Kaino Izumi's Birthday Party: Thank You, Everyone!
"Today, too, I'll keep moving forward. Because a dream is surely waiting, right there...!"
An original song.
Not a cover of someone else's track, and not a remake that only reworked a song the world already had. A song that belonged to no one but her.
For anyone whose work is singing—and for a VTuber just the same—an original song carries real weight. Your character. The feeling you take onstream. What you feel toward your fans. The road still ahead of you. All of that is what an original song is meant to hold.
"I hated the me who sat down every single day. Do you even know I was always crying with my head bowed?"
When the company first decided to make one, they asked me what kind of song I wanted. I spent more than a week turning the question over.
"I was too scared to look ahead, so all I ever did was write empty dreams in the corner of a notebook."
What mood would actually suit me? Would an ordinary bright song be the right choice? Or would it be better to ask for a noisy, frantic denpa track? None of them felt right. That was the only answer I could find.
"The words I wanted to say, and swallowed down all this time. I'll give them to you now."
While the worrying only sank deeper, another thought came to me. On the stream marking a hundred and fifty thousand subscribers, I had said I wanted to hold a live. So what, really, had made me want one? The moment I remembered, the song I had been reaching for began to take shape.
"From now on, I'll move forward. Even if the world points at my back and calls it a childish thought, I'll run toward my dream."
Someone else might have called it arrogant, but I didn't want to sing a light, cheerful song just because the Iztomo wanted one. Their cheering has always made me grateful. It has always given me strength. Even so, for this first original song, I wanted to write what I needed to say, not the song they were asking for. And I was sure the Iztomo would want that even more. Those guys like me so much it's honestly exhausting.
"Just as a chrysalis becomes a butterfly, I'll become me."
So I asked whether I could put into the song every ugly feeling the work had given me—the fear, the anxiety, all of it. M-chan looked a little troubled at first. Then they nodded and said we ought to try.
"Even if I'm still unready, as long as I'm with everyone, I can move forward."
To say it hadn't been hard, to say I hadn't been scared, would have been a lie. Even so, I am here because you like me. Because you cheer for me. So please keep looking after me from here on, too. That was the meaning I folded into the song. Dark and quiet through the middle; in the highlight, bright and powerful. That was what I asked for.
"I can overcome the me in the mirror, the one who hesitates because she's afraid...!"
And what came of it was my first original song, Dreamward Everyday!
"That's exactly what I wanted to tell you."
My breath climbed until my chest felt tight, and still it didn't feel hard.
I already knew I wasn't alone.
"So today, too, I'll keep moving forward. Because a dream is surely waiting, right there...!"
"See you next time, Kayano. Happy birthday."
"Get lots of rest, Mitchi! Have a good day with your mom!"
"Th-thank you.... Ah, g-goodbye, Yuika, Ren."
"Okay!"
After the birthday live ended, I rode home in Koga's car. Today was Kaino Izumi's birthday, and it was Kayano Mina's birthday too.
The members knew that, of course. At first they had talked about a birthday dinner once the live was over. When I said I wanted to spend the day with Mom, they met me at lunch instead and celebrated ahead of time.
Being wished a happy birthday by someone who wasn't family felt new, and strange. There had been someone in my past life, of course. This was a different feeling.
Fortunately, Mom seemed to have gotten off early today as well. Until now my birthdays had ended with just the two of us cutting a cake, but today there was so much I wanted to say.
"I'm home."
I gave the greeting quietly, opened the front door, and bent to take off my shoes—and the entryway was not the one I knew. I had only just come in. The only pair that ought to have been waiting there was Mom's.
...Could it be.
"S-Sis?"
"Yeah."
At the sound of my voice, Yuki stepped out of the kitchen.
"Uh, um. W-work? Weren't you coming by tomorrow..."
"I'm off through tomorrow. It's Mina's birthday. I really wanted to celebrate with you."
She pulled me into a hug as she said it. I had been sweating terribly until a moment ago; it could easily have been unpleasant. Yuki didn't seem to mind at all. She stroked my hair, gentle as anything.
"Mom and I watched the stream, too."
"Y-you did?"
"Yeah. You were incredible. You worked so hard."
"Heh, ehehe..."
I stayed quietly in her arms, taking in the warmth, and from the kitchen Mom's voice came drifting out.
"Mina, hurry up and wash first. Jia, what am I supposed to do if you help and then suddenly take off?!"
"Okaaay..."
"Yeah."
"Happy birthday, Mina."
"Hoo...!"
With Mom's wish and my sister's over me, I blew toward the candles on the cake. The living room fell dark, and with a sharp pop a party cracker burst.
"Mmm... Then your sister and I are going to talk, just the two of us, so Mina, do you want to go to your room?"
Mom said it with her usual smile.
Until now, every time I put out those little flames, I had gone quietly to my room. It was only natural.
This time I gave a small shake of my head.
"Mom. Thank you, truly, for bringing me into this world."
"...Huh?"
"And Sis—thank you for always treasuring me."
"...Yeah."
Somehow, all I had done was say thank you, and still I felt as if I might cry.
"...You know? I... I really hated my birthday, all this time. On a day when everyone else ought to be celebrated, my dad died. So I didn't want to smile just because it was my birthday. I didn't want to be celebrated."
And at the same time, I was full of regret.
Dad must have wanted to see me smile. So why couldn't I? Why had I only ever shown him a child crying and throwing a fit? Even if I was little, even if I didn't have the memories of my past life, how had I been foolish enough not to understand something so simple?
"If I could just sleep from my birthday through Dad's memorial and not wake once in those two days... I used to wish for that all the time."
Even now, when my birthday draws near, I dream of Dad coming to stroke my hair. The hand that pets my head is thinner than a bare twig. There is no strength in it at all. And in the dream, somewhere along the way, I became able to smile.
"A birthday is only a special day for one person, isn't it? For me. But I never even thought of it as special. So I always wanted it to pass quickly..."
I hated the me inside that dream so much. I couldn't smile in the real world, and I hated the me who could smile in a dream.
"But... but—! My birthday is a special day for so many people now. My generation-mates, my seniors, the viewers... all of them celebrate it. They're happy for me. Of course I know you and Sis are happier than anyone."
And I knew something else, too. This was the road I had to walk.
"Mina..."
"Don't cry, Mom. Today's my birthday. It's a happy day, so please smile."
"Happy birthday, Mina..."
Honestly, Sis. You already said it. And if you're going to congratulate me, what are you doing crying?
...But I had been congratulated, so I ought to answer. Smiling wide, the way Dad had wanted.
"...Yes!"