Chapter 108
Saint, You’re So Vulgar! – Chapter 108
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Outreach service, huh? In truth, it had been ages since we'd done any.
It hadn't even been a month since our bodies first swapped, but then the witch business blew up, so all told, we'd gone nearly half a year without any service work.
That didn't sit well with the public image of Saintess Versia.
Of course, setting aside any ulterior motives about snagging those service grants, Versia had always been a diligent saintess who headed out for outreach at least once a quarter.
Even if the reason was the witch's rampage... no, especially then, we couldn't afford to slack on these activities.
It was crucial for her long-term reputation.
Beyond the necessity, though, it was perfect timing.
"It's been so long! I can't even remember the last time we went out specifically for service work!"
It was a chance to ease the awkward atmosphere.
Asher had realized lately that their interactions had been purely sexual, and he yearned to chat casually with her like before.
Knowing full well he bore some responsibility for that state of affairs, there was a hint of atonement in it too.
Versia seemed to feel the same way right now.
"Once the grant comes in, wanna grab something to eat? It's been forever since I had a snack."
"Ah! Sounds good! Maybe something sweet for dessert...!"
"You've got such a girly palate."
"Th-this is your taste, Saintess...! I originally preferred juicy meats or light soups!"
"Sure, sure."
The mood was great.
Just like old timeslight teasing met with playful grumbling.
For some reason, it felt reassuring. Like a knot in his chest was finally coming undone.
Thanks to that, Asher ended up grinning like an idiot.
He didn't even consider how his flushed cheeks and quickened steps might look.
It was only natural he wouldn't notice every little change the curse had wrought, down to his smallest mannerisms.
Humans don't easily sense discomfort in their own habits, after all.
Anyway, they left the church and headed to the nearby town.
The civilian district they visited after half a year was, well...
"Ooh, Saintess!"
"The Saintess is back! She didn't abandon us!"
"Daddy! We're gonna live! We're saved!!!"
...a bitno, a lotfuller of patients.
"...What is this?"
"This is normal. Actually, even more would be normal. The area around here had fewer patients because we treated them regularly."
So, according to Versia, this was normal.
The past half year had just been unusually quiet thanks to the frequent services.
It was heartbreakingand guilt-inducing.
Whatever the case, service had slacked off since he started using this body.
"Alright, everyone. Gather round...!"
Asher rounded up the patients. He'd gotten better at handling Versia's divine power output, but fine control was still beyond him, so grouping them for mass treatment was safer and more efficient.
"Here goes."
Hwaaaak!
Golden divinity enveloped the entire space.
Prayers of healing, detoxification, and fortitude.
The three prayers drove out disease, purged toxins, and boosted recovery.
The effects were immediate.
"O, oooh!"
"Daaaaddy!!!"
"Charles! Your body's getting sturdy!"
Gasps rose from all around. Tearful family hugs, parents stroking their kids' heads, lovers sharing deep kisses...
'...No, what are those people doing outdoors? Everyone can see.'
How embarrassing.
It made his face burn just watching.
Asher averted his eyes with effort.
And then, as expected...
"As expected of the Miracle Saintess!"
"Ooh, Saintess!"
"Ooh, so beautiful!"
"The Goddess is here!"
He wasn't even surprised anymore.
After preaching the obvious truththat there was no goddess, only the Parent God as the sole deity on this earthAsher finished the treatments.
"Waaah, Goddess."
Versia teased. Asher responded sternly.
"Anyone else is one thing, but you shouldn't say that, Saintess. You're the Parent God's proxy..."
"Not right now."
"No matter what anyone says, you're still the Saintess."
They were chatting like that when...
"Nooo!!!"
A child's shrill wail pierced the air from somewhere.
Asher and Versia whipped their heads around in unison.
It sounded choked with sobs. Was the kid being bullied?
With a hardened expression, Asher headed that way first.
Versia followed.
The scene before them was this:
A bunch of kids.
One little girl in the middle sniffling, the rest mocking her.
'Oh god, actual bullying.'
He couldn't just stand by.
Ganging up to target and torment one kid was never something children should get used to.
He was just about to step in when the sniffling girl spoke up.
"Babies come from a boy and girl lying down going 'ang!' I saw it clear as day!"
"?"
"Whoa."
Versia let out an impressed whistle.
Asher blanked out, not processing it right away.
The other kids shouted.
"Dummy! Babies come when a boy and girl hold hands and the Parent God tells the stork to bring one! You don't even know that?"
"Mindi's a dummy! If 'ang!' made babies, I'd be a mom by now!"
"Ang! Ang!"
"Uahaha!"
Chaos. What was with kids these days?
It was giving him a headache.
That's when it happened. The crying kidMindi, apparentlyspotted Asher and Versia.
"Ah, ah! Saintess!"
"Eh?! Saintess?!"
The kids spun around to stare at Asher.
Asher flinched.
Undeterred, Mindi marched up with a face full of grievance and demanded of Asher.
"Saintess! Babies come from boys and girls lying down going 'ang!', right? That's it, right???"
"Nooo! The stork brings them!"
"Saintess! Teach us!"
The purest malice is the most vicious.
An unchanging truth stabbed at Asher like a blade, no matter how times changed.
* * *
How are babies made?
Historically, it's ranked number one among kids' questions that stump adults.
Asher was no exception.
No, the moment he was saddled with answering it, he even resented his ancestors' fairy-tale cop-outs a bit.
The choices laid before Asher were brutal.
Side with Mindi and shatter the other kids' innocence?
Or protect their purity by branding Mindi a liar?
Common sense said the latter.
Sorry, Mindi, but she had to be the village cyclops in a one-eyed village.
Still, he needed a way for everyone to get along.
Luckily, Asher cleverly found the answer.
"You're all wrong."
"Whaaat?!"
"N-no way...!"
Deny them all. Make them all cyclopes.
No winners or losers meant they were equals.
But how to handle the follow-ups?
"Nuh-uh! My dad said the stork brought me!"
"No! I saw them lying down going 'ang!'"
Asher finally understood his forebears.
He grasped why history had never settled this tragic question.
"Your parents lied. They keep it secret from kids so only adults know."
Raising kids is parents' job.
He could pass the buck. Sorry, but parents surely didn't want their child bullying others.
This gave them a chance to teach it themselves.
With that self-justification complete, Asher laid down the law with authority.
It was regrettable he couldn't serve everyone perfectly here, but what could he do?
"The Saintess said it, so listen up. And you shouldn't fight over differing opinions. Apologize to each other."
Peace was finally restored.
The kids said sorry and scattered.
Asher let out a relieved breath.
Versia chuckled.
"So devious."
"...It was the only way I could think of."
As he shot her a pouty glareyou know whyVersia patted his head.
"You did great. Parenting's on the parents."
"Eut...!"
He'd held back these past few days, but it hit here too.
Asher's cheeks flushed a bit.
Versia raised one eyebrow.
Shame washed over him.
Wasn't this no better than a total slut?
He turned away to hide his face, but Versia spoke.
"You've held out pretty long, huh?"
She took his hand.
Rubbed it gently, then pressed her thumb into his palm.
"Just for today?"
"W-wait! We're outside... haeut!"
On purpose. She was definitely doing it on purpose.
He bit his lower lip, face burning, and she giggled.
He'd get revenge for this mischief someday.
But something even Asher and Versia didn't know:
Gulp
Mindi, who hadn't quite left yet, was peeking at the scene.
* * *
That day, Mindi's worldview changed.
Babies weren't made by lying down and "ang"it was by holding hands and "ang."
Mindi's eyes sparkled.
Enlightenment seemed to flash through her mind.
It took ten years for Mindi's misconception to be corrected.
No one would ever know that adult Mindi, looking back on that innocent day, would finally understand what the Saintess and her guard knight were doing outdoorsand let out a wry laugh.
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