Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Saint, You’re So Vulgar! – Chapter 15
There are names that can stop a crying child in its tracks.
And then there are names that can make even a laughing adult burst into tears.
Lubena Pradeiri was unmistakably the latter.
She was the epitome of what people typically imagined when they thought of a saintessin the worst possible way.
For starters, she was arrogant. She understood better than anyone that she was a saintess who heard the voice of the Parent God, and she knew how to revel in that power.
She squandered her unchecked authority on extravagance. In other words, on adorning and inflating herself. Nine out of ten budgets that came before her went to makeup and finery. Could you even fathom that her priestly robesslit open in places like an evening gownwere each made from the finest fabrics?
But simple extravagance was just the beginning.
What truly made her terrifying was her uniquely hysterical temperament.
The nickname "Holy Knight's Graveyard" wasn't anything new anymore.
Five holy knights had fallen victim to her mere backhand.
Not just any holy knights, mind youfive elite holy knights bearing the honor of Sword Names, first-class knights, had crumbled before her, unable to withstand it.
With a personality that hysterical, spewing curses left and right, one could only imagine her reputation within the church.
Asher wasn't one to badmouth others or put much stock in gossip, but even he couldn't offer a kind word about her.
Which was why this situation was a clear crisis.
Her first words: "You fucking bitch."
Ironically, in that moment, Asher found himself thinking, 'Even Versia the Saintess is a pretty decent person by comparison.'
A dry gulp slid down his throat.
Asher struggled to compose his expression.
'S-stay emotionless...!'
Versia had told him that if other saintesses tried to talk to him during their meetings, he could just ignore them.
Asher averted his eyes.
But Lubena wasn't one to back down from that.
"Hey, you bitch. Ignoring me again? Huh? But your face looks different from usual. What, you trying to stir up some protective instincts just 'cause your knight's here?"
"."
"Acting like a damn bitch in heat."
Asher's shoulders twitched involuntarily.
He swallowed the surge of retort rising in his gut.
Forcing himself to ignore her, but Lubena pressed on regardless.
"No? You've gone and made trouble for me too. If you wanted to play saintess, why not go do it far away?"
"?"
"Everywhere we go, crowds begging for prayers. Huh? Can't even shop in peace anymore."
Lubena reached out and grabbed Asher by the collar.
Her slender fingers brushed his collarbone, sending a chill down his spine.
Perfume flooded his senses, her breath tickling his skin.
Asher shrank back. His lips pressed into a tight line.
"Eek...!"
"How do you not have a single likable thing about you? You rotten bitch."
Lubena smirked viciously.
'I have to ignore her...!'
The thought had just crossed his mind.
Tap
"If I may be so bold, Saintess, could you stop there?"
Versia stepped forward.
She reached out, gently wrapping her arm around Asher's shoulder and pulling him back.
Lubena's expression went blank for a split second.
Her gaze darted between Asher and Versia.
Then a hollow "Ha!" escaped her lips.
Her eyes began to gleam with malice.
"Hey, do you even know what you're butting into? The dog's yapping at the owners, and you open your impudent mouth? Can't even bark like the bald guy behind me?"
"My apologies. It seemed like you were making the Saintess uncomfortable."
"Hey, what do I look like to you? Am I not a saintess too? Now I'm uncomfortable."
"My apologies. To me, there is only one Saintess."
Versia placed a hand over her heart and bowed gracefully.
With a crooked, decadent smile, that is.
Asher's lips pursed as he watched her.
Unease filled his eyes.
I'm grateful for the help, but...
'Th-the framing is a bit...'
For some reason, it felt off.
Of course, the situation marched on regardless of Asher's impressions.
"Ahh, how arrogant. And you're deluded too. Does this bitch look like she needs protecting in your eyes? Like she wouldn't bleed a drop even if stabbed?"
"In my eyes, she seems far too fragile."
"Holy shit, you bitch. You act so well? How the hell did you sweet-talk him?"
In that moment, the emotion in Lubena's eyes was pure loathing.
Or was it grievance?
Her voice rose sharply right after.
"Hey, act like you usually do! Huh?! Look at her like she's a rock!"
"I-I...!"
"Ha! Inner slut to the end?!"
It's not an act!
...Those words never made it out.
Asher's eyes spun in bewilderment.
Lubena's lips twitched unnaturally.
"Y-you crazy bitch...?"
Was that vein bulging on her forehead his imagination?
It was starting to make him fear what Versia must be like normally.
He looked up at her pleadingly, hoping she'd do something.
But Versia just smiled mysteriously.
Then Lubena bellowed.
"You fucking loathsome bitch!!!"
...Good lord, such foul language from her.
This hit Asher differently from Versia's vulgarity, shocking him all the same.
"Words like that... are... not..."
"Aaaargh! You fucking biiiitch!!!"
Lubena's hand shot out.
A slap aimed at her cheek.
To Asher's eyes, it moved in slow motion, but he found himself hesitating anyway.
'Should I block it?'
But countering might hurt Lubena.
Violence against a woman was a bit much, even so.
'...Just take it.'
He squeezed his eyes shut.
At that instant, tapVersia caught her wrist.
Lubena froze.
"Th-this...!"
"My apologies. Protecting her is my duty."
Peeking through slitted eyes, Asher saw it all.
Lubena, face flushed crimson, trembling with rage she couldn't contain.
Versia, prefacing every word with apologies yet looking utterly unapologetic.
Grinding her teeth, Lubena
Right then.
Bloodshot veins crept into the whites of her eyes.
tendons bulged on her forehead.
She irritably slapped Versia's hand away.
Then screamed in a voice that cracked like it might shatter.
"Picking someone just like you to make us both go insane!!!"
Her shrill cry suddenly reminded Asher of what Marvin had said.
That bitch definitely has anger management issues, right?
...How far ahead had Marvin seen?
"Get lost! Both of you, out of my sight!!!"
Despite her words, Lubena stormed past them in furious strides.
The bald holy knightAsher's senior escort, Satern Hyzenberggave Asher a brief nod before following.
"My apologies. The Saintess didn't get enough sleep this morning."
"N-no... prob... lem...!"
Satern hurried after her.
Their conversation drifted back as they went.
"Hey! Back off! How many times do I have to tell you your shiny head's blinding me!!!"
"...My apologies."
"Apologizing fixes everything?! Quit escorting me?! Huh?! If you're called out, at least try growing some hair! Ah! Bald fucks are the worst, you shiiiithead!!!"
"."
Pity welled up in Asher.
'Will you be okay, Sir Hyzenberg?'
They'd parted without proper greetings, but he was a senior Asher greatly respected.
He recalled the man who used to help him spar during training days.
The guy once called "Satern of the Lion's Mane" for his lush golden long hair was gone, replaced by a bald man getting chewed out for reflecting light.
I hope his heart's holding up.
He was lost in such thoughts.
"Good work out there."
"Ah! You too, Saintess! Are you alright?!"
"I'm fine, of course. But Knight, you're impressive."
"Pardon?"
"That was wild. I never imagined someone could claw at Lubena like that."
Asher tilted his head, not grasping her words.
Versia murmured lazily with a smile.
"Ah, you don't realize it. Bitch talent."
"Wh-what vulgar...!"
Asher's jaw dropped in shock.
His cheeks burned with shame.
His eyes narrowed sternly.
"Take it back! And I have no such talent! Mine is swordsmanship...!"
"Dangerous person, this one."
"Hey! Don't interrupt!"
"I'll think about it. More importantly, Knight, is it true what they say about bald guys and their... stamina?"
"Don't change the subject! And don't change it with vulgar talk!!!"
"Ehh."
"Saintess!"
Asher scolded Versia in a panic.
He'd completely forgotten his earlier relief that she was better than Lubena.
It was a balmy noon, sunlight warm.
* * *
Say what you will, the crisis had passed.
Asher had navigated the sudden encounter with Saintess Lubena without drawing much suspicion.
About two days went by like that.
Then Asher realized the real big problem hadn't even started yet.
Tap
The cookie in Asher's hand dropped to the floor.
His expression went slack.
"...Tea time?"
"Sorry. Slipped my mind."
"You mean..."
"The saintess gathering. One of the few mandatory events the church demands of us."
Asher knew of it.
Called "tea time," but far more cutthroat than that.
It dated back to centuries ago, after blood had flowed in the church from saintess faction warsa treaty to let the saintesses sort their own conflicts among themselves.
"Um..."
"Escorts aren't allowed to attend."
Wobble!
Asher swayed on his feet.
Already on her period, the dizzying news brought on anemia.