher.
"…Excuse me."
Earlier, he had turned around before I even said a word, so why was he just standing there fiddling with his phone now? I felt a tiny sting of disappointment, but only for a moment. I cleared my throat quietly and poked his back, and the teacher turned around, turning off his phone screen.
…But,
"…Ah, Su-a."
He looked tired. For some reason, it felt like he was in a bad mood. He wasn’t frowning or biting his lip; he was just wearing his usual faint smile, but… call it a woman’s intuition. No matter how I looked at it, I felt like something unpleasant had happened to him in the last hour. I didn't know why, though… but if he was in that state, it would be better to explain quickly and get it over with. I also wanted to get back to the masturbation I’d been interrupted in earlier.
"Um, Teacher. I’m quitting being your sex partn—"
"Wait, keep your voice down. We’re outside."
"…Ah. Yes."
"You were like that earlier, too. Why do you talk about things like that so loudly?"
"I, I’m so sorry…"
"Luckily, I don’t think anyone heard us…"
Unlike me, who wanted to get straight to the point, the teacher smiled awkwardly and looked toward the path where people were walking. While I was organizing what I wanted to say during the moment he sighed, the teacher scratched the back of his neck and said in a low voice.
"Let’s just walk for a bit. Together."
Whoosh, whoosh—the sound of cars driving by grew distant. The varied footsteps of people echoing on the pavement also gradually faded. The sound of puppies out for a walk with their owners, yapping cutely and jumping at our feet asking to be petted, did the same. Instead, we filled that void with our own sounds. One was the teacher’s neat, low footsteps walking beside me. The other was the sound of my own light sneakers, which lacked any sense of dignity.
"…."
"…."
This was probably the fifth minute of it. I had entered some nameless alleyway, trying my best not to show how nervous I was while matching the teacher’s stride. Until a moment ago, I could see large buildings, but now there were only rows of buildings that were at most five stories high. Now that we were here, I did wonder if we really had to come all the way into this alley just to have a conversation that wouldn't even last 30 seconds, but… I could understand it. He was being considerate so that I wouldn't be embarrassed.
"Um, um…"
…Still, now that we’d come to such a secluded place, couldn't I start talking? It didn't really matter if a stranger or two heard us. Even if they did, they’d just get turned on; it wouldn't cause any real harm. As long as I didn't run into anyone I knew, it would be fine. If I did, I might just bite my tongue and die from the inability to handle the shame!
"Um, Teacher."
We were in the middle of a quiet alleyway with not a soul in sight. I cleared my throat carefully and called out to him, and the teacher, who had been walking beside me, slowly stopped. I stopped in place too, and began to pull out the words I had practiced one by one.
"The reason… I said I wanted to stop being your sex partner… you know."
"…Yeah."
"…I don’t think we should keep having… s-sex."
"Why?"
It was a cold, hard voice I’d never heard before. Honestly, if the man in front of me hadn't been Seo Woojin, I would have been frozen stiff with fear. But the person in front of me was my only male friend. And I had the feeling something unpleasant had happened to him earlier. I fidgeted with my hands and continued.
"There are a few reasons… Um…"
"Is it because of Yozora?"
"…Ah? How did you… No, I guess you’d know since she’s your girlfriend."
"…."
"I cut in while you two were dating… and… she seemed a bit uncomfortable with it."
"…Don’t worry about it."
"Pardon?"
"It’s fine if you don’t worry about it. About Yozora."
…Don’t worry about it? You said that wrong, right? Teacher, you’re Yozora’s boyfriend, aren't you? Even I, who learned about romance from pure romance comics, think it’s wrong for a boyfriend to tell someone to stop worrying about his girlfriend. …Did you have a fight with Yozora, by any chance? But you were fucking her so happily at her place last time… Ah, don’t tell me the reason your expression was bad earlier was because you fought with Yozora…
I had a bundle of things I wanted to say. But I could only say one sentence at a time. As I agonized over which words would be best to use, the teacher, his expression hardened, asked me first.
"Is that the only reason you said you’d quit being my sex partner?"
"N-no, no. That’s one reason, but there’s another…"
"Then let’s start with that. What did she seem uncomfortable about?"
"Um… because of me… you haven't been able to have s-sex…"
The teacher, who always smiled at me, looked increasingly displeased. I wondered if I’d made a slip of the tongue and retraced my steps, but I couldn't think of anything other than one possibility. The case where even mentioning Yozora was unpleasant. Just that one.
"…Did Yozora say that? That you should get lost because you’re the reason she can’t have sex?"
"She didn't tell me to get lost, but…"
"She didn't."
"…She told me to hurry up and have sex with you so that her turn could come…"
"…What?"
"Pardon?"
"She said to have sex?"
"Ye-es…"
"Her? To you? …Really?"
But the teacher’s frowning expression lasted only for a moment. Now he was staring straight at my face, then turned his head slightly and burst into a small laugh. I didn't think I’d said anything funny. Is it funny that Yozora told me to hurry up and have sex with him? …Why is this funny?
"Why, why are you laughing…"
"…Sorry. It just doesn't suit her at all, thinking about her saying something like that."
"…."
"Actually, the fact that she told you to have sex with me means… ……."
…She’s a crazy bitch. Really? I barely had time to listen to the teacher’s mutterings, which were barely audible. Looking at his reaction earlier, it seemed like they’d fought. Looking at his reaction now, it seemed like nothing was wrong. As I tilted my head, confused by the extreme, conflicting reactions, the teacher, who was now smiling as usual as if nothing had happened, spoke up.
"Then, Su-a."
"…Yes."
He took a half-step. Closing the distance, he said,
"You said Yozora seemed uncomfortable with our sex partner relationship. Besides that, what’s the other reason?"
"…Ah. Um. That…"
He’s close. Because he’s close, my gaze begins to tremble. Because he’s close, my cheeks, which had been fine, begin to flush red. Because he’s close, I can faintly feel the scent remaining on the teacher’s body.
"…D-don’t laugh when you hear this."
"I won't laugh."
"You promised. If you laugh even a little, I’m taking legal action."
"I said I won't laugh."
Without needing to look further, it was Yozora’s scent. And it was Yozora’s scent from after they’d done something lewd. I spent about a second wondering why that was lingering so strongly on the teacher’s clothes right now, and then I said,
"If I keep having sex with you…, …I’m afraid you won't be satisfied with Yozora."
"…What?"
I said that and took a half-step closer to the teacher.
"Isn't it true…? Because of me, you haven't laid a finger on her, and…"
"…."
"And it’s only after I said I wouldn't be your sex partner that you went and fucked her…"
I moved another half-step closer, hugging the teacher slightly so I could smell him, to hide the look in my eyes that was surely trembling because I was lying. Another half-step. So I could clearly remember that scent and use it for masturbating all night long. Another half-step. I hugged him until my breasts were pressed hard against him… until I could hear his thumping heartbeat, and I didn't let go even as a passerby walked behind him. It’s not like I don’t want to have sex with the teacher, too. I’m just holding back because I’m afraid I’ll get addicted. Even if I have to act like I’m relaxed like this.
"You two have a beautiful love…, and I’m just in the way. …Hehe."
Even I thought it was a perfect excuse. A lie that was far less embarrassing than the shameful truth that I couldn't stop thinking about him 24 hours a day because of the lingering aftereffects. Completely satisfied with myself, I rubbed my face against the teacher’s chest and slowly lifted my head, meeting his face as he looked down at me.
"…."
"…."
…Ah, I’m in trouble. The moment I saw the teacher’s eyes, which were filled with desire, that was the only thought that crossed my mind.