My Thoughts
Following Chosun's letter, I made my way to Chwiwharu. But the one waiting for me there wasn't Chosun — it was Yu Bi.
"Ah... I only just arrived myself."
With a flush on her cheeks, she covered both sides of her face with her hands, looking as lovely as a budding wild rose. Beautiful enough that I wanted to snatch those hands away and flee with her past Liaodong right then and there.
"Lady Yu Bi, why are you here...?"
"Ah... please, don't stand there — sit down. I've ordered dumplings; is that all right?"
No sooner had the words left her mouth than the freckled waiter arrived with two dumplings and set them on the table. Yu Bi lifted a bottle of huaju she'd brought ahead of time and poured it into my cup.
"Coming back here with you, Lord Do Yeop, fills me with such emotion. Do you remember? We sat side by side in the stables and shared dumplings even then."
"Uh... yeah, I guess we did. Though we weren't drinking anything like this back then."
"Truthfully, I saw you. Every time the guests left, you would pick up an empty bottle and tip whatever dregs remained into your mouth, just for a sip. You looked so terribly wistful that I swore I would one day treat you to Chwiwharu's pride — its huaju."
"..."
Well, we'd come to a place full of old memories; a little reminiscing was fine. And when a beauty was pouring the wine, knocking back a cup in good spirits was no hardship at all.
Gulp, gulp...
Huaju, the house specialty of Chwiwharu, said to be brewed by monkeys. But maybe because I'd drunk myself senseless the night before, all I felt was my stomach acid churning — no real taste at all.
"How is it?"
"Not bad. But Lady Yu Bi — why are you here looking for me...?"
"Suddenly I found myself thinking of the day we first met. Out of nowhere they called me over and told me to teach you the work. I had never taught anyone anything, and when they said we would have to sleep together in the stables, I had no idea what to do — I just stamped my feet in a panic."
"Y-yeah, I remember that. Still, you taught me so kindly that I got the hang of the job pretty fast."
"Do you remember the day the storm hit? I was certain the soldiers of the Zengshan commandery had come to arrest me, and I sat there trembling all alone. But you risked the danger and went outside to look around — for my sake."
"That was just... well, I'm a man, so I had to do something..."
"Looking back, every memory is a good one. There was even a night we sat side by side and gazed up at the full moon. I had meant not to speak of my family, and yet before I knew it I was pouring my heart out to you."
"..."
Yu Bi was completely lost in nostalgia, the corners of her mouth dancing. Even so, she kept stealing glances at me, lighting those large, clear eyes of hers in my direction.
"Lady Yu Bi? Why do you keep talking about the past?"
"Ah... well, because the two of us have gathered at Chwiwharu after so long..."
"How did you even know to come here in the first place? The person I was supposed to meet wasn't you."
"..."
Had I hit her with too hard a dose of reality while she was mid-nostalgia trip? Yu Bi flinched, her expression freezing solid. And then—
Plip...
Tears exploding in under a second. Seriously — did she have a faucet installed on her tear ducts that she only opened when she needed it?
"Sniff... Why do you get angry the moment you see me, Lord Do Yeop?"
"I'm not angry. You just jumped straight into reminiscing without explaining why you're here..."
"That isn't the real reason, is it? You're angry because it was me who came, not Lady Chosun — isn't that so?"
"Well, sure, I came to see Chosun and you showed up instead, so I was a little surprised, but... wait — how do you even know I came to meet Chosun?"
"Sniff... Because I asked Lady Chosun to summon you for me."
"..."
Yu Bi spoke with a face full of wounded pride, as if demanding I understand just how much it had cost her dignity to make that request of Chosun.
So Chosun really had sent the letter. The person I was meeting just happened to be Yu Bi all along.
"Why ask Lady Chosun for something like that?"
"Sniff... I had something I needed to tell you, so I wandered the marketplace every day. But I could find no way to meet you, and in the end I had no choice but to go to Lord Wang Yun's residence and beg Lady Chosun for help. Sniff..."
"Y-you wandered the marketplace every day just to see me? What on earth did you need to say so badly?"
"The truth is, today..."
Yu Bi began recounting what had happened that day. It was closely tied to the morning's imperial court session.
"I intend to leave Luoyang."
Upon returning home, Lu Zhi announced the results of the court session — and with them, a decision that struck like a blow. Yu Bi's eyes went wide enough to pop.
"L-leave Luoyang? Master, what do you mean? Is there not still work for you to do at court?"
"The court has long since been seized by Dong Zhuo and the treacherous ministers scrambling to attach themselves to him. I have neither the strength to strike him down, nor the will to cling to that man and join a conspiracy to depose and enthrone the Son of Heaven. So I shall return to my hometown and devote myself to raising the next generation of scholars."
"..."
If Lu Zhi left Luoyang, Yu Bi would no longer be able to remain either. Two paths lay open to her, more or less: follow Lu Zhi back to their hometown of Zhuo County, or answer Gongsun Zan's summons.
"Yuan Shao has come calling."
The moment the session ended, Yuan Shao sought out Lu Zhi at once. While the two men spoke, Yu Bi crouched alone in the garden, fretting over her future.
Where am I supposed to go...?
A long while passed before she realized the shadow cast across the pond had grown distinctly larger. She turned her head — and Yuan Shao was already standing behind her.
"Ah... Lord Yuan? What brings you here...?"
"I expect Lord Lu Zhi has given you the broad strokes. Dong Zhuo no longer bothers to hide that he is a traitor, and means to depose and enthrone the Son of Heaven as he pleases. I can no longer serve in a court like this."
"Hah... Then Lord Yuan is leaving as well? If that happens..."
Seize!
Before she could finish, Yuan Shao caught both her hands. Startled by the sudden contact, Yu Bi froze, eyes wide, unable to move.
"Forgive my rudeness. But Lord Yu — what would you say to coming with me to Runan? The Yuan clan's influence thrives there, and I mean to gather the strength to strike Dong Zhuo from that place. Lend me your aid."
"M-me, my lord? But I am far too insignificant to stand at your side..."
Lunge!
Yuan Shao no longer cared to hide his heart. He simply threw his arms around her and held her tight as he spoke.
"Not in the least. From the day you first revealed your true self at the martial exhibition, I have had no way to calm the turmoil in my breast. I know I have a wife. I am not so base as to bare some ugly desire to take you as a concubine. Only... will you not simply stay by my side?"
"L-Lord Yuan..."
For a moment the two of them shared their warmth in silence. Then a pointed cough sounded — Ahem! — and Yuan Shao released her at once, smoothing his hair.
"Forgive me. It seems my feelings ran away with me."
"..."
Yu Bi was too deep in panic to manage any reply. Yuan Shao gently tucked a stray lock of her hair behind her ear.
"I leave within three days. I shall await your answer."
With that, he was gone. Yu Bi stood rooted as if nailed to the spot, lost in thought for a long time.
Yuan Shao had all but confessed his feelings. With Lu Zhi gone as well, there was no way to survive in Luoyang — so perhaps chasing after Yuan Shao and joining his grand ambition wouldn't be so bad.
"Do you really think so?"
"Ah... who is there?"
But Yu Bi was not alone in that garden. From behind the shrubbery, a short, handsome man suddenly stepped into view.
"Hah... Lord Cao?"
"That a beauty like you remembers my face is an honor beyond measure. No need to thank me too much, though. I couldn't very well sit and watch a woman of your caliber get manhandled by the likes of Benchu, could I?"
"What do you mean... s-surely it wasn't you who coughed, Lord Cao?"
Nod, nod. Cao Cao approached her with a sly grin.
Then he planted a hand on his hip, leaned in with only his head, and openly appraised her beauty.
"P-please don't look at me like that..."
"Well, Xuande, you don't get many chances to see your own face, so of course it feels awkward. But even for this Cao Mengde, opportunities to admire the greatest beauty under heaven don't come often."
"Greatest under heaven... that is absurd!"
"I like that humility. The truly gifted ones always put on airs about their looks — but that charming cluelessness of yours, not even knowing how exceptional you are? This Cao Mengde is completely smitten."
"Ah... why do you keep saying such things..."
Where Yuan Shao had been subtle, Cao Cao stood at the opposite extreme — blunt and direct. To say it wasn't overwhelming would have been a lie.
"You're not seriously thinking of following Benchu, are you? Xuande, you're not the sort of person who'd be satisfied under the likes of him."
"What do you mean, my lord? Lord Yuan, the Colonel Director of the Retainers, is a hero of our age. Who would not wish to join such a man's cause?"
"I wouldn't. Honestly, I condemn Dong Zhuo's actions — but I also believe we cannot stop the Son of Heaven from being deposed. If the King of Chenliu becomes the new emperor that way, then as subjects we must follow that order. Benchu, though? I doubt he sees it the same."
"..."
Yu Bi knew that much herself. Yuan Shao was a man who resolved everything according to proper principle. Even if his true feelings differed, there were rules he had no choice but to uphold as a symbol of the pure stream faction.
"What does it mean to gather strength and strike Dong Zhuo? It means Benchu has no intention of recognizing the King of Chenliu as emperor. And if you think about it, isn't that the same as being a traitor who opposes the Son of Heaven?"
"Then does Lord Cao hold a different view?"
"Whoever the Son of Heaven may be, use that figure as a rallying point and set this chaotic world in order. That is how this Cao Mengde means to live through the age of turmoil ahead. So, Yu Bi — won't you come with me?"
"I... eh!?"
Cao Cao hadn't come merely to interfere with Yuan Shao. His real purpose was singular: to take Yu Bi with him back to his hometown of Pei.
"I don't know if you're aware, but my grandfather was one of the two richest men under heaven — second to none. Benchu, by comparison, is a bastard son; no matter what he does within the family, he'll always lose out to Yuan Shu. I've got money to spare, so come with me to Pei and we'll raise troops together. We'll join forces, drive out Dong Zhuo, and open a new age alongside the new emperor."
"..."
Astonishing drive, and a thoroughly calculated sense of purpose. A clarity of a different order entirely from Yuan Shao's mere "trust me."
"I plan to stay a little longer than Benchu. So I'd like your answer before then."
"Ah, I..."
"Huff... aah... Really, Xuande, even your scent is fragrant. I'd love nothing more than to have you right here and now — but this Cao Mengde is a patient man who knows how to wait until the fruit is ripe. So I'll put the pleasure off a little longer."
"..."
Having poured out every last lewd remark, he vanished through the garden exit. Yu Bi stood trapped between choices, drowning in indecision — and a short while later Guan Yu came running to her.
"Another letter from Jian Yong. Gongsun Zan says if you return at once, he'll submit a memorial to the court and have you appointed magistrate of Gaotang."
"..."
Who knew that standing at the absolute peak of popularity could be this agonizing? So many people sought her out — but among them, was there anyone she truly wished to stand beside?
Yu Bi's story ended. Honestly, the only person under heaven who could lay out "I'm ridiculously popular!" in such a matter-of-fact tone was her.
"Must be nice, having so many people after you."
"Ah... it is not. In any case, that is why I felt I needed to speak with you, Lord Do Yeop, and went to Lord Wang Yun's residence."
Did she think I was free enough to hand out free counseling? Though, given that I'd shown up here, I'd half admitted as much myself.
"Yuan Shao may not have much in hand yet, but his name alone puts him well ahead. With Dong Zhuo holding the center, Yuan Shao's gift for drawing out the strength of the scholar-officials and local magnates makes him a fitting counterweight. Before long he'll build a great force on his own power alone."
"Is that so?"
"Cao Cao outstrips Yuan Shao in economic strength and has a sharper mind. More importantly, unlike Yuan Shao, the chance of him turning hostile toward the King of Chenliu is almost nil. For someone like you who holds the Han court dear, he might actually suit your temperament better."
"Is that so?"
"Gongsun Zan is already a warlord in his own right. You share the bond of having studied under the same teacher, and he's firmly seized power in You Province — so even someone without a name, like you, he can place in whatever post he likes. All three have their pros and cons."
"Is that so?"
"Okay, you've been repeating the same line this whole time without offering a single thought of your own. Just go with whoever you feel like following, Lady Yu Bi."
"..."
She'd asked for counsel, I'd given it, and all I got back was "Is that so?" on loop — not a shred of her own opinion. So I raised my voice a little, and once again her eyes were welling up.
"Lady Yu Bi, if you're about to cry again..."
"Sniff... Is that all? Do you truly think I should just follow anyone, Lord Do Yeop?"
"Not anyone — trust your own instincts and judgment..."
"I came here because I wanted to know what you think! And yet all you do is string together plausible words and tell me to decide for myself!"
"..."
What I think... Hadn't I already given her everything she wanted the moment I laid out the three men's strengths and weaknesses?
No. All I'd done was recite the historical knowledge I already possessed. Not a single scrap of my actual thoughts had been in there.
Because saying them wouldn't have mattered. With Intelligence and Politics both stuck at a miserable 1, I couldn't persuade anyone. I'd learned that in the most brutal way possible, hadn't I?
But Yu Bi was different.
She believed in me. No matter how stupidly, how unconvincingly I spoke, she took those brief days we'd spent together as treasured memories and offered me support stronger than anyone else's.
So I would say what I truly thought. The completely new grand strategy for surviving the age of chaos that I — stuck between every option and able to choose none — could still imagine.
"Lady Yu Bi. What kind of person do you want to become?"
"W-what do you mean by that all of a sudden?"
"If you follow any of those three, you'll end up nothing more than the coachman holding their reins. But I think Cao Cao was right about one thing. You may be a dull, indecisive crybaby — but even so, you're not someone meant to stand under anyone else."
"Ah... you didn't have to single out the parts I already know..."
"So if you truly want to raise your own banner, do as I say. Follow Lu Zhi to Mengjin. But don't board a ship there — invent whatever excuse you need and keep Lu Zhi tied down."
"And why is that?"
"Because Lu Zhi is the greatest weapon you have. Hold him at Mengjin for a month — no, even half a month — and I'll contact you. Then you'll understand exactly what you need to do."
That was as much as I could give her. Whether this plan even had a chance, I still didn't know — but I'd told her "my thoughts," just as she'd asked.
And then Yu Bi smiled. The dampness at the corners of her eyes no longer mattered; she curled her lips upward in pure delight, and fixed her gaze on me as if looking at the most precious thing in the world.