Chapter 109
Saint, You’re So Vulgar! – Chapter 109
No matter what it was, having a system in place was crucial.
This wasn't a principle that applied only to groupsit held true for dealings between individuals as well.
In other words, it was a 'promise between two parties.'
Asher and Versia needed exactly that.
"Hand relief once every four days."
"Suppress the curse!"
"Yes, the cursed hand relief..."
"Curse!"
Asher's eyes went wide.
Only then did Versia nod with a look that said, Isn't it all the same thing?
What they were doing was negotiating a schedule for relieving urges through skinship.
Wasn't that right?
Clinging to each other at every opportunity, or blindly keeping distanceneither was the solution to their situation.
Now, both of them had come to acknowledge that.
Once every four days, a clean release when body and mind were ready. Then back to daily life.
That was the agreement they'd reached.
Versia put it like this.
"It's like a couple trying to time their bedroom activities for ovulation."
"O-O-Ovulation? No!"
"Not denying the couple part, huh? Could it be...?"
"Wh-Wh-What are you talking about!!!"
Asher flushed red in panic.
The way he hopped up looked just like a startled wild rabbit.
A snicker escaped Versia's lips.
Like it or not, the two of them were growing accustomed to this bizarre exchange of bodies.
Such days continued.
They'd head out for outreach services in the outskirts, collect their stipend, and eat something.
Sometimes they'd kill time in the flower beds with pointless bickering; other times, they'd train.
And so, they reached a certain point in time.
"Ah, the Holy Advent Festival is coming up soon."
The Holy Advent Festival. A once-a-year event hosted by the Church at the end of each year.
Its scale rivaled a nation's founding festival, drawing kings and ministers from every land to the Church.
It was the one festival where the running saintess had to make mandatory appearances on the official stage.
Even with the world in chaos from the witches' rampage, the festival wasn't canceled.
No, if anything, that's precisely why it had to be grander than ever.
Wasn't that the case?
They needed to show the Church's power hadn't waned, while solidifying ties in the alliance centered on the Church.
That's how Versia described the festival.
"What a hassle."
"Eh?"
"Oh, this year it's not me dealing with the hassle? Might not be so bad, then."
She flashed a grin as she explained.
"The saintess is basically the face of the event. It gets annoying a whole month in advance. You know that, right? You have to dedicate every minuteeven eating and sleepingto self-care. Priests surround you for two hours a day for skin treatments, weight management, and they even drill you on your walk."
"...They push you that hard?"
"Well, if it weren't for that, wouldn't people say saintesses get paid way too much for doing nothing?"
He couldn't argue with that.
The saintess position really was one where you lounged around, reaped all the benefits, and no one batted an eye!
It sounded exhausting just hearing about it, but since Asher was the one inhabiting Versia's body, he had no choice but to endure it.
"Come on, eat the cookies. If not now, you won't get to later."
"......"
"You're probably in for a lot of scolding. You know that, right? That knight entered your body and let it gain some weight."
"Eek...!"
Couldn't he just call it getting healthier?
He'd actually awakened the atrophied muscles, enhancing her physical beauty.
Sure, there was some fat, but just a little.
Really just a little.
...Really.
"Please do your best for me instead?"
"...I was going to anyway. The Holy Advent Festival honors the Parent God's gracehow could I half-ass it?"
As he spoke, Asher busily shoved cookies into his mouth.
The amount vanishing between his cheeks soon filled an entire plate.
Versia's body absolutely loved sweets.
It had nothing to do with Asher liking them and stocking up ahead of time.
"Mmm... Weight loss... Nom... It's all in the mind... Chew... "
"Why not talk after you've finished eating?"
Asher ignored her words.
From the moment he realized this was his last supper, his mind was filled with the thought of stuffing himself with these sweet, delicious cookies right up to the point of regurgitation.
And so the feast ended, and the day drew to a close.
Preparations for the Holy Advent Festival began.
In other words,
"Saintess! Time to rise!"
"Hyak?!"
Hell week had started.
* * *
On the fourth day of Holy Advent preparations, Asher fully understood why Versia dreaded this time so much.
"Your skin's oily. Saintess, did you sneak some snacks...?"
"N-No...!"
"Hm, let's weigh you. ...Wait, why did you gain weight?"
"I, I don't kn"
During this period, dedicated handlers were assigned.
Veteran priestesses with over thirty years in the Church service stuck by your side all day, nitpicking every action, meal, and inch of skin.
Even Dalin wasn't around.
There were too many historical cases of longtime attendants sneaking food to their beloved saintesses, so they were outright banned from duties.
Which meant you lived from the moment your eyes opened to the moment they closed, surrounded by nagging.
The etiquette lessons were the only reprieve from the lesser scolding.
"Hm, as expected, Saintess Versia excels in this area."
"I felt the movements falter, but they snapped right back. Your body remembers."
"Well, she is of royal blood."
Not quite.
Asher was simply exceptional at handling the body, memorizing the required motions like martial arts forms.
The instructors weren't surprised because Versia's etiquette had always been exceptional to begin with.
Whatever the case, fewer headaches in his ears was a blessing.
But even those moments didn't last.
"Is this the end of dinner...?"
"Yes, it's filling but low in caloriesperfect for weight loss. Pray afterward and retire."
Asher felt utterly dejected.
His plate held only a single fist-sized vegetable, lonely and forlorn.
How was anyone supposed to survive a whole month on grass like this?
Being a knight was better than being a saintess.
Knights got stuffed with meat three times a day under the excuse of building muscle.
If Dalin were here, she'd sneak him snacks at times like this.
Asher quickly gave up on that thought.
What good would complaining do?
Clutching at his final straw, he glanced toward Versia in the corner.
But she was just sitting cross-legged, snickering at him.
She probably ate her fill at the dining hall.
It's not even my problem to begin with.
That realization only deepened his resentment.
Gloom rose, darkening Asher's complexion.
His shoulders slumped.
He stabbed a leaf with his fork and chewed mechanically.
All the while, cookies haunted his thoughts.
I should've eaten more back then...
No use dwellingyou couldn't turn back time.
From then on, Asher clutched his empty stomach until he finally fell asleep.
And so day five arrived.
The saintess's first official duty during the management period began.
It was a schedule all saintesses, including Asher, had to attend together.
"Who the hell came up with this dawn prayer bullshit anyway?"
"J-Judith...!"
"What? Did I say something I shouldn't?"
In the cathedral's prayer room, Judith knelt with bloodshot whites of her eyes, her face flushed red.
Her nights and days were already flipped often enough. The lack of even four hours of sleep from this dawn prayer was plain on her face.
"The Parent God is probably sleeping right now too. Bet the bastard who made this up was some old fart who couldn't sleep anyway."
"Uhaha! Judith! You sure know how to talk rough!"
"Both of you, silence during prayer!"
The supervising head priestess barked.
Even Halia didn't defy her.
Of course notthat stern-faced granny had devoted herself to the Church since Halia's novice days, a senior priestess extraordinaire.
Asher just gave a hollow laugh.
Dawn prayers were routine from his knight cadet days, so they didn't feel any harder than for others.
A bit drowsy, sure, but that would sort itself out sitting like this.
Just get through the prayer and leave.
It was a way to prove piety, so no burden there.
Mighty Parent God, our eternal guardian...
He was midway through the prayer.
Humans really were creatures swept up by atmosphere. With Judith muttering curses beside him and Halia whining about boredom, his mind wandered elsewhere.
Saintess Lubena's awfully quiet.
If anyone should've complained first, it was her, right?
Curiosity piqued, Asher cracked one eye open to peek at Lubena.
Then let out a hollow chuckle.
...Sleeping while sitting?
Lubena was dozing off in full prayer posture, knees knelt.
The white veil draped over her head covered half her face, hiding her expression.
Impressive technique.
Judith spotted it late and chuckled hollowly too.
"That crazy bitchno one slacks off like her. For real."
Shamefully, Asher found himself agreeing.