The Turning Wheel (3): A New Beginning
The word “husband and wife” carried a sweetness that somehow tasted bitter on the tongue. I rolled it around in my mouth like a piece of candy. Husband and wife. Liu Bang and I were already married—in name, in society, and by law. But we had not yet become husband and wife in truth. After all, we had not consummated the marriage.
“I…” The words stuck in my throat. What was the correct answer in this situation? I don’t want to be your wife would be a lie. I had already resolved to become Liu Bang’s wife. I had sworn to use him to survive this chaotic age, to cleverly navigate the Chu-Han Contention. I do want to be your wife would also be a lie. My heart might change someday, but not today. The thought of being held by Liu Bang tonight and becoming a woman in every sense… my soul was still screaming in protest.
What should I do…
I couldn’t bring myself to answer. Instead, my fingers tightened desperately on my collar. At that moment, Liu Bang’s hand, which had been cupping my cheek, slowly fell away.
“I’m sorry.”
His voice was low. I looked up sharply. Liu Bang had already returned to his usual mischievous expression. Yet deep in his eyes lay an unmistakable layer of loneliness.
“Look at your face. I was only teasing. Forget it.”
“My lord…”
“I already promised, didn’t I? I’ll wait until you say you’re ‘ready.’ This Liu Ji doesn’t go back on his word.”
Liu Bang rose from the bed as if he had no lingering attachments. The wooden frame creaked. “I’ll go outside and sober up with some fresh air. Don’t wait up—go to sleep first.”
“……”
His broad back moved toward the entrance, growing distant. The warmth that had touched me ebbed away like the tide.
Wait…
I wanted to say it. But my voice wouldn’t come. My rational mind had already begun its justification: This is for the best. Crisis averted. Just go to sleep like this.
Liu Bang paused at the curtain, glancing back at me one last time before preparing to step outside. Cold night air slipped through the gap and chilled my toes. And in that instant—
“Wait.”
The words burst out, overriding reason. My voice was clearer and more urgent than even I expected. Liu Bang’s shoulders flinched as he froze. He turned slowly.
“What did you say?”
“……Please don’t go.”
I didn’t even know what I was saying. But my mouth moved on its own.
“Don’t go. It’s… cold outside.”
“……”
Liu Bang stared at me in silence. His Adam’s apple bobbed noticeably.
“Zhi, you…”
“To be honest, I don’t understand it myself. What I’m feeling. What I want from you, my lord.”
Once the dam broke, the words poured out like a flood. The confusion inside me, the fear, and the inexplicable pull—all of it spilled forth without filter, as if in confession.
“I still don’t know whether I’m afraid of your touch, whether I dislike it, or if it’s something else entirely…”
“……”
“But… I don’t want to send you away right now. That much, at least… even I can say with certainty.”
I pressed a hand firmly to my chest. My heart was pounding with surprising violence.
“So… please don’t go outside. I’m asking you.”
Liu Bang remained silent for a long time. He simply gazed at me, stunned. After a lengthy pause, he slowly walked back toward the bed.
“All right.”
His voice was still low, but this time it carried warmth.
“I’ll stay here.”
Liu Bang sat down beside me once more. After a moment of hesitation, during which he bit his lip, he carefully spread his arms and drew me into an embrace.
“Eep…”
My body slipped neatly into the circle of his strong arms. His warm body heat. The rough texture of his clothes. The scent of alcohol and masculine musk that washed over me. Everything felt far too close, far too vivid.
“I’m right here.”
Liu Bang’s voice poured down from above me. The vibration traveled through his chest into mine.
“If you don’t know yet, I’ll wait until you do.”
“……”
“So just be yourself as always, Zhi. Be the beautiful, brilliant Lü Zhi I can respect. And together, let’s find that answer.”
Liu Bang gently released the arms that had held me so tightly. Instead, he took my left hand, clasped it firmly, and lifted it slightly.
“In the meantime… would it be all right if we stayed like this tonight?”
Just holding hands while we slept. Nothing more. It was an old-fashioned tactic that people from the 21st century would probably scoff at, yet in this man’s eyes I saw unwavering sincerity. Only then did I manage a small smile and nod.
“……Yes.”
At my answer, Liu Bang’s grip tightened just a fraction more. It was warm. Reassuring. As much as I hated to admit it, it truly felt reassuring.
He blew out the lamp without hesitation. The room plunged into pitch darkness, but the warmth of our joined hands shone clearer than any light.
……How much time had passed?
My hand was still held in his. He was keeping his promise. He truly did nothing but hold it. Occasionally he would stroke the back of my hand with his thumb or interlace our fingers to share more warmth. In the darkness, only the steady rhythm of his breathing could be heard.
“My lord.”
“What is it?”
“Why are you willing to wait for me?”
Liu Bang paused as if considering his answer.
“……Who knows. I’m not sure myself.”
“You don’t know?”
“That’s right. The old me wasn’t the type to wait. Whether a woman hated it or cried, if I wanted her, I took her. That was my way.”
“……”
What a brute. Though considering he was a 3rd-century BC Chinese thug, treating a woman with any sweetness would have been more unusual.
“But you’re different.”
There was a hint of bashfulness in Liu Bang’s continuing words.
“I don’t feel like forcing you into my arms. I don’t want to see you cry, or see you look at me with disgust.”
“……”
“I don’t know why. But with you, Zhi, that’s how I feel. Like I should cherish you… something like that.”
Liu Bang gripped my hand almost painfully tight. Strangely, I didn’t mind. That rough strength felt strangely dependable.
“My lord.”
“What?”
“I don’t dislike you either.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
Liu Bang didn’t add anything more. He simply continued to gently stroke the back of my hand.
“So I want to get used to this, little by little.”
“……”
“Suddenly would be too much. But gradually… like this.”
I turned my head in the darkness. Liu Bang, lying beside me and watching, had eyes that still sparkled faintly even in the gloom.
“I want to start with holding hands at night, like tonight.”
His eyes widened slightly.
“You mean it?”
“Yes, I mean it.”
“Not just tonight, but from now on?”
“……Yes.”
I nodded.
“Please hold my hand like this every night. Then… someday, surely I will…”
The words trailed off. I couldn’t finish. But Liu Bang seemed to understand.
“……All right.”
As if that was enough, he nodded while continuing to caress the back of my hand.
“Every night we’ll sleep holding hands. I won’t do anything more until you say you want it.”
“Thank you.”
“No need to thank me.”
His touch was rough yet tender. With his free hand, Liu Bang stroked my hair. Then he smiled lightly.
“We’re husband and wife, after all.”
At those words, a small smile finally broke across my face as well.
“Yes. Because we’re husband and wife.”
Husband and wife. The words no longer tasted quite so bitter.
The next morning, the news came without any warning.
“I’ve been assigned to corvée labor.”
Liu Bang spoke casually as he placed a boiled egg on top of the warm porridge that had been served for breakfast. His tone was utterly mundane, as if commenting that the weather looked a bit overcast.
“The location is Lishan.”
The moment I heard that name, the chopsticks in my hand froze completely. Inside my head, I could almost hear the grinding sound of history’s gears meshing together.
Winter of 210 BC. Corvée labor at Lishan, where construction of the First Emperor’s mausoleum was in full swing. The Shaqiu Incident that would soon conclude, Huhai’s ascension, and the collapse of the empire.
So it has begun.
The wheel of history had started to turn. Soon, the main event that would open the early Chu-Han period would unfold.
Liu Bang, as chief of Sishui Pavilion, will be tasked with escorting prisoners to Lishan.
The historical knowledge stored in my mind flashed past like a panorama. The brutal schedule and murderous cold. Prisoners would begin escaping one by one, and Liu Bang, the official in charge, would be driven to the edge. According to Qin law, an official who lost prisoners faced execution. In the end, Liu Bang would release all the remaining prisoners at Fengxi Ze west of Fengyi, declare himself their leader, and flee into the mountains.
That was precisely the starting point of the legend of Emperor Gaozu of Han. It was the awakening quest that would transform the thug from Pei County into the hero who would rule the world.
And I…
My first thought was to accompany him. To follow Liu Bang and become his strategist. To roll around with him in Mangdang Mountain and live the wild life together. But then I looked down at my own wrist—pale and slender, the kind that would snap with a light tap. Though I had gained a little weight from eating eggs these past few days, I still possessed the fragile body of a twenty-year-old maiden.
It’s impossible.
I had to face reality. No matter how robust my soul was as a thirty-year-old Korean man, the hardware it currently ran on was that of a young woman. Attacks by wild animals, the harshness of sleeping rough, unsanitary conditions—if I followed him in this body, I would only become a burden. If I caught something like the flu in this era with no medicine, it would be an immediate death ending. I wouldn’t live long enough to see the unification of the realm, let alone receive proper funeral rites.
Besides, the political risk is far too great.
News of Liu Bang’s flight would reach Pei County quickly. The county magistrate would desperately try to capture him to prove his own innocence. If the chief’s wife disappeared along with him? Then Liu Bang’s disappearance would no longer look like an accident but a planned “escape.” The arrows would immediately point toward my natal family, the Lü clan. Lü Gong would essentially be forced into exile, and the Lü trading company that had just begun to establish itself would disintegrate.
Of course, if I remain here, the magistrate’s harassment and surveillance will fall entirely on me…
But I couldn’t destroy the entire Lü family, our business, and the future I had planned just for my own comfort.
I also need to continue nurturing the business that has only just begun to snowball.
Therefore, my choice was to remain. I would stay here. While Liu Bang became a fugitive and hid in the mountains, I would earn money, manage connections, and gather information. Working with Xiao He, I would prepare a runway from which Liu Bang could soar magnificently. And next year, when the Chen Sheng and Wu Guang rebellion erupted and the world trembled—
I will make this man emperor.
My calculations were complete. I swallowed the rising anxiety and answered in my usual calm voice.
“Please be careful on your journey.”
Liu Bang’s chopsticks paused mid-motion. He stared at me for a moment, then lowered his gaze back to the egg.
“Even at the earliest, it will take fifty days.”
“I suppose so.”
“I won’t be able to send letters or anything.”
“I know.”
“You won’t even know if I’m dead or alive. Perhaps… I might never return.”
When Liu Bang raised his head again, his eyes were deep. They seemed to seek confirmation, or perhaps comfort. But I met that gaze steadily without looking away.
“I am prepared for that.”
Liu Bang closed his mouth. He stared at me blankly for a while, then let out a short, hollow laugh.
“What a tough woman you are.”
“You could call it wise.”
I reached out calmly and gently wrapped my hand around his, which had stopped in midair. Just like the promise we had made last night.
“Go safely. I will be waiting.”
Strength flowed into my hand. Instead of lengthy explanations, I conveyed my true feelings through my eyes.
“That’s right. That’s the expression that makes you my wife.”
Liu Bang lowered his head without asking any further questions. His chopsticks now moved with considerably more stability as he picked up the egg and ate it.
Yes, if it’s this man, he’ll be fine even on his own.
The hegemon of history. The unparalleled hero who crawled up from a pathetic thug all the way to emperor. And my foolish husband—who could even suppress a man’s basic desires for the sake of the woman he loved. What he needed from his wife right now was not tears, but the trust of a partner.
I watched him for a moment before a smile unconsciously formed on my lips. Then, in a calm voice, I made a promise about the future.
“On the day you return, my lord, I will prepare a welcome ceremony you will never forget.”
“Ha, what welcome ceremony?”
Even as he said that, a refreshing smile had risen to Liu Bang’s lips.