The First Pitch
"Hey, what the hell were you doing all night? Hey."
Jeok Ayeon didn't answer. Was she asleep? She ought to be waking up around now.
"Ugh, why? I was sleeping just fine. Gonna sleep more, so don't wake me."
"Don't tell me you were posting on some community again. And for the love of god, use night mode? My eyes are burning."
"I was just watching YouTube… What is this, some kind of smear campaign?"
"And what's with that weird way of talking?"
"I wouldn't know either, now would I… I'm going back to sleep, now wouldn't I…"
"Fine. Sleep. Go on."
When my consciousness was present I could see what this girl was up to, but whatever she did while I was asleep stayed hidden from me. Naturally the reverse was true as well. It felt like a kind of consideration on her part. A life with zero privacy would be pretty rough, after all. She had her own private life too. We had to look out for each other if we were going to keep living like this. What other choice was there?
"Little sis, you all ready?"
"Yeah, Unnie."
The word "Unnie," which I'd thought would never sit right on my tongue, came out completely naturally. Ever since Soyun's personality had blended into mine, so many things had changed. My tastes in food, the way I thought, even the way I moved. What was I supposed to do about it? Just keep living, that was all. What other choice was there?
"The weather's pretty warm though. You sure about wearing this? You'll have to throw it on over the uniform."
My sister held up a hoodie that looked a little too heavy for the weather and asked me.
"I'm fine. I barely sweat anyway. I'm only wearing it for a bit."
"Hmm, really? Okay. So you're cool with it? I'll pack this."
"Yeah. Let's hurry—we're gonna be late."
"You're really fired up, huh?"
"Of course I am! It's spring!"
"I truly cannot understand you, little sis…. Can't you just root for a strong team? Why on earth cheer for a team that only plays well in spring and then completely collapses the moment summer hits?"
"There's no romance in that! And we're Busan people!"
"Even if we're from Busan, do we really have to cheer for the Whales?"
"Unnie, did you switch teams or something?"
"I barely even know baseball to begin with… I only remember that you used to play. Since when do I have a team I root for?"
"Well, watching the Whales win a championship live is on my bucket list. You should hop on the bandwagon too. I can't be the only one going crazy."
"What in the world does that even mean, Ayeon…."
My sister let out a short, soft sigh and shoved me toward the bathroom, telling me to hurry up and wash. Did I really have to shower…?
"Hey, why are you even asking that? You're dirty. Just wash already."
"Rude. That hurt my feelings, Jeok Ayeon. And weren't you going back to sleep?"
"I was trying to sleep, but then I heard something I shouldn't have to hear. Wash. While I'm still being nice about it."
"You could've just done it yourself last night."
"You want me waking up a sleeping Unnie?"
With that, Jeok Ayeon went right back to sleep. At first I'd planned to call her Soyun, but she rejected it so violently that I attached my own name to the red eye color she'd originally had. Apparently it brought back memories of being forced into things, and she hated that. Besides, since we shared the same body, sharing a name felt natural enough.
—Shhhhh…
I set the temperature to a comfortable warmth and turned on the shower. While the water heated up I finished brushing my teeth, then stripped off my pajamas and underwear and tossed them into the laundry basket outside the bathroom.
"Hwaaah…."
My body melted under the warm water. Ugh, completely limp… Ah. Gotta hurry. The shower products I'd grown used to by now. I waited until my hair was thoroughly soaked, then worked up a lather with shampoo. No matter how I looked at it I was using way too much shampoo…. A bob cut had been violently vetoed by Jeok Ayeon. My sister said it would be a waste of the hair, and that short hair was actually harder to maintain or something.
I rinsed out the shampoo, washed with conditioner, then smoothed treatment through my hair. The treatment needed to sit for a while, so in the meantime I did the first cleanse with oil and the second with foam cleanser. Ah… this was seriously so annoying. But there was no getting around it. If I skipped any of these steps, Jeok Ayeon would raise absolute hell. Now I just had to wash my body with body wash and I'd be do—no. Shockingly, that was still not the end!
"Haa…."
I dried off with a towel, then roughly dried my hair with a hair towel.
—Whirrr~
"Why the sigh? Weren't you in a good mood?"
"No, it's nothing…."
While my sister blow-dried my hair, there were way too many things I had to put on. First the basic skin lotion. Some Himalayan ampule or whatever. Moisture cream. And finally a strong sunscreen. With albinism I was vulnerable to UV, so it was an unavoidable choice. Soyun had already died of cancer—I wasn't about to go out from skin cancer.
—Pat! Pat!
"I told you you don't have to slap it in? Your face turns red."
"But it only feels finished if I do it this way…"
My sister clearly didn't know the ways of the men's bathhouse. After slathering on sticky lotion you had to pat-pat it in before you could truly feel like the bath was over. And on the way out you always bought a bottle of banana milk—that was the national rule.
"Now, what shall we dress you in today~"
"Unnie…. Every morning you look weirdly—no, blatantly—happy about this."
"Aww, what are you talking about. Little sis, do I look happy right now?"
"Yeah. Completely."
"So? What are you gonna do about it? Be a good little doll and stay quiet."
"…"
"If only you were ten centimeters taller… Such a shame. The proportions are perfect. Hmm… what outfit would get people talking about how well-dressed you are?"
"People already talk, you know…."
"It's just a figure of speech~"
It was only after I was discharged from the hospital that I learned I'd been permanently archived on YouTube. People who'd seen the videos had kindly nicknamed me the Expressionless Angel. Soyun had always been the smiling angel. Just thinking about it made me cringe…. On anonymous communities I also got called things like Bastard-jwa or Dissection-jwa.
No matter how I looked at it, a normal life was already out of the question. The combined views on the hospital YouTube channel and other appearance videos already outnumbered the entire population of South Korea. By several times over, even. Still, since I'd gotten famous, maybe it would help me achieve the goals Soyun had written down. And if it helped me reach my own personal goals too, all the better—it certainly wouldn't hurt. I couldn't turn back time, so I just had to live with it like this.
"Ah, what a shame. If you hiked these hot pants all the way up to your waist, those slim legs would look so pretty…"
"You know I have to avoid UV exposure on my skin… right?"
"I know, that's why I'm only saying it. I'm dying of regret for real. We can just tie your hair up once we get there, right?"
"Yeah."
I put on the clothes my sister had prepared one by one. Jeans that were a little roomy on me with good stretch, hiked up to the waist so they covered the bottom of a slightly short white T-shirt. Over that, a thin long-sleeved beige cardigan so my arms wouldn't be exposed.
"Socks—these ones!"
"…Do we seriously have to care about the socks too?"
"Of course we do. When girls put together an outfit they consider everything—stockings, socks, all of it."
"What an exhausting way to live…"
"It's better than living as a fashion terrorist like you."
"…"
I had no choice but to shut my mouth. Fashion terrorist and karaoke mic destroyer. Those two nicknames had followed me around since I was little…. The fashion terrorist one had disappeared once I started wearing school uniforms in middle school, only to resurface in college….
It got so bad that a construction site ajusshi once told me to stop showing up to work in weird clothes and just bring my work clothes and change into them on site. Even in my hazy memories it must have left a pretty deep scar, because I still remembered that conversation.
"Alright. How about these shoes?"
"No. I have to wear my cleats."
"Won't they lend you cleats once we get there?"
"You think they'll have cleats that fit my feet…? That's a pro adult team. I should just wear my own."
"Ah. Right, that's true. Shame… Just wear these for now. I'll pack the others separately!"
"No, I have to stand on the mound anyway?"
"It's about the vibe, the vibe!"
That's right. What I was going to do was none other than throw the ceremonial first pitch. And not just anywhere—at the Whales' home stadium, Busan Sajik Stadium! And not just any game—the opening day first pitch! Considering the symbolism of an opening day ceremonial pitch, I could only be grateful to the Whales front office for inviting me. Though it would be nice if they managed player recruitment and development a little better first… foreign signings included. And if they'd spend a little money in free agency…. But the owner was a cheapskate, so maybe there was no helping it.
"But can you even throw the first pitch without cleats? These designs are honestly not great."
"I can. If it's me."
"Don't say it all dramatic for no reason."
It was just a simple ceremonial pitch. The throwing motion I'd practiced thousands of times if I'd practiced it once. How hard could one more be? My body had changed a bit, sure…. But it shouldn't be a problem.
"Let's just hurry. It's opening day so there'll be a crowd—if we don't get there early we might be late."
"The game starts at five and it's eleven right now, little sis…."
"Still, it'd be nice to get there early and look around… It's opening day so they'll have put a lot into the events… and they said they'd feed us there!"
"Fine, let's go."
My sister let out a light sigh, said she needed to get ready too, and went into the bathroom. She came out exactly thirty minutes later.
"What should I wear~"
—Creeeak.
Then she opened the closet and started pulling out every single piece of clothing she owned. To my eyes they all looked the same. Should I do this with this? Or wear this with that? Which do you think is better?
"Why are you even asking me. I'm a terrorist, remember…?"
"Ah, right."
And that still wasn't the end! After finally picking out her clothes, my sister sat down at the vanity. Please, please just stop… All I wanted was to get to the ballpark.
"I'm going to be on camera too, so I have to put in a little effort~"
"Yeah…."
But after everything she'd done for me throughout the hospital stay, I couldn't complain. Because of the extended hospitalization she'd even scrambled to find temporary work in Seoul. She'd naturally given up the Busan job she'd settled into. A person had to have some shame.
"Here, take the parasol."
"Okay. But Unnie… your driving. I can trust it… right?"
"I've had my license for over a year. You can trust this Unnie. The question is whether we can trust Busan's roads and its drivers…?"
The two of us climbed into the new domestic SUV she'd bought with the money from the hospital. My sister was truly precious family, and Busan was the hometown I genuinely loved, but…
—BEEEP! HONK! BEEEEEEEEEP!!
"What the f—ing hell is that bastard doing? Hey! Can't you drive for sh—?!"
"…"
Someone save me. I got a heart transplant so I could live—I don't want to die in a traffic accident.
"Whoa, I'm going back to sleep. This is a bit much."
I clenched the seatbelt tight. Please just let me live.