The Sima Eight Talents

Onhyeon was close enough that you could practically fall over and touch it—barely fifty li, about twenty kilometers. Walking would have been plenty, but with horses under us, we arrived in the blink of an eye.

"You're the party of the magistrate from Yawang, you say? The Sima clan's main residence is over that way."

Following the directions toward our destination, a magnificent mansion soon came into view in the distance. It was so vast that Yawang's government office would look downright shameful just sitting next to it.

"But you, kid—did you even make an appointment before coming here?"

"No. I only just thought of it today, so what's the point of making an appointment? We just go knock on the door. Surely they wouldn't turn away the magistrate of Yawang at the gate?"

"What a reckless fool. When you visit a place like this, you're supposed to bring a gift at least. Yet here you are empty-handed?"

"Empty-handed? Don't you see this tea jar?"

I immediately held out the tea jar I'd taken from Jian Yong. Yu Bi sniffed deeply at the fragrant aroma of the tea leaves.

"Where did you acquire such a thing?"

"I took it from him. Wait—was this what you were after all along? Aha! So that's why you said you'd put it to better use?"

Jian Yong nodded as if it finally made sense. But No Sik's expression remained sour.

"Just one tea jar? Have you even considered how many of these things are piled up in their warehouses over there?"

"Of course I know that much. Just trust me and leave it to me for now."

With that, I raced ahead of the group with Zhang Fei toward the Sima clan's main gate. Knock knock! A gatekeeper appeared when I rapped on the door.

"Who goes there?"

"Tell them that Magistrate Yu Bi of Yawang has come to speak with the head of this house."

"Y-Yawang's magistrate? Did you make an appointment?"

"No. But I have an important gift to present. Miss this chance, and you'll be the one facing your master's wrath."

"..."

A light threat was all it took for him to scurry off. As we waited outside the gate, a woman appeared.

"Guests, you say? Is it true that the magistrate of Yawang has arrived?"

"Yes. This gentleman here is Zhang Fei, courtesy name Yide, who serves as Left Commandant in Yawang. The magistrate himself is coming up behind us. And you are...?"

"Ah! Forgive my late introduction. I'm not family here—just a friend of sorts who's visiting for a while. My name is Shang Lin."

I'd heard the name before. I immediately opened the status window to check her out.

"If you are Shang Gong... would that be the same Shang Gong who, when a friend of your late father casually used his courtesy name, could not bring himself to return the greeting?"

"Y-you know of me? Not many people know that story..."

Well, I just finished reading your biography a moment ago. But when I brought up one of the few anecdotes that had actually made the rounds, her lips suddenly curved into a bright smile.

"Ah! Now that you mention it, word has already reached Onhyeon that the magistrate of Yawang drove out a pack of corrupt officials. Everyone was praising that kind of backbone."

"The rumor has already traveled this ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠far? Listening to the people's grievances is the whole reason the Son of Heaven handed over the seal of office. If it isn't too much trouble, could you help us with the introductions here?"

"Not difficult at all. I'll go speak with Lang."

Shang Lin left those words behind and disappeared inside. While we waited for Yu Bi's party to catch up, Zhang Fei asked me a question.

"Uwoong! How does Do Yeop know even those little trivial stories?"

"I've just picked up a few things here and there..."

"Uwing? But why can't a son answer when someone uses his father's courtesy name in front of him?"

"A courtesy name is a kind of honorific, right? A son is beneath his father, so he couldn't casually reply to it."

"Ooong? But everyone always just calls Yide 'Yide'..."

"..."

Have you never once considered that might be the wrong way to do it, 'Yide'? Well, she was basically the cute little sister of the group, so I decided to let it slide.

In the meantime Yu Bi's party arrived. When Zhang Fei explained what had just happened, No Sik was deeply impressed.

"This kid is no ordinary talent. I've never even heard the name Shang Lin before—how did you know?"

"I do my homework thoroughly. We didn't come here just to meet the Sima clan. If there's a capable person around, it never hurts to know them."

"Ahh... As expected, only Do Yeop could manage this. I feel everything will go smoothly here as well."

Of course it will. As long as Guan Yu doesn't start a riot, my brilliant brain can handle the rest.

"Please, come in."

Shang Lin reappeared and guided us inside. After introducing everyone, I led the group through the gate.

"What brings you to this place?"

Under Shang Lin's guidance we entered the reception hall. Yu Bi, No Sik, and I sat in the front row while a woman of impeccable posture rose to greet us.

Shang ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Lin had already spoken her name, so recognizing her was no trouble. This was none other than the eldest of the Sima siblings known as the Eight Talents—and the famous older sister of Sima Yi.

She was a woman of refined beauty. Her bangs were parted neatly and tied back, giving her the air of a bride just about to leave for her wedding. Every gesture of her hands, every turn of her speech, carried an innate dignity. She was the very picture of a noble daughter from a great house.

"This is Lord Yu Bi, who has recently taken up the post of magistrate of Yawang. And this gentleman is..."

"Could this be Lord No, who once served as a Minister of the Secretariat?"

"Have you seen me before?"

"A man of such towering height and imposing frame could only be Lord No. That was my thought."

Sima Lang was a woman of impeccable manners and well-ordered speech. She had never met No Sik in person, yet she identified him from rumor alone.

"That man is... General No?"

Shang Lin's eyes changed as well. This was exactly why we needed No Sik.

Yu Bi had nothing to his name except being the man's disciple. Bring the man himself, and building ties with local magnates suddenly became far easier.

"Lord Yu Bi has long held the Sima clan in the highest esteem for its virtue. Since he has been posted nearby, and since he happened to obtain a truly precious item, he wished to present it as a gift."

As I spoke I held ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠out the tea jar I had prepared. Sima Lang lowered her gaze with elegant poise, examined the object, then spoke with a faintly puzzled look.

"A single tea jar, I see?"

There was not a trace of malice in her tone, yet with my Intelligence of 100 I could sense the tiny thorn hidden inside. A fellow who comes to pay respects to the Sima clan and only brings one measly tea jar? How cheap.

"This is no ordinary tea. Does Lord Sima know the original homeland of tea?"

"The southern barbarian lands, is it not? I understand it was first cultivated there and only later grown in the western provinces."

"You know it well. The climate of Sichuan is similar enough to the southern lands that tea can be grown there, but in the process the original flavor changed greatly into the tea we drink today."

"Which means..."

"Even farther south than the southern barbarians lies a place called Ailao—present-day Laos—where the sun beats down year-round and rain falls at any moment. A merchant from Jiaozhou managed to obtain tea grown there and sent it up to the capital. I paid a steep price for it."

"I've half-heard the name and half not..."

Even Sima Lang, who had read her share of the classics, was weak on barbarian place-names. How did I know it, then?

I was supposed to say 'Laos,' and the word simply floated up in my head. A gamer's built-in translation advantage, I suppose.

"Why not brew a cup and try it? Lord Yu Bi and Lord No Sik have never tasted it either and are quite curious."

"Shall we, then?"

Sima Lang ordered the servants to boil water. While we waited we made small talk about court affairs.

"I hear Lord Sima's late father served as Attendant Censor at court. Is it not nearly time for you yourself to take office?"

"The court is in such turmoil that opportunities are scarce. Or perhaps I am simply too lacking myself."

"That cannot be. Every word you speak carries dignity. I have heard that all eight sisters of the Sima clan are exceptionally gifted—surely Lord Sima is the eldest among them?"

"Not so. There is one in our house who surpasses me."

"And who might that be?"

"..."

Sima Lang did not answer. Praising Sima Yi, who was not even an adult yet, would have looked like shameless doting. This time Shang Lin spoke up.

"Come to think of it, there was an assassination attempt on Dong Zhuo not long ago, was there not? The culprit is said to be Cao Cao—truly remarkable. Who else could show such righteous courage?"

"Well... he is a remarkable man."

The very idea of attempting to assassinate Dong Zhuo had been bold. But the events of that day had been so shocking that I still found it hard to forgive him for throwing his own younger sister into danger and then snatching Chen Gong on top of it. Then Sima Lang spoke again.

"I hear that Cao Cao's cousin Xiahou Yuan failed in the attempt on Dong Zhuo, and that a man named Do Yeop rescued her and got her out."

"D-Do Yeop? There was such a name?"

"You haven't heard? They say he scattered rotten fig fruit to knock out the jailers, then impersonated Lü Bu so perfectly that he fooled the Imperial Guards and vanished without a trace."

"Isn't that a bit exaggerated? I spent a short time at the palace myself—people get bored and love to embroider every rumor."

"There is exaggeration, of course, yet tales of his ghost-like movements keep reaching us more than those of Cao Cao or Xiahou Yuan who actually carried out the assassination."

"..."

I'm becoming that famous? I wanted to announce right then that this Do Yeop was me, but if I did, Dong Zhuo would send a great army and trample Yawang flat.

"The tea is ready."

The tea was finished. I accepted a cup and waited for No Sik's movements.

Slurp...

Then I mimicked the tea ceremony of a man well-versed in the Way of Tea and tasted it. Of course I only brushed it with the tip of my tongue; my eyes stayed fixed on Sima Lang and Shang Lin the entire time.

"...?"

A look of puzzlement rose in both women's eyes. The reason was simple: the tea tasted thoroughly cheap.

To Jian Yong it might have been a treasure, but to a great house of the Sima clan's caliber it was the sort of thing that would get you turned away ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠at the door.

"Truly an exotic flavor, is it not? Do Lord Sima and Shang Gong not agree?"

"Y-yes, it seems so. Ailao, you said? Perhaps this is close to the tea our ancestors once drank."

But that was exactly why I had piled on the dull history of the tea's origin. In the eyes of Sima Lang and Shang Lin I now looked like a man of considerable learning who was even well-versed in southern barbarian culture.

Both were too well-mannered to say outright that the tea was bad; doing so would make them look like ignorant frogs in a well. So even if it tasted terrible, they had no choice but to insist it was good.

"Ugh... This tastes awful."

Honest Zhang Fei, however, could not hold back her gag. When Guan Yu shot her a sharp glare she stuck out her scalded tongue and screwed up her face.

"A mysterious experience. To bestow such a precious item upon us leaves us at a loss for how to repay you."

"Not at all. Lord Yu Bi wishes to maintain good relations with the Sima clan. With that in mind, might we call upon you from time to time?"

"Of course—whenever it is convenient for you..."

Rattle!

We were on the very verge of opening the gates of the Sima household when the door was flung open and a woman appeared.

Her face was still young, yet she was tall—a long-limbed beauty whose slender frame looked almost as if it had been sewn together like a doll. Her features overflowed with aristocratic grace: flawless clear skin, sharp bright eyes, and full lips like ripe fruit that made one swallow dryly without thinking.

She was the living embodiment of a 'princess'—and not just any princess, but a Disney princess with the Western proportions of a Barbie doll.

"What... brings you here?"

Sima Lang asked. The woman gave no answer; she strode straight across the room and plopped down right in front of me.

"I came because I smelled something disgusting."

"It is not a disgusting smell—it is the scent of tea. This particular tea comes from Ailao and carries a somewhat foreign fragrance..."

Gulp gulp!

But the woman snatched up the teacup and drained it before Sima Lang could finish. Even with Yu Bi and me sitting there—and with the clearly adult No Sik present—she showed not the slightest hesitation.

How little hesitation? Enough that—

Ptoo!

—she immediately spat the foul tea back out. A vein bulged on No Sik's forehead with an audible throb, and Yu Bi's eyes widened until they looked ready to pop from their sockets.

"W-what do you think you are doing in front of our guests?"

"Guests? These days even frauds who peddle lies that wouldn't fool a child get called guests?"

"What on earth are you—"

"You there. Where did you say this tea came from?"

She looked the youngest in the room yet acted as if she were the only adult present, completely unrestrained. I was a little flustered, but I answered as calmly as I could.

"From a place called Ailao, farther south than the southern barbarian lands..."

"Never heard of it. You thought you could just bring cheap tea, slap on the name of some country we don't know, and that would be enough?"

"Just because you haven't heard of a place does not mean it does not exist. Ailao is—"

"Of course it exists somewhere. But that is exactly what is strange. You come all the way to the main house of the Sima clan and bring a tea jar whose flavor has never even been properly verified? Why would someone who bothers with that much courtesy bring something only he knows about just to embarrass our house? Isn't it far simpler to assume you picked up some cheap tea jar somewhere and decided to fool us all?"

"..."

What the hell is this kid? She walks into the room and in one breath sees straight through my entire scheme and starts shouting about it?

"Zhongda... General No is present. Watch your tongue."

Sima Lang supplied the answer. Of course—there was only one person in this house who could pierce my stratagem the moment she entered and counterattack.

Indeed—Sima Zhongda. Of all people, she had to be the woman who possessed the ultimate counter skill.