The Rites Controversy
Just as I was about to open a channel to the Sima clan by tricking Sima Lang and Shanglin with a cheap tea jar, the Sima family's secret weapon appeared—someone who could counter even my Intelligence of 100.
Long limbs and a radiant beauty that made her look like a princess from some foreign land. Yet the way she spoke was so arrogant that even a queen would have looked humble beside her.
Sima Yi saw straight through my scheme in an instant and drove a needle into it. I carefully managed my expression and answered.
"Your speculation is a bit excessive. There's no way we would have brought a gift like that, is there?"
"Really... is that so?"
Even Sima Lang's face, as she answered me, was full of suspicion. Well, the moment Sima Yi "saw through" my scheme, the difference in our Intelligence had become meaningless.
At least on this matter, her persuasiveness was stronger.
"If you won't believe me, there's nothing I can do about it either. Shall we be on our way, then? Documents awaiting approval have piled up back in the county, haven't they, Yu Bi?"
"Ah... that is so."
My strategy had been dismantled, so it was time for the thirty-six stratagems—Run Away. But even that must have looked like a panicked flight in Sima Yi's eyes.
"I hope we never have to see each other again."
"Pardon? But your elder sister just said she would permit exchanges at any time..."
"My sister is so naive she falls for the most ridiculous lies. Even if you are guests accompanied by General Lu, I doubt you'll find it easy to set foot in our household again. Farewell."
"..."
She had only just begun using polite speech, and even that was nothing more than the leisure of a victor. I was clearly looking down on her from above, yet the seated girl felt as vast as a mountain.
"Ah... thank you for today. Might we come to visit again sometime?"
In the end we had to step out the door while Sima Lang and Shanglin saw us off. When Yu Bi once more expressed her wish to visit, Sima Lang's face darkened as if the request troubled her.
"Yawang and Wen are different counties. Would it not be better for the magistrate to focus a little more on her present post?"
"Pardon? But earlier you clearly said we could visit anytime..."
"I am merely sorry toward General Lu. We will not go far, so please take care on your way."
"..."
Nothing got through to Sima Lang, who was already certain I had lied. Even with Lu Zhi as our shield, she offered only a light farewell; for all practical purposes we had been shown the door.
"You idiot! What possessed you to pull a scam like that?"
The moment the door closed, Lu Zhi scolded me. Yet when I had been spinning elegant lies earlier, you just stood there with your mouth open in admiration, didn't you?
"I simply ran into an opponent I failed to predict. Who would have thought Zhongda would show up here of all places..."
"Uwoong!? That girl's name was Zhongda? She was completely pretty and tall—like a princess!"
"She's still no match for you, Zhang Fei, so don't feel too discouraged."
"Uwoong... even so, Do Yeop got completely one-shotted. Can't even beat a little kid?"
"..."
That's not it! I only lost because the ability attached to that bitch's epithet is ridiculously broken.
It's a one-time skill I'll never fall for again, but the fact that it had to be today still stings.
"But who exactly is this Zhongda? Young as she is, where did she acquire such insight?"
"I am a little surprised myself. I had thought the local children calling them the Eight Talents of the Sima clan was just empty boasting born of excessive pride in a great house—yet that young girl is two moves above Sima Lang, is she not?"
"Yes, yes... I get it. Sima Yi is impressive, so please stop already. Sima Lang herself said earlier that she wasn't the best among the Eight Talents of the Sima."
Of course everyone else assumed the famous Sima Lang was simply being modest. Either way, the strategy was in ruins.
I would have to rebuild the development plan from scratch.
"Let us go."
Lu Zhi mounted his horse, openly showing his regret. As the defeated general, I took full responsibility and climbed weakly onto my own horse at the very rear.
"I knew this would happen. You kept going on about how I would cause trouble, and in the end you fell for your own cleverness."
"...?"
Seizing the moment, Guan Yu dug into my guts. Do you even realize how serious this situation is?
"Guan Yu? Fine, I messed things up a little, but what good does it do any of us to start shifting blame among ourselves now?"
"If you made a mistake, you should keep your mouth shut. And there is no 'us.' I have never acknowledged you as my sister's retainer, and I have no intention of doing so in the future."
"..."
I was never a retainer to begin with—just a guest. Judging by how things were going I would probably have to stay quite a while, but if Guan Yu hated me this much even that would be difficult.
In the end, was I stuck waiting for the next New Moon?
Sip... sip...
From the next day on I didn't even bother showing up at the county office and spent the entire day in a tavern. Then—thud!—the waiter wiping tables deliberately bumped my shoulder.
"Ah, sorry...."
He didn't even finish the sentence before walking off. Well, when you order one bottle of wine and a plate of stir-fried vegetables and then monopolize a table all day, you really are the classic "tavern student."
"Uwoong! Do Yeop, what are you doing here all alone?"
Unlike Luoyang, this was such a tiny town that Zhang Fei, out on patrol, caught me red-handed. Beside her came Jian Yong, so bored he had tagged along after Zhang Fei, a single flower stuck in his hair.
"Don't either of you get the wrong idea. I was absolutely not just sitting here drinking."
"Not drinking? Then what? Is this about what happened in Wen County before? Xuande doesn't seem to care much, so you can just come back."
"Uwoong... is it because of Sister Guan Yu? She's been busy training the sworn brothers lately, so she wouldn't even notice if you showed up."
"What is this... just how petty do the two of you think I am to say something like that? I wasn't sitting around with nothing to do. I was conducting my own reconnaissance to gather any useful information."
"Sounds like an excuse to me... so what did you find out?"
"..."
Nothing. I had only started coming to the tavern three days ago—what could I possibly know?
"Are the two of you very busy?"
"Uwoong! Yide just finished patrol, so she's free for a while!"
"I'm always free. What should we play?"
"Play? Now that it's come to this, let's visit another county. Not Wen County like last time—either the nearby Ju County, or Huai County where the Grand Administrator's office is."
"...?"
Sitting around in Yawang would never yield quality information. That was the sole lesson I had learned after wasting the past three days.
Giddy-up!
Zhang Fei, Jian Yong, and I cheerfully spurred our horses eastward. Before long the grasslands gave way to a village. It was Ju County, a place as close as Wen County had been.
Neigh!
Horses are not cars that run forever once you fill the tank. They have decent endurance among beasts, yet they are surprisingly fragile creatures that can lose to humans in a distance-limited marathon.
So for now we tied the horses at a tavern in Ju County and let them drink water and eat grass. We might even have to reach Huai County and spend the night there.
"Uwoong! There's a procession in the street!"
But Zhang Fei, thrilled to be in another city for once, was as excited as a child. She dashed out before anyone could stop her, forcing Jian Yong and me to follow.
Just as Zhang Fei had said, a noisy scene was unfolding in the village square. First, young Confucian scholars in formal robes stood in a circle, keeping the onlookers at bay.
In the center they had forced people to their knees and stood around them, radiating murderous intent.
I had seen this somewhere before, hadn't I? It was a reenactment of the people's tribunal that had taken place in Yawang a few days ago.
"You said your name was Zheng Lin, correct? What is the meaning of this? Why, while performing the mourning rites, is your mother wearing the three-year mourning robes instead of the one-year mourning robes?"
"That is because Mother is the mother of my late elder brother..."
"Your elder brother may have been a legitimate son, but he was not the eldest! In that case she ought to wear the one-year robes—how dare you throw the laws of the realm into chaos!?"
"..."
What kind of anachronistic Rites Controversy was this? The scholars badgered the kneeling man with the flimsiest of pretexts. Zhang Fei, finding it strange, asked me.
"Uwoong? What's one-year mourning robes and what's three-year mourning robes?"
"It's like deciding whether Zhang Fei should have dumplings or noodles for lunch."
"Oing? Is that something to fight over like this?"
"My point exactly."
Yet whatever the triviality of the issue, the atmosphere itself was heavy. When I had thrown stones at the county commandant and assistant, at least the crowd had cheered; here everyone was simply terrified, and not a single person dared open their mouth.
"The Grand Administrator has commanded it. If you repent of your wrongdoing, pay the sum previously stated at once."
"Our household does not possess that kind of wealth. If you would kindly speak well of us to the Grand Administrator..."
"Silence! Do you truly wish to end up like that Huang fellow over there!?"
Whoosh! The leader of the scholars pointed a finger toward one side of the village. Our party turned our heads by reflex and—eh? An unspeakably gruesome sight greeted us.
Whoooo...
Through the lonely winter wind, hair fluttered from human heads stuck on bamboo spears. And it was not just one—there were at least ten of them.
"Excuse me? What happened to those people?"
Unable to contain my curiosity, I asked the person beside me. Glancing warily at the scholars, he whispered in my ear.
"The Grand Administrator of Henei sends scholars like these to every county to pick faults. If someone violates the rites, they demand wealth in place of punishment—and if the person refuses, they wipe out the entire clan and seize every last bit of property."
"..."
So those scholars were the Grand Administrator's Red Guards. I dug through my memory for the name of the current Grand Administrator of Henei.
Wang Guang, Grand Administrator of Henei. A new appointee installed by Dong Zhuo; later he would stab Dong Zhuo in the back and join the Anti-Dong Zhuo Coalition.
His personality was thoroughly rotten—he sent scholars everywhere to find fault, then used the threat of clan extermination to extort funds.
A classic warlord instinctively preparing for the coming age of chaos.
"Words will not work on this lot! Men! Arrest Zheng Lin at once and escort him to the Grand Administrator's office!"
Before long the scholars moved to arrest the man called Zheng Lin. Whatever fate awaited him there, if he failed to meet the Grand Administrator's demands he would not escape the destruction of his entire clan.
"Uwoong... how pitiful. Yide will save him!"
Our justice-filled Zhang Fei declared she would take action. Naturally Jian Yong desperately tried to stop her.
"W-what are you doing, Yide? Those people were sent by the Grand Administrator of Henei. It's an order from Xuande's superior!"
"Uwoong... so we just have to stand here and watch? What does Do Yeop think?"
"Asking him will get you the same answer..."
"No. Do as Zhang Fei wants. Beat those scholars senseless and save that Zheng Lin fellow."
"...!?"
Everyone's eyes went round at an answer that defied common sense. Even Zhang Fei, who had boldly volunteered to rescue them, was no exception.
"Uwoong? Are you serious?"
"Have you lost your mind? What are you going to do after saving some stranger you don't even know?"
"What else? First we get him to safety in Yawang."
"Hey! Have you considered that the Grand Administrator will hold us responsible the moment we do that?"
"Let him. The instant he starts sending scholars to commit outrages, I'll string every last one of them up by the neck along the county border."
"..."
Jian Yong could not understand how I had suddenly become the incarnation of justice. I myself knew perfectly well how insane I looked right now.
But this was precisely the opportunity. With my strategy wrecked after taking a hit from Sima Yi, the only thread I could still grasp was this one.