Chapter 8 This Is Literally Taking a Crap in Public
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Translator: JayM
Chapter: 8
Chapter Title: This Is Literally Taking a Crap in Public
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It was awkward enough to run into the blind date whom Su Yi had blacklisted.
What was even more terrifying was that the other party didn't feel awkward at all.
As soon as he led Yue Ling into the store, he and Zhao Lulu met each other’s eyes.
"Su Yi?"
Zhao Lulu was clearly stunned for a moment, but then a look of indignation appeared in her eyes. She pulled along some poor sap she had found from who knows where, walked straight over while completely disregarding the current occasion, and directly questioned him.
"Why did you delete me on WeChat?"
‘Because you have something seriously wrong with your brain.’
The corner of Su Yi's mouth twitched. He then shook his head, too lazy to bother with her.
The true Tier 0* wasn't referring to a specific gender, but to that group of people who would throw a tantrum and act shamelessly whenever they encountered something.
This person was a proper Tier 0. So what was the point of arguing with her?
He had to get his business done quickly and leave. He still had to arrange a place for Yue Ling to stay later.
"I'm talking to you, can't you hear me?"
However, while he didn't want to bother with Zhao Lulu, the latter was relentless.
She actually grabbed Su Yi's arm directly in public with an attitude that suggested that he wasn't leaving today unless he gave her an explanation.
"She’s hostile towards you. Do you need me to handle it?"
Yue Ling's gaze turned cold, but remembering what Su Yi had told her before, she didn’t act directly. Instead, she first leaned close to his ear and asked.
Su Yi thought for a moment and said in a low voice:
"Do you have any magic that won't harm human life but will make people feel rather uncomfortable? If she's really going to pester us endlessly, just teach her a lesson."
The two communicated in the language of Yue Ling's world, and coupled with the fact that their voices were kept very low, they weren't afraid of being overheard.
When Zhao Lulu saw that Su Yi was still ignoring her and was intimately saying something to a woman next to him who was unreasonably beautiful, she became even more displeased.
She immediately pointed at him and said loudly to Yue Ling:
"Little sister, I see that you look alright, so I'm kindly reminding you that he isn’t a good person. He's a complete scumbag."
"Don't be fooled by how affectionate he is with you now. If you dare to ask him for even a small request, he'll immediately dump you and run."
She had a confident look on her face, as if she was really a victim who had been wronged by Su Yi.
The latter wasn’t angry when he heard her words, just a little curious. With her own looks, how did she dare to say the words "I see that you look alright" to Yue Ling?
Unfortunately, Yue Ling couldn't understand what she was saying at all. Seeing her pointing at Su Yi and shouting loudly, her gaze shifted as she pondered whether this counted as endless pestering and whether she should make a move now.
Fortunately, at this moment, the store also noticed the situation happening here. The store manager quickly ran over and said:
"Do the two of you have something to discuss? We have a lounge in our store. If there's something you need to talk about, why not go to the lounge to chat in detail there?"
The words were spoken very tactfully, but his meaning was expressed very clear.
‘Go argue wherever you want, just don't argue in my damn store. I still have to do business!’
Upon hearing this, Su Yi said:
"I'm sorry, I just brought my girlfriend here to buy a mobile phone. I don't know this person at all."
‘I came to your store to buy something and ran into this kind of inexplicable person. You have to handle this for me, right?’
The store manager clearly understood this underlying meaning as well.
He quickly looked at Zhao Lulu and said politely with an apologetic face:
"Ma'am, you see, this is a public place after all. If there's any matter you need to discuss, why don't we communicate and resolve it in private?"
However, the point Zhao Lulu focused on was completely different from a normal person's. She directly ignored the store manager's words and pointed at Su Yi, saying:
"What, you really believe his nonsense about buying a phone for someone else? A miser like him who couldn't even bear to send a 520 red packet** during the festival last month, and you think he'd be willing to buy his girlfriend a phone?"
Su Yi, who had been too lazy to bother with her all this time, really couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Hold on, you wanted a red packet on the Ghost Festival***? Are you trying to reincarnate or something?
And who are you, big sister? Get it straight, we just met once and had a meal once. I was the one who paid for the meal, and I haven't even asked you to go Dutch on the meal cost. On what grounds should I send you a red packet?"
"Look, look, he started yelling at me. This person’s clearly a violent man."
Zhao Lulu's perspective was still peculiar even now.
Su Yi: ......
Seeing his speechless look, Yue Ling also understood that it was time for her to make a move.
"Teach her a little lesson, but I can't harm her life... I'll just use that magic then."
A slightly mischievous arc suddenly appeared at the corner of the mouth of Yue Ling, who had been behaving very demurely all this time. Unfortunately, no one saw it.
Then, the corner of her mouth moved, and she softly chanted a spell.
The expression of Zhao Lulu, who was still holding her head high and puffing her chest out while accusing Su Yi, suddenly changed.
She felt a chill run from the top of her head straight to her tailbone.
That feeling of being on the verge of erupting made her feel a great sense of foreboding, so she tried to control her sphincter to impose some restraint on her body.
But how could an ordinary person like her withstand magic from another world?
The next moment, accompanied by a series of continuous "pfft pfft" sounds…
Under the gaze of the surrounding crowd of onlookers, a thick, yellow, soupy liquid directly broke free from all restraints and gushed out.
And unfortunately for Zhao Lulu, she was wearing a skirt today…
The faces of the surrounding onlookers changed drastically, and they quickly covered their noses and fled.
"Oh my god, someone’s taking a crap in the phone store!"
"Ugh, I just finished dinner too and was thinking of taking a walk!"
"This is too heaven-defying, I'm gonna puke."
"What the fuck, how did she suddenly start crapping just like that? Could she be sick? Hurry and stay far away from her! Be careful of infection!"
Su Yi was also stunned and pulled Yue Ling back again and again.
At the same time, he glanced at the elf. After discovering the cunning look in her eyes and the mischievous, triumphant smile at the corner of her mouth, he immediately guessed that this was her handiwork and asked in a low voice:
"This… won't cause any trouble, will it?"
As he spoke, he glanced at Zhao Lulu again.
This woman was completely stunned on the spot, but the spraying hadn’t yet stopped.
Listening to the continuous "pfft pfft" sounds, Su Yi was even a little worried for a moment that she would crap herself to dehydration.
"It won't. She’ll probably have diarrhea for three days and will lose a few pounds, but there’s no danger to her life. Then she’ll have a period of weakness for about ten days, and after that, she’ll be fine. There won’t be any after-effects either."
Right, there wouldn’t be any after-effects. At most, she’d just have to move to another planet to live in later on.
The corner of Su Yi's mouth twitched, but he didn't feel any sympathy for Zhao Lulu.
Didn't she like to throw tantrums and make a fool of herself in public? Then she might as well be the ultimate show-off.
As for Yue Ling, who had acted only to protect him, he would of course not blame her.
Fortunately, this store was large enough, and its internal ventilation system was also quite developed.
Being a bit further away now, he couldn't smell any foul odor anymore.
Su Yi paid no more attention to the crazy woman who was being surrounded by a group of store employees and carried towards the restroom. He directly found an employee at the other end of the store, picked out two of the latest model phones, paid for them directly, and then quickly left.
With Huawei's popularity on the internet, if someone took a crap in one of their offline stores, it would probably be a top trending topic by tomorrow.
He had to quickly take Yue Ling and hide.
This was too abstract****. Who the hell would have known that going out to buy a phone would lead to this kind of crap!
......
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*In many games, items or characters are ranked in tiers (S, A, B, etc.). "Tier 0" (T0) is a term for something so overpowered and dominant that it's in a class of its own, defining the current "meta" of the game. Here, the MC is sarcastically saying that shameless people are the most "overpowered" type of person in the "game" of life.
**The number "520" sounds similar to "我愛你" (wǒ ài nǐ), which means "I love you" in Mandarin. May 20th (5/20) has become an unofficial Valentine's Day in China, and it's common for couples to exchange "520 Yuan" red packets as a sign of affection.
***A traditional Chinese festival where it's believed the gates of the underworld open and ghosts visit the living. People burn paper money and make offerings to their deceased ancestors on this festival.
****In Chinese internet slang, this is used to describe something that’s bizarre, nonsensical, surreal, or completely absurd.
T/N - Okay, that’s a bit… No, that’s just straight up gross. While I don’t feel any sympathy for Zhao Lulu, and the author probably designed her to be so unlikable in the first place as a one-off, I think that’s a bit too much for her. Shitting yourself in public, and in such grand spectacle… Yeah, she’ll probably need to move out of town at least.