Chapter 97. Your Heart (1)
Chapter 97. Your Heart (1)
1
"You've got a face that says this is the first you're hearing of it."
Lady Silver Lily said.
"Did the Constellation who sent you explain nothing? How unusual. When sending an apostle (使徒), a Constellation would normally begin by giving them as much information as possible. Could it be that you're on bad terms with your Constellation?"
"An apostle...?"
"You truly know nothing. How interesting."
Lady Silver Lily opened a drawer. An hourglass. It was identical to the hourglass she had just flipped over. Jingle! She lightly pressed the bell attached to her desk.
The office door opened.
"You called, my lady?"
"Add fifteen minutes. It may be extended further, so everyone rest easy."
"The conversation must be enjoyable. Shall I pour some tea?"
"Mm. From the Zerni region."
"Understood."
The gray-haired servant gave a slight bow and left.
I stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to say or how. Seeing me, Lady Silver Lily raised the corners of her eyes slightly.
"It's fine. Stand comfortably."
She didn't tell me to sit comfortably.
"Which Constellation sent you? Mutia? The Triangulum? Hishimit Kritz? Lazarus? Psyme? Hmm, judging by your face, you've never heard any of those names. Whose proxy are you, exactly?"
"The Librarian of All Thoughts..."
My head was in a daze. I had sensed that the noble lady before me was no ordinary person, but I hadn't expected this. The fact that I managed to recall the Librarian's alias, even belatedly, was only because I'd held on to my last thread of sanity.
"No. The Shut-In Librarian sent me."
"The Library."
Lady Silver Lily spun a quill in her left hand.
"A shut-in... Ah, Hamustra, is it?"
Hamustra.
A true name.
This person knows the Constellation's real name.
"Did Hamustra explain nothing to you?"
"...The Librarian tries not to interfere in Apocalypses as much as possible. Rather than giving us information in advance, he'd prefer we discover it ourselves."
"Apocalypse?"
"A world whose barrier has collapsed because it has no Constellation. ...A world fated for destruction. That's what the Librarian calls such worlds."
Lady Silver Lily narrowed her eyes as if amused. Her eyes were red; even narrowed, their intensity didn't fade. She had the kind of gaze that overwhelmed anyone who met it.
"Arrogant, as befits a Constellation. Naming someone else's world however they please. An Apocalypse, an Apocalypse... Hmm, it's not wrong to say it will one day be destroyed. But I cannot simply hand over my soul."
I blinked.
"...Wait. You still look as though you don't understand. Did you not possess the attendant of Lady Golden Thread Plum, the baron's daughter, because you were after my soul?"
I shook my head. This was the first I'd heard of any of that.
"......."
Lady Silver Lily closed her lips. A look crept into her eyes as though she were staring at some rare protected species. Scrape. Still watching me, she opened a drawer and took something out. It was a third hourglass.
Jingle.
"You called, my lady? I happened to be bringing the tea."
"Rest fifteen more minutes."
"The children will be very happy today."
The servant left.
Lady Silver Lily sipped her black tea while watching me over the rim of her cup.
"Look here, butler of the baron's daughter."
"Uh, please call me Kim Gong-ja. That's my real name."
"No. How rude. Where do you get off asking me to call you by your real name? Blame yourself for possessing a butler who is no noble."
This person, hasn't she been a little haughty this whole time?
"In any case, I understand that you are in a state of pure blankness. It seems you haven't even received a [Strategy Guide]."
Strategy Guide? What now?
"It's this."
Lady Silver Lily took a piece of paper from the drawer.
On a sheet about the size of A4 paper, round, bubbly handwriting was written.
+
1. Lady Silver Lily is weak to sunlight. For dates, aim for evening and night rather than daytime.
2. Lady Silver Lily has a dull sense of taste and likes stimulating food.
3. Lady Silver Lily likes white flowers. However, she has received so many lilies that she is sick of them. Keep this in mind when choosing a gift.
4. Lady Silver Lily is a pragmatist. She prefers talk of politics, diplomacy, and money. Reciting romantic love poetry will be useless, so keep this in mind.
.
.
.
10. Lady Silver Lily is a loyalist. It is fine for her to speak ill of the Empire or the Crown Prince herself, but she will absolutely never tolerate others doing so. Be careful.
+
I was speechless. What the hell. What is that?
"That is the Strategy Guide carried by an apostle who came to conquer me on the sixth run. He was an apostle sent by a Constellation called Mahos. He called this a [Conquest Route]."
My mouth fell open.
"A c-conquest route..."
"It was so absurd that I poisoned him to death and then took it from him."
Lady Silver Lily said calmly.
"As he died by my hand, he screamed, [I acted exactly according to the strategy, so why won't you fall for me!] As if he had suffered some injustice. But the one who was wronged was me. How could there be a Strategy Guide to a human heart?"
[The Silver-Plated Heart voices its displeasure.]
"They think so little of people. If one truly wishes to win my heart, one must approach me fairly and squarely. But Strategy Guides, Conquest Routes. They're rotten to the root, the lot of them."
"Well... that's true."
"You and I understand each other."
Lady Silver Lily set down her teacup.
"There is a reason I hold you in high regard. Not only are you intelligent, but I could feel that you still see the people of my world as [human beings]."
"R-really? That seems like something that should go without saying..."
"There have been many, many beasts who could not satisfy even that obvious condition. Animals who do not treat people as people. And yet those very creatures firmly regard themselves as people. They are filthy things."
I held my breath for a moment.
Lady Silver Lily rested her chin on her hand as she looked at me.
"Hmm?"
After a brief murmur, Lady Silver Lily nodded.
"Is that so."
Thump.
"Does this mean something to you?"
Thump.
"Have you also seen many such people? Or have you, too, ever been looked at with such eyes?"
Thump.
"If not that either... then perhaps someone precious to you once said something similar......."
"My lady."
I cut in.
I could no longer endure this feeling of having my chest split open, my ribs torn away, and my raw heart examined through a magnifying glass.
[The Silver-Plated Heart gazes at you.]
I could no longer surrender the initiative.
I spoke.
"But haven't you, my lady, who says such things, also looked down on me for possessing a commoner rather than a noble?"
Lady Silver Lily didn't so much as blink.
"What, were you that hurt that I wouldn't call you by your real name?"
"I'm just saying that you're not exactly in a position to talk down to me either, my lady."
"Not in a position to talk down to you. Spoken like the delinquent butler who blew up the Academy."
For some reason, Lady Silver Lily's voice carried a note of enjoyment as she said this.
"However, I will concede that it is a valid point."
As if to bring the conversation back to the main topic, Lady Silver Lily gave a small cough.
"Now, so?"
"Pardon?"
"I understand that you do not desire my soul or anything of the sort. Then what did you want so badly that you crossed the boundary between worlds to come here? This is a world where ten days repeat forever."
[The Silver-Plated Heart doubts your true intentions.]
"Surely the Constellation didn't exile you here because he disliked you. I've heard Hamustra is close to the moderate faction. But by the same token, you can't have come here for a vacation or to enjoy a retreat. Actor playing the butler of Lady Golden Thread Plum, the baron's daughter, answer me."
"I..."
"I will not hear lies. The moment you let even a single lie slip into your answer, whatever your purpose, it will become impossible for you to obtain it from me. I do not display my heart to those who do not first show their own."
I deliberated.
'I want to make your world the 25th floor.'
Is this stage truly necessary? No. Even if we chose another stage, it wouldn't be a problem for our Tower.
'A fragment of the holy sword I possess is in this world.'
Must I gather all the fragments and complete the holy sword? That's not it either. Finding Sparkle's sisters would make me, its owner, stronger, but in other words, I'd simply become a bit stronger.
"......."
The reason I had to remain on this stage.
"...I still don't know love."
"What?"
"Romantic feelings, I suppose you'd call it. I'm ignorant of such things. You may not know this, my lady, but this world's genre includes [Romance]. I think this is a suitable place to learn love."
When my master fought his final duel.
The guardian spirit had blocked my master's sword and shouted.
「This Gong-ja brat hasn't tasted enough of the world's pleasures yet.」
「Do you know, Sect Master? This brat has never even loved anyone. Isn't that hilarious! He's never even been in love!」
Those words had been engraved deep in my chest.
"If there's something I lack, I want to learn it. No, I want to know it. To leave it unknown. That's unfair. It doesn't feel like I've lived my life at a full 100 percent."
Lady Silver Lily studied my face intently. In her red eyes, though it might have been my imagination, there seemed to be a hint of bewilderment.
"So you're saying you want to learn love?"
"That's right."
"From me?"
"That... I'm not sure."
"Explain."
I organized my thoughts.
"To be precise, it's closer to saying I want to learn love in this 'world.'"
"The world, you say."
"Yes. I want to know what I'm lacking. I want to feel it."
"Then why did you come to me? Wouldn't it be faster to seek out your own lady, Golden Thread Plum?"
Heretic Questioner.
Lady Golden Thread Plum.
"That won't do."
"Why? Do you dislike the person you've possessed?"
"It's not a matter of like or dislike. That person..."
'What if I, too, were like you people...' that person had said.
He had said it.
"That person is even more inexperienced than I am."
"......."
"If I'm going to learn, I should learn from someone who knows more."
Lady Silver Lily took a sip of tea. A brief silence.
"Indeed, this time's Golden Thread Plum doesn't seem like material fit to teach anyone about love. Rather, she seems like someone who ought to be taught."
"Yes."
"But there still seems to be no reason for you to come to me."
"There is a reason."
I said with emphasis.
Holding in my mind the thoughts I'd had in the underground prison.
"I want to understand you."
Those words seemed to catch Lady Silver Lily off guard. A droplet of tea that had splashed up dampened the front of her dress.
She blinked, then said.
"You want to understand me...?"
"Yes. Whether it's for the Crown Prince or for the Empire, I don't know yet, but you are devoting your life in loyalty. I'm curious how you can do that. I want to know what kind of feelings, what kind of heart that takes. If it's because of love, then I want to feel that emotion too, like you do."
"......."
"It's a little embarrassing and awkward. But this is my honest answer."
Lady Silver Lily was silent for a while.
"This is."
Now I could see it clearly.
"Truly a first for me."
Lady Silver Lily was flustered.
"I want to know love. That alone is a statement that shows you don't know how terrifying people can be. And moreover, you want to understand me? You must not use the word 'understand' carelessly. It is a word that can poison a person. Understanding is no different from responsibility. And yet."
"Librarian."
I raised my head and looked up at the empty air. Of course, the Librarian wasn't there.
But the Librarian would be listening to the conversation we were having now, and the hunters of the Tower would be watching.
"Please stop the broadcast for a moment."
The air in the office was quiet.
"There's something I want to say only to Lady Silver Lily."
A moment later, a voice responded to my request.
[The Shut-In Librarian gladly accepts your request.]
[A 'Scene Skip' of 10 minutes has been granted to you.]
Okay.
I looked back at Lady Silver Lily.
"I'm a regressor too."
I spoke.
"But the nature of my regression is a little different from yours, my lady."
"What is different?"
"You said you repeat the last ten days of your life. When I die, I return to one day before."
"......."
"And it's not just an ordinary return. If someone kills me, I can glimpse that person's trauma."
"Trauma?"
"Yes."
My voice flowed softly through the office.
"I can see the wounds, memories, scenes that a person keeps in the deepest part of their heart. If the wound is that something precious was destroyed, I see the memory of it being destroyed."
I didn't need to choose my words carefully. Just by opening my mouth, just by letting my tongue go, the words I wanted to convey flowed out on their own.
As I told Lady Silver Lily my secret, I suddenly realized.
"So, I can understand other people a little more [easily]."
I.
I had wanted to tell someone my story.
To someone in the same situation. To someone living a life similar to mine.
"......."
Lady Silver Lily was quiet. As my story continued, her eyes grew calm. I could feel that she was listening to me seriously.
"It's a kind of skill. A technique. I'm afraid I'll get used to understanding others easily. One of the people I trust most said, [Never get used to your skills]. But..."
"And yet."
"If it's just me understanding others one-sidedly..."
"That would not be understanding."
"But I can't just leave people alone either. Because..."
"Because if even I give up on them, they will wither, twist, and die."
"......."
"Even if it is nothing but hypocrisy, I want to let them know that I am here, that I am protecting this place while thinking of you all. How blessed is a life where even that much is possible. Is it not?"
My throat closed up for a moment.
"...Yes."
"How foolish."
Lady Silver Lily closed her eyes.
"Understanding lasts but a moment, yet responsibility is eternal."
You are walking into hell of your own free will.
Lady Silver Lily murmured that, then fell silent.
[The Shut-In Librarian announces the end of the 'Scene Skip'.]
The young lady of the ducal house opened her eyes.
"Very well. Attendant of Lady Golden Thread Plum, the baron's daughter."
She picked up one of the hourglasses lying flipped on the desk. Gazing down at the grains of sand sliding through the glass, Lady Silver Lily said quietly.
"I will teach you love."